Episode 15: There's No Place Like Home


Goodbyes are simply a part of life. Humans are incredibly fragile, and their lives are finite. Every single person alive will have to come to that realization at some point, whether it be through the loss of someone they love, or the witnessing of an awful tragedy.

Eventually, through enough exposure, that hurtful fact will become dulled, but never enough to prevent damage completely. And the scars from those first injurious experiences of loss will never completely fade. In fact, some would say that they become an inseparable part of who we are.

Right then, as that red-haired man made his way back to his home, he desperately held on to his cherished memory of her, hiding it in the corner of his heart like a tiny, precious flower in bloom.


Opening Theme: Breaking Benjamin - Angels Fall (Aurora Version)


There was no welcoming committee at the border when the two arrived. No one was there to celebrate the young girl's survival, and the young hero's victorious return. All that greeted them were the familiar green fields of Dawn Winery, and the expanse of crystal-clear water that flowed nearby.

He couldn't allow himself to be joyful about this arrival. After all, he had turned his back on his country and his closest friends in his pursuit of vengeance. Now that he had failed at even that, what place was there for a man like him here?

Sometimes an unwanted reunion can be just as painful as goodbye.

The girl named Diona had patiently followed Diluc all the way back to their home country. She was silent, only speaking when spoken to, and only a few words at a time. Her countenance was completely different from before.

Diona had been a rambunctious, lively child back then. Her "rivalry" with Diluc was a source of amusement to him, though she took it more seriously, even though the whole thing was a misunderstanding. In reality, those two might have had a proper friendship if the wind had blown a different way.

Now, that familiar, comfortable dynamic was completely changed.

There wasn't a trace of that headstrong little girl left. She hung her head low, and her shoulders drooped lifelessly. Her eyes looked empty now, certainly owing to the horrific things she had seen. It was still unclear if she would ever recover from that trauma.

Diluc couldn't help but blame himself for this.

If I had been there sooner, this never would have happened. None of this shit would have happened…

It wouldn't be long now. Diluc had skipped his mansion, opting to head straight to the city. He couldn't take care of this girl properly. She needed a loving hand from someone more motherly. Of course, Diluc knew exactly who to ask, but that person might not want to see him right now.

He walked through the gates of the city, taking the back way to the Knights' headquarters. He didn't want to be spotted in public right now; he didn't know if he would be carted away to jail if the wrong person saw him.

That familiar stone building soon loomed in front of him. He approached it, with Diona following him like a nervous little animal.

As he neared the entrance, a guard spotted him, and instantly became irate.

"You! What are you doing here?!"

The man advanced on Diluc threateningly, pointing his spear at him.

"I'm just here to bring this girl to someone who can care for her."

But his words went in one ear and out the other.

"How dare you show your face here! I saw what you did to Master Jean! Get out of here, before we put you away for good!"

The man pushed Diluc backwards with his spear pointing at his chest. Diluc started to reach for the hilt of the sword on his back as several other guards from nearby started to close in on him. However, a voice resounded from the doorway before things could escalate further.

"Diluc?"

A familiar, soft voice spoke his name. Once upon a time, he might have said that voice sounded like home. Now, it only sounded out his judgment.

"What's going on here, why are you here…?"

Diluc placed his hand on Diona's back as she hid behind him, shoving her forward for all to see.

"I found her."

Jean gasped, and her eyes flew wide open. Her lip began to tremble as she advanced toward that little catgirl.

"Diona… I'm so glad you're alive…"

She knelt down and wrapped the little girl up in a warm embrace. Diona's eyes grew misty as she hesitantly hugged Jean back.

"Where did you find her?"

"It's a long story."

"I see…"

After that short, awkward exchange, the two became overly conscious of one another. Neither had forgotten their last meeting, and how it ended.

"Jean, please take care of her. She's been through a lot."

Diluc spoke those words in a low voice, not meeting Jean's gaze.

"Of course, I will," Jean nodded, looking at the little girl with sad eyes.

The conversation died. The Knights looked on suspiciously as the man who had assaulted the Grand Master just stood there, staring at the ground. Finally he spoke up.

"I'll be going then."

"M-Mm."

Diluc beat a hasty retreat from the uncomfortable situation.

"W-Wait, Diluc…" Jean muttered, trailing off at the end.

But he didn't hear her. He just kept walking, his wide shoulders soaking in the late afternoon sunshine.

With a deep sigh, Jean looked away from him, and grabbed Diona's hand, leading her inside the safe haven of the Knights' Headquarters.


