Episode 16: Those Who Are Cherished
The human heart is full of contradictions. It longs for love and affection, yet yearns to stand apart, to separate itself from the sea of humanity and become unique.
Those who bear wounds on their heart are particularly contradictory. They can push away those that love them, despite wanting nothing more than to embrace that love and let it wash away their pain. It is an unenviable state that hurts more than those around them can understand.
Sometimes, though, another person comes along that has such a magnetic pull, even those contradictions are overpowered and left meaningless.
Jean smiled at Diluc as he opened his front door.
"Ready?"
"Not really, but I'll manage."
"Hehe, I know you will. Today's your big day, after all."
"Yeah…"
Today is the day I make things right.
Opening Theme: Breaking Benjamin - Angels Fall (Aurora Version)
In the week that passed since Diluc returned, Jean had visited him nearly every day. She hovered over him constantly, tending to him almost like a maid. In fact, it was enough to make Adelinde glare in irritation every time she saw her.
She hadn't mentioned her "confession" again since that day. Diluc hadn't given her a response, and she hadn't really expected one. After all, she was taking advantage of his weakened heart to enlarge her place inside it. In light of that, she knew she had no right to complain about what happened now.
Like that, the days peacefully passed, until Diluc was finally ready to face the moment he had dreaded since returning home again.
Today, he would prostrate himself before the Knights, and beg for forgiveness.
The preparations had already been made. Jean had set up this event, which would be attended by most of the current Knights. Despite her assurances otherwise, it sounded like he was going on trial, and he couldn't help but be nervous. Apologizing and asking forgiveness was never something he enjoyed.
"Too late to back out?" he said with a half-serious smirk.
"Yes it is. Stop worrying, it's going to be fine," Jean said reassuringly.
He let a self-deprecating laugh escape his mouth as the two tread the familiar road to the city of Mondstadt, side by side. The windmills spun lazily in the early summer breeze, signaling the end of spring - the season of departures and rebirth.
Before he knew it, they were standing at that huge door leading to the Knights' headquarters. He hung his head, desperately trying to prepare his heart for what lay ahead, when he felt a hand on his back. Jean rubbed his back reassuringly, then whispered a short phrase:
"Let's go."
Behind the large wooden door, there were countless knights mulling about. They turned to look at the two, who entered the room a little too close to one another. Each knight's face held a different expression - some irritation, some grins.
"Attention everyone! I gathered you all here for the purpose of settling a matter that has become quite heated among the Knights."
The Acting Grand Master looked to her side, smiling at Diluc, who was loathing the spotlight already.
"As you all well know, a lot of things happened, and the former knight Diluc Ragnvindr has become a source of division. I'm here today to put an end to that."
Diluc watched as Jean commanded the room with her undeniable presence and firm voice. This was another side of that woman that contrasted heavily with the soft touch she used on him. Her "work mode" was fearsome indeed.
"Some of you called for a trial, even an execution. I'm sorry to say that neither will be happening, since the main victim won't be pressing the matter any further."
A murmur arose among the Knights as they discussed what she had said. She spoke up again, her strong voice cutting through the noise, leaving no option but to pay attention.
"Instead of a trial, I have decided upon my own punishment for the perpetrator. In light of his misdeeds, weighed with his valiant effort to bring our Diona home, the punishment is as follows: Diluc Ragnvindr is hereby ordered to apologize sincerely to every man and woman present, and hereafter never repeat his violent actions."
Chatter began again among the Knights. Diluc stepped forward, and every voice began to hush, until there was silence in the crowded room. Finally, Diluc spoke.
"From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for my actions. I don't expect to be forgiven by everyone here, for this and various other things that have happened over the years. However, please know that I still hold my country above all, and I will never again turn my back on her. That is my oath to all of you."
Silence reigned over the room, until Diluc heard the sound of claps next to him. Jean began applauding, followed shortly by a few of the Knights. Soon, most of them were clapping, with a few stragglers looking on in irritation.
As he basked in that moment, his eyes drifted over the faces of countless familiar people he had known for years. In his mind's eye, he could almost see the ones that were no longer with them, the ones who had made the ultimate sacrifice for Mond.
In his chest, he felt a feeling that was growing all too familiar, and his eyes burned as tears threatened to well up. He forced them down and bowed deeply to the crowd in front of him, then turned for the door.
