A/N: Quick update on my mental health: I have been better but I am doing okay. Physically: bruises still there, back and lips completely healed. Now on to the chapter, enjoy!
The first rays of sun made their way through the closed blinds of her bedroom a few hours ago. The light had woken her about an hour ago but she had made no attempt to move.
She enjoyed the quiet. It's been so long since her last quiet Saturday.
There would always be someone who would need her assistance. A victim, someone from the squad that had gotten into trouble, Chicago PD had needed her experience one too many times lately. But here she was, Saturday morning, and the phone hadn't rang, she had received no texts.
Quiet. Oh, how much she had missed quiet.
She slowly turned her head to make sure that the petite blonde, whose head was securely buried in the crook of her neck, was still peacefully asleep. Her chest was moving up and down in a steady rhythm and the soft breaths that hit the skin of her neck whenever she exhaled, though ticklish, calmed her.
She was on alert all night. She just wanted to make sure that Amanda would be safe no matter what.
A soft moan escaped from the other woman's lips and she shifted slightly in the brunette's embrace. Her features during the entire night (or morning since they slept at around 4:30) were serene but now a deep frown had made itself present on her forehead.
"Ugh, it hurts." The blonde moaned and Olivia was certain that she was having another nightmare.
"Honey, it's just a bad dream wake up."
"I am awake." She complained wrapping one of her arms around her middle. "I wish I wasn't tho- shit!" She hissed when she tried to sit up on the bed but her body felt sore and her ribs were killing her.
"Lay down honey." Olivia pulled away from the tight embrace in which she had the blonde, immediately missing the contact, and laid her back down on the mattress. "Take a few deep breaths with me, okay?"
When the blonde nodded she started inhaling deeply, holding her breath for a few seconds and then letting it out. Amanda followed her lead and did the same thing as Olivia. She vaguely remembered the doctor telling her that taking a few deep breaths every day would minimize the risk of a lung infection or pneumonia that were consistent with broken ribs.
Olivia was probably there when the doctor was giving her those instructions. How else could she now, right? She didn't remember her being there but she was so high on drugs most of the times that she probably wouldn't be able to remember even her own name.
Some morphine would be nice now.
"I think I have some Advil in the medicine cabinet but I am no-"
"S'alright." She interrupted her after taking one last deep breath. "I have some in my bag, I'll go get it." She attempted to stand up once again but Olivia who was already in a sitting position next to her, gently pushed her back down.
"You, young lady, until the meds kick in, are staying in bed. Do you remember in which bag you put them?" Another nod but no verbal answer. "Well, do you, maybe, wanna tell me so I can get them?" She chuckled and was glad to listen to Amanda doing the same.
The blonde smiled and brought a hand up to rub her eyes. God, how cute she looked when she did that. Olivia's heart almost melted. She was such a pure and sweet soul, she only deserved good in life and yet someone convinced her otherwise.
"Sorry." She chuckled again. "Backpack, front pocket." She dropped her hand on her stomach and smiled at the other woman, her dimples making an appearance on her cheeks.
Olivia shook her head, the smile never leaving her face, and got off the bed to get the painkillers before the situation deteriorated. She paced towards the living room, where Amanda's belongings were, and searched for the backpack the blonde had mentioned.
It was placed on top of her suitcase, a regular black Polo, like the one she had seen multiple times on the backs of school girls. They were actually quite practical, she owned one herself for emergencies or vacation. Ralph Lauren has saved humanity by creating these backpacks and no one could convince her otherwise.
She unzipped the front pocket as Amanda had told her and dipped her hand inside to search for the bottle of Advil that was supposed to be in there. She found the small bottle and took it out quickly. As she did so a piece of paper fell out as well and landed on the wooden floor.
Love ya sis. Always have, always will –Kim.
She read what the small square paper said. It wasn't her intention to snoop around or invade the other woman's privacy, it truly was an accident.
The name was familiar since Amanda had mentioned her sister a few times in the conversation they had early in the morning, during the witching hour.
It sounded like a goodbye.
God how many more things this heart of hers can take.
The brunette thought to herself as she grabbed the letter and put it back in its initial place. She walked to the kitchen, filled a glass with water and went back in the bedroom.
"Didn't I tell you to stay put? Am I speaking Chinese or something?" She scolded the younger woman when she walked in and saw her adjusting the pillows so she could sit on her ass and be comfortable.
"How am I supposed to take these? Flat on my back? Don't think so." She retorted, both eyebrows raised.
"Stubborn as a mule." Olivia mattered under her breath before sitting down on the bed next to her. She handed the blonde the glass of water while she was opening the bottle. She took one pill and handed it to her.
