If you saw me in Barnes and Nobles writing and rewriting this chapter all summer...no you did not.


Some memories are just best left forgotten.

Left alone in time.

Far, far, away.

And yet…the memory of that day still haunts me.

Every time I look into Empoleon's eyes…

I remember.

I remember everything.

"Piplup?"

A shattered Everstone.

"Piplup, stop!"

Tears.

A blinding light.

"…I can't lose you too!"

And then a strange face staring back at me.

"…Piplup…?"

Holding such familiar, comforting eyes.

"…Prinplup…"

A memory from the day when our childhood ended.

A memory best left forgotten.

That simply refuses to fade.


A wave of uncertainty washed over me the moment I stepped into the Contact Plaza.

As Paris dropped me off with a slight smile and a wave, I couldn't help but catch sight of all the happy trainers and their pokemon. It struck a chord. To come back to a place like this without my pokemon sucked, and to see other pokemon enjoy the company of their trainers just sucked even more.

I kept my distance. Thankfully, everyone seemed too occupied with their own training to notice a literal supermodel out and about in their presence. They didn't even seem to be the types to care about anything outside the realm of pokemon…so much that I didn't even seem to be a blip on their radar.

After all, I was not one of them.

"I don't need you right now." I firmly stated, gathering my composure. "Return to your ball."

My team must be furious with me. I would be. My stomach churned from the very memory of it, and it left me tired. I felt tired. Weak. Scared at the thought of facing them again and what to expect.

And after all this time…after everything that happened…Empoleon's disappointed expression never left me. I tried to shut my eyes and shake away the memory, but it was no use. A new, more terrible memory just took its place and consumed my thoughts. My very own mind was like a broken record, and everything from the past 24 hours continued to spiral and spiral on repeat…

"Don't look at me like that, Empoleon."

"This lawsuit doesn't have to see the light of day."

"There was no official news, but it was clear…he was her lover."

"I said, return!"

"I can make it all go away."

"It's okay, you're okay, I have you."

"I tingle with excitement just thinking about it sometimes. All those late nights in the gym…"

"HIKARI!"

"This is all so fucked…" I muttered to myself as I made my way deeper into the plaza. I knew I couldn't stay long. The threat of a lawsuit loomed dangerously over my shoulders, and from Takeo no less. It was not something to be ignored with so many risky factors at play. My reputation as an elite was on the line…

I shouldn't be worried about this right now.

I can only imagine the messages and phone calls from my legal team once my cell is back online. I paused for a moment to take in a deep breath. Of all people, I hated meeting with my lawyers the most. I can just only imagine what they will do. All that legal red tape and…no, it's okay. I can handle it. I can handle anything.

But…there was another thing to consider. Shinji. Him and his stupid, inconvenient, unexpected text. The memory of it flashed again right before my eyes.

"Hey."

What more can he even want from me?

"C'mon, get yourself together, Hikari." I softly knocked my head, brushing away the thought, "Of all things to worry about, he is the least of your concerns."

And yet, I kept thinking about it. About what he could possibly want. About how the thought of seeing him again made me feel weak. I shook my head and wiped my brow.

He couldn't possibly be reaching out about the interview. That won't air until later this evening. Or wait…he couldn't mean… last night? Perhaps it was best that I didn't know. That's it. I just need to forget about it and find Nozomi.

There was no need to focus on Shinji any longer.

Finding Nozomi, however, shouldn't be this difficult! With each step I took, I made my way deeper into the heart of the park's gardens, looking past the many young trainers, until suddenly…

"Now Pachirisu, let's try out your thunder shock!" A familiar voice I knew all too well cried out, startling me to a halt.

Nozomi.

I looked to the field ahead and caught sight of my pokemon amongst Nozomi's own team, all of them cheering on Pachirisu as it jumped high in the sky and gleefully let out a static of bolts and shocks.

"Pachi!"

The sparks hit the dirt below, blowing up smoke and dust as I shielded my eyes from the recoil. The specks brushed against my cheeks as the heat of electricity warmed the air, and once my vision was cleared, I lowered my arm to the sight of Nozomi's determined stance—her gaze focused on the display ahead of her.