Later that evening, in the peaceful solitude of his mansion, Diluc sat by the fireplace, stewing in his thoughts. Night had already fallen, yet no one had come to berate or attack him. It just didn't make sense.

Jean, are you really that kind?

He felt guilty. He knew what he deserved, and every hour that passed made things worse. A small corner of his heart even longed for her to pass judgment on him. At least then, he could shoulder all of the responsibility for everything. Perhaps that would provide the closure he so desperately needed.

"Master, your dinner is ready."

Adelinde's familiar voice brought him out of his stupor. He looked up at her, searching her face. He was almost certain that she had to know about everything… Keqing's death, and what had followed.

"Hey, maid, what would you say about a man who let his lover die?"

"Hmm. A difficult question without further intel. But my first reaction would be "he's a lowlife"."

"Yeah, that's about right."

"But if that man was you, Master, I would say "you did your best, and it's okay to cry when you feel like it". After all, vicious men with a soft side are just my type."

Diluc looked at the woman with scorn.

"I'm definitely docking your pay this month."

"Noooo," she "wailed" in a monotone.

Diluc sat down at the large table, which felt very empty all of a sudden. His meal was placed before him, and Adelinde made her exit.

"Wait a minute, shitty maid."

"I don't know anyone by that name."

"Just get over here and sit down."

"Pardon?"

"Come sit with me. We need to talk."

"Oh dear, could it be that Master is feeling a little lonely?"

Diluc's eyes shot daggers at her, and she sighed, dropping her performative act. She sat down beside Diluc, tilting her head to the side.

"So, what did you need?"

Diluc sat back in his chair with a sigh.

"What do I do from here? I let her killer go, and I fucked everything up with the Knights. I'm a complete failure."

"Oh? I haven't a clue what you mean, Master."

"Don't play dumb. I'm sure you knew everything the very day it happened."

The woman cracked a small smile, then met Diluc's gaze with seriousness.

"Perhaps it isn't my place to say this, but isn't it obvious what to do?"

"If it was obvious, I wouldn't be asking someone like you for advice," he said, making an annoyed face.

"Master. Your friends have stood by you all these years. If you can't trust them to forgive you now, then something's wrong."

"You seem to trust them more than I do."

"That's always been one of your biggest flaws."

"Excuse me?" Diluc replied darkly.

"Oh nothing. Nothing at all."

Diluc sighed heavily.

"Well, you aren't wrong. I've always been better at making enemies than friends."

"Yes, that's true. In any case, that's all I have to say. Ask them for forgiveness, and let the chips fall where they may."

He looked at the questionable maid, who had unexpectedly managed to say something wise.

"Now please excuse me, there's much work to be done. Especially since a certain sadistic Master hasn't been around to take care of things."

Diluc chuckled, then looked his maid in the eyes.

"Got it. Thanks, Adelinde."

For the slightest fraction of a second, he thought he saw her eyes waver a bit. But that illusion faded before it began, and the head maid left the room. Diluc finished the rest of his meal in silence, unable to taste that comforting flavor he longed for.


An hour or so later, a knock came at the front door of the mansion. Diluc rose from the chair near the fireplace, and peered out the windows. What he saw made a sour taste spread across his tongue.

A flashy blue-haired man was standing outside, accompanied by the last woman in Teyvat he wanted to see right now.

He weighed the possibility of pretending he wasn't home, but Kaeya had already spotted him through the window. It was too late now, he would have to face whatever awaited him.

The door creaked open slowly, revealing the concerned faces of those two Knights. Jean was the first one to speak.

"Diluc, we need to talk."

He wanted to shut the door then and there and retreat back inside, but the serious looks on their faces prevented him from making that choice.

"…Fine. But make it quick, I'm busy."

Diluc opened the door wider, allowing those two to step inside. They didn't make it more than a few steps before Jean began speaking again.

"Diluc… I'm thankful for what you did… for saving Diona. But I can't ignore what it took for you to get there. I… I just don't understand…"

Jean trailed off, not finishing her thought, but Kaeya jumped in in her place.

"What the hell were you thinking? Treason is more than I expected from someone like you."

Diluc glared at the man before him. He had no rebuttal.

"Wait, Kaeya, don't say too much," Jean spoke up softly.

"No, he needs to hear this. Diluc, did our little talk mean that little to you? I thought you promised not to bring dishonor to our father."

"I didn't promise anything. I warned you it wouldn't be simple."

"But this was just too far. Laying a hand on Jean, of all people… have you lost your damn mind?"

"…My mind…?! Of course I lost it! Did you not get the message? I lost Keqing, I let her fucking die! Damn you, Kaeya!"

