A/N: The response to this story in such short time is overwhelming. I saw quite a few familiar usernames pop up on my email (I see you, all of you, you are appreciated) and I thank you for sticking with me. Now on to the chapter, enjoy!
TW: rape
She was determined to not let this slide, not let it be swept under the rug. She was walking tall towards Teressa's office, ready to tell her everything Ramsey did to her. It had been almost a week since her rape, she was in excruciating pain since she hadn't rested the appropriate amount of time but at least the rest of her bruising was slowly fading away. Even her nose wasn't that swollen anymore.
She knocked on the door and when she heard the older woman's voice allowing her to enter the room she opened it wide. She had been building up her confidence for the past couple of days and she walked into that office as if she owned the place.
And then he saw him there.
What the actual fuck?
"Hey, my star, is there an issue?" Teressa asked when she saw her facial expression. How her jaw had dropped to the floor, how from emanating confidence she, now, looked like a scared little girl.
"Could..." she cleared her throat. She couldn't show weakness in front of him. "Could we speak in private for a second?"
"Oh, I should probably go." He chuckled and stood up, buttoning his suit. "Teressa, it was nice talking to you. Amanda dear, always a pleasure." He leaned in for a kiss on the cheek but she walked backwards avoiding any kind of physical contact with him.
"Bye, Steve. See you tonight." She sat back on her chair and with a hand gesture she motioned Amanda to take a seat as well. "So, what is it that you needed to talk to me about in private?"
"It's about Steve." She sat in one of the chairs, rubbing her palms on the material of her pants to wipe away the sweat. She didn't expect to see him there and every ounce of confidence she had, vanished.
"Okay, what about him?"
"The other night, six days ago he..." Come on Amanda you got this. "He came into my dressing room after the show, you know he has been flirting and all but I have been shutting him out and he... anyway I told him to get the hell out and he got mad and he... he raped me."
It was so hard for her to say those words. Again. Because she had said them before, she was young back then, too young for something like that to happen to her. The most frightening part of it all was the fact that Teressa just pressed her lips together and rolled her office chair back. She sat on the seat right across hers and took her hands in hers.
"Amanda, my dear, you are an incredible performer. You have brought this place the most money it has ever seen in the past year. You had to sacrifice a lot to get to the top and look at you now."
She knew where she was was going with this. She knew and she didn't like it.
Not again. God please not again.
Her eyes welled up with tears, she desperately tried to blink them away, make them disappear but to no avail.
"Steve is... Steve. He is not going to change. You are a tough girl, you've been through worse. He will soon get over it and so will you, I promise." Her mouth was still agape when her boss let go of her hands and positioned herself behind her desk once again.
"Teri, you can't... how can you act like it's nothing? Like I am nothing. He raped me. I am in pain, I can barely walk, my entire body is aching, my soul is aching. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" She yelled at the top of her lungs, tears streaming from her eyes for once again this god forsaken week.
"I understand, Amanda, I really do. I was a dancer too, remember? Before my mom made me the boss of this place I was like you. I was the nicest view on Manhattan once. So I am gonna tell you what she told me when things got rough 'man up, go up there and show the world that you are not who they think you are. Show them you are more than that'."
"Well, you shouldn't repeat your mother's mistakes then, Teri."
"Watch you mouth!" She said as she hit her hand on the wooden surface of her desk. "This place gives you a roof to live under, food to put in your stomach. You start respecting that otherwise you are out of here."
She clenched her jaw, roughly wiped the tears that stained her cheeks away and stood up from her seat. Teri was right, this place is what had been keeping her alive for the last five years, she couldn't risk losing the one and only job she had managed to get in this city.
"Yes, ma'am." She said, her voice flat. No emotions are better than all of the emotions at once.
"Now go get ready, show starts in an hour. Go get a drink or some weed, I don't care just do whatever helps you relax. I want to see you shine on that stage, do you hear me?"