"Don't lose your focus, Pachirisu!" Nozomi said, "Give it your all! Trust yourself, but more importantly, trust your team!"

And just like that, Togekiss swooped in amongst the smoke, illuminating Pachirisu's electric sparks with Fairy Wind. The dust soon turned pink with sparkles of gold, creating a dazzling yet spectacular display.

And I could only be left stunned in its wonder.

I stared on, in amazement and in disbelief, at the sheer beauty of my pokemon's combo. It was dazzling, brisk, and iridescent as Pachirisu's thunderbolt sparkled throughout Togekiss's soft winded, warm hues.

Pachirisu and Togekiss, too, stared up and smiled happily at their work. It wasn't long before the rest of my team swooped in on them, each one cheering in delight and in congratulations on their success. Lopunny patted Pachirisu's head while Ambipom twirled about in delight. Mamoswine grunted happily while Quilava blazed in content, a flame brighter than I've ever seen before.

A true, genuine happiness I haven't seen in such a long, long time…

"Perfect, I knew you both could do it!" Nozomi cheered, rushing over with her own pokemon to congratulate them. Her Glameow purred as it approached Pachirisu. I watched as my old friend patted their heads, and suddenly, an intense feeling of guilt swelled deep in my chest.

Oh.

There was that familiar feeling again. That sickening feeling of inadequacy and regret. I would like to think if I was still a practiced coordinator, I would act just like Nozomi did and earn a moment like this with my pokemon. But there is no denying the truth…I'm not a coordinator. Not anymore, at least.

I don't even think I would have what it takes to coordinate a single combo anymore…

What kind of trainer am I really? They all looked so happy training alongside Nozomi and her pokemon. Pachirisu. Togekiss. Ambipom. Quilava. Lopunny. Mamoswine. All of them except…

"Huh?" Nozomi glanced up my way, smiling as she finally recognized me.

"Hikari!" She cheered, waving, "You finally made it!"

And just like that, my pokemon soon followed her gaze. I could only steadily gulp in response as slowly, but surely, one by one my team's eyes lit up at the sight of me.

Leaving me speechless.

"Loli-!" Lopunny cried as she ran my way, tears welling up in her eyes. Pachirisu's cheeks sparked with delight as it eagerly jumped from its position, followed suit by the others as they all rushed to me. Their happy, cheery faces showing no sign of anger or dismay.

Like nothing even happened…

It came all at once, this overwhelming feeling of emotions, as I couldn't help but fall to my knees before them.

"You guys!" I opened my arms wide, tearing up as they rushed into my embrace. I held them all close, nuzzling them each as they all cooed in delight. I felt the warmth especially of Pachirisu's cheeks as he nestled into my neck.

"Look who finally showed up! Your pokemon sure missed you terribly," Nozomi said, approaching us, "I'm glad I was able to see them while you were at your interview."

I looked up, smiling softly. "I know, I know. Thanks, Nozomi. It means a lot."

However, those feelings of warmth faded as Nozomi frowned. She scratched her head, as if she was unsure on what to say. Seconds edged on, but finally, she let out a shrug and spoke.

"I'm not sure if this is the best time to talk about it…but well…"

I knew what she was getting at.

"Spit it out, Nozomi."

I watched as my childhood friend took into an unsteady breath, deciding her next words very carefully.

"It's not unlike you to decide you're going to leave your pokemon behind. Especially with that crazy weather we just had…is…" She hesitated on what she was about to say next, "Is everything okay?"

I paused. No, everything is not okay. Nothing about the past 24 hours is okay at all. But…there's no way I'm going to let Nozomi know that. The idea of explaining everything right now made my stomach churn and I just can't handle lingering on everything for a second longer.

"Everything is fine, " I said, smiling sheepishly, "I was just being a troublesome idiot but I promise to not let it happen again."

I looked down at my pokemon and patted their heads. I didn't deserve their warm welcome, and if anything, it made everything even more difficult.

"I promise. I'm so, so sorry everyone." The words just fell out, and as they did, my voice wavered as I only hoped my team could accept such a weak apology. What could I even say to them to make things right?

And yet, to my own disbelief, there wasn't even a pause as my team nuzzled closer to me—no feelings hurt.