Diluc lost his composure, yelling at the blue-haired man. He continued in a lower voice, pouring out all of the vile feelings he had kept inside.

"I know you don't understand how it feels to give a fuck about anyone, but I'm not like you. I loved that girl. How could anyone dare to tell me to go home when her killer was still at large? You don't get it at all, you piece of shit."

Diluc expected Kaeya to be angry, even enraged at those words. He hadn't gone into this conversation wanting a fight, but somehow it ended up like this. However, Kaeya looked at him with a straight face.

"You're right, I don't understand what you're feeling. How could I? I'm not you. I can only try understand myself, and even that is almost impossible."

"So now you're talking sense."

"We didn't come here to fight…"

Jean's quiet whisper was enough to silence both men. She continued.

"Diluc, we just wanted to understand why you did what you did. No, I guess that isn't quite right. We already understood, despite the circumstances."

Diluc raised an eyebrow as the woman continued.

"Diluc, I'm so sorry we hurt you."

"Wh- What?"

"I could tell you were suffering so much, but we had to do our job. Liyue asked us to bring you home, there was nothing we could do… I had to at least try…"

Diluc, who had expected condemnation, was shocked and slightly angry at Jean's tone. She wasn't judging him, but apologizing, and her kindness instantly defused the heated situation.

"That's why we came here, Diluc. She insisted on apologizing to you, for some damn reason. I'd say it should be the other way around, myself."

Kaeya's piercing glare caught Diluc. He lowered his head, and was silent for a while. His fists were clenched at his sides when he finally spoke.

"Jean, why are you so kind to me? I've hurt you so much, and you still won't condemn me. Do you know what that does to me?"

"Diluc… I…"

"Why won't you just be done with me? Why do you keep torturing me with your kindness?"

Kaeya stood by silently as the walls of posturing came down, and two old friends got honest with one another.

"Don't you already know why, Diluc?" she whispered.

"How could I, you won't say anything! You just keep on staying by my side, no matter how fucked up I get!"

Diluc shouted at Jean, letting his frustrations overflow.

"Look, you two should leave already. I'm not ready for friendly conversations yet."

But Jean's soft, yet firm voice denied him.

"No. I'm not leaving. I won't leave your side any more."

Diluc's eyes got a bit wider at that statement that sounded a lot like a confession. Both of them understood the other's subtext perfectly, owing to years spent together. Lately, it almost seemed like they had spoken in riddles, dancing around the point carefully to maintain their delicate balance. For her to say something like that was paramount to-

"Diluc, I care about you too much to leave you alone now. You know that already though, don't you?"

Ah, she said it.

"Oooo, I see," said Kaeya with his finger and thumb on his chin.

"Anyone ever tell you how annoying you are? Go home."

Diluc said those words in a deadpan voice as he shoved the flashy man out the front door, locking it behind him. He sighed heavily, turning back to Jean again with an apologetic expression.

"Sorry, continue."

"I-I don't think that's necessary!" she replied, flustered.

"I didn't quite understand what you were saying," Diluc said with a wry grin.

The comedic effect of Kaeya's antics had drained all of the malice from the room. A strangely warm aura had replaced it.

Unexpectedly, Jean stepped closer to Diluc, answering his joke with a straight fastball over the plate.

"I was saying that I love you…" she said with upturned eyes.

"Jean…"

And as she spoke those words, their carefully-honed balance was obliterated in an instant.


Late that night as he tried to fall asleep, Diluc replayed those events over and over in his mind.

Jean's moist eyes, her small hands gripping his, and her earnest voice… She had left nothing on the table. In a way, it frustrated Diluc that she had told him her feelings at such a time. He still grieved Keqing deeply. There was simply no way anyone else could fill that position in his life, now and possibly ever. But like an out-of-control carriage barreling down a hill, Jean had pressed on, leaving no doubt as to how she felt.

The two had apologized to each other over and over that evening before she left. For the first time in a while, they were able to talk openly with one another, clearing the air of months' worth of unsaid words. Now, he mulled over each one, wondering if he said the right things.

"Dammit."

That one word summed up his feelings as he turned over again, trying to find sleep. His mind drifted to thoughts of yesteryear, when he was still in the Knights. Her presence had been there all along, like a familiar room in a house he loved. She was like home to him; no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't deny that.

As he relived those nostalgic, bittersweet days, his mind drifted away into blackness, then into the world of dreams.


Ending Theme: FELT - Bouquet


Next:

Interlude 2: When You Were Young