"Wow! SO this is Main Street!" Finally, grumpy Grim is excited! It also doesn't look very dirty here, either. I think it needs a nice sweep, and maybe a bit of weeding at the edges. That's a few hours worth of work by hand, but it doesn't seem terribly difficult. "I didn't get to see this yesterday. What are these statutes? Seven of them with scary faces? And this old lady looks strict and sour, too."
"You don't know her? She's the Queen of Hearts." A casual, smooth voice cuts in. I turn slightly to see a teenage boy with wild, reddish hair. And a peculiar heart mark over his left eye. His eyes are also a fiery color. It's a little startling—but I remember Grim and I have the same blue for our irises.
Maybe those things aren't so weird here.
"Queen of Hearts? Is she important?" Grim asks, curious for once.
Maybe I shouldn't be paying attention to this guy's uniform, but it is gorgeous. The nice, white, button-down shirt. The gold-trimmed blazer. The golden-button, red vest. He has something with a jewel, red, on its tip sticking out of his breast pocket. And a tied armband of a deep maroon hue. Honestly, I feel a little robbed that the blazer I got is plain and black.
Oh! He even has a black-and-white striped tie! It's fetching, really. I'm somewhat unkempt myself… But I am doing handyman work; I'm not a student.
"She was a queen that lived inside the Rose Labyrinth a long time ago." Mysterious heart-face explains, "She was a strict ruler who prized discipline above all else. She wouldn't tolerate any disorder in her kingdom, from her Card Soldiers from being out of step to a rose being off-color. Even if her country was filled with madmen, they obeyed her absolute rule. You want to know why? Because breaking the law meant immediate decapitation!" Dramatically, he draws a finger across his throat with a big grin.
Grim shudders. "Crazy!"
My eyes flit over to the statute. The portly woman stands there with a smug grin. Her stone clothes look fancy enough, though she holds herself with dignity. Having a heart scepter in her right hand, and her outer skirts lifted in her left. Roses adorn the base of her figure—and a simple, pristine crown sits on her head. Her smirk looks well satisfied. And, she's way bustier than I am. I am mildly jealous—that bra looks iamazing/i. Can I find that kind of lift here? I'm already over smooshed titty central.
It might be a corset, too, but still. I need a proper bra. Yesterday.
"I think she's awesome. I'm a huge fan. You know, no one obeys a kind-hearted queen, right?"
"That's true. A strong leader is better." Grim agrees.
"That's not the only way to be strong as a leader." I cut in.
Wow, look at that! I'm definitely ignored.
"Anyway, who ARE you?" Grim asks the mysterious lad.
"Name's Ace! I'm a freshman here starting… today! Please take care of me." Ace introduces himself.
"I'm Grim! Genius magic prodigy who will become the greatest magician ever!" He proclaims proudly, paws on his hips. "And this is boring No, my minion."
"Really, Grim?" I give him a pointed look.
Ace's attention turns to me, curious, "No, huh? That's a weird name."
"No shit." I reply automatically. "It's nice to meet you, Ace."
"Hey, hey, Ace! Is the lion with the scar on his eye famous too?" Grim's pretty eager to talk to this freshman. But shouldn't he be getting to class soon?
"Of course!" He points to the scrawny lion standing proudly on an angled rock with bones beside it.
Lions are a lot broader, in my experience, but the shape of this one is a bit different than I'm familiar with—and his mane looks thin. Maybe he lost some of it in a fight? But like the statue of the Queen of Hearts, this one has a pose of dignity and a smirk. That might be a theme of these statutes.
"That's the King of Beasts who rules the Savanna. But he wasn't born to be King—he had to earn it through hard work and schemes, all by himself. When he took over, he decreed that they would live together with the hated hyenas, and stopped the discrimination against them." Ace looks pretty happy to share this knowledge with us.
That's nice to hear, but that also tells me this place has discrimination. I give a worried look to Grim. He is a monster of some sort, a magical cat creature that was thrown out before—and mistaken as my familiar instead of his own being. I'm definitely wondering how things are going to go here. I'm not even an adult… and penniless.