"Doc said two every four hours." She popped it in her mouth and swallowed it down.
God I sound like a junkie.
Drugs was never her thing. She had seen what they did to her dad, her sister, even her mother on occasion.
One time when she visited Georgia in the summer, after her first year in Juilliard, she had walked in on her sister doing lines with a boy her age. She was only fifteen at the time.
She had dragged the boy out of the house and yelled at her sister, asking her what the hell was going on, but the teenage girl was too out of it by that time. She later found out that it was a habit she had picked up from their own mother and it only pissed her off even more.
She knew she should have taken her away from that sickening place sooner but as her mother had told her there was nothing she could do. No one would believe her anyway. Cause no one ever did.
Well, until a week ago. Someone did believe her then.
"One before breakfast and one after. We need to put some food in your stomach."
"Right." She sighed and put the glass on the nightstand.
"Any preferences? I don't have much but I think I do have some eggs? Maybe bacon?"
"I usually don't eat breakfast at all so eggs or bacon or even nothing, is just fine."
She had already put the other woman in so much trouble by initially camping out on her couch, then waking her up in the middle of the night because of one of her nightmares and eventually ending in her bed, holding her like a child held on to a stuffed animal. Like she was necessary for her to sleep. And then she probably woke her up again this morning because of the pain.
No, she had already done enough, she wouldn't have her make breakfa-
"I know what's going on inside your head and you need to put a stop to it." Amanda shook her head and let her gaze fall on her lap. Olivia gently put her fingers under a quivering chin and made her look at her again. "You are not a burden. I don't know what other people may have told you but to me, you are not a burden. If I didn't want you here I would have driven you to a shelter that provides helps to rape victims. I wouldn't have gone through all that trouble if I didn't want to."
Amanda felt the burning sensation of tears forming in her eyes and she blinked a couple of times to keep them from falling. She couldn't afford to show any more weakness.
"Eggs sound good." She finally murmured and averted her eyes from the other woman's.
Olivia stifled a sigh and after giving the blonde's knee a brief squeeze she stood up and went to prepare their breakfast. And she prayed to God she wouldn't burn the food or the house down. No, cooking was definitely not her stronger asset.
"You really didn't have to, Liv, I can walk to the ki-"
"Did you just call me Liv?" The sergeant asked, an eyebrow quirked. The only people that called her Liv were either her previous partners or the people from work.
"Um, sorry, I didn't reali-"
"No, it's okay. You can call me Liv." She smiled a little sheepishly.
For some reason when her nickname came out of the blonde's mouth she felt a flattery sensation in her stomach. She remembered feeling the exact same way when someone else had done it but she kicked that thought out of her mind.
She shouldn't feel this way right?
Right?
"Food is amazing by the way. You should grab a bite." Amanda said with her mouth full. Olivia eventually managed to put together scrambled eggs and some bacon. Decent she had thought, amazing the blonde found it.
Oh, if only she knew that this was probably as far as her cooking skills went.
"Um, my coffee is usually my breakfast, you enjoy your meal though." Amanda put down the fork on the tray and took a sip of her water.
"Not that I am the one to talk but; coffee isn't breakfast, sergeant Benson. Please, one bite. It would make me feel better." She tilted her head and used her charm (also known as adorable dimples and perfect white teeth) to convince Olivia to have just one bite.
"God you are too cute for your own good." Olivia mumbled and eventually caved in. "Fine, one bite."
Amanda felt so pleased that she had managed to accomplish even a thing as small as getting the older woman to eat. She picked with the fork a relatively big portion that had both eggs and bacon and blew a little in order to not burn the other woman's taste buds.
"Open." She said.
"You are joking, right?" Her face was so dead serious that it answered all of Olivia's questions.
"You are taking care of me and so many other people every day, is anyone ever taking care of you?" Olivia put a strand of brown hair behind her ear and bit down her lip.
No, nobody had taken care of her. She hadn't let anyone.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Now, open." She held the fork out and waited for the brunette to do as told.
"Ugh, incorrigible." She faked annoyance. Deep down she really enjoyed this light banter, the kindness, the stubbornness. And not so deep down she enjoyed Amanda's company. She opened her mouth when the fork was in she closed her lips around it.
"Mmm." She moaned. "This is so good."
"You sound surprised." Amanda chuckled and continued feeding herself.
"I am. Trust me, my cooking skills? Very bad." She swallowed and oh, how much she had missed homemade food and not the junk she ate from take out.
"Want some more? I am kinda full." She had eaten a bit more than half of what Olivia had put on her plate which was way more than she usually ate for an entire day at times.
