Honestly? It's a pleasant walk, and the map does help us out because I realize Deuce is a visual learner. Hm, that means it might be a bit difficult in our history class… since it looks like it's a lot of reading without a lot of pictures.
The shack honestly ins't put out of place. It's got items for sale lining the pathway leading up to it with prices. I guess there are a lot of wares available.
Stone steps lead up to a door, the sign is red, sort of shaped like an anchor. A skull with a top hat with a dollar sign. Clever? It looks like a decent-sized cottage though, maybe to blend in with the rest of the structure? The multi-brown and tan bricks, red even, give it charm with the dark grey roof—and a lighter colored chimney to the side. Deuce and I head in easily—and this place is way bigger on the inside.
There is stuff everywhere on everything. Stuffed inside a piano. On shelves, on bookcases, on the top of a clock. This place is so busy it's making my head spin—even the rugs on the floor have a price, but it looks like by the wear they've been there a good eternity. Honestly, there's about everything I can imagine—even a food section off to one side. This has to be magic.
"Excuse me!" Deuce calls as he heads in, but he's immediately taken away by everything around us.
"Wow."
"—amazing. Crystal skulls, magic books… and this?" That's an organ. Uh.
"Wow… can we really get the baking supplies here?" I point down to the obvious grocery section.
"Hey! Wandering little imps—could I help you with something?" A man appears, suddenly. He's… wow.
Tall and slender, with a rich color of skin that contrasts so well with the white bones on his flesh. Vertebra peeks out on his neck and the start of his clavicle, sternum, and so on that goes down a pattern on his vest. A waving hand reveals a bone painted on his forearm, and I bet under the white gloves is the same. Actually, with the decorations emphasizing his eyes and the dark make-up—I could even bet its tattoo work. And it is impressive with how clean the lines are.
He has a leather top hat of purple and black with a red band stitched together—it's stylistic, obviously, with how neat it is. A skull pinned to the band, with a curved-out brim. His hair sticks out a bit from under the hat, cascading to the right side. The thick locks of hair I think is braided, if not dreads, with one colored a light purple. The darker, richer color of black and purple adorn his suit jacket, and bright for that bone-decorated vest. He's wearing some sort of necklace which I think is strung with teeth—and a pin maybe shaped like a mask on his left lapel.
He wears an apron with a black-and-white striped tie around it—and a swirl-white decorated pouch with… some sort of hand object and bone inside. The pants he wears are the same purple as his clothes, and he wears what I think are those 1920s style shoes with the white over them. I have no idea what they're called but the outfit pulls together really well.
Why are all of the professors here dressed well?
"Welcome to Mr. S's Mystery Shop! What do you need today?" The man continues. "An uncharted amulet, an ancient king's mirror? Cursed tarot cards?"
Grim, who wasn't paying attention, startles! "That startled me!"
Aw.
"Um… I'm looking for what's on this list." Deuce shows it to the shopkeeper.
"And canned tuna!" I'm not surprised at what came out of Grim's mouth.
"Hey, we're not here for canned tuna!" Deuce is pretty stern, so I didn't have to say anything!
"What, what, fresh cream? Eggs? A lineup for sweets. Okay! Coming right up!" Mr. Shopkeep has the list and off he goes.
"Oh… does he really have what we need?" I know Deuce needs glasses at this point.
But it's weird—we don't get our own things? Do we just tell him? No, I think I see some hand baskets. Maybe—maybe he's bored and willing to fetch the list today…? Hm.
The man has two packed bags for us in a jiffy. I'm pretty surprised to see the packing efficiency! And even better, they look a little flimsy, too. "Thank you for waiting. They're quite heavy—are you sure you can carry everything?" It's nice of him to ask.. but the fuck? "We are having a thirty-percent off sale on our special bags to help you carry everything!" I no longer think this man is cool.
"Really, trying to up-sell us fancy recyclable bags…" Where are we, Europe?
"Ohhh, what's that?!" Grim is a sucker. He cannot come here alone. Ever.
Deuce hurriedly hands the man the right amount of marks. "No, thank you!" Taking the change, he stuffs it away and he and I gather the goods. "Let's go, Grim!"
Out we go in a hurry—I'm going to have to figure out how to keep him out of here because that man talks as smooth as poisoned honey with the goal to get our money and he can damn well do it easily.
"Aww… I wanna play more before we go back…" Honestly, Grim is like a little kid…
"Okay, okay! I'll see you next time little imps! Come back again! Bye-bye!" The man waves us off and we rush so we don't buy anything else.
I'll need to bring my own bag if I want to shop here. But if this is the only store on campus, I need to come here to find the very specific lady goods I'm going to need… fuck.