"Ohh? Not everyone looks past social status! He rules!" Grim replies excitedly. "And the lady with the octopus legs?"
Looking over at the next statute in that row, between the King of Breasts and the Queen of Hearts is a woman with octopus legs. Large, and smirking, she holds what I think is some sort of contract in her hands. She's got a crafty look to her, too. Honestly, that's… We don't have women with octopus legs instead of human legs back in my dimension. This… makes this a fantasy land, huh? Not even with just the magic.
"She's the Witch of the Sea, or the Sea-Witch, who lived in an underwater grotto. She devoted her live to help unfortunate merfolk. If they paid the price, she could solve any of their problems! Changing your appearance, finding love—there wasn't anything she couldn't solve with her magic—even if that price might be really steep. But she granted peoples' wishes, of course it was expensive. Only natural, you know." Ace explains to us.
Well, I'm glad he's explaining these things. There's no way I would know. This isn't my world.
"Nyaha! So, when I become a great mage, I can get rich? Then, then tell me about the man in the large hat?" He points eagerly to the figure.
A slim, imperious figure holding a staff with the head of a cobra. His hat almost looks like a turban with a feather attached and sticking up from the top. He wears a grand, sweeping cape with a hand on his slim hips. Smoke rising from his feet, and a regal expression. His beard, though, is rather crooked.
"The Great Sage, or Sorcerer, of the Sands." Ace starts, and it seems multiple of these people have a variety of names to them. "A wise advisor of a dolt of a sultan that saw past a swindler that tried to deceive the royal princess by faking being a prince! After that, he managed to get a magic lamp and became the greatest sorcerer in all the world! Then, he used that power to become sultan himself!"
"Ohh! So it's true that a great mage has to have a keen eye." A nod, "Ohhh, and the beautiful person there?"
At the end, is a regal figure standing proud. Holding out an arm, and the other holding some sort of fruit coated in a goop with a skull over it. Her dress reminds me of a medieval queen, as is the cape with its large collar and the cowl over her hair. The crown forms many spikes on her head, and I'm pretty sure that, and the brooch she wears, were made of gold. Her stole is simple, too—overall, she has very lovely features… and unlike me, great support.
"This is the queen who was once the fairest in all the world. Every day, she used a magic mirror to ask if she was the fairest of them all. When someone challenged her beauty, she did whatever she could to keep it. Also, they said she was a master of making poisons!"
"Beautiful and scary…" Grim remarks.
"Huh." Yeah, I'm just here to learn.
"Yeah? Isn't it cool to be that dedicated to something?"
"S-sure. Fighting for your beliefs is cool. And what about the guy with the flaming head? Now he looks scary!"
That's not normal. He's a large, broad-shouldered figured in some sort of robe that's pinned with a skull-like object. The large man grins, but it isn't a smirk like some of the others. Instead, he looks pretty humored as he has an arm out, and a flame lit at the fingertip of the other. The flaming head is something to behold, but so is the strange, cloying smoke he's standing at. I'd guess he's wearing some sort of toga, maybe?
"He's the King of the Underworld!" Okay so they have an afterlife here, as Ace is explaining, "They said he rules over the land of the dead, of all the evil spirits all by himself! He's got to be super powerful, right? Sure, he looks scary, but he does hard work—a job he didn't even ask for! Cerberus, Hydra, and even the Titans follow his orders and fight for him!"
Those names sound familiar, like—I think the Greek Myths? It's been a long while since I've heard about that stuff. I wonder if I'm in some alternate reality where some of that mythology is real? Or maybe this is just their myths, too? I guess since we'll be in the library later we can look into it.
"Wow, strong, and tenacious, huh… Oh—and who is the last one? The one with the horns?"
I look over the regla figure. Cloaked in a cape with jagged ends like flames. A scepter also in their hand, that looks like it's topped with a magnificent orb. I can't tell if they have horns, or if her hair is wrapped around in an old style. But thorny vines sit at their feet. They look pretty powerful to me.
"That is the Witch of Thorns, or the Great Thorn Fairy who lived on a mystical mountain. She was noble, elegant, and a master of magic and curses—even among the other six!"
