Author's Note: This one goes out to zycgrace for your support and kind words- you made my week and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Feeedback is always appreciated
Lily always seemed to be aware when James, Sirius, Remus and Peter breezed into a classroom, laughing and chattering as they always did. Although her gaze, more often than not, was drawn to a certain Quidditch Captain. Though Sirius was usually at the helm, with James, Remus, and Peter just behind, flanking either side of him, exchanging eye rolls and indulging smirks every time Sirius said something ridiculous, and Peter scurrying along behind them, her eyes were like magnets to the form of James Potter.Lily always seemed to know the moment he entered the room, it was as if she had become attuned to his every move, and developed a "James-radar" over the last few months. James took his seat directly behind her, and she could feel his eyes burning like lasers into the back of her neck as this year's new Defence teacher, Professor Cartwright, began the lesson.
Sirius passed the time by fashioning tiny little origami dogs out of pieces of parchment paper, as he usually did, which were inevitably borrowed from James. Lily couldn't help but notice the furious (but surprising) scratching of James' quill taking notes behind her. She wondered when he had become so attentive in class. "Probably about the time you stopped paying attention in class and began focusing on a certain bespectacled Quidditch Captain" Lily thought, before immediately chastising herself for indulging the thought that she might maybe have feelings, no, a feeling, probably not even that, a half feeling at most, for James Potter.
Lily reluctantly returned her focus to Cartwright, who was now gesturing animatedly at the front of the class. As far as teachers went, Cartwright wasn't half bad, especially considering he'd been stuck with Defence Against the Dark Arts. People had begun to speculate that the position was cursed, and there was a rumour that no-one had been able to hold the position for more than a year since 1963. The first half of the lesson was usually theory, and in the second Cartwright let them try their hand at whatever they had learnt that day.
Today they were learning patronuses, thank Merlin. Something that would take her mind off the penetrating gaze of James Potter. Lily scribbled down key points on her stack of parchment as Cartwright continued, noting happy memories, draw circles, and Expecto Patronum to help guide her through the practical. Marlene, on her left, was doodling a rather unflattering depiction of Slughorn. Alice, on her right, was gazing longingly out the window, probably thinking of Frank Longbottom, who she had become inexplicably infatuated with, although she was keeping frustratingly tight lipped over the nature of their acquaintance, no matter how much Marlene and Lily interrogated her about it.
Cartwright seemed to be expressing that this magic was much too advanced for witches and wizards of sixth-year level, and that although they would never be formally assessed on it, he thought, given the current climate, it might be best if they had a trick or two up their sleeves.
Before she knew it, they were pulling their wands out to push the desks to the outskirts of the room, creating an open space for them to practice in. Drawing wands, the class began to attempt the spell, trying with all their might to summon a sufficient happy memory to conjure even a wisp of silver light.
Lily searched her memory for her happiest moment, deciding it must have been when she arrived at Hogwarts, crossing the Black Lake in those magical boats, thinking that this must be the most extraordinary experience of her life. There were a few moments which came close though; dancing with Petunia in the living room to 'Wedding Bell Blues' and taking turns trying on their mother's wedding dress when she was ten. And then of course there was when she received her O.W.L.s; four 'Outstanding's and three 'Exceeds Expectations'. But neither came close to receiving her Hogwarts letter, and her world opening up to things that had only before existed in her wildest dreams.
Focusing with all her might, she centred her mind on that memory, beginning to draw slow circles with her wand before declaring the incantation. Barely a thread of silver light emerged from her wand, and if you blinked you would've missed it. Lily turned, disappointed, to the rest of the class, each of whom were muttering Expecto Patronum at varying volumes, or furrowing their brows trying to conjure a sufficiently joyful memory, with little success.
Marlene was drawing repetitive circles with her wand arm, shouting Expecto Patronum every few seconds with no results. Alice had seemed to have retrieved her focus from Frank, choosing instead to hold her open textbook in one hand and wand in the other the make sure she was doing it right. Sirius, of course, was not attempting to try the charm but instead was trying to distract Peter from choosing his memory, with Remus trying to placate the two.
Lily knew he was behind her before he spoke.