We head back according to the map, seeing that the sun is starting to set. Wow, has it been so long already? A gorgeous pink glow shines on the beautiful statutes lining main street. We're heading our way toward the dorm mirrors. It's a really nice walk.
"I'm going to have to be careful, that guy seems like he can talk you into spending way too much money." I sigh, but he was really nice to make sure we got everything.
"Aww… it was so fun…" Grim gripes.
"It was an amazing shop." Spade-face remarks.
"And Deuce is so stingy…" He's still mad about the tuna.
"Who are you calling stingy?" Ugh, we don't need a fight.
"Hmm—No. You have the bag with the canned fruit—is it too heavy?" That's nice of him to ask…?
"It's—" Fine.
But he takes the bag from me with easy, and he's honestly surprisingly strong. "I'll take it from you—I'm used to carrying heavy bags."
"So you do a lot of grocery shopping?" And running it in one trip? Because same, but he really is strong—insanely strong. I've already felt his grip a couple times.
"My mom shops a lot when there are mega-sales, so I helped carry her bags. I'm the only man in the household, so it's my job to do the hard labor." That is so sweet that he helps his mom out. "Ah—sorry. I keep talking about myself."
"It's nice to hear that you help her out, take care of her too." I smile. I get not having a parent—or really, parents. It's… sad.
"No, that's not true." Deuce looks… ashamed? "I—my mom is…"
And that's when he makes impact and some of the eggs crack! Oh no! "Fuck!" Deuce cusses—that boy and his mouth! "Now—now the eggs are broken and messing up the bag!"
A student looks at us with disgust. "What where you're going!" Oh no it's the guy from before, the white-haired asshole that was angry over the soft-boiled egg. Why? Why did this have to come back?
The other, the red head, is grinning. "Oh! It's you again. You're trying to mess with us?"
Fuck.
"Can we not?" No one listens to me.
"It was your fault for bumping into us again from out of nowhere." Oh, that's a tone shift there, Deuce. "But our eggs are completely destroyed now."
"That's right!" Grim you do not need to be a hype man.
"Oh? You're saying this is my fault?" White-haired and problematic is ready for a fight.
"Yes. You need to pay us back for the eggs, and apologize to the chickens." That deadly calm in his voice almost makes me overlook the iapologize to the chickens/i part. What?
I have to ask myself in the second or third confrontation today—is this every day? Is this really going to be my every day? There was Cater, the cafeteria, and now these cafeteria assholes again. I'm wondering if there's a way to solve this because I'm not really up to every day being a multi-brawl session. Grim might be, but I, for one, want a peaceful school life that I already know I'm not getting.
"Oh? Making a big deal over these eggs?" The redhead is itching for a fight.
"It didn't even hit the ground, so you can still eat them. Why are you making a big deal over nothing?" As long as they're still in the carton we can probably work something out but it really looks like they ran into us on purpose.
Which is annoying.
"You should be glad I didn't ihave/i to break them." So this was on purpose. Red head, thanks for being red-handed about it (that was bad).
The two start laughing, mocking us… um.
Deuce's voice is so quiet, I barely hear him: "I don't think so."
There's a question over to him, and there it is: punk mode.
His stance changes, his face does too—he really looks like a stereotypical delinquent, especially as he shouts: "I TOLD YOU TO STOP LAUGHING, RIGHT?! YOUR ONLY CHOICE HERE IS TO APOLOGIZE! THESE EGGS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE USED FOR DELICIOUS TARTS AND NOW THEY'RE GOING TO TURN INTO CHICKENS!"
What.
WHAT.
"Deuce…" No. I.
"YOU UNDERSTAND?! HUH!?" Punk Deuce mode activated, but those brain cells are single digits.
The redhead backs up. "What is up with you!?"
"Six. Eggs. If ya don't wanna give me the cash for these six eggs, then I'm gonna beat the fuck outta ya six times." Oh so he was a big-league punk. "GRIT YOUR TEETH YOU BASTARDS!"
I've got the bags in my arms before I can say anything and there he goes like a spitfire. I see fists fly, and these guys have zero experience in fighting as Deuce wails on them—that's definitely more than six hits. Oh, they are definitely losing here.
Me? I nudge Grim away from the splash zone.
The two are knocked over to the ground before he starts.
The white-haired student starts blubbering, "He's crazy! That—that was more than six hits!" Really? That's the concern?
"He said six times." I comment.
Bloody-faced redhead is definitely crying. "Stop—we give up! We're so sorry Mr. Chicken!"
The two run off, it was a little pathetic.
"You better apologize to the eggs a hundred times before you eat them! You hear me?!" That makes no sense, Deuce.
"Hey—hey, Deuce! They're gone—it's alright-" I approach calmly, and Grim shrieks softly beside me. Oh, kitty cat.
Well, it looks like he snapped out of it.