"You've barely eaten at all." Olivia commented, having noticed that Amanda was not showing the food much appreciation despite her words earlier.
"I... I am not used to so much food. I mean, with the rehearsals and the clothes I have to wear, I need a flat stomach." She shrugged.
Olivia would be lying if she said that she hadn't noticed how thin Amanda was. Hadn't she known better, she would say that the blonde was borderline anorexic. It didn't seam like she was doing it on purpose. Sometimes it would go days before she ate a proper meal herself so, she was not the one to judge.
"Well, I understand that but, maybe it's time to change it? It's not like you can't afford putting on a few pounds." She didn't want to pressure the other woman, make her feel uncomfortable, but she also cared so deeply about her that showing her concern like that came naturally.
"I know, you are right. Actually I have already put on a few pounds. I weighted about 102 and now I have reached 105. I mean it's not a lot but it's progress. I already feel disgusting enough as it is, being skin and bones ain't gonna do me any good."
When she mumbled that last sentence she didn't think much of it. And she forgot that because of the other woman's close proximity she could hear even her heartbeat if she wanted to. She felt a thumb on her chin and an index finger right under it. Her head was gently pushed up and she found herself staring into brown orbs.
Damn she is so beautiful.
"You are not disgusting and I don't want to ever hear you say that again." She said determinedly. "You are the bravest and most beautiful person I have ever met and I hate listening to you thinking so little of yourself." Her voice was low, almost like a whisper. It held such emotion that brought tears to Amanda's eyes and eventually on her cheeks.
"No one... I mean Samantha used to say things like that but it was before... before everything." She looked at Olivia sheepishly. "I guess I just can't see it." She mumbled quickly and when Olivia was about to say something her phone rang.
"We are not done with this conversation." She said as she stood up and got out of the room to answer her call.
It was Fin, and when she saw his name she knew it was bad news. She would probably have to go at the precinct or there was a high profile case she needed to take the lead on. But she had another case to deal with right now. A case that had come to be very important to her.
"Benson." She answered, the irritation evident in her tone.
"Morning, serge." She heard her detective saying from the other end of the line while impatiently pacing up and down her living room.
"Did something happen?"
"Got a call, female, early forties, raped and beaten. I just wanted to clear it with you first before I call Carisi."
"You are offering to call Carisi? Are you still drunk from yesterday?" She kept her voice low, despite having closed the bedroom door, she still didn't want the other woman to listen. Knowing that the people who are supposed to protect the city are intoxicated while doing so, is not exactly good publicity.
"Maybe if he learns a few things, he'll stop being a pain in my ass. Anyway, are you coming in sometime today?" He finally asked. It was quite common for his commanding officer to show up, usually rape victims felt more comfortable opening up to a woman.
"Actually Fin, I am kinda busy right now..." she trailed off.
"You are bu- oh."
"Oh what?" She frowned.
"Is it someone I know? Should I prepare myself to give the usual speech?"
"Fin, what- oh." When she understood what Fin was talking about she just rolled her eyes. "It's not that, it's just... Amanda is here."
"Amanda who?"
She rolled her eyes again. "Amanda Rollins, the Ramsey case. Wake up, Fin!"
"Oh, yeah I remember. What is she doing there?"
Why do you need to ask so many questions?
"She got evicted, I found her in the streets, in the rain. I couldn't leave her alone..." with her foot she absentmindedly started forming patters on the wooden floor.
"You care about her, don't you?"
That sneaky little bastard.
"I care about all the victims, Fin." She started again with the pacing this time going to the kitchen.
Water. She needed a lot of water.
"Maybe you care about her a little more? Maybe you... I don't know, like her?"
Busted.
"I can't hide from you, can I?" She chuckled nervously. Why was she even feeling nervous? That's new. That's very new.
"Nope, you cannot."
"Anyway, yes I do like her but nothing can happen." She shook her head and held her phone to her ear with her shoulder while opening her fridge to grab a water bottle.
"Why not? You are single, she is single. Where is the problem?"
"For starters I am 18 years older than her."
"Age is just a number."
"I don't think she is interested."
"Well, she is right in the next room, you can ask."
"I know she is in the next room, Fin." She sighed and put the bottle down on the counter. "She is also hurt."
"Then who better to help her other than you?"
"Do you have an answer for everything?"
"Yup."
"There is a victim waiting at the hospital for you. Go do your job and we'll talk later. Bye." She hang up the phone and threw it on the counter next to the water bottle.
She had been so busy talking to her detective and friend on the phone for so long that she hadn't heard the door of her bedroom opening.
"So, you like me?"
A/N: TBC