Lopunny even tapped me on the nose in return—brushing away a stray tear from my cheek that I didn't know was there.

Her very own special way of saying no need to worry. My heart couldn't help but sink from the guilt.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Hikari-chan." Nozomi spoke up, "No matter what, you're still their trainer and your team loves you. They're all just happy to see you again."

Her Glameow came up beside her and purred again in reassurance, however, it resolved nothing.

"You need to remember you are not alone." She spoke again as she handed me my team's pokeballs, the small capsules weighing down in my palms.

As reassuring as Nozomi tried to be, I knew she was wrong. How can I still call myself their trainer after completely leaving them in the dust for all these years? When was the last time I took them out to train? When was the last time they interacted with other pokemon aside from Nozomi's? Their journey with me into adulthood became such a cruel joke.

And…Nozomi was wrong. I felt alone. Even surrounded by my team, I couldn't express how I was feeling. Not even with…

I pulled away from Ambipom's tight embrace and stood up, brushing the grass from my knees.

"Nozomi…" I began, hesitating for a moment as the memory came back.

"Don't look at me like that, Empoleon."

"I said, return!"

"Where's Empoleon?"

Of all my pokemon, my starter wasn't even here. My heart sunk thinking about him and his prideful nature. Sure, we had fights before in the past but not for a long while. Not harsh enough to ever leave him behind. Knowing Empoleon, his pride must have got the best of him and refused to come along with Nozomi.

I hope he still isn't in his pokeball sitting at home…

I looked to her, trying to hide the guilt in my eyes, and in return she only sheepishly scratched her head in response. A nervous laughter soon followed.

"Empoleon?" She mused before gesturing with her head further back to the field, "You see, about that…that's what I wanted to call you about this morning."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at her as the atmosphere grew tense.

"What do you mean?"

All Nozomi could do was point off into the distance.

"He's here, don't worry but well…see for yourself."

My eyes could only follow her hand as she pointed ahead in the clearing. It took me a few moments to register what she was referring to, but then everything came to a standstill. Enough for me to grow rigid and for the churning in my stomach to quicken.

Off in the training ground, far off away from the others, stood Empoleon breathing heavily in the center of the field. His eyes were focused, determined, as it tried to gather its bearings and ready its stance. And with him…

"Now, try again." A familiar voice echoed through, his instructions loud but clear.

My lips parted, stunned.

For there in front of Empoleon, standing determined alongside my starter, was no other than the very man I vowed to never see again. Who saw me in a light that no one should ever see me. The very one at the core of this truly unfortunate spiral of events.

Shinji.


"What the hell…?" The words just fell from my lips as I stood there, completely in disbelief.

I couldn't believe my eyes. It was like my whole body went rigid at the sight before me and threatened to break. I went to take a step closer, but my legs felt weak. Almost as if I was dangling…helplessly…falling.

"I have you! Just hang on!"

Before it could all come bleeding back, I shook away the thought and willed myself to keep it together. I looked out to the field, brow furrowed, then back at Nozomi. An explanation very much needed.

She sighed.

"I ran into Shinji on the way here this morning at the Pokemon Center, and first thing he did was ask about you. He said he wanted to see you, but when I said you weren't with me, I don't know, he looked kind of frustrated."

She then leaned in closer, her voice almost a whisper.

"Also…I don't know, but between you and me he looks exhausted. Like he barely even slept. However, when he heard I was meeting you here he insisted he stay by and help."

"Why would you tell him that?" I hissed.

Nozomi did a double take in response, her eyes in disbelief at my reaction.

"What is your problem with him, Hikari?"

Her response was enough to catch me by surprise. I imagined Nozomi would make a suggestive remark about Shinji being too tired after seeing me last night, but in no way did I expect her to retaliate like that. Was I really taking my reactions a bit too far?

"Try again, use ice beam!"

We both turned back to the field as Shinji called out his command. His voice was firm, direct, and yet…the look in his eyes was something different. Nozomi was right. He looked tired, extremely tired, and no matter how hard he tried to appear cool and collected, the exhaustion in his eyes simply gave him away. To the average eye, he appeared just as he normally did- so cool and collected- but it was clear. Something was off.