"You've been able to get the most of a wisp out of anyone so far" James said, flashing that grin that was becoming more and more endearing every time she saw it. Not that she would ever admit that to anyone, least of all James himself; his ego was large enough already.
To James' delight, Lily replied "I haven't seen you give it a go yet. What, do you think you won't be able to do it, Mr Perfect?".
Choosing to ignore the way his stomach swooped little at her face, smirking up at him, he replied "Come on, I'll show you." and motioned for her to follow him to into a more quiet corner of the classroom.
Lily didn't exactly know why she followed him, but she found her feet carrying her instinctively towards James Potter. It seemed they had been thrown together more and more recently, what with the Herbology Project and the inadvertent mingling of their friends, and the more Lily thought about it, the more she realised (to her own horror) that she didn't really mind spending more time with James. He was good company, he could make her laugh, and he really was a more diligent worker than she gave him credit for. Who would've thought that their relationship had really only been on the up and up since that dinner at the Potters' over the summer.
James, on the other hand, was sceptical that she would even follow him without a fight. Lily was always so confident and self-assured, and he knew that she could do anything she set her mind to without the help of anyone else, but sometimes he wished she would let him try to help her. So, when he saw her struggling a little (not that he would ever be able to get her to admit it), he decided to see if he could get to her accept a little help.
Whilst she was grateful to be out of direct eyesight of Alice, who Lily knew would give her an 'I told you so' look if she so much as caught her eye, Lily couldn't help but be slightly weary of being with James Potter somewhat alone, especially after the incident in fourth year where he somehow managed to lock the two of them in a broom closet, which he claimed was an accident but Lily simply did not believe him .
As if sensing her unease, James reassured her "Don't worry, I'm not looking to relive the Broom Cupboard Fiasco of 1975.", pulling his wand from his back pocket. She chuckled nervously.
"My Dad told me that the most important part of the charm is the memory. If you don't have a strong enough memory the charm won't work. A feeling of general happiness won't do. I could show you how I do it, if that would help?" James looked over at Lily apprehensively, not knowing if she would take his genuine offer to help as if he was only trying to show off in front of her, which he most certainly would have done in previous years, but no longer.
Lily gave him the 'go ahead' nod, but even as he was preparing to perform the charm she was still sceptical that he could manage what everyone else in their entire class (including her) could not.
"Okay, here we go" he said, and she was surprised to detect a hint of nervousness in his usually confident façade. Lily wondered if he was nervous because of the spell or because of her.
James had drawn into himself, his brow furrowed and gaze concentrated, then he drew his wand, repeating the circular wand movement a few times before positively shouting "Expecto Patronum!". Much to Lily's astonishment, a burst of light took shape, clear enough to know it was a stag, burst forth from his wand, strode forwards a few steps before promptly disappearing.
At first Lily's shock prevented her from speaking, but once she regained it a flurry of words came gushing out. "Oh my goodness, how did you manage that? Did you already know it was a stag? Of course yours is a stag, who else would be proud enough to have their patronus be a stag." Lily said, gazing at him in pure shock and surprise, but her delighted eyes let James know her last comment was said without malice.
James' deep, melodic chuckle came back at her. He was looking at her with those beautiful hazel eyes again, although she couldn't detect a hint of arrogance in his gaze and his smile wasn't at all smug. Who was this guy? Where was the James Potter that would have strut around like a pre-pubescent peacock if she ever deigned to give him a compliment? She averted her gaze to her wringing hands.
"My dad's an auror, and he's been worried for a while about what's going on out there, so he showed me a couple of things over the summer. Sirius and Marlene weren't too interested but I… um… needed to get my mind off … things that happened at the end of last year…" Lily squirmed uncomfortably at the reminder of the incident at the lake. "I haven't managed to produce one that well-formed until today so I'm just as surprised as you are about the antlers. But unlike you, I happen to like deer and I think they are beautiful and majestic." He said with a hint of jest in his voice.
"I never said I didn't like them," she retorted "just that the ego of a stag seems to match yours- massive and inflated." She finished this hit off with a cheeky grin so he would know she wasn't angry like she might have been last year.