"You will." And just like that she walked out of there, regretting the moment she decided to talk to her boss. Like she would understand. Nobody ever did.
"Hey, Amanda, can I borrow your masca-"
"Not now." She snapped at Cassandra, one of the other girls that danced with her and literally pushed her out of the way. "Somebody tell Jacob I want three shots of vodka and to bring them himself." She yelled before slamming shut the door of her dressing room.
She heard the 'what a bitch' the other girls whispered behind her back. She heard how Ted shut them up and barked his orders at them. But all she truly wanted to hear was a soothing, calming voice that just wouldn't get the hell out of her mind no matter how much she tried to push it away.
The sergeant's persistence made her feel seen, heard. Like she actually meant something after all, like she mattered. Not that she was a piece of garbage like everyone else in her life had made sure to point out at some point. She still had her card. Even though her first instinct was to rip it into little pieces and throw it away, she ended up keeping it, caring it with her like it was her life line.
"Here go the shots." Jacob said excitedly when he saw her sitting on the small couch.
"Those are four, I said three. I wanna relax not get wasted."
"Yeah, like one shot would make a huge difference." He scoffed but when he saw the seriousness in her eyes he put the tray down and gave her the three shots. "Fourth is mine. Lord knows I'll need it."
"Amen to that." She downed shot after shot closing her eyes shut as the liquor trickled down her throat burning every inch of it on its way to her stomach.
"Whoa, girl, what got into you?"
You mean that literally or figuratively? The answer gonna be the same for both though.
"Teressa said I need to loosen up a bit, relax. And..."
"Vodka does the trick, got it." She smiled tightly and started doing her make up. "Is everything alright?"
He had noticed. He had noticed how the little bit of sparkle that used to exist in her eyes had disappeared. Amanda was like his little sister, ever since she had joined the team, they would chat during breaks, he had even let her stay with him for a few nights until she found an apartment in the city. He knew her. He was the only one who had bothered to get to know her.
"Yeah, why?" She stopped applying her mascara for a second to side glance him, but not for too long. A part of her still hoped that he wouldn't see it. Rationally, she knew that he was onto her but the irrational part of her still wanted to hope.
"There was a cop here, three days ago. She was looking for you."
Damn it!
"Yeah I know, she came backstage. Something happened in my neighborhood, she wanted to know if I had seen or heard anything. Told her I didn't, she went her way." She put all her beauty products back in her bag and in her purse and started removing her clothes.
"What happened?" He said in a quite alarmed tone and put his hand on her ribs, kneeling down do get a better look at her bruised side.
Shit.
"Can you, like, not touch it because it fucking hurts?" He took his hand away and stood up again so they would be eye to eye.
"Did someone hurt you, Amanda?"
"Ugh, this is nonsense. No, Jacob, nobody hurt me. Slipped and fell in the shower. You know how sometimes I get carried away singing and dancing..." And he knew indeed.
He would listen to that girl performing while taking a shower for one month straight. Hand to heart, it felt like he was at the lounge twenty four seven when she used to be around.
"You know, if someone is bothering you, I am one phone call away."
"I know, I know. Big brothers always are, huh?"
"So after five years you've learnt something. I am quite proud."
"Okay, asshole, wipe that smirk off your face and get out of my dressing room. I need to get ready for the opening number." She gently started pushing him towards the door, at least as much as she good given her two broken ribs.
"You sure that nothing is broken? If it is you should tell Teri, I am sure she would understand."
"Well, I am not. Stop worrying that pretty head of yours, it's just a bruise, I'll live. Now, out." A final shove and he was out the door. If he wanted to say something he didn't get the chance, she closed the door and put the chain on.
She laid her back against it, took a deep breath and exhaled.
Show him that you are not who he thinks you are.
How was she supposed to act like she wasn't a hooker when she was dressed like one and like she wasn't a stripper but moved her body like one?
No means no, what your job is, doesn't matter.