I, too, knew that look all too well.

Empoleon readied his stance as Shinji watched on, and with a deep breath, I could only watch as my starter gathered all the energy it could muster and unleash a watery beam out onto the field. The water beam was strong, almost too strong, and murky bubbles sloshed to the ground as the beam hit a nearby boulder head on. Although impressive in strength, it was clearly not an ice beam. There was no form. No ice. No practice.

Empoleon furthered his brow in frustration, and soon readied its stance again for another desperate attempt. Until Shinji suddenly intervened.

"Stop, you need a break." He said as he rested his hand upon my starter's shoulder, "Overexerting your lungs is the worst thing you can do and will keep you from achieving any true form."

I could only watch on as Empoleon continued to breathe heavily. He looks frustrated, angry, and shrugged off Shinji's hand in recoil. Completely disregarding the trainer's instruction.

Defiantly, he positioned himself again to face the boulder.

"Stop, Empoleon!" I called out, rushing out to the field. "You're going to hurt yourself!"

It was enough. Enough for Empoleon to snap out of his stance. Enough for Shinji to turn to me, eyes wide at the sight of my arrival. When our eyes met, I too, had to catch myself in my tracks.

He looked exhausted.

Before I knew it, Nozomi and the others followed closely behind. Shinji's gaze bore into me, and it took everything in me to ignore the swelling in my chest and face my starter pokemon.

"You don't need to train anymore, Empoleon," I chose my next words carefully, "Just take it easy…"

It wasn't enough. Empoleon looked away from me, annoyed. I must have been the last person he wanted to see right now…

"Your pokemon should train." Shinji interjected, "Isn't this your starter? He should be able to perform a simple ice beam at his level.'

I narrowed my eyes at Shinji and the air around us suddenly grew very tense. And…Empoleon couldn't even look at me.

"Why are my pokemon even any of your business?"

"Hikari…" Nozomi's tone bit hard, "Shinji was only trying to help Empoleon. I couldn't even get him to come out of his pokeball until Shinji arrived."

Empoleon gruffed, his gaze still at the boulder. I frowned in response.

"That's still not an excuse to push yourself, Empoleon." I tried to reason with him as I took a step forward, but all my starter could do was take a step away from me. The action made me pause in response. Okay, I see how it is.

Empoleon didn't even want to look at me, much less speak to me. I should know better than to assume all my pokemon would forgive me. That I could assume a boiling point wouldn't be reach. It's just…

My eyes softened.

Empoleon always was the most understanding.

Or at least that's what I told myself.

Now I was really going to pay the price for my actions. I don't blame them; I deserved every single bit of it. Who knows what lingering resentment the rest of my team felt…and were just too scared to show.

That churning feeling swelled again inside me. Who knows…how long I've left that unnoticed.

"Can you give us a minute?" Shinji turned to Nozomi, before looking back to me. "I need to talk to her."

And then, suddenly, that churning feeling intensified. Dropping deep within my gut like a rollercoaster.

Nozomi turned to me, sensing the tension.

"Do you need me to stay?" Her concern was reassuring enough, in her own little way. I hesitated, looking back at Shinji.

After everything that's happened between us in the last 24 hours, roping Nozomi into it all would just cause more unnecessary drama I couldn't afford. She didn't need to know. No one else needed to know.

And…

"H-He's gone, Nozomi-chan…" The world grew dizzy. Everything was spinning, the world itself was tuning out. I felt Nozomi's weak attempt at wiping the tears from my cheeks.

I didn't want Nozomi to worry about me anymore. If she found out what happened…who knows what she would do. What she would say. What unwanted memories she would bring up.

No…I'll take care of this on my own. I'm done entertaining everyone. I'm so fucking done.

"I'll catch up with you later, Nozomi-chan." I pulled the words out of myself, facing her. "It's fine. Really."

A moment of hesitancy lingered between us before she nodded. She sensed the tension that lingered between me and Shinji, and although I knew I would be bombarded later with questions, her departure for now would at least buy me enough time to think of a good enough story.

Recalling her team back into their balls, Nozomi left us then and I too found myself reaching for the pokeballs in my purse.