Huh, so she is wearing some sort of head piece, I guess. And maybe a cowl, too, I can't even see her ears. But she is a pretty striking figure.
"She commanded storms, and once covered a whole kingdom with thorns—she could use magic on an amazing scale! They even say she could turn herself into a giant dragon!" Ace's arms spread wide and wave excitedly as he describes this. He's pretty animated at this point.
"Ooo! A dragon! The desire of every monster!" Huh, so dragons are super powerful here too! And even Grim wants to be one.
Popular culture at home is different—dragons aren't a good thing, generally. Usually the hero slays the dragon.
"Cool, huh?"
We are definitely both nodding.
"Unlike a certain possum." Ace finishes with a dastardly tone.
And I was starting to like him too. I let out a long, suffering sigh.
Ace breaks out into loud, mocking laughter. Holding his sides as he doubles over in his self-made hilarity. Yeah, no, this guy is number two on my shit list right now. Right under Dire Crowley.
"I can't hold back anymore!" He guffaws! "Hey, you guys were the ones that caused the fiasco at the opening ceremony, right? The one summoned by the Mirror of Darkness that can't even use magic and the monster that came in uninvited! It was so hard not to keep myself from laughing during the opening ceremony!" He's still in a fit of chuckles.
I am taking in a few breaths because this isn't worth it. But he keeps talking.
"Wow, you're rude!" Grim's getting fired up.
"This isn't worth it, Grim." I doubt he's going to listen to me because Ace is already opening up his big mouth.
"And, in the end, neither of you got admitted to the school so you're both handymen? Ha! So lame! Plus, you two don't even know who the Great Seven are!"
"Yeah, not from this reality. Big shocker-"
"You should go back to kindergarten instead of being here at Night Raven College." He falls back into a fit of laughter.
Grim growls, while my fingers rub my temples. Deep breaths so I don't punch this kid in the face.
"Why is this happening?" I ask with no answer.
"I just wanted to tease you two, but you both were easier than I thought! Anyway, unlike you two, I have classes. Have fun cleaning! Bye!" He turns away and heads off, clearly he got his jollies.
"Grim, just let it go." He's not going to. I can tell.
Grim leaps forward, yelling after Ace, "No! You crossed the line! It's too late to walk away now!"
And there comes a wall of flames surrounding Ace. I facepalm.
"Woah!" Ace exclaims.
"You're not getting away with that insult! I'll make your explosive hair even more fiery!" Grim declares.
"Or we could stop and clean." Nah, I am definitely getting ignored.
"Explosive-hair? You want to throw down, toy poodle? I'm going to shave you like a show dog." The kid growls.
Grim summons more flames, and in response, Ace uses magic to—blow them away?
Oh, that's not good. There's grass and trees around—flammable things. "You two-"
"How do you like that?" Ace grins.
Students on their way to class stop, seeing the conflict. They're, of course, baiting and encouraging the conflict. It's a gaggle of guys, what else should I expect? Me? I'm stepping away to get out of the hit-zone of magic. I've got zero defenses against this.
I'm… feeling a little vulnerable.
Unfortunately, it turns to a sling-fest of fire and wind. Grim sending out blue flaming balls and Ace waves his—jewel stick—I guess that's a wand—to send them away and extinguish them. And the worst happens, one of the statutes goes up in flames, tarnishing the stone to a blackened color. Of all things, it's the Queen of Hearts. More like the Queen of Charbroiled.
"Oh no! The Queen of Hearts statute is burnt black!" Ace looks actually terrified.
"That's what you get for using the wind on my flames! You should've gotten burned!" Grim hisses at the helpful problem causer.
"Who would get burned on purpose?!" Masochists.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" It's Mr. Dark Featherman himself! Just in time to catch this disaster.
I did something to cause this, didn't I?
"Oh no, the headmaster!" Oh, now Ace looks worried. Good.
"He'll use his whip of love! Let's run!"
The whip comes flying out! Hitting Ace first, and then Grim. The two of them cry out; but he has quite a bit of skill because he doesn't break skin. All he does is leave a welt, I think.