The warm late-afternoon breeze greeted him again on the other side, as he made his way to a nearby bench to wait on Jean. She would be left to clean up the mess, but that was no longer his problem. After all, this whole thing was her plan to begin with. From the very start, she had been prepared for any consequences that might arise.
Passing the time, he idly watched the blades of Mond's famous windmills turn. Around and around they went, never reaching a destination. They were trapped in that cycle, doomed to repeat it forever, until the day they broke down and couldn't function any longer. It almost seemed lamentable, but comfortable at the same time; a concept that he couldn't quite put into words.
A strange thought flashed across his mind out of the blue: the sight of that strange box from Keqing's office.
Man, what in the world was that? Could it really be possible?
He had deeply considered that event in secret ever since it happened, and there was only one real answer that made sense, but it was an answer he wasn't comfortable entertaining right now. After all, such a possibility would undermine nearly everything he had ever known. The world of Teyvat itself was a mystery, but this was too much for someone like him to accept right now.
Before he could solve the mysteries of the universe though, a familiar blond woman came strolling down the stairs of the Knights' headquarters. Diluc smiled as she approached.
"Hope you didn't have too much trouble back there," he said wryly.
"Compared to what you could have faced, it was nothing," she smiled in return, with a slightly scary look on the corners of her eyes.
"Yeah yeah, I get it already. I've apologized enough for a lifetime these last few days."
"None of them were unwarranted though," she retorted, then smiled gently. "Feels good, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, feels like someone lifted a boulder off my chest."
"Good, I knew you weren't too far gone…" she whispered, barely audible.
"Anyway, I'm hungry. Let's eat."
"Mm."
Leaving that thread unexplored, the two of them made their way to the Good Hunter.
For a while after their meals came, they ate in comfortable silence. For a while, neither felt it necessary to break it. It wasn't until most of the food had disappeared that Jean finally spoke up.
"You know, I was actually quite serious that day."
"Huh? I don't know what you mean."
"Don't make me say it!"
Diluc gave a half smile, knowing exactly what she had meant. Then his face became more serious.
"I know you meant it. Sorry for leaving you hanging this long."
"Oh no, that's not what I meant to imply, sorry…"
"Don't answer my apology with another apology," Diluc chuckled.
"Okay…"
Jean had retreated into hesitancy, and Diluc had the strange urge to open up to her right now.
"You know, I don't want to mislead you Jean… right now my heart still belongs to Keqing. Probably always will, if I'm being honest."
Jean's eyes glanced to the side and down, wavering a bit.
"I knew that. And yet I still said something unnecessary, I'm awful aren't I?"
"I wouldn't go that far. I'm probably the cruel one here."
"Maybe so… but even still, please continue to be cruel to me. And maybe… maybe in some corner of your heart, you can find a place for me…"
Diluc met her earnest eyes, and his widened. She was so serious, it almost scared him. Her earnestness was always a weakness of his. Now, she was forging ahead valiantly, almost as if she had left some burden behind. He didn't understand it. However, his answer was already clear.
"That place has always been there."
Jean's eyes got moist as she chewed the last bite of her food, looking up at him pleadingly. The setting was all wrong: around them the bustling city continued unabated, as people finished up the last of their errands before the sun made its exit. However, the two of them didn't care about that in the least.
"Diluc…"
The red-haired man cut her off before she could continue her thought.
"However, I can't ask anything more of you than I already have."
"You haven't asked anything. I decided this on my own."
Jean placed her hand on Diluc's under the table, causing him no small shock.
"Jean, you'd really be okay with something like this?"
"Isn't that already obvious? That's a bad habit of yours, asking questions you already know the answer to," she replied cheekily.
Is she just pretending to be strong for my sake? Surely she won't be happy with being second best. How could anyone?
But Diluc left those thoughts unspoken. He felt very strongly that he shouldn't voice them right now.
"Hey, Diluc, there's something on your cheek…"
Spouting that clichéd line, Jean leaned forward, and did something very unexpected. Her tongue extended, licking the small bit of food off his cheek. She looked up at him, her face beet red, then closed her eyes. This time, her lips met his.
In the middle of town, with no regard for anyone passing by, their first kiss probably wasn't what Jean had envisioned all this time.
"I heard that young man is back. How is he faring?"
"I'm sure he's doing just fine. Especially since she covers for him no matter what."
