Jane knocked sheepishly on Maura's door the next morning, Jo fidgeting on her lead. Jo knew that at Maura's, Jane always opened the door so Jo could run in. Why, then was she on a lead? Why wasn't the door already open? She sat and whined in confusion. Jane bent down to warble at her, and the door opened. Jo had picked up on the mood, and even though she got to her feet, she lifted each foot uncertainly rather than attempting to race inside to find Bass.
"Oh, it's you," Maura said, opening the door and walking back inside. Her face had been blank.
"You... You left your key," Jane called from the doorstep.
"You could have used it," Maura pointed out.
"I wasn't sure I'd be..." Jane swallowed, Jo sitting on her feet in the doorway, little nose twitching in longing.
"Be what, Jane?" Maura asked, coming back into view, holding a coffee Jane could smell. She'd been to Boston Joe's already, but Maura's coffee was amazing.
"Welcome," Jane finished slowly. "I was so... angry last night, and you didn't deserve it. I just jumped to the most awful conclusion that I could think of - that you'd been lying to me to expose me as... That you'd been making fun of me, that you'd... I got lost in my own mind, Mau. I was so sure that... But you're not cruel."
"Perhaps I was," Maura said, taking a sip from the coffee and handing it to a very thankful Jane, sipping it. Jane propped herself against the doorframe and Maura eyed her long bones. "I had no idea that you'd take what I said that way, and I hid because I was scared you didn't want me. I've spent so long feeling unwanted that I couldn't... I wasn't brave enough to ask."
"You came to my place," Jane pointed out. "You faced me when I was angry. Even my brothers won't do that."
"I was hoping you wouldn't be there, but I was also hoping you would. I know that's a direct contradiction but..."
"But you were scared," Jane finished. "Of me. I'm sorry, Mau. I had no idea. And for what it's worth, I've always wanted you. In my life, in my bed, whichever way I could have you. You are loved, Mau." Maura wiped at her face and took the coffee back. Jane pulled out the key. "I understand if you want this back," she said sadly.
"Is that your key?" Maura asked.
"No, it's yours."
"To your home or mine?"
"To yours "
"Then no, I don't want it." Maura said, and Jane put it away, pushing away from the doorframe and standing straight.
"D'ya want this?" Jane asked, looking away and holding out another key. Maura's hand reached out and took it, her fingertips brushing Jane's palm, brushing against the prominent scars that she knew so well. Taking the key to Jane's condo, to her second home.
"I do," Maura confirmed.
"Are we ok?" Jane asked. "I know I saw you less than 12 hours ago, but I miss you."
"I don't know," Maura said, sighing. "I'm processing, like you said I should."
"Me too," Jane admitted. "It shouldn't feel like so much information, but it is. I should have let you explain last night, but..."
"I understand. It doesn't mean it didn't hurt, but I understand." Maura looked down and Jo wagged her tail hopefully. "Why is she on a lead?"
"Huh? Oh, I didn't know how this was... If you'd... I was just going to give the key back. And then go to the commons with her."
"I'll come," Maura said, turning back into the house. "You can come in, I won't be long."
"I don't think I should," Jane said seriously. "I don't deserve to," she said quietly.
Maura came back to the door. "I feel silly, knowing you're out here, but I respect your decision. I'll be down soon." She reached out a hand and Jane took it, sliding so Maura's palm faced down, raising it to her mouth. She brushed her lips against Maura's knuckles, glancing up in time to see Maura's mouth drop open, eyes wide, pupils blowing out - perhaps due to arousal, perhaps due to the bright sunlight. No, pupils worked the other way, didn't they? Jane released the hand and Maura rested it over her heart.
"I really am sorry," Jane said, swallowing. She could easily step inside and take Maura against that hallway table she could see behind her, she knew Maura would let her - a flush had risen to her cheeks, and Jane knew enough about female sexual responses because she always listened when Maura talked. But while she knew that Maura would let her, that Maura would enthusiastically participate, Jane couldn't do that to her. Not without some sort of trust built back between them. She'd said some terrible, completely unwarranted things last night, and she knew Maura was too forgiving - she'd let Constance and Arthur treat her as distantly as possible, happy for scraps. She'd forgiven Hope, who'd treated her as an inconvenience, and then given a teenager that hated her a kidney. Jane didn't want to be someone else in Maura's life that met the low bar Maura had for being treated. She wanted the chance to prove that she'd only acted out of hurt, that she was a loyal and supportive best friend, that she could treat Maura properly and respectfully. "I didn't know how to communicate with you, and I let it fester. My hopes were so high, that when they dashed, I was broken."
"I didn't know how to talk to you either," Maura said. "But I should have tried."
"I should have," Jane countered, shoving one hand in the pocket of her jeans, looking down at Jo. "I never want to treat you like you're expendable because you're not. You're like a limb, and without you I can't figure out how to live my life, open door, turn on taps. It was like..." Jane pulled her hand out of her pocket, held it out, scars visible. "It was worse than when Ma had to feed me, yelling the whole time about how dangerous my job was and that I should resign."
"You love your work," Maura said, looking at those hands. She'd been threatened and scarred on the job too, but if she'd lost the use of her hands, she'd have had to resign.
"I love you," Jane said pathetically. "Your 'fun' facts and your brain and your clothing obsession and your panda poop tea, and the little sigh you make when I kiss you."
"And my body?" Maura asked.
"It's peripheral. I mean, it's lovely and feels perfect against mine, but it's you I'm interested in. Not your body or your money or your Beacon Hill house or your connections. I love the way you fit against me, the way you fit in my life."
"Jane," Maura said softly.
"And maybe... Maybe you'll forgive me, and maybe you won't, but I had to tell you." Jane hung her head. "God, I feel such an idiot."
"You're not an idiot," Maura said. "Well, you are, because you took way too long to notice I was into you..."
"Every time I asked you brushed me off," Jane pointed out. "It's a pattern of behaviour. I notice those."
"Ask me," Maura said, pushing her shoulders back and standing straight, preparing herself.
"Do you think... Can you forgive me?" Jane asked.
"Wrong question," Maura huffed.
"Do you... Do you want to... Try dating me?" Jane asked anxiously, still not sure what she was supposed to ask. Maura's face split into a grin, and she nodded. "Do you, Doctor Maura Dorothea Isles, the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, want to go out with me, Detective Jane Rizzoli, criminally hot badass and a woman?" Maura's grin broke into a smile.
"Very much," Maura said. She stepped forward and hugged Jane, noticing how stiff she was, how she relaxed as Maura's arms tightened around her. "I'd love to go out with you. Because I love you, and I trust you." Jo whined, and they looked down at her together, pulling away. "I'd better get changed," Maura said, heading for her room. Jo tugged at her lead, and Jane felt nearly the same way, straining to follow her but knowing she shouldn't.