That calming voice again. She put on her usual one piece and walked her way to the same room as the other girls. They all tried to not look and gossip but they just couldn't help themselves. She rolled her eyes at them and as she always did, every night for the past five years, she walked to the curtain and took a quick look to see if the lounge was packed or not.
And as always it was.
That meant another night of her pretending to be happy. Another night of pretending like the demons in her head didn't exist. Another night of pretending like she actually enjoyed flirting with the crowd. Another night of her life, that's what it meant.
So get your ass up show me how you burlesque.
One final tilt of the head, a bend of her waist that proved to be quite a painful task and she was done for the day. Or better night.
She followed her usual routine; congratulated the other girls, the band, accepted Ted's and Teri's kind words about how amazing she looked on stage and walked back in her dressing room to change and head home.
To her misfortune when she walked in she wasn't alone. Yet again, he was there, waiting for his prey to arrive.
"Get the hell out of my dressing room, now." She said through greeted teeth and her tone didn't really leave room for any kind of negotiations.
"Mandy, we've already talked about this." He stood up and approached her, his gaze seductive, like she actually wanted him and all she needed was some more convincing.
She didn't need him to persuade her. She needed him gone, out of her life. But when she was about to tell him just that he grabbed her by the throat, he threw her on the floor, unclasped her one piece and raped her once again. With one difference; this time she couldn't breathe, she couldn't see. She could feel him but the black dots that formed before her eyes didn't help at all.
She felt him pushing inside of her and it felt quite familiar, like she had felt that before. Until she couldn't feel anymore.
This is how you die, Rollins; in a slutty one piece while raped. Well, your mother had warned you.
And everything went black.
This is the end, Bye bitches, peace out.
Beep... beep... beep...
Shut the fuck up.
The steady beeping next to her ear intensified an already present and horrible headache. Her eyes were shut during this whole time and when she started to open them the lights in the room she was in, blinded her. She tried to raise her hand to rub her eyes but the motion sent waves of pain throughout her entire body. She groaned in pain and she immediately felt a soft palm caressing her arm.
"Shh, it's okay. Relax, you are hurt you need to stay still." There was that soft voice again. Why had she come to be so dependent on it? So dependent that she was imagining it even now.
She slowly attempted to open her eyes once more this time successfully. There was a figure next to her, everything was quite blurry but when things cleared up she could see it. She could see her.
"Am I..." her voice was hoarse, her throat sore, just like the rest of her body. "Hallucinating?"
"Depends, do you see dead people around or... I don't know fairies?" No, she was definitely not hallucinating. It was her, she was there, wherever there was, and she was cracking up jokes.
"No." She chuckled but hissed, her ribs were aching to much for laughing.
"Shhh, don't laugh, you are hurt."
"Water." She choked out in the end and the sergeant left her side to grab a small cup of water and came back placing the little straw between the blonde's lips. "Thanks." She said, feeling ten times better than before.
"Of course." The other woman smiled kindly bringing her hand to caress Amanda's once again.
"Hmm, if you keep doing that... Imma fall back to sleep." She heard the other woman chuckle and for a moment she didn't care about the fact that she was on a hospital bed (taking a quick look around made it easy to figure out where she was) her body aching, hooked up in all kinds of machines.
"Amanda..."
"I know." She closed her eyes and shook her head lightly. "I know, just... I want one moment, please."
"You can have a moment. I could leave if you-"
"No, stay? I mean if you don't have anything better to do." Tears had spilled from her eyes and she slowly tried to reach with her hand and wipe them away but the sergeant stopped her by gently, with the pad of her thumb, wiping them away herself.
"I will be right here."
A/N: Hello, hello. I was planning on posting that yesterday but guess who was drunk yesterday? Yup, you guessed it right. Anyway, here goes Chapter 2. I promise that if I am not shitfaced I will be posting every day because summer classes stopped yesterday. I am a happy happy girl you all!
Have a nice day or night and take care of yourselves. Self care is the most important thing!!!!
