After his talk with Gonzales, which he thought went really well, he was permitted to leave the cage.
He was taken to May who to anyone else must have looked unperturbed. But he saw past the carefully crafted mask to the worry.
"Coulson," she nodded "I take it that negotiations with Gonzales went well?"
"I'm not wearing handcuffs so I'll that it as a win. And yes, he agreed with my plan to take down the Hydra base."
"What plan?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I'll tell you. But I get the feeling you'll be even less impressed than Gonzales."
After he caught her up she stared at him in silence.
"You like it don't you? I knew you'd like it."
"It's insane Phil."
"I figured you'd say that."
"But it might work."
He raised an eyebrow "Didn't think you'd say that."
"The decoy plane is a good idea but the fall will be rough if we want them to believe that we're debris." She told him, more to herself, calculating everything in her head.
"As long as we're alive when we reach the ground I think we can handle some turbulence." He agreed, relieved that she was considering it.
She looked at him, hesitant. Then she nodded "Ok. When do you want to leave?" She asked, gesturing for him to follow her.
"I have to admit I thought you would take more convincing so I'm a little caught off guard," he half joked, catching up to her "But the sooner the better. We'll need to pick up Skye and Ward."
"That's another problem we need to discuss." She sent him a glare.
"Believe me, it wasn't my first choice either. But Skye seems even more attached to him now than she was before. And I'm not going to be the one to take him away from her again."
"As soon as her memory is back he's gone." She said, silently agreeing that it was best that he stayed with them for now.
"Agreed. But the question is," he looked at her "where?"
"A Maximum security prison would be my favourite option. Well," she returned his look "second favourite." She said, her voice dark.
Coulson wasn't surprised by May's unsaid threat. She wanted him dead.
And he couldn't blame her because a part of him did too. But every time he thought of his former specialists lifeless body it was followed by the accompanying image of a sobbing Skye, devastated at the death of her friend and teammate. A death she wouldn't understand.
No, he couldn't support the violent desires of his colleagues nor the ones he himself had.
Not for now at least. Even then, the idea of the man in prison instead of a grave certainly sat better with his conscience.
"How are Fitz and Simmons?" He asked, changing the subject slightly.
"Simmons is doing fine, just happy that Fitz is back. Fitz was given the all clear to roam the base by Gonzales just before you were, so he asked to be taken to Simmons," she filled him in.
"Good. Hunter?"
"Currently being dressed down by Morse. They might be divorced but they don't act like it."
He smirked "He's been a good asset. I'm going to ask him to join our rescue team."
"Good call. Despite his personality he seems competent."
"You really give out the best compliments don't you?"
Silence.
"See what I mean?"
She sent him the smile that she reserved only for Coulson, half amused half annoyed.
"We'll have to get the plane ready then get suited up. What do you suggest for Skye and Ward? We go to them or they come to us?"
"How about half way? I don't want to risk Ward knowing the location of the base but I don't want her with him for longer than necessary."
They came to a stop at the lab, seeing FitzSimmons, Hunter and Agents Morse and Mackenzie through the glass.
They entered the room and watched as everyone's heads turned to see them.
"It's good to see you again Simmons." Coulson smiled at her.
She smiled back, though it seemed tense. He assumed it had something to do with the conversation her and Fitz were having before they walked in.
"You too sir." She looked to Fitz who then turned to Coulson.
"Skye checked in about fifteen minutes ago. She said they'll try to check in every hour but to give her some time before we 'freak out'" he said using air quotes "if she doesn't send a, um," he struggled to get the word out and it seemed as though the longer he took the more pity filled the agents faces. He wanted to reassure them that he wasn't completely broken. Just a little bit damaged. And as with all things that were damaged they tended to take a bit more time to do what they used to. He hated their stares but he hated it even more when they looked away. Like he needed privacy because he was doing something embarrassing or wrong. And like he had told Skye there was nothing wrong with him. He was just different now. On this occasion he knew what word he wanted to use, it was only the execution of saying the damn word that was causing an issue. So he took his time, ignoring the frustration and trying to remind himself that there was nothing wrong with that and finally said the word "message" he spoke it as casually as he could and it was like a paused video had been played once again, the viewers looking on as if nothing had happened but not truly understanding the work that went into the functions behind it "on time." He finished.
