The bookshelf walls of his room were closing on him, and the space in there suddenly seemed too small, too suffocating .Onodera Ritsu lay on his bed, curling underneath the cover, isolated from the world he was hiding from. Tightly strangled by the sick feeling of his insides being twisted, the young boy pulls the comforter closer towards him. It didn't feel better; it only got worst. If it wasn't for the fact he was so heartbroken, he would be surprise that he didn't break down right away then in Senpai's room.
'How could I be so stupid?'
Questions swamped him. Immediately, when he reached home, Ritsu dropped his bag and headed for the privacy of his room, immensely grateful that he was alone in the large house. The pain in his stomach didn't subside- but amplified- much like the ache in his heart. The seemingly endless rows of books surrounding him did nothing to help. It only serves as a reminder of the horrible afternoon. Another glance at his room again and the brunette might turn claustrophobia. If he looks at one more book, Onodera Ritsu swears he'll tear his bedroom down with his bare hands.
We're going out right?
Continuously, like a never ending loop, the scene replayed in Ritsu's head.
Ha
The sound of the senior's laughter stabbed deeply into the youth's fragile heart. The student's face contorted in pain, squirming as a sharp pain shot up in his stomach.
'Was I wrong all this time? '
Clutching his chest, tears welled up in teenager's eyes, on the verge of dropping. Frantically, Ritsu search through all his memories, wondering when he ever misread the senior's intention. Did he miss out on something? Or did he imagine everything?
'So he never loved you'
As the thought occurred to Ritsu, the tears streamed down instantly. Senpai wouldn't have laughed if he was serious. He wouldn't have left the junior's question unanswered.
3 years. Ritsu spent 3 years pinning after him. Having his feelings returned was a dream come true- one that he didn't even dare to touch- who knew it turned out to be a horrible nightmare?
Is this how heartbreak feels like? questioned the teenager. There was only one word to it – sick. Completely and indefinitely sick. Being torn into pieces; being mashed up, and being used. .Sick.
Nauseous, the contents of his stomach was making their way rapidly up to the teenager's throat. Ritsu raced to the toilet, kneeing before it as the contents forced their way out. Lowering his head down, hot tears continued pouring down his cheeks as his stomach contracted sharply in pain. Echoes bounced around the enclosed room. Never more had he wanted to die than at that moment. Kneeing there, Ritsu let the tears drop as the realization sunk in completely.
He never did love you
One after another, the tears dropped. Uncontrollably, the young boy's thin frame shook violently, as if an earthquake was taking place inside of him.
Wearily, the despondent youth made his way back to his bedroom after flushing the toilet, cleaning away the evidence of his heartbreak. Hastily, he wiped at his face the remaining tears using the toilet paper he tore from the room. It didn't matter that he was so sick that it was the first time he threw up; the unimaginable pain in the centre of his chest was still there, gnawing at him.
'How am I supposed to face you now?'
For the entire period, until his father came back, Ritsu spent the whole time thinking. The vicious thoughts won't leave him alone, hounding and barking at him like rapid dogs. In the silence of his room, the loud ticking of his clock did nothing but fuel the doubts in his head. All the speculation and insecurities drove the brunette into one direction. The shocking realization he had made earlier left him utterly confused, keeping him awake until the moon was high up in the dark midnight blue sky. The boy was tearing himself apart.
The second he heard his dad entered the house, Ritsu jumped from his bed and ran out to him.
'' Otosan! '' Ritsu burst out of his room, approaching his dad.
''Yes Ritsu ? '' asked his dad as he removed his shoes.
''I want to study in England,'' said Ritsu hurriedly, rushing his words. ''As soon as possible, anywhere will do. ''
Ritsu's dad paused, and stared at his son. ''England? ''
''Yes,'' answered Ritsu, praying that his dad will assume that it was his passion for literature which made his son to request something as abrupt as studying somewhere overseas, as far as England. ''Literature'', Ritsu added, as if the one word could explain everything.
''As soon as possible?''
''Yes''
Looking at Ritsu, his dad's stare remained fixed on his son. The teenager was uncharacteristically vehement about the request. Ritsu fidgeted anxiously, twisting his fingers nervously together. Gulping, the brunette was feeling the heat rushing to his face as he waited for an answer to his bizarre and sudden request. He hoped there weren't any tell-tale signs on his face, or anywhere else that might give his real reason away. Calmly, he tried to rearrange his expression into something less agitated.
''Alright,'' agreed Ritsu's dad after a moment of consideration, noticing the abandoned schoolbag on the floor. Without any further questioning, the owner of Onodera publishing house walked towards the main bedroom. '' I will discuss with your Mum tonight about the arrangement. ''
Incredibly relieved, a massive sigh escaped the teenager's lips as he went back to his room. Suddenly, the young boy felt very drained. His head was as light as a feather and his limbs as heavy as a ton .The final thing will be calling in sick at school until he could leave the country and never see that person again. Feeling the lure of sleep tugging at him, Ritsu collapsed dizzily on his bed and shut his eyes, exhausted.
Just for a while, he was able to forget everything.
Author's Notes:
This third piece is about how Ritsu requested studying overseas due to the misunderstanding. I titled it 'Disappearing act' as Ritsu subsequently disappeared from Saga senpai's life without a trace, kind of like a magic trick.
Poor Saga/Takano-san. Bet he didn't expect that huh ?
And whether Ritsu's dad knew anything, is up to your interpretation.
I DO NOT OWN Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, Nakamura sensei does. The characters are not mine.