"C'mon everyone, let's head home," I began with hesitation before glancing over at Shinji, "We won't be here much longer."

One by one, my team allowed themselves to be overtaken by the soft glow of their balls. All except…

I turned back to Shinji, my arm reaching out.

"Empoleon's pokeball, please."

Shinji could only just stare at me in return. His eyes unreadable.

I gestured my hand out again, frustrated.

"That's it?" He said, looking back to me and Empoleon. Empoleon kept his back turned to me, and I too, could only grimace in annoyance. It was a crippling feeling.

"That's it."

And yet…I didn't hesitate in my response.

Shinji's gaze matched my own, processing what I just said, before slowly handing over Empoleon's ball. As he placed it in my waiting palm, his fingers grazed my own and feelings of his touch resurfaced on my skin. I took it back quickly in recoil.

Stop it.

Looking over again at Empoleon, I struggled to find the right words as I raised up his ball. His anger was clear, his frustration evident, and any effort of an apology would only just fall flat.

"Empoleon…I…"

It was all I could get out before Empoleon tapped his fin onto his pokeball, illuminating himself in a warm glow before returning. On his own terms. Not even a word between us. My lips parted in response, processing it all. Of course, how can I be such an idiot to assume a boiling point would never come one day. A simple 'I'm sorry' wouldn't be enough. No…it's going to take much more than that.

I'm going to try to be better, Empoleon.

Please be patient with me.

The pokeball grew warm in my hand from his presence, and yet as I held it close, it felt so cold.

Please.

Shinji stood there…just waiting.

And I paused.

Time effortlessly stood before us, and yet, the ability to speak left me. For having so many answers just mere hours ago on national television, in this moment, I was speechless. Out of place. Out of character.

Out of time.

"We need to talk about last night, we…" Shinji paused as he looked at me, taking in my appearance and his expression suddenly faltered. An expression I never thought I would see Shinji wear.

"I need to talk to you about it."

"No," I shook my head, frantically stuffing Empoleon's ball away. "No, we don't. Why do you even care?"

"Well, believe it or not, I do care."

I snorted as I tried to turn away from him, tried to leave, but a sudden pull brought me back.

"Hikari." Shinji grabbed my arm, keeping me from running away. I shut my eyes tight as I paused. Hearing him finally say my name, not just some annoying nickname or slur, but my name, just felt so jarring. Bringing me right back to that balcony…

"HIKARI!"

Reluctantly, I turned to face him.

And when I did, through his tired eyes, through the furrow in his brow, was that typical gruff expression he wore so well. A look that pierced right through me. A look I tried so hard to match. It was hard enough hiding the quiver in my lips as our eyes met. But then again, after everything, there really wasn't that much more to hide…

He was finally seeing beneath the mask. Chipping away at the cracks. Ruining everything.

And it was pissing me off.

"If this is about that dumb contract, I swear-" I knew this wasn't about the contract.

"Can you just forget about that?!" He clenched his teeth, tightening his hold on me. As if he was afraid I would let go.

"You almost…" Shinji then grimaced, hesitating to get the right words out, suddenly struggling to make eye contact, "You almost fell and you want to talk about a damn piece of paper?"

Without hesitation, I roughly pulled myself away from his grip and took a few steps back. My legs shaking.

"I don't know what there is to talk about." The defense poured right out, "I slipped. You caught me. That's all there is to it."

However, Shinji took another step forward.

"You know it's more than that," He paused, choosing his next words very carefully. "You didn't...you didn't…mean to…?'

In that moment, the churning in my chest swelled. The sick feeling in my stomach grew tighter, and it took everything from within me to stand tall. My heels digging into the dirt beneath us. The absurdity at what he was implying…

It took everything to find my voice.

"What? No, of course not! Why the hell would you even think that?!" I recoiled as Shinji grew tense. As if he resisted saying what he was about to say next. But it was too late…

"Because you look empty inside!"

And then silence.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That was what followed the moment he blurted it out, so ungracefully, so blunt, so completely broken. It was enough to stumble in my tracks. My demeanor fell, and the pause that lingered afterwards…enough for Shinji to catch himself…enough for me to process it all…was stifling.