"Oh, someone sounds a little jealous?"
"Quiet, woman."
Kaeya and Lisa were performing verbal combat in the library of the Knights' headquarters. Lisa was replacing some books, while Kaeya sat in a chair with his fist on his chin and legs crossed, looking rather annoyed.
"You know, if you're feeling lonely, the Lisa route is still open," she said with a sleazy wink.
"That route sounds like it leads straight to hell. And anyway, I'm not lonely, just concerned."
"It's not like you to worry about someone else. What's wrong, someone poison you? Any last words?"
"You little…"
Lisa gave him a thousand-watt smile, then went back to arranging books.
"So? What's wrong?" she spoke up again after a few seconds of irritated silence from Kaeya.
"To put it simply, I'm afraid Jean is setting herself up for heartache."
"Why so? Don't tell me she's-"
"Yeah, it seems like she made her move."
"Oh dear. That is most concerning."
"Putting your tone aside, it is definitely bothersome. That guy isn't ready for anything that heavy right now. He needs a light snack at most, but she's the seven-part full course meal."
"You really have a way with words, don't you?"
Ignoring her jabs, Kaeya continued.
"I don't like the idea of our Acting Grand Master getting hurt by that dumbass, is all."
"Now you're a white knight? That isn't in your job description."
Kaeya stood up, cracked his knuckles and ground them into Lisa's temples roughly.
"Ouch ouch ouch! That is no way to treat a lady!"
Then act like one, you bitch in heat!"
Retaking his seat, Kaeya sighed deeply. Lisa spoke up first.
"Jean isn't a child anymore. She has to deal with the consequences of her actions, even if they aren't what we think is best for her. That is her right."
"Ahhhh, our little Grand Master is all grown up! It makes me restless, you hear?!" Kaeya thrashed about, scratching his hair.
Lisa sighed.
"It's not that I don't understand where you're coming from, but like I said, she makes her own mistakes."
"I bet you're really familiar with those, aren't you?" Kaeya said sarcastically, crossing his legs again.
"Maybe, but I could stand to make a few more," she replied with another wink. "Want to find out first hand?"
"I don't know about that, sounds dangerous. I'm rather attached to my manhood, you see. Plus, I'm about to head home, you book maniac. You just stay here where you belong."
"Oh? That's perfect then, I'll just spend the night at your place," she said seductively, running her hand down his chest.
But in reply, he lowered his head for a moment, before looking her in the eye.
"You know what? That doesn't sound so bad right now. Come on, I'll be waiting with a rose in my mouth, naked, on my best red sheets."
Lisa raised an eyebrow before replying.
"You better not be joking. You aren't the only one feeling a little lonely, you know?"
"I know."
Kaeya wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her into an embrace with a playful smirk. Some time later, leaving the quiet library behind, the two of them traipsed through the streets of Mond, heading to the Cavalry Captain's home.
The country of Mondstadt was almost synonymous with peace. It seemed that no matter what befell it, it would always return to that, as if it was the default state. Once again, peace had returned. It was so peaceful, in fact, that several weeks went by in what seemed like the blink of an eye to Diluc.
He spent this time bringing order to his estate, making up for the time lost while he was away. He also spent it by Jean's side. That woman stuck closer to him than ever, especially since that fateful night at the Good Hunter. Since then, they had continued to shrink the distance between them, and that distance was in danger of being erased completely.
Tonight, Jean would be staying over for the first time at Dawn Winery.
She dolled herself up in her best green dress, sparing no expense to make herself look beautiful. This was finally her chance to fully capture his heart, after all. Around 5 p.m., as the sky started to turn orange, she arrived at his door.
Diluc opened the door, then gaped at what he saw. Jean looked beautiful, more feminine than he had ever seen her.
"Is this where I say "wait, you're a woman"?"
"You'd better choose that answer very wisely."
Diluc chuckled, then pulled her into an embrace.
The two hugged in the entrance for quite a while, before going inside. Jean was clearly a bit nervous, and that worried Diluc a little bit. Neither of them missed the deeper meaning of her visit, but first, there were pleasantries to get through. Manners were important here.
"Have a seat, the food is almost ready."
"Thank goodness, since you made me walk all the way here in these heels."
"I did no such thing," Diluc replied in a deadpan voice.
