Chapter 3
Author's note: *Shrugs* meAeaegeiangnianggega?
He thought about what had just occured and decided on his course of action. If this game really was like minecraft than the first thing I have to do is get wood then survive the night. It looked like the treeblock he touched still had a small crack so he reached out and punched it. *Bam* *Bam* * Bam* *ploop* A singular wood block fell onto the ground and the tree floated in mid air.
This is so goddamn trippy... he thought as he grabbed the block and realized how the fuck was he gonna put it into his inventory...? He tried shoving the massive wood down his pants... Nothing happened. He tried waving his arms like Harry Pooter... Nothing happened. He threw the block at the ground... and it placed itself.
UGH WTF NOW I HAVE TO BREAK IT AGAIN!... Exasperated he sat down put his fist on his chin like a thinking man and while not paying attention, brought his wood block to his chest like a hand on the heart Eren Yeager speech and surprised he felt his hand start to disappear. He looked down and saw that a small rift-like portal appeared in the middle of his chest and he could see inside to a wooden block floating there.
What the actual fuck is going on?! he thought as he tried putting his hand into his chest and surprising himself when the wooden block came out as well. I was thinking of the wooden block and reaching inside and when I took it out, the block came as well? This shit wack af deud. Maybe just thinking of something I already put inside of me can bring it out? bigblackdildobigblackdildobigblack Nope doesn't work. I guess it has to still be inside of me for it to work. Regardless it's mid-day and I don't have a lot of time before night comes. I don't even wanna think about what the mobs will be like...
A masked girl with massive OPPAI (boobies for english speakers) continues watching from afar whilst the darkness that encroaches onto the land steadily grows closer with each passing minute. She smiles the grin of a man who just stole a child's lollipop and is sucking on it in front of the child while the it crys.
The man having gotten enough wood with his fists to last him 0.5 seconds on a campfire, sits puzzled slamming two pieces of wood together trying to make wooden planks as is possible within the standard game he thought. How the fuck do you make wooden planks I can't make a crafting table without making planks first. This shit dumb af who the fuck brought me here I'LL KILL MYSELF I'LL DO IT! He screamed in his own head as he sat there with a dumb expression upon his face.
Ok how the fuck did you do it in minecraft, you opened your inventory and used the 2x2 crafting interface. Cept here this is real and there is no crafting interface... but I do still have an inventory or whatever you'd call the thing inside me. HMmmm.
He puts the wood block back inside of himself somehow... (shudder) and begins to think about the process. Hands clasped together in a meditation pose, he feels a little warmth emananting from within himself. A few seconds pass.
He reaches back into himself and is amazed when he realizes he has just pissed and shit himself. Absolutely soiled his pants. Like caked in shit and piss both ends. Like a little toddler who can't control his bladder and has explosive diarreha. Looks like a murder room where the murderer killed 12 people gruesomely but instead of blood it's shit.
He pulls out 4 planks from inside of himself and checks his pants for what he thought was a part of the whole process but in actuality was just him losing control. What the actual fuck did I just do holy shit. This smells so *gags* as he takes off his pants and underwear as fast as he can. He holds it at arm's length pinching the bottom edge of his jeans that were once blue but now look more like he fell and rubbed his ass in mud for 5 minutes.
He kept running hoping to find an ocean biome or a river biome until he can run no longer. Luckily he kept the things he made inside of himself else all his progress would've been lost.
As tired and naked and shitbum'd as he is, he only has a few hours of daylight left as dusk slowly encroches upon him. He hears faint sounds of water flowing and rustling.
He heads towards the noises and as he approaches he notices a small waterfall into a pool of water that's reflecting the sunlight back upwards. The outline of a cave makes its appearance behind the waterfall.
Yes thank god I can wash my ass and my disgustingly only pair of pants and underwear.
He heads downstream where the water becomes a small creek so as to not dirty the main pool and proceeds to clean his disgusting-
After some time, he proceeds back to the main pool with wet jeans and underwear in his hand as he lay them out onto the grass to be dried, hopefully before nighttime.
Taking off his tight red t-shirt he walked into the pool to soak and enjoy the smallest amount of this new world's pleasures. He lay there relaxing for a small amount of time before being annoyed that the sun's glares were in his eyes.
Groaning he got out the pool using his scrawny arms to lift himself out and decided upon his next course of action. He'd have to make a crafting table and that's exactly what he decided to do.
He took the wooden planks from inside of him into both of his hands and thought long and hard about what he had to make.
The image in his head, and putting the planks inside of himself he clenches his asscheeks to not make a repeat of last time and felt the warmth build up inside.
A few moments pass.
He slowly reopens his eyes and pulls out his hand, *epic zelda music* Na na na naaaa. Holding a crafting bench he rises and salutes himself.
The crafting bench itself looked oddly well adorned for only being made of 4 planks. It contained tools and 9 identical looking cavities the top of it.
As night approached he decided he needed shelter and noticed the darkness behind the waterfall.
Entering it tentatively he placed the crafting table nearby the entrance and listened for any noises that might mean an animal had made its home here.
Sounding clear he advanced into the darkness and was met with a stone wall after a few steps.
Seems like this cave is relatively small only a few meters wide and long. Whatever it'll work for a place to sleep before nighttime.
Getting out some more wooden planks he got to work building a minecraft door placing the 6 planks into the crafting table and nothing happened.
Ok what the fuck this was supposed to be easier. Maybe I have to work my magic into it? As he grasped both ends of the table and started chanting purple light emitted from his eyes and mouth (think Aang and fire lord Ozai) "Oh great crafting table my lord and saviour from my own inability, please produce me a wooden door." Repeated thrice for good luck.
The table slowly floated upwards and started shaking vigourously, coming to a sudden stop slamming into the floor with a thunk and a floating door stands above.
Swag.
Taking some wooden planks and the new door, Rubik covers the makeshift entrance with the first airlock into his base.
With the darkening of the skies and the groaning of things in the distance he quickly shuts the door and decides to go to sleep but without a bed what's left is the floor.
MY CLOTHES THEY'RE STILL OUT THERE! FUCK I CAN'T GO OUT NOW WHEN IT'S DARK AND THE MOBS ARE COMING GOD DAMN IT.
A knock comes at the door *rap* *rap*
What the fuck? Mobs can't knock can they? "Who's there!?" He shouted.
No answer.
*rap* *rap*
NAh nah fuck that. What the fuck typa bullshit is this.
He throws some wooden planks behind the door and builds a second wall seperating the door from the back of the cave.
Ok fuck now I'm trapped in here but there's no way they can break blocks in this right? They're just stupid mobs... Ugh guess I'm stuck here till morning naked and afraid.
Laying there on the cold hard ground staring at the dark ceiling seeing nothing in the dark. Thinking about What the fuck am I supposed to do now. I'm stuck in a cave and I've got mobs at my door. I fucking hate my life. He thinks as he falls asleep.
Author's Note: Idk what the fuck I'm doing ya'll I really don't like this but writing is so annoying but kinda fun so ig i'll upload random shit every now and then. lmk if you want me to shoot myself or feedback.