I could only look at him with wide eyes. Shinji's expression never faltered after that, as if he buckled up all his resolve to say what he finally just said.

It was too much. So that was it, huh? The unveiling of the almighty mask? The behind the scenes look behind the pretty picture? What right does he think he has to make any accusation…like that?

What right did he even have?

I steadied my stance, gathering myself before looking at the trainer head on. His gaze did not match mine in the slightest, and I could tell by the furrow in his brow he was dissatisfied.

"Just leave me alone, Shinji." The words poured out of my lips like ice, void of any hint of emotion. I turned to walk away. Just be done with this already, Hikari. Stop giving him the time of day and leave it alone.

"Hikari."

Shinji's words fell on deaf ears as I began to walk away. I kept my gaze to the ground; I wouldn't turn back this time. I swear I won't.

"Hikari."

Shinji's voice grew more hesitant, more stressed.

But I ignored him. Once I am out of this park, that will be the last I see ever of that man. Once I get past this whole issue with Takeo then that will be the last I ever-

Flash.

A bright light flashed before me, a light I knew all too well…stopping me right in my tracks. I felt footsteps approach behind me, and when I turned, Shinji was by my side.

Flash. Flash.

And before us, deep in the bushes of the field, nestled a silver camera lens. And then another.

And another.

And another.

I faltered backwards into Shinji's chest as the lens zoomed in.

And then suddenly, all at once, a swarm of reporters were around us.

"Hikari-sama! Are the rumors true that you're dating Shinji-sama?!"

Flash. Flash.

"Is Kiku Matsu right to suggest that you were deeply involved with the Champion Competitor's physical training?"

Flash.

"We received an inside tip that you two shared a room last night, is this true?!"

Flash. Flash. Flash.

"Can you tell us more about your split with Takeo? Is Shinji-sama your rebound from that relationship?

"Hikari-sama!"

Flash.

"Hikari-sama!"

Flash. Flash. Flash.

"HIKARI-SAMA!"

The reporters closed in on the two of us as Shinji pulled me closer against him, a desperate attempt to gain distance from the growing crowd. I could only smile weakly as they continued with their barrage of questions, trying my best to clumsily reassemble the façade they wished to see, but it was too much. Way too much.

Question after question, unceasingly toppling over the next, blurring into one single noise…

I couldn't focus. My ears started to ring, and the world started to spin. Oh no…

"Don't you guys have anything better to do?!" Shinji called out as he grabbed me by the hand, placing his arm out to block the cameras as he pushed our way through. I felt the reporters grab at my shoulders for attention, their questions screaming against my ears, their hands desperate to grab at something more. And yet, I could only allow myself to be pulled by Shinji as he led me out of the paparazzi-abyss.

In awe as he somehow found a path through it all.

And then, before I knew it, we were running. Running far from the training fields as Shinji led the way, zipping by oblivious trainers as they could only watch the paparazzi follow closely behind.

"Shinji, Shinji stop running!" I called out to him, but his grip on me only tightened. I looked back over my shoulder and could feel the camera flashes continue their assault on us. This was bad. This was so bad.

The paparazzi loved a good chase.

Shinji barely glanced over his shoulder, "You want to talk to those pathetic idiots?"

He could only scowl his typical Shinji scowl, but a sense of urgency dripped through. A common reaction from someone not used to the world of celebrities or scandal. A world ready to consume you whole.

I hushed my voice as I desperately tried to keep up.

"No, but running away will only make this look worse!"

"Who cares what they think?!"

I faltered in my step, processing his words as he led me out of the Contact Plaza and ultimately through the streets of Yosuga City. It was enough for the reporters to lose their traction on us, as with each glance over the shoulder, one by one, fewer, and fewer remained. And yet, some continued their pursuit.

Shinji took no chances as he continued with our escape. With his free hand, his other still holding my hand tight, he dug into his pockets and pulled out a pokeball. He wasted no time enlarging the capsule and tossing it up into the air.

His Garchomp appearing before us in a blinding light.

"Don't let them find us!" Shinji called out as he pulled me even further, "We'll meet back at the center!"

