I'd never heard of a vampire becoming claustrophobic but after the last week I was beginning to believe it was possible. If I never rode in a car again it would too soon. I glared out the car window at the passing trees. Jasper's hand found mine like it had on the trip to Phoenix, his thumb once again rubbing against my knuckles but it did little to calm me now.

"It's not your fault, Abi." Jasper said softly and I scoffed.

"It was foolish to let her go in alone." I spat.

"You couldn't have known." He tried to sooth but I was too angry for his gentle reasoning.

"No, I couldn't have known what she had planned but I could see that something wasn't right with her. I may not be able to feel her emotions or understand human behavior as well as you or Alice, but I did know that she was acting differently than she had been before we left the hotel. I shouldn't have let her go in alone." I wanted to get out of the car and run, I was so annoyed with the continued containment that I wanted to break free, but part of me felt like this was punishment and that I deserved to be punished.

"Obviously I wouldn't have gone into that bathroom with her. Bella knew what she was doing when she walked into that bathroom, she knew what she was risking. You are not to blame for her deception. If there's anyone to blame, it's Bella and James." Jasper spoke sternly and I growled.

"Well, James is dead and no one's going to blame the injured girl for getting herself hurt. They've already waved it away by saying that she was acting under duress, that she was trying to save her mother no matter how unlikely it was that she could have saved her. Even knowing it was foolish, Esme called her brave for her actions!" I couldn't help the outrage I felt toward my own family.

"Yet who did Edward glare at, who did the rest of the family give furtive looks to after Alice told them what happened at the airport? The blame has fallen to me, Jasper. Don't try to tell me it hasn't." I looked to Jasper and he looked conflicted before a determined look came to his face and he pulled the car over at an abandoned rest stop.

"What are you doing?" I asked confusedly.

"Get out." Jasper said as he opened his door and got out of the car. I slowly did the same as I watched him come around the front of the car. Jasper took my hand and dragged me into the trees till the sound of cars passing on the highway was faint before letting go of my hand and moving to stand in front of me.

"Take a swing." Jasper ordered. I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Why?"

"It'll make you feel better." Jasper stated and I laughed disbelievingly.

"Why would fighting with you make me feel better? I'm not mad at you." Instead of answering Jasper lunged at me, counting on my instincts to counter his attack and sending him flying back into the evergreen on the opposite side of the clearing.

"What do you think you're doing?" I yelled, startled by his actions.

"Pretend I'm Peter, pretend I'm Edward, pretend I'm whoever you need me to be, fight me." Jasper ordered and used the sway of the tree to send himself flying back toward me. I dodged, putting myself on the opposite side of the clearing once again.

"I don't know what you're trying to do, but I don't want anything to do with it! Let's just go home!" I started back towards the car but Jasper's hands caught my arms and flung me backward. I had to twist quickly to land on my feet. When I landed Jasper was charging at me again and I waited till he was almost on top of me before dropping and taking out his legs and darting to the other side of the clearing once again. Jasper was smirking when he got to his feet.

"Come on, Darlin'. I know you like to spar." Jasper said and readied himself for another attack.

"But I don't want to spar. I want to go home." I growled.

"No, you don't." Jasper counter and I scowled at him.

"You don't want to go home, you don't want to have to face the family again. And despite how angry you are at them, you blame yourself just as much as you think they do. Your guilt has been nearly overwhelming for the last 100 miles. So, don't lie to me, let's work this out." Jasper said and, in that moment, I felt like I could cry. I knew it was physically impossible, that I hadn't been able to shed tears for two centuries but my breath caught and my lip trembled all the same and I felt like I was drowning. I took a stumbling step toward the nearest tree, reaching out for its support but Jasper was there instead. His arms wrapping around me and pulling me into his chest.

I don't know how long I sobbed into Jasper's chest for, but he stood there calmly, his hand rubbing up and down my back the whole time just letting me get it out. When I was done I didn't move just clung to Jasper and took in the comfort he provided. I couldn't remember what being exhausted felt like, but I figure it was a lot like what I was feeling now. There were days that I was glad that Peter and Charlotte had found me and then there were days like today when I wish that they'd avoided the forest and gone anywhere else. In that century that I was alone, I never had to deal with my emotions. There had been very little to cause emotion besides the humans that would travel through and I hadn't cared enough to feel anything for them. I had been content, or at least as content as one could be when living without a purpose.

"Do we have to go back?" I asked quietly. Jasper shifted, moving his head so I was no longer tucked under his chin.

"Eventually." He said and I sighed before pressing my face back into his chest.

"I'm still mad at them." I stated and Jasper hummed.

"I know. I'm mad at them too. Bella may be human, but she's not a child. She knew what she was doing and she ultimately is being made to pay with the pain of her injuries and the emotional fall out with her mother and father. She's going to physically feel and see her consequences for a while. I think there's a little solace in that. It's the only reason that I can see the others letting her off so easily. As for the rest of the family, don't act as if you've done anything wrong. You know the truth and deep down so do they. If faced with the same situation, they would have made the same decision, I have no doubt about that. Alice is the only one that would have stood a chance in that situation, but Bella thwarted her too. Quit beating yourself up." I nodded into his chest and took a deep breath.

"I've been missing our forest a lot lately." I confided and Jasper looked back at me curiously.

"Things were so simple back then, I didn't have to debate with myself if what I was doing was right, didn't have to think about how anything would effect anyone else, didn't have to wonder if someone else would approve of what I was doing or thinking." I vented and Jasper hummed.

"Even after Peter and Charlotte found me and after you joined us, I still didn't have these concerns. I can't pinpoint when this feeling started, but lately… Lately, they make me feel like I'm trapped." I confessed and Jasper's hands moved to my arms and moved me back enough so we could look at each other.

"Come hell or high water, we're going to Germany this summer. Whether Peter and Charlotte can join us or not. We'll go to Germany, we'll go to the Black Forest and we'll pretend it's 1935 all over again. You are not trapped, Abilene. We always have options, even if it means leaving the Cullens, we have options." Jasper stressed and I could see how much he meant it in his eyes. I nodded and then buried my face in his chest once again.

"I love you, Jasper." I said into the material of his shirt.

"I love you, too, Abilene. I never want you to doubt that, I want you to understand that you never have to make yourself miserable so others can be happy. Not even me. As long as you're happy I'm happy." I smiled and stood on my toes to press a kiss to his lips.

"You always make me happy, no matter what. I've never doubted your love." I said and Jasper gave a small smile. Jasper pressed another kiss to my lips before taking my hand and starting back toward where we'd left the car. We didn't run, instead we took our time enjoying the time we had not contained in a car and not having to worry about anyone but ourselves. Even when we finally made it back to the car, we left the windows open and Jasper's drove the speed limit. We just needed the time to ourselves and we both realized that we needed to make that more of a priority.

Things were going to get better, they had to.