Taking a seat across from her at the grand table, Diluc started some small talk to dispel the awkwardness floating around Jean.
"Any new cases for the Knights?"
"Nothing today. All is quiet in Mond, just the way I prefer it."
"I'd have to agree there."
"Of course you would, it's me after all."
Diluc raised an eyebrow at her somewhat unusual behavior, then decided to cut straight to the point.
"You don't have to put on an act for me, Jean. Just be yourself."
"I-I-I'm not acting!"
Clearly not. Nope. Not at all.
"Sure, sure. Oh, there's the food. Good timing."
Jean glared at him with a still-blushed face as the food arrived in front of them. It was another lovely meal: Barbatos Ratatouille for two, with a side of ham and a desert of Moon Pie.
Jean's pouting ended about then, as she gawked at the dishes placed before them.
"I don't know why I'm still surprised by your food here, but seriously, this place could be a restaurant," Jean chuckled.
"I'd rather it not be. Too chaotic for my peaceful home," Diluc laughed in return.
The two began eating, falling into a silence that was neither comfortable nor awkward. The food was delicious as always, and both ate until they had their fill.
Diluc sat back first, holding his stomach with a pleased expression on his face.
"Delicious as always, Adelinde."
"Right. Thank you Master," came a voice from nearby, with no one in sight.
"Now how about you take an evening off, before I dock your pay again."
"Sigh, if you insist, Master."
Jean giggled, then blushed as she realized what he was implying.
Diluc stood up, letting the maids take away the dishes. He strode over to the couch, where a roaring fire was crackling cozily. The last cool nights of spring were fading, so this was a scene that would be rare for a few months to come. He took a seat, looking back at Jean meaningfully.
After straightening out her pretty dress, she soon joined him, sitting very close, so close that they were touching, in fact. Diluc put his arm around the back of the couch with a small grin. The two sat in silence for a bit until Diluc spoke up.
"You know, you don't have to force yourself around me."
"I told you I-"
"You shouldn't lie to me either. How long have we known each other?"
Jean sighed and looked down.
"Fine. It's just that… I'm so different from her. I can never match how upbeat and positive she was, no matter how hard I try."
"I didn't ask you to do that, though. She was Keqing, you're Jean. Just be yourself."
"But if she was your type then-"
"Jean. There's no need to go there. Her place in my heart is unchanging, I don't think I'll ever get over that. However, there is still room for another person in my heart. Especially someone who has already been there for years."
Jean sighed again, then looked up at Diluc.
"I have a feeling you just said something incredibly cruel like it was nothing."
Diluc lowered his head with a self-deprecating smile.
"Yeah, maybe so. There's still time to run away, you know?"
In response, though, Jean just snuggled closer, wrapping her arms around his chest.
"It's already too late for that, I'm afraid."
The two cuddled on the couch, watching the flames consume the logs bit by bit. Somewhere in the corner of Diluc's mind, he felt a sickening guilt for holding another woman in his arms, but the physical contact comforted him, and as much as he hated to say it, Keqing was no longer here.
Those were just excuses, though. The truth was, he was lonely. He was weak. His battered heart couldn't resist Jean's kindness. It washed over him; it made him forget the soul-crushing loss he had experienced over a month ago now. Like the logs in the fireplace, his memories of that pain were slowly being burned away by the fire of her love. That painful warmth had driven him to the very place he was sitting now.
Both of them understood what was happening here. There were no misconceptions about their places in each other's lives. To him, Jean was a replacement for the soulmate he would never be able to spend his life with, and to her, Diluc was the comfort and warmth she desired, no matter if she would always be second best.
However, the length and depth of their bond, and the painful memory of a recently-deceased lover made this far riskier than just some casual fling. If they went through with this, it just wouldn't be right. It would be incredible, absurd, scandalous, indecorous. There's no doubt that everyone they knew would be shocked if they knew what was about to happen.
Jean looked up at him, and he smiled warmly at her. She closed her eyes, and soon, they found their lips connected.
They kissed for what seemed like hours by the fireplace, losing themselves in each other, slowly forgetting the painful truth at the bottom of everything.
After a while, the time had finally arrived. Diluc stood, reaching his hand out to the maiden on the couch.
"May I accompany you somewhere more comfortable?"
"It's too late to act like a gentleman now," Jean chuckled, taking his hand.
"If anything, now is the perfect time to act like a gentleman," Diluc grinned.