"Ok. Thanks Fitz," Coulson tried to say as if nothing had happened. But he had watched the scientist as he fought his way through the sentence, hating to see him struggle. It was this, witnessing the aftermath of the specialists work that made him hate Grant Ward. Made it so damn hard to believe that he suddenly had the teams best interests at heart when it clearly wasn't the case before now.
He tried to move on quickly and addressed everyone in the room "We have a mission. Hunter and Fitz know of this, Agents Morse and Mackenzie I don't know if Gonzales has updated you yet."
"Not yet. Hunter has given us a brief account of the situation." She said, gesturing to Mack.
"Good. The toolbox that Gonzales was trying to access held intel on a base of Hydra's located in the Arctic. We're going in with the intent of rescuing the prisoners and taking down their operation. Gonzales won't allow his people to go so Morse, Mack you'll have to sit this one out. And the rest of you, this isn't an order. It has to be your decision."
Hunter nodded "I'm in. I'm always down for a good bust up."
"I'll tag along, someone's got to make sure this idiot doesn't get anyone killed." She jutted her chin at Hunter who stared at her, offended.
"You do remember Argentina don't you? I think if you recall correctly you'll remember that I actually saved everyone there."
"Sure you did." She patted his arm.
"I appreciate the support Agent Morse but it was part of our agreement that none of Gonzales' people would be affected by this."
"I'll talk to him. He won't miss one Agent."
Coulson nodded, liking the loop hole Morse had suggested. He technically wasn't asking for her to come, she was "I appreciate it."
"I'm coming." Fitz told him resolutely.
"Fitz-" Simmons said his name almost pleadingly.
"No, Simmons." The unsaid words of I need to do this seemed to hang in the air.
"She's right Turbo. I know you want to get back out there but there's no harm in taking your time." Mack said, trying to talk him out of it. He was proud of the engineer and everything he accomplished every day to work around his own brain and body working against him but there was such a thing as too much too fast.
"I'll take some time when Hydra is gone." He said, a few notches away from shouting, his impatience building at their insistence to treat him with kid gloves.
Coulson felt Simmons watching him and met her gaze. She stared at him, hoping he would forbid Fitz from accompanying them. He knew how much he'd gone through and was still going through and how much Simmons wanted to shield him from further hurt but he also knew how much hurt Fitz had gone through after Ward's betrayal. Even without his injuries caused by his former friend, the emotional damage done to him was enormous and Coulson could tell this was manifesting in his need to eradicate the organisation that represented the loss of his friend.
It was admirable and a far better coping mechanism than many of the agents he'd met had used.
So he wasn't going to stop him.
"I'm sorry but this is Fitz's choice," he told Jemma before he addressed Fitz "But you need to know that Ward will be joining us, not only because of the situation with Skye but he'll be providing further intel for the mission. Things that weren't in the toolbox."
"I assumed he'd be coming," he said, coldly "And I can handle it." He spoke confidently, mainly to Jemma.
She looked at him for a long moment before signing "I know you can. You can handle anything," she smiled at him, resting her hand on his shoulder "And obviously I'm coming with you. We made the decision to go into the field together remember?"
He nodded, smiling back at her.
"Then I'm coming too," Mack informed them "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"No. But I'm sure I've got the right people to do it with."
——————
Skye opened her eyes, guessing it was around mid-day from the amount of light entering the room.
But that wasn't what woke her up.
"Ward, quit it." She mumbled into the pillow.
When she didn't get an answer she tried again.
"What are you doing?" She asked, referring to the amount of movement she felt on the bed.
Confused, she turned around and sat up. Not seeing Ward there she became even more confused.
"Ward?"
Where was he? And if he wasn't there then what the hell was just causing the movement she felt.