"What was that?!" Grim is a bit scared, but I think we just saw his temper snap.
Ah, he flipped from angry to upset in two seconds, too. "I did it again… I promised I'd be a model student… I was so different in middle school. Skipping class and getting into fights every single day. I didn't respect my teacher, I hung out with the wrong people, and I had the wildest hair… I used my magic against others, too. I was horrible. I used magic on others who couldn't even use magic." I feel like this is a wee bit… of a sad backstory.
"Even seeing that now, I still can't believe you used to be like that." Grim is shocked and surprised.
"—Deuce. Middle school? That's you at your worst. You make the worst decisions and you're not going to stay that person forever—that's the great part of growing up." I am trying here.
He looks so sad. "...One night I was hiding… I saw my mother crying. She was on the phone with my grandmother." I set a bag down to go, patting his shoulder. "She was asking where she went wrong in raising me—saying she failed as a single mother." Oof. "But that's not true! None of it was her fault—it was all mine. I made those choices. But then… the black carriage from the prestigious Night Raven College came for me! My mother was so happy—so proud. It was that moment I decided I never wanted to disappoint her again like that. I never wanted to be the reason she was crying… I want to be a model student that she can be proud of, and yet—fuck."
I am well aware that Grim has little to no understanding about how people work, and human society, "But—is going through all of this part of being a model student?" I don't think Grim knows what a model student is, either. "I wanted to punch them a dozen more times! But you beat me to it." Sure, Grim.
"...Yeah, I wanted to punch them too…" And several others.
"You two…" Deuce smiles a little.
"Look, even model students get angry sometimes. It's human nature." I offer.
"I see… I bet the little chickens are relaxed right now, too." What is this boy talking about.
I look at Deuce dead in the face. There are… I knew he was dumb, but this is a whole new level. But I also feel immediately bad because he looks completely heartbroken, and his whole world view is shattered. I reach over, gently rubbing his back. "Hey…"
We need a talk.
"Deuce—there aren't baby chicks coming from these eggs. Ever. They're not… the daddy rooster didn't fertilize the mama chicken, so there's no babies. Okay? Maybe—maybe we can go find eggs and show you ones that are about to hatch with baby chicks?" They have to have petting zoos or educational places, right? Farms?
I have destroyed this young man's world view as he shouts in shock. "YOU'RE KIDDING ME?"
"Deuce…" Oh no. His brain is absolutely broken. "Let's… let's head back.
The walk back is dead silent. Maybe he's murmuring to himself a little as we trudge back with our prized goods. Sure, he's carrying backs, but his few brain cells are in overdrive trying to comprehend this revelation of life he just received. It's like his entire world view is destroyed.
We arrive back in the kitchen, setting down the bags carefully.
Ace rushes over. "Ohhh! You guys are finally back! What took so long?"
"Well, let's finish, okay?" Trey's excited too…
I give a worried glance to Deuce.
But he follows directions as… that is the largest tart I've ever seen. It's absolutely gigantic, and—and I'm just amazed as the cream is easily created with a little magic and some work from us—I'm definitely taken away from the Deuce problem at least.
The cream is swirled around, and on top sits some beautiful chestnuts for accent.
"Now, a little powdered sugar…" Trey mumbles, putting on the finishing touch of this marvelous tart.
"We're done!" The boys of Grim and Ace cheer.
"All… done…" Deuce sighs—oh, he's still upset.
"Did something happen when you guys went shopping?" Ace asks.
"He's had an existential crisis." I explain to Ace. "Let's… let him be to recover."
"What I believed... for all of my sixteen years…" Oh no, he's still deep in it. Poor Deuce.
"...Anyway… I didn't know how long it took to make desserts! I'm so tired." Ace grumbles.
Then Cater appears in his betrayal glory. "Good work everyone! Is the tart finished? Oh look at that—and it's so cute!" That boy is snapping pictures for the Internet. "It looks so great for my feed! I'm going to take a picture!"
"Hey! Where were you all this time?!" Ace is already irritated.
"I just came to see how my cute juniors were doing!" Cater's grinning at us, and laughing. "All of you look idead/i!"
"Considering we started this morning with a Cater betrayal and beat-up… no one should be surprised." I comment, because Cater is on my shit list right now.
"Well, new things can be very exhausting—but I know sweets are a good cure for that." Did that man say sweets? Did Trey just tell us we are getting sweets? "Now let's have some of this fresh-made marron tart."
"Woo!" Several cheer. Okay, even I cheer.
Ace gives a side-eye to Cater. "Cater—I knew you only came to eat some tart!"
"Hey, hey, let's us all just enjoy this tart!~" I've got my eye on Cater too.
Grim takes in a big whiff. "Ahh! It smells so sweet, so delicious! The soft chestnuts on top the fluffy cream! Let's eat!"