Jean blushed again, then stumbled as he started walking towards the staircase. He led her by the hand upstairs to his king-sized bed, then embraced her with his strong arms. As they kissed, he slowly began to undress her. He slipped the shoulders of her dress down, pulling the whole thing off her bit by bit until she was exposed.
She looked down in embarrassment as she stood before him in her underwear for the first time. It was pure white.
"You're beautiful, Jean."
She looked up at him, eyes wide. Then, a gentle smile came across her face. The two embraced again, kissing deeply on the edge of the bed.
That night, for the first time, Diluc and Jean made love. They kissed like their lives depended on it, and embraced each other's bodies desperately. Diluc treated her a bit roughly, not allowing himself to succumb completely to her saccharine-sweet love. He knew if he did, a part of him would die that very night, and he wasn't willing to say goodbye to that part of him just yet. That wilted, pitiful flower was just too precious to let go, even if it pricked his side like a thorn at the moment.
As Diluc spread a part of himself over Jean's lily-white stomach and chest, he couldn't help but feel like scum. Scenes of Keqing had flashed through his mind the entire time, never once going away. That fact tormented his conscience, and when he looked down at the mess he had made of Jean, he could only think one thing.
I'm going to hell, for sure.
Around 3 a.m., Diluc sat up from his futile attempts to sleep. Jean's arm was wrapped around his chest, so he gently placed it aside and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Even though her beautiful, naked body was that close, he couldn't fully embrace it. She remained at a slight distance in his heart, even in this moment of utmost intimacy.
The moonlight outside the window gently beckoned him towards the silent world beyond. It was just like that night, when he and her had made love for the first time.
Diluc hung his head, holding it in his hands. His heart hurt. The memory of her loss was still so fresh it caused him physical pain. His efforts to drown that pain out had only succeeded for a short time, it seemed. Now that the medicine was wearing off sooner than expected, the ache remained, along with the weight of another sin he would have to carry forever.
"Keqing…"
He gently whispered that name, so quietly that no one could have heard it. Feeling tears approaching fast, Diluc stood, slipping silently out of the room. He headed downstairs to pour himself a glass of water. But as he left the room, Jean turned on her side, curling up tighter than before. In a moment that Diluc would never see, a single tear dropped from her painfully twisted face, staining the pillow below.
Outside, on the veranda, Diluc watched the moon as it slowly inched towards the horizon. The sound of insects had died down, and the night was still.
Diluc had never been much of a religious man, but in that moment, he offered up a simple, yet heartfelt prayer to whoever would listen, conjured up from the deepest part of his heart.
"God, please, wherever she is… let her be happy."
Time has a sneaky way of slipping through our fingers when we least expect it. Now that his normal life had returned, Diluc fell back into a comfortable routine, and the days and weeks began to fly by.
The warm, nostalgic days of summer came again. They were spent in quiet solace, with Jean by his side. By now, everyone was aware of their new relationship dynamic, and many embarrassing moments came their way as friends and townsfolk alike teased them to no end.
Days at the beach, nights in town at Angel's Share surrounded by good friends; those days were truly peaceful. They did everything they could to make up for what was missing in their world. Even the strained relationship between Diluc and Kaeya had somehow become strangely amiable, as Diluc began to open his heart more to those closest to him, vowing not to take them for granted any longer. Until the very end, Diluc would look back at those times with the greatest fondness.
And just like that, months passed. The warmth of summer began to fade, and the first colors of fall made their appearance. The nights grew cooler, but nothing really changed. No matter the season, the vibe of Mondstadt remained the same. That comfortable, free-spirited life might have continued on forever if a letter hadn't arrived one day at Dawn Winery.
At first, he had thought nothing of that letter, aside from a passing thought that the seal looked very unique. Upon opening it, though, everything he had built in the last few months disappeared like vapor on the wind.
It was a letter that oozed kindness. Even the way each individual letter of each word was written showed the utmost care. The antiquated writing style was difficult to read, and the letter was filled with pleasantries, as if written by an old friend wanting to catch up. However, the tone shifted halfway through, and one sentence near the end jumped off the page like it was alive.
There is a way for you to meet Lady Keqing again. In fact, you must.
And after reading those words, Diluc's life would never again be the same.
Ending Theme: FELT - Bouquet
Next:
Episode 17: Her.