And I, the only good one of this trio, am not whipped. If he did, I would probably try to claw off that bird mask with how close I am to being done with life. This entire situation is ridiculous.
"It's a hundred years two fast for either of you to run from me!" The cross-armed mirror pimp sighs. Exasperated with children, or something. "I thought I told you to not make a ruckus? And now you've burnt one of the Great Seven! It's almost as if you want to be expelled!"
"No! Forgive me!" Ace looks properly terrified. Good.
"And you, No! I told you to keep control of Grim!" Oh, now he's turning on me.
"Yeah, with what magic, again?" I'm holding my hands up and out. I feel bad, but I also really don't. I can't exactly restrain a fire-producing cat-monster and a heart-faced brat all by myself. "I tried, but they didn't listen to me."
That's not really the answer Crowley wants, so he turns to Ace. "You! What is your name and year?"
"Ace Trappola… Freshman." How the haughty turns to humble with some authority. I'm feeling a little better.
"Listen up, Trappola, Grim, and No! As punishment, you three will clean a hundred windows!" He declares.
"But it's his fault! He made fun of us!" Grim's arguing like a child.
"What? Me too?!" Ace seems offended.
"Of course! Meet me in the cafeteria after classes. Understood?"
"Yes…" Ace sighs dejectedly.
"Nothing's going my way…" Grim grumbles.
Dire Crowley leaves us, and Ace grumbles off to class. I look over at the pouting Grim. "Did we learn anything?"
He huffs at me.
"You can use magic, right? Can you blow any wind?"
"Something like that…"
"Well, how about this. I'm going to sweep up all of the dead grass and stuff from the path, can you blow it off into the grass after me?"
"I don't want to!"
I sigh. "Neither do I, but I'm in another reality and I have no idea where I am, or much about this world or even how to make money. This is the best gig I've got and the only way Crowley's going to let you learn any magic here. So, c'mon. We do this and the windows, then maybe we'll have time to go to the library. I'd like to find a way home."
Grim glares a me a moment, crossing his arms and giving a huff. "Only for learning magic."
I smile. "Great!" And off I go, grabbing a convenient broom leaning against one of the Great Seven. It's a wide, broad one—perfect for sweeping paths.
So I lead the way to the main gate, since we need to start there. I know how to sweep with one of these at least, and set to sweeping all of the tiny rocks and dead grass to the edge, and direct Grim to blow them away. It's steady work, and tiring. Plus, I stop to pull a weed here and there that's threatening to ruin the stone path.
Luckily, there's not really anyone travelling here after that ruckus. So it's pretty peaceful with the two of us. The sun isn't harsh, and there's a nice, cool, ocean breeze. The air's a little salty and very clean. This place isn't so bad when it's empty.
"Where are you from?" Grim asks to break the silence.
"Another world or something." I reply casually. "Well, it's a place called Texas. It's part of a country called the United States of America."
"You're really from another world?" He doesn't entirely believe me.
"Yep. Sucks too, because this world is full of some high-tier bullshit and I have no clue what the fuck I'm doing. And worse yet, I'm at a magic school, and I can't even use magic. There isn't even magic where I'm from!"
"No magic?!" He sounds so bewildered.
"And there's no monsters either."
"None?!"
"None! So I feel pretty out of sorts here, Grim… Blow that pile for me?"
"Okay-"
It's honestly pleasant. Spending the next few hours sweeping.
I'm surprised when Crowley shows up with lunch, and directs us to where the cafeteria is to take our meals in the future.
It's awkward and short, but at least we have time to take a break. After lunch, time seems to fly by and a loud bell indicates the end of classes. We had basically just finished sweeping the front of the library when that time came.
"It's… about three." I remark, looking at the sky.
"We're done, right?! Let's go get that stupid explosion-head!" Grim's already raring to go.
"Yeah, come on—cafeteria." And we set off.
I'm already tired… and there's about thirty-three windows in my future to clean.
I need some sort of anti-magic shield to put around Grim. I know this won't be the last time some sort of incident like this happens. Maybe I should just punch them in the face and maybe stop something worse, like this, from happening.