"Yeah?" She heard his voice as he came into view from the bathroom.
"What was that?"
"What was what?"
"The bed it was..." she checked the side of the bed for a slot machine to work the mechanism that often came with beds in places like these "This isn't one of those vibration beds is it?"
"Fortunately not, why?" He asked, looking amused.
"I got woken up by this, like, weird shaking. I thought it was you just moving around at first but you weren't there."
He watched her, seeing the confusion on her face.
"I didn't feel anything," he told her, putting the towel he was drying his hands on back on the rail in the bathroom "Maybe there are renovations being done in the next room over. Or a big truck went past."
He tried to reassure her with a mundane explanation but seeing the look on her face he couldn't shake the feeling that something more was at play. It usually was something more with them.
"Yeah," she kept looking around the room, slightly dazed "Yeah maybe."
She knew he was probably right and it was something like room maintenance. Hell, the wildest thing it mostly likely could be was a mini earthquake. They happened quite often.
But she could have sworn that the vibrations she felt came from her.
It was crazy and she knew it but it had felt that way. It had reminded her of the time she had visited a local fairground with some kids from the orphanage.
There had been music so loud, the loudest she had ever heard, that she could feel it in her chest. Like the beats of the music had synchronised with the ones of her heart.
It had felt like she had been the source of the music and the movements from the rides contributed to the effect, making her feel like she was vibrating.
"How did you sleep?" Ward interrupted her train of thought.
"Good, I guess," she remembered something then "I think I had a weird dream."
"Is this like the one you had where you were wandering around the supermarket and the mascots from the cereals started chasing you with spoons?"
"No," she chuckled, remembering his face when she had told him and Fitz about it "It was weirder."
"Weirder than murderous cartoons?" He came to sit on the bed.
"Only slightly. I can't really remember all of it but you were there."
He resisted the sudden and strong urge to smile a full blown grin at her admittance of her dreaming about him.
"We we're in an aquarium I think, or someplace like it. And we were looking at the fish and an octopus went by and you said 'Look, I'm one too Skye' and you grew these, like, tentacles and tried to hug me." She laughed.
He didn't.
In fact his previous urge to smile had been replaced by the urge to panic.
He hoped what he thought was happening wasn't.
Was her subconscious trying to warn her about him? To remind herself that he was a Hydra agent and someone to be feared?
Please don't do this, not yet. I'm not ready. He begged whoever or whatever had made this whole thing possible for more time. Time he knew he didn't deserve but craved nonetheless.
It took all his effort to force a weak laugh "Yeah that is weird."
He didn't know what else to say.
"Right? I swear my dreams are either crazy or so boring," she got up from the bed to go use the bathroom "Like one time I had a dream we were getting groceries for the bus and I bought pop tarts so I woke up the next day and went to the kitchen to eat them but there weren't any cause I had only bought them in the dream. How boring and ordinary is that?" She told him, getting her toothbrush.
"And I never get cool prophetic ones either. This girl I knew a few years back had a dream that she met this guy who, in the dream, bought her dinner after spilling his coffee on her. And it happened! In real life!" She continued her story in between spitting out her toothpaste "So that guy is now her husband can you believe it?"
When he said nothing she went back out to the bedroom.
"Ward?" She found him staring at the door of the bathroom, eyes now on her as she stood in the doorway.
"Are you ok?" She asked around the toothbrush dangling from her mouth.
She was starting to get worried about him. He would seem fine but every so often it was like a switch had been flicked and he was in a whole other world.
He looks like someone's kicked his puppy, she thought, taking in his face, his brown eyes wide and almost...worried? Afraid? She couldn't quite tell.
She took her toothbrush out of her mouth and came closer, putting a hand on his shoulder.
He was looking straight at her but it was like he wasn't really present.
"Ward?" She asked again.
He seemed to come back to earth and she voiced her concern "Seriously Ward, what's going on with you?"
He blinked a few times then reached up to put his hand on top of hers that was resting on his shoulder "Honestly?"
