Title: Giving Up Isn't An Option

Summary: Kokoro has a talk with the Mizukage.

Kokoro fidgeted restlessly as she waited outside the Mizukage's office. There were two others in the room with her, but she had no idea who they were. Their masks hid their identity, making her uncomfortable with their blatant staring. No doubt, they had heard what happened the previous day and were silently judging her for her actions. She was frustrated with the whole thing. She hadn't done anything wrong, yet so many people pointed fingers at her. That little girl came up and instigated a situation that should have never escalated. And what was with that act? Making her look like the bad guy when she was just trying to get back to the apartment to rest was just ridiculous. And all of it was because Kokoro beat her brother at the Chunin Exams. Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal! He had performed extremely well, and regardless of his loss, he should have been granted chunin status. Shikamaru had lost to Temari yet the Hokage thought he deserved to be a chunin due to his strategic skills and understanding of the battle.

She jolted out of her seat when the Mizukage's office door slammed open and a shinobi stormed out of her office with a rageful expression. He saw Kokoro sitting there and snarled at her before leaving the area. The Mizukage watched him leave with a resigned look on her face. She leaned against the door frame, closed her eyes, and sighed while pinching the bridge of her nose. She sagged in on herself and gave herself another moment before she straightened and locked eyes with Kokoro. She pointed a finger at her and motioned for her to follow her into the room. Once they were in the room, the door was shut to give them privacy. Mei sat in her chair and slumped against it. She maneuvered some papers on her desk and gave Kokoro a small smile that wouldn't be able to fool even an academy student.

"What can I do for you, Kokoro?" Mei asked politely.

"I assume you already know what happened," Kokoro said awkwardly. Mei hummed and leaned back in her seat. Kokoro stood there awkwardly as she waited for Mei to say something. She didn't like the look the Mizukage had on her face, and she certainly didn't like the harsh tint to her eyes. Maybe the dimness from the hiding sun was the cause, or maybe the angle at which she sat - to the side cross-legged with her left hand supporting her right elbow and her right hand cupping her chin - made Kokoro miss some key details. Whatever it was, Kokoro felt judged and lesser than the other person in the room.

"I know what happened," Mei said after some time skimming her eyes over the emotions performing on Kokoro's face. "I know what happened because I have had numerous complaints about the occurrence from civilians and subordinates. I know how they feel about it, and I know what they'd like me to do about it."

Kokoro lowered her head in shame and quietly said, "I know what you're thinking."

"Oh?" Mei questioned.

"I'm not fit for this job. I'm not capable of integrating myself into the people and rules here. I'm not fit to work alongside fellow shinobi here and fit enough to expect them to willingly work with me. I'm not fit enough to speak with the civilians here and be a part of Kirigakure. I'm not fit enough to be a leader and the leader that you thought you saw in me. I should just go back to Konoha."

"I am disappointed."

Kokoro bit her lip and held back the emotions threatening to spill from her eyes and mouth. Of course Mei was disappointed in her. During the Chunin Exams, Kokoro had felt like a leader. She had felt the surge people got when they took charge and made something happen that they expected to happen. She had taken charge of the fight and her life, and in that moment nothing was able to stop her from doing what she needed to do in order to win. And afterwards, when Orochimaru and Otogakure invaded Konoha, she had dismissed the orders she had been given and had helped out, saving lives. She had felt good - amazing even! She had never experienced the pride and rush she had felt in that moment. That's what Mei had seen.

But Kokoro was not that person every day, nor was she that person every week, nor was she that person every month. She wasn't a leader. No one believed in her to be a leader, and if they did, they were disappointed when she failed to be one. Sasuke and Naruto didn't believe in her during the second round of the Chunin Exams, her dad didn't believe in her during the invasion and after, Masumi probably didn't believe in her - honestly, it was very hard to read Masumi and understand her philosophy on being spoiled - and now Mei didn't believe in her. Kokoro didn't even believe in herself.

"Why do you think I'm disappointed, Kokoro?" Mei asked.

Kokoro screwed her face up in confusion, but answered, "You're disappointed because I messed up."

"And you truly believe that?"

"Don't you?"

"I'm asking you."

"Of course I do!" Kokoro shouted in frustration. "Of course I know I messed up! Everyone thinks so, so it has to be true!"

"Kokoro," Mei said as she rose from her chair. She walked over to Kokoro's wilted form and placed a hand on her shoulder. With her other hand, she lifted Kokoro's chin so that her gray eyes met her green ones. Kokoro's face was hard and set in stone by the immense frustration and anger she felt with herself. Silent tears raked down her face, only causing more feelings of negativity. Cry, cry, cry. That's all she did. What kind of a leader - what kind of shinobi! - cried, cried, cried damn near every day! Shame. She was shameful. Kokoro averted her eyes before meeting green again as Mei softly slapped her cheek.