I looked back over my shoulder to the intimidating pokemon and watched as he nodded to Shinji's command. The glare in its eyes was enough to stop the remaining paparazzi to a grinding halt, but as it raised up its arms in defense, well…I could only imagine what came next before Shinji led me further away, and deeper, into the small alleyways of the city.

Away from the paparazzi.

Away from the public eye.

Alone. Gasping as I stumbled against a small, very narrow alley wall. Trying so hard to catch my breath.

I ripped my hand away from Shinji.

"What was that?!" I gasped out, trying hard to catch my breath as I kneeled over my legs. My feet felt like they were burning in my high heels, my legs shaking from the chase, and I could only do so much to regulate my breathing. I looked up at Shinji between breaths, my cheeks flushed with heat. And anger.

"What the fuck was that?!" I cried out again, looking back down the narrow alley and back to Shinji. He, too, looked out of breath. And yet, he stared at me in disbelief.

"What was that?!" The words came out of him thickly, furiously. Shinji looked frustrated as he ran his hand through his bangs, slicking away any sweat that may have perspired.

"I did you a favor." He gestured his arm down the narrow alley, "I got you away from that bullshit!"

I scowled at him, straightening my back but realizing the distance between Shinji and I seemed to close in. The narrow alley barely affording us the luxury of any space.

"You have no idea the mess you just caused," I tried to squeeze past Shinji, to get away, but to no luck. I glowered furiously at him, anger boiling deep in my veins. Oh no. I feel like I'm going to cry…fuck. This can't be it. This can't be my boiling point.

But then why am I so heated?

"They're going to write a big story about this, you know!" I cried out, trying to shove him aside. He didn't go far, not with the limited space between us, but also because I knew my punches didn't hold their own against someone like him. He only stared at me as I tried to shove past him again, and God help me, I hope those weren't tears swelling against my eyelashes.

"Who cares about a dumb story?" His words didn't help at all. "It's not true."

"The paparazzi doesn't care about the truth! They only publish the story they want to believe. Can't you see that?" The words kept tumbling out, and I felt the heaviness in my chest linger the longer I stayed here in this alleyway.

Everything. All these problems. It all boiled to Shinji and his sudden reappearance in my life. Absolutely everything.

Why did he have to keep getting in the way? First the photoshoot then…then Takeo. That stupid fucking contract, Takeo's slanderous lawsuit, and now, who knows what crazy story is next? I can't handle this. I can't handle Shinji's growing presence in my life. I can't handle the way he changes everything when he walks in the room and makes me question everything I know. Everything I must be.

Because of him, because of Shinji, I was unraveling.

"How did you manage to come here and screw up my life?" I clenched my teeth, "It's not right!"

I swore after Alola, after mom, after Takeo, I would hold it together!

I shut my eyes tight as I bawled my fists and hit him again in the chest. I stumbled back this time, my heels catching on the gravel below us, my back pressing against the alley wall. He loomed in closer to me, grabbing my shoulders to steady myself, but I didn't care. I tried to shove him off.

After all, he didn't even want to be here with me either. Shinji never planned to get involved with me at all. He only ever agreed to work with Takeo so that he could have a shot to model with Kamitsure…I was never supposed to be a part of this picture. I wasn't what was wanted. Not me.

Remembering that not so small fact was enough to make my heart sink even further. So why does he still try to act and pretend that he cares now?

"Just stop confusing me!" I choked out the next words, my legs shaking as I felt it again. That feeling of being on top of that balcony. Dangling. Struggling. The world around me ready to devour everything without warning. With no emotion. With no reason. With nowhere left to go but…down…

Down…

Shinji was only inches away. Holding me against the wall. His gaze steadfast. His presence everywhere.

Despite my fists on his chest. Despite the look in my eyes. Despite the shaking in my legs. He did not let go.

"You're just so-!"

Something suddenly happened. Too quick to even realize, too slow for my brain to process the seconds in between, but my words came to a sudden halt as Shinji's lips crashed perfectly onto mine.

And once more,

Amidst all the confusion,

Of all the bitterness,

Even time stood still to catch its breath.


Hehehe after so many years the slow burn ignites! It's about time! This chapter was inspired by the song "Baby Why" by Sarah Cothran :)