"That would be nice, yeah." She was automatically scared for his answer at the physical contact. Ward rarely did physical contact unless it was to haul their ass out of the way of danger.
"I'm worried about you, Skye." He told her the truth. He was very worried. Worried that she would remember, worried that she wouldn't, worried about every possible outcome of this whole situation.
"Me? What for?" She sat down next to him.
He reached out to touch her, lightly trailing a hand down from the top of her head to her face.
"What do you mean what for? You do remember you have a serious head injury, right rookie?" He smiled despite the warring emotions in him, of feeling giddy at being so close to Skye yet bordering on hopeless at the reminder that this was temporary, were making him feel. He couldn't help but smile. It was just so characteristically Skye, thinking about someone else's well-being when she should have been focused on her own.
She smiled back "Remember I have a serious head injury? Bad choice of words there bud."
He shook his head and smiled "Can you let me be worried?" He knew she still wasn't used to people being worried about her and tended to deflect it by making jokes.
"Sorry," she smiled sheepishly "Hard to believe that you're worried though."
He looked up at her quickly, trying to tell if she was joking.
"You don't think I worry about you?"
"I don't think you worry period."
At his questioning look she continued "I don't mean that in a mean way. It's actually something I admire about you," under usual circumstances he would be thrilled that there was anything about him left to admire. But he didn't like the idea of being admired for this. Because it was just plain untrue. At least up until he formed an attachment to the team. Now, not only did he worry, but it was becoming a frequent and defining trait of his.
"It's just that I've seen you in the weirdest, most dangerous of situations and you've barely even blinked," she shook her head picturing what she liked to call his 'game face' the one where he looked so untouchable it always made her feel safe. Like just by proxy nothing could touch her too "I know looks can be deceiving and everything but I always got the impression that wasn't the case with you. That you really weren't fazed by what was happening around you."
He sighed "That was true. To an extent. But it was less not worrying and more years of training to stay so focused on the mission that nothing else can steal your attention," he explained.
She nodded "But Skye," he caught her gaze and made sure to keep it there "It got harder. Before I met the team I was my own team. There was no one to worry about. But as I got to know all of you, the less capable I was of being unaffected. On the mission with Quinn when you went in alone..." he stopped, remembering the fear he felt when he was told her comms had gone down "It caught me off guard. I hardly knew you and there I was near desperate to get to you and make sure you were safe. The Gravitonium had started to shake the compound and I couldn't find you anywhere until I saw you with Quinn's men. And then you ran to me, looking terrified, and I just knew that from that moment on worry would become a permanent part of my job. I tried to kid myself into thinking I was just getting on board with being on a team but...it was you. It was all of you."
Skye stared at his face, his expression so open and honest that she was shocked into silence. She sat in front of him just watching him watch her.
Finally, she spoke "I didn't know you felt that way. I actually thought you were two seconds away from requesting a transfer," she smiled sadly "I figured you weren't my biggest fan. Me or Fitzsimmons. I thought since we weren't capable of looking after ourselves in the field that we were just an annoyance to you."
Was he really that cold to them in the beginning that she thought he wanted nothing to do with them, thinking of them as nothing more than a problem?
He remembered running through a game plan in his head the day he was told by Garrett what his new orders were. Join Coulson's team but act like you're above it, you're a one man show. He could still hear Johns words to him: 'You'd be surprised how often you get invited to the party when you don't want to go.'
So he'd made it his mantra. Don't act invested and you won't become invested. Let them know you don't want to be there.
But obviously that hadn't worked.
The fact that he was still sitting here across from Skye, tagged with a tracking chip capable of taking him out proved that.
"I was annoyed at first. But that was mainly because you all represented everything I didn't want. A team, people to be close to, people to look out for. But after a while you all became everything I did want."
He tried to drill the message into her that he cared. Because God knew that the second she got her memory back she wouldn't think so.