"It does." My stomach grumbles. Yeah, I'm hungry.
Everyone is amazed at the homemade tart. It is better than store-bought, as is all homemade baked goods made by someone with two brain cells. I take another bite of this deliciousness. It's sweet, it's soft—a little nutty, buttery—maybe a bit like a sweet potato?
Of course they're ranting and raving about the deliciousness of this tart. I'm in quiet Heaven right now. This was worth all the fights, the problems, and even Cater's bullshit today.
School might not be so bad.
I only get back into the conversation when Cater asks Trey to, iDo the thing/i.
"What thing-?" I'm curious.
"Oh, that?" Trey asks.
"That?" Ace also asks, what is this thing?
Trey grins at us, "What are all of your favorite foods?"
Ace thinks a moment. "Mine… cherry pie and hamburgers."
"Canned tuna!" Grim's doesn't surprise me-"Or-or cheese omelets, grilled meet—pudding-"
"All food, Grim?" I ask wryly.
Deuce tilts his head a little. "Omurice… omelette rice." Are my weeb sense tingling? Do they have weebs in Twisted Wonderland?
"Mm, I think mine is cooked lamb with diablo sauce." Cater grins. "Could change soon."
"Peaches." I respond immediately. Yes. Yes, the awful truth. I'm allergic to what I love the most. I literally suffer.
"Then—Doodle Suit." Okay why do I have a feeling—yep, that's magic from Trey.
"Huh? What's this?" Deuce asks.
"Now, take another bite of your marron tart and see." Trey has quite the grin.
"Huh-?!" Ace is the first to dig in. "This marron tart now tastes like cherry pie!"
Grim exclaims excitedly as each bite tastes like another one of the things he listed. "-and pudding!"
"Pretty cool, huh? Don't you think it would impress some girls at a tea party~?" There's this look Cater gives to Trey. Huh. He must be off the market, or looking…
"It's amazing! Is changing the tastes of things your Unique Magic, Trey?" Deuce questions his upperclassman.
"Technically, it's "overwriting the senses", I can change taste, color, smell—whatever. It doesn't last long. It's more like a sketch—which is why I call it iDoodle/i." Trey explains.
"If I had that magic—I could have canned tuna for every meal ever!" No, Grim. "That's way better than Riddle's stupid collar!"
"Don't speak of the devil or he shall appear, Grim…" I mumble. That's what happened earlier when Ace was talking shit.
"No… my magic is child's play compared to the Housewarden's. His is… a whole other level." There's something sad about that. "Anyway, it's late, and we have school tomorrow. Let's give the tart to the dorm leader then. Tomorrow is the Unbirthday Party after school, don't be late."
"Unbirthday Party…?" And I'm going, for some reason? Ah, I—I guess so. I don't really have time to bring anyone a gift.
"Hey, No, can I sleep over again?" Ace asks. I give him a look. "I don't think mean-ol' Cater is going to let me back into the dorms yet."
Cater frowns. "Ah, really…?"
"Don't take advantage of No too much, Ace. It's not right." Deuce is back to his model student hat.
"That's right! If you wanna stay you have to pay rent! TEN cans of tuna!" Grim demands.
"...I'm the dorm leader here, Grim, that's my call…" I scold him lightly.
"What—am I supposed to sleep outside?!" Ace huffs.
Trey looks at Deuce with a smile, then to me. "Could you have Deuce stay over too, to keep an eye on Ace? I'll issue you a sleepover pass, since I'm vice housewarden."
Cater's a bit surprised! "Aren't you spoiling them a little too much, Trey?" Come off it, why is he so shocked? "How nice—hey, No, can I sleep over too?"
"No." I reply easily.
Trey scoffs. "Oh no, not you."
Now he gives a bit of a sigh. "Aw… how stingy."
Only people that don't throw magic at me on my first day at school get to spend the night. Ass.
"Sorry to put them in your care for the night, No—but you can look forward to tomorrow, at least." Trey owes me.
"I'll take it as a favor owed." I smile. "We'll see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow's the Unbirthday Party…" Ace looks a little… not excited, maybe apprehensive? Or he's just worn out from today. I know I am! "I'm definitely getting this collar off, just you wait, Riddle!"
"Come on you two—we'll get you a mattress into the lounge, then. None of the other rooms are really ready. And no—I share with Grim." I give Ace a look.
"Stingy!" He complains.
But, we all make it back to home sweet home with ease, and with a little work we get a mattress dug out for them and clean linens from the closet—setting the two up for bed.
"Sleep well!" I call to them both, as Grim and I retire for the night.
"I wonder what an Unbirthday Party is…" Grim mumbles.
"Me too… we'll find out tomorrow.
Hopefully, it's something good.