"Kokoro, look at me," Mei tried again. Kokoro knew she could do that, no matter how hard it was. "I am disappointed because you want to give up." Kokoro opened her mouth to protest, but one look from Mei silenced her. "Don't argue with me. How am I to interpret it when you say you want to go back to Konoha?"

"I said you should, not that I want to," Kokoro mumbled.

"But isn't that the same thing?" Mei questioned. "No one brought it up except you. I never even considered it, but here you are telling me what I should do."

"I didn't mean to overstep," Kokoro apologized.

"I know. Now, tell me why you want to give up."

"I'm not giving up," Kokoro insisted as she wiped her face on her uniform.

"Then, tell me what you're doing."

"I'm just giving them what they want."

"And what do they want, Kokoro?"

"They want me gone! They don't want me here!"

"Do you want to be here?" Mei asked seriously.

"I don't know, maybe?" Kokoro sighed. "I thought it would be totally different than it is now."

"You thought it wouldn't be a lot of work?" Mei questioned.

"No! No, I knew it would be a lot of work, and I was ready for that, but I didn't think I would be so hated. They're all so unwelcoming and standoffish.," Kokoro answered with a shrug. "I know every village is different, and I know Kiri has gone through a lot, but I thought the people would at least be as nice and understanding as the people in Konoha."

"Do you think it should be different?"

"Yes!" Kokoro said, raising her voice slightly. "They shouldn't have to be as guarded as they act! They're in a village with security and a leader that wants to do everything she can to help them!"

"Is there anything else you've noticed?" Mei egged her on.

"The separation between social classes is huge," Kokoro said. "Those who have, have a lot, and those who don't, don't. In Konoha, there are those who don't have anything, those that have some, and those that have a lot."

"And do you think there's a way to change that?"

"Yes and no."

"Can you elaborate?"

"I think that everyone could live and earn a living wage - that the money could be divided evenly among the people so no one was living in the slums. I think some people would be in support of this, but I also think many people would hate it. We're selfish, and we want to keep what we already have."

"But could we help those in need with the problems they have now?"

Kokoro thought about it before she answered. "It's hard to say. Kiri isn't a rich village, so it would be hard to fund any type of assistance programs. You'd have to take some funding away from shinobis and maybe place more taxes on those making more than enough."

"What kind of programs do you propose?" Mei asked. By now she was sitting in her chair again and was assessing Kokoro's words with a critical mind. Kokoro had finally settled and had opted to sit in front of the desk in a chair she pulled from the side of the room.

"There could be a couple different ones. You could create one for food insecurity. On my way to meet Ao sensei, I've seen people short on money to buy the food they really need. They could have an allowance for food every few weeks or every month," she answered.

"How would we know they are using the money for food? If we just give them money, they could use it for something else they don't need, like alcohol or unnecessary buys," Mei proposed.

"You could create a different kind of currency. Instead of it being real money, they could use coins with a special engraving on them."

"But what do we tell the vendors? They sell their food and they get fake money in exchange. It doesn't seem like a fair trade."

"The vendors could bring the coins here to be traded for real money," Kokoro said simply.

"Okay, let me throw this at you," Mei said with a grin. "What about their other needs? What if they have to buy new clothes because their old ones ripped, or what if they run out and have to buy hygiene products?"

"Then give them an allowance," Kokoro said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Besides, more money in circulation through the village is better for everyone. More money means people spend more, which means people earn more, which means people spend more, and so on."

"How do you propose we implement these programs? You've seen the outcry just from your arrival. The people don't like change, and they don't want change. How can we change their minds?" Mei asked genuinely.

"What do you mean?" Kokoro asked. When Mei gave her an offended look, Kokoro backtracked and said, "I know you've implemented some things since you took office. Masumi, even though they're private with their praise, and Ao have said and shown nothing but praise and pride when talking about your reign so far as Mizukage."

"Not everyone is happy, though," Mei admitted. She stood, pushing her chair away from her desk and standing behind it. Her back was toward Kokoro, so Kokoro couldn't gauge what she was feeling, but her body language spoke volumes. Her slightly sagged shoulders and her downcast head as she overlooked the village. "Ever since I started making changes, the people have done nothing but push back against me. They don't see what I see."

"They see it," Kokoro disputed.

"But they don't care, or they're afraid to care," Mei shot back. "It was easy enough to eradicate that bloody and devastating graduation battle; too many children were dying and the counselors were worried there wouldn't be enough shinobi to defend the village should something happen. But anything else is off the table."

"I thought it was changed before you became Mizukage," Kokoro said in confusion.