She felt her eyes starting to sting and blinked rapidly to clear them. Grabbing his hand she squeezed it "I," she started but stopped to gather her thoughts "You're one of my best friends Ward. And I guess I always thought you didn't see me as one of yours. So..." she trailed off, not sure of what to say. She decided to go with what she felt "Thank you. For letting me in. I know how hard it is to do that."
He had done that hadn't he? He had been vulnerable. And he was shocked to realise that it hadn't hurt. In fact it might have even helped. She hadn't used anything he had told her against him, which usually followed him 'letting people in' at least when he'd done it in the past.
So he let her in a bit more.
"It's not hard with you," he just kept blurting out the truth "You're my best friend Skye," He realised the truth of it as he let the words out. He knew that wasn't the case when she had found out about Hydra and it wouldn't be the case when she remembered it. But before everything had gone down and in this brief blissful window he'd been given it was still true. She had been the only one who he had even considered giving the title of best friend to. He wanted to label them as something else, something more, but he knew he couldn't. Not only because of what he'd done but because she wasn't ready. In her current state she couldn't even remember that they had kissed.
He had only ever had a best friend once before. When he was that lonely kid trapped in the woods and he had Buddy. And he figured that was what a best friend should be: Loyal, trustworthy, someone who put your well being first and genuinely enjoyed being around you. Someone who you felt a deep connection with. This was something he hadn't found again until Skye. And even though he had little experience in the area, little experience in being sure of things period, he somehow knew that was what he wanted in a partner. So whether they were best friends or were in a relationship he knew it ultimately didn't matter as long as he was allowed to be her something.
"Not one of my best friends. My best friend. That's one thing I'm certain of."
She had been trying to stay somewhat professional. After all, he was a colleague. No doubt she was closer to her colleagues than most others because you had to be in this line of work. And of course there was the fact that up until now she had thought that he wasn't too fond of her, at least not anything past the kind of friendship you had with someone who regularly saved your life.
And she knew he was definitely not a fan of contact but this time she had to make an exception.
So she leant forward on the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him in a tight hold and trying to express how grateful she was to have him in her life and in her corner.
He went still, really not expecting her to hug him. After an internal debate of whether he should move away or not because he knew the Skye with all her memories would never do this, he decided to just enjoy it. As with all things that had happened in the last twenty four hours he wasn't going to get a repeat. So he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, burying his face in her hair.
He sighed contentedly and once again wondered what had transpired for him to be in this position.
I'm hugging Skye, he thought to himself in an almost trance like state. After spending the last few months realising that she would never forgive him and he would likely never get to see her again, here he was with her in his arms.
He heard her say quietly "I guess if you're my best friend you're allowed to worry a little bit."
He laughed into her neck and they sat that way for a few moments until it was broken by a pinging sound.
Skye pulled away from him to pick up the phone and he swore in that moment he developed violent tendencies towards pieces of technology.
"It's Fitz," he saw her face morph into surprise "Coulson actually got Gonzales to agree to help him. He wants us to meet them for the mission."
It took him far too long to get back into Agent mode.
"Where?" He asked, feeling hazy.
"About 125 miles from here, he sent coordinates." She tapped the phone and stood from the bed, going to collect the shield issued backpack.
He knew what was at stake. He knew there were people who needed saving. But he couldn't help the impulse to lock the door and the outside world with it and stay here with Skye in this bizarre little bubble of peace they had found themselves in.
But he knew that if he stood even the smallest, most minuscule chance of making things right and maybe even staying in Skye's life that he had to be selfless. And strong, and good and all those other things that Skye thought he was because he had been pretending to be.
He had to become the Grant Ward that Garrett had wanted him to masquerade as, only this time for himself and for his team.
So he followed her out the room, out of the motel and into the car to make the first step of the many that could lead to his redemption.
An: Ok so there wasn't a lot more plot in this chapter but it's getting there! I'm just still bitter that Skye and Ward never really got to talk much so I guess that's what I'm doing and getting carried away with it. I've done this quite quickly cause I'm not at home for a few days so if there are any mistakes sorry about that but please let me know. Thank you for still reading!