"What memory are you using?" she asked, genuinely curious, but then, as if remembering herself and who she was talking to, immediately added "Actually, you don't have to answer that, I'm just being nosey…"
"Lily, Lily, it's okay." He said with an indulging smile "The memory I'm using is when we won the Quidditch Cup last year, and everyone ran down onto the pitch and we were holding the trophy up and shouting and celebrating, and my parents were there too."
She noticed how his whole face transformed when he was happy, he seemed to open up and sunshine was positively radiating from his face. She fully expected herself to be fighting the urge to roll her eyes (after all, who else could use a memory of winning the Quidditch Cup and produce such an impressive patronus), but she couldn't help grinning back at him.
"I went with when I first got my Hogwarts letter; it made me feel as though for the first time, I might have a place where I truly belonged." She said with a sort of sad sigh.
He took a few paces towards her. They were now a couple of armlengths apart, not close enough to touch but still close enough that Marlene and Sirius would have a bit of a giggle if they turned around.
"Lily." He said, all serious and sincere, "You do belong here, no matter what some people might say. You are a witch, you deserve to be here, and it wouldn't feel like Hogwarts without you.".
Lily marvelled at his sweetness and kindness, and his ability to seemingly always know what she was thinking. So when he took a few more tentative steps forward, and took her hand, she didn't stop him.
"I hope you know that." He finished, trying to get her to hold his gaze, but she stubbornly kept her gaze focused on their joined hands, not willing to confront her own emotions if she saw the ones she knew would be so clearly written on James' face.
Looking for an excuse to escape the penetrating gaze of his impossibly gorgeous eyes, she glanced down at her watch, hoping to return to the crowded, safe space of many eyes watching so she wouldn't do anything stupid. Thankfully it told her there were only five minutes left of the lesson, so she contributed a weak "Thanks for helping me, James" before striding back towards where Marlene and Alice still struggled to cast the spell.
What Lily didn't see was James smiling a sad smile that mimicked the one that had been on her own face a few minutes earlier, as she walked away from him, elated to be granted a few extra minutes with her but saddened at the same time by the pervasiveness of the corrosive and disgusting values of pureblood supremacists. Nonetheless, any time spent with Lily was worth it, and he hoped they would be able manage similarly pleasant interactions in the near future, but he didn't think this was something he could go bragging to the boys about, not yet. That sheet of silky red hair that he longed to run his fingers through, those striking green eyes, and that radiant smile she had gifted him, were too precious to share just yet. For now, James contented himself with following her back to the centre of the classroom, the vanilla scent of her perfume trailing along behind her.
Later on, Lily and Alice were studying in the library together. Their textbooks and rogue sheets of parchment decorated the desk space around them. It was getting to that point in the evening where the mental wall barring productivity seems to appear out of nowhere, and no matter how hard they tried they seemed to be unable to progress any further with their study.
As an anecdote to the creeping sense of boredom, the girls decided to take a turn around the library, attempting to renew their motivation and stretch their legs. They stood from their cornucopia of educational material, and began to stroll arm-in-arm, up and down the aisles of bookshelves.
As they emerged from an aisle into the back corner of the library, who should they happen upon but Peter, who looked as though he was almost crying with tears of frustration. Lily and Alice immediately rushed to his side, asking "Peter, what's wrong?" and "What can we do to help?".
Peter, attempting to put on a brave face for the girls but slightly sniffling a little, replied "Well, it's just that I've been trying to get this one charm for hours and every time I try I just end up making a mess. I'll never get it!" He cried out, and the girls immediately kneeled on either side of his chair, stroking his arms and saying soothing things like "Don't worry Peter, we'll help you" and "Now, now, I'm sure you'll get it".
Once Peter had calmed down enough to allow the girls to help him with the charm, they made quick progress. Peter was having trouble with the Drought Charm, which they had learned in class the week before, and he explained to the girls that every time he attempted to dry up the puddle on the desk, it only got larger and larger. It had almost reached the stack of books which had been pushed to the edge of the desk, but Lily and Alice were able to explain to Peter that he just needed to flick his wrist a little to the left to finish off the incantation and that should do the trick, and lo and behold, it did.