"It changed, but it wasn't entirely eradicated. Instead of only one child winning, they did the top twelve. Sometimes there wasn't a top twelve and only nine or eight would survive. It was brutal for the children and their families. I couldn't let it keep happening, so I brought it up to the council first. They reluctantly agreed when they realized we weren't replacing shinobi as fast as we were losing them. They only care about the damn system, never the people in it." She slapped a hand against the window, causing a resounding thwack! to echo throughout the room. She spun around and dragged the ribbon holding her bun out of her hair. She raked her hands through her auburn locks and hung her head as she sat back down. She looked up through her loose hair and smiled sheepishly at Kokoro. Kokoro reciprocated it and stared in awe. She had never seen a leader lose their cool like that before. Mei's smile turned soft, and she asked Kokoro amusedly, "What's with that look?"

Kokoro squirmed in her seat and said quietly as to not offend again, "I've never seen someone in such a high position get so flustered."

"It happens, Kokoro. Trust me," Mei sighed out. "We have to hide it from the public so as not to cause any unease, but we get flustered and angry and sad and hopeless. This job is hard. Any job is hard, but this one is hard especially. We see the things our people go through and we hear their concerns, but we can't make everything happen, and we certainly can't save everyone."

"Then what do you do? Do you feel hopeless all the time then?" Kokoro asked.

"Well, the first option would be to talk to someone, but some of us don't have that luxury," Mei mused. "Usually I speak to Masumi about things. They are kind enough to lend an ear without spreading anything. However, sometimes Masumi isn't here to lend an ear, so I have to deal with it on my own. I have to think about what's important and what's not. What can I change, and what can I not change?"

"I'm still unsure," Kokoro said, trailing off.

"Let's use an example," Mei said as she crossed her legs and leaned back. "Let's say you have a diplomatic mission, one that is very important. You have been tasked with easing tensions between your village and the other village. If you fail, war will break out causing hundreds or thousands of lives lost."

"What are they arguing over?" Kokoro asked.

"There's a plot of land between the two villages. For clarity's sake, let's say your village is Konoha and the other village is Suna. Konoha uses it to grow food for the village. This has increased food production in Konoha to the point that the plot of land doesn't contribute to the food necessary to keep Konoha and its citizens fed. The plot of land is now being used to sell food to other villages, so its only use is to further increase Konoha's funds."

"I'm guessing Suna is upset because their naturally dry and harsh climate makes it hard to grow food."

"Precisely. Suna is ready to go to war if Konoha doesn't agree to give up the plot of land. Konoha sends you to ease tensions and to try to find a solution. You get to Suna, and they said there is no way they'll budge. They want that plot of land. You decided it's better if they have the plot of land, but Konoha needs something in exchange. You decide on this: Suna has to pay Konoha 30% of everything they make off of their plot of land in exchange for it. Do you think the people of Konoha will be happy about this? Afterall, you're taking away jobs and some of the village's profit. Do you think the Hokage will be happy? He only sent you there to ease tensions, not give away some of Konoha's land and money."

"So, think of what's important, right?" Kokoro asked. Mei nodded her head. "What's important is to ease tensions. A war would be bad for both sides. There would be casualties, funding would need to be used, and that same plot of land could be destroyed. If I had to ease tensions by giving up the land, then that's what I had to do, even at the cost of money for the village. Konoha is already a well-developed and funded village, so it wouldn't take a big hit from giving it up. Besides, Konoha would still be getting surplus from the plot of land. They wouldn't have to pay for labor or equipment to plow the land, and they would still be getting 30% of all the profit Suna makes off of it."

"Exactly. You can't change the fact that the people and possibly the Hokage and her counselors will be upset with you, but you did change the possibility of war and made sure Konoha still made something. Now, apply it to your situation now, Kokoro," Mei urged her.

"So, think about what's important; what can I change?" Kokoro muttered to herself. She pursed her lips and finally said, "I can't change the way people perceive me. Masumi told me that. It's taking me a while to realize it."

"What can you change?"

"I can change the way people live here. I can help them so that they live happier and more comfortable lives. I can help Kirigakure grow into the prosperous hidden village it should be," Kokoro said in determination.

"But I thought you wanted to leave and give up," Mei said innocently.

"I can't," Kokoro said after a beat. "I have to help, even if that means I get ridiculed and Tsunade never gave up, and you haven't either, so I can't. I made a promise by taking up your offer to move here, and I stand by that promise. I'm sorry I ever thought of leaving, Mizukage-sama."

Kokoro bowed her head respectfully and stayed in that position until Mei encouraged her to stop. Mei walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, softly smiling and making eye contact with the young Hatake.

"Don't apologize for facing hardship and wanting to bow out, Kokoro. Everyone has doubts every now and then. Just promise me you won't give up until Kirigakure can see the horizon," Mei said.

"I promise," Kokoro said sincerely. "It might be cloudy and hard to see right now, but I'll make sure the sun rises once again."