Peter's eyes shone with relief and joy, and he embraced both the girls with enormous gratitude.
"Now, how about we all head to dinner?" Lily suggested.
"That sounds like a brilliant idea; I doubt we'll get any more work done and I heard that dinner's going to be a roast tonight! My stomach's already grumbling!" Alice replied with a smile, and with that, the girls linked an arm each through Peter's and they each collected their books on the way out.
The three of them strolled into the Great Hall together, making their way down to where they could see their friends gathered, having already tucked in to the feast before them. James' eyes lit up with happiness when he saw Lily, and then with surprise when he noticed her and Peter's linked arms.
Alice, Peter and Lily filled the empty seats next to James, and greeted everyone. Conversation was not slow to start, and before they knew it, everyone was laughing and joking as had become the routine at mealtimes. A few rogue roast vegetables may have even been flung across the table, though by Marlene or Sirius, no one could tell.
Amongst the hubbub, James leaned in to Lily's ear to whisper "What were you and Alice doing with Peter earlier?". Lily tried to gauge if there was any undercurrent of jealousy or suspicion lacing his question, but she could detect non; he was simply asking a genuine question.
"Oh, Alice and I just stumbled across Peter in the library and we all did some Charms homework and then decided to come to dinner together." She replied,
"Pete's been saying he's struggling with Charms, how was he going?"
"Alice and I gave him a little help with the incantation, but he's on top of it now. Watch out, Potter, he'll be coming for you and I soon." She said with a little conspiratorial smile, and James couldn't help the feeling of pride and joy blooming in his heart. He knew Lily was kind; he saw it every day when she stopped to help the first years in the corridors, or when she comforted Marlene when she was upset or when she was gentle with Remus when she noticed he was feeling under the weather despite not knowing the cause, but her taking the time to do something that James himself would have done had he been there, just cemented his adoration for her.
Lily turned to him, still feeling his eyes on her face after, and was unable to read his expression, but it left her with a soft fluttery feeling in her chest nonetheless.
Lily returned to the library after dinner alone, Alice and Peter having given up studying for the night. As the clock struck midnight, Lily gathered up her books and made the long stroll back to Gryffindor tower. As she came through the painting, she noticed a figure lazing on the couch.
Sirius looked up, "You're late Evans. Hot date?" Sirius smirked at her, patting the seat on the couch next to him.
Lily walked over to him, dumping her books on the table and plonking herself next to Sirius. "You know I was in the library studying"
"Ah yes, that I do. What else could we expect of one of our responsible Gryffindor prefects?"
Lily leaned back against the couch as the two of them nestled into comfortable silence.
"So I noticed you and our messy haired friend whispering in the corner together during Defence this morning…" Sirius prompted.
"We weren't whispering- he was helping me with my patronus. I didn't see you produce anything of note." Lily scoffed, clearly deflecting.
"Not like you to accept help from anyone…"
"Don't act like you know me, Black" Lily shot back, a little horrified at herself for becoming so defensive so quickly. "Sorry, I didn't mean that."
"You're right Evans, I don't know you all that well, but I do know that you and James have been spending a lot of time together lately, and whilst I am aware of his penchant for you, I also happen to know that you do not return his sentiment with equal fervour. Just promise me Evans, that you won't hurt him." Sirius said, suddenly sincere. "This alliance doesn't work if I can't trust you on this."
"Sirius, I promise I would never intentionally hurt James." Lily said, taken aback by his sudden honesty. She realised Sirius noticed much more than people gave him credit for, and although she should be at least mildly offended by Sirius' accusations, she couldn't help but be glad that James' friends looked out for him so well. She hadn't properly thought before about the implications of her actions, about what they must look like to everyone else, to James even, when she wasn't completely sure about her own mind yet. The very last thing in the world she wanted to do was to lead James on or hurt him in any way.
"Very well then. 'Night Evans" Sirius threw over his shoulder and nonchalantly made his way up the stairs to the boys' dormitories as if their conversation had been a regular one.
Lily sat staring into the fire for a long while after that, contemplating the events of the day.
