Callie spent the rest of the evening with Ari close by her side, unwilling to let Ari go too far in this unfamiliar place with these people. Crowley left after a few hours, and she wasn't sure whether she was happy about it or not. She still had questions she wanted him to answer. At the same time, a growing part of her was mad that he didn't tell her the truth and upset to find out what he'd done. She thought back to all those times she thought he was feeding them movie plots because they sounded so outrageous, like trying to buy a prophet of God at some sort of spooky auction. All those things had been true: he'd lied to her, or at the very least, allowed her to believe he wasn't serious.
Dean returned with some groceries and his foul attitude but disappeared shortly thereafter, much to Callie's relief. The angel was still hanging around with her, Sam, Ari, quietly lurking. Sam set up his laptop with an old-fashioned projector and put on a movie for Ari, which helped pass the time. It was still awkward and tense, but he was the easiest one to talk with and she appreciated the way he included Ari. It reminded her of how Crowley had always been with Ari, which immediately frustrated her.
"You appear to be unhappy again," Cas said from beside her, and Callie jumped. She hadn't noticed him walk closer, and she was upset about his comment as well as her lack of observation.
"Go figure."
"Are you always this unpleasant?"
Callie glared at him sideways.
"Are you always this great with your social skills?"
Cas remained silent, staring at her as though he were waiting for a response to his question. Finally, she sighed and shook her head.
"No, I'm actually almost never this unpleasant. But a lot of unpleasant things have happened to me lately, and now I don't even know if anything that I remember is real."
He tilted his head in confusion and she felt herself soften a little. A small part of her acknowledged that he looked cute when he did that, but a larger part of her was mad that the thought crossed her mind.
"What do you mean?"
"Crowley said there was a spell, and that's why I don't remember who I am. But I don't have any gaps in my memory," she explained.
Callie noticed Sam turn his head a little, and she tried to lower her voice. Ari was too absorbed in the movie to notice.
"I remember my childhood, my human childhood. I remember going away to college, meeting Dan, getting married, everything. Having Ari, losing him, moving away from our home…" Callie drifted off, losing herself in memories that might not even be real.
"You remember everything clearly?"
"Yeah. Well, I don't know, I mean, how clearly does anyone remember?"
"I remember everything."
Callie met his eyes for a moment before looking away, discomforted by the feeling his steady gaze stirred in her.
"Well, that's great for you, I guess. Most of it isn't super clear …"
"What is the clearest old memory that you have?" Cas continued to prompt, and she thought for a moment.
"I don't know…I guess moving to Hamilton with Ari. Well, not even the move itself, but being in our new home there. A little while after we were settled, I guess."
"How long ago was that?"
Callie paused, trying to remember.
"Two…maybe two and a half years ago? Something like that."
Cas always stood still, but at that, she thought he became even more rigid.
"What, does that mean something?"
"No," he said quickly.
Callie narrowed her eyes, gaze locked on his, waiting.
"There was…we encountered a significant enemy during that time."
"Sam said something about you losing a year of your life," Callie said softly, and Cas tightened his jaw.
"I do not consider that time to be a waste. I was able to protect Dean and eventually repent for my sins," he said forcefully and Callie bit her lip, unconsciously shifting her weight away from him.
"Okay…Do you have any ideas about undoing this spell?"
Cas frowned and shook his head.
"Unfortunately, no. Anything that affected you would have to be very powerful. We would need to be precise or else we might make things worse."
"Worse than not remembering my life?"
"You could enter a permanent state of catatonia, or we might wipe your mind so much that your autonomic nervous system shuts down."
"Great…"
"I assure you, it would not be great."
Callie sighed and turned back to face the movie, done with the conversation. She could feel him staring at her for a few minutes before he finally walked away. Tension she didn't even realize she'd been holding released when he stepped away. She didn't understand why she felt uncomfortable around him, even if he did behave strangely. She forced her mind to quiet and focus on the movie until it was over. Sam cooked a pizza for everyone to enjoy, and unsurprising to Callie, Ari was exhausted immediately after dinner.
"Let's get you to bed, sweet girl," she said as she lifted Ari off the stool and carried her limp form down the halls to the room that was hers for now.
She was glad they'd prepared everything earlier, and she could just ease Ari onto the mattress on the ground that Sam had moved in. Callie layered blankets on top of her daughter's form, tucking them in a little behind her shoulders so that she stayed nice and toasty. She was exhausted herself but wanted to try calling Crowley and getting some information from him, if he agreed to come back.
When she stepped into the hall, she heard hushed voices from around the corner.
"…weird, I mean, really weird, if you think about it," Sam was saying.
"Seems like a stretch. I mean, what would that even mean?" Dean responded. Without knowing him long, Callie could tell his arms were crossed based on the annoyed tone in his voice.
"I don't know, but you have to admit it's strange. Our kind of strange."
Dean was silent for what felt like a long time, for so long Callie thought they might be done talking, or might've realized she could hear them.
"Okay, well…say…it matters. I mean, when exactly? Because, for me, I remember everything that went down with the Leviathans," Dean finally answered.
"Yeah, but that's the thing, Dean: I remember all of that, too, but the stuff before that…Crowley and Purgatory and all of that…it's fuzzy. What if the same spell that messed her up was used on us?"
She heard Dean scoff.
"I'm human, you're human, and we remember being human. Whatever happened to her ain't the same as what you're talking about."
"But what if it is," Sam insisted. "What if…what if we met her before, but someone used this spell and wiped her from our memories also?"
Dean was silent again for a while. Callie leaned against the wall, needing the support to stay upright. She didn't know what to think.
"It was before Bobby died," Dean said softly.
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Pretty close to when the Leviathans came out and took Cas. I remember all of that, but how we ended up helping Crowley is…" Sam drifted off and Dean finished for him.
"Fuzzy."
Callie heard Sam give a short laugh.
"Well, that's not something I'd expect to hear you say," Sam said.
"Whatever. Okay, so, how do we find out what happened? Do we ask Cas? You think Naomi was involved in it?"
"I don't know, Dean. We can start with Cas. Crowley seems to know more than he's letting on."
"When has he ever given us the whole truth?" Dean replied quickly, his annoyance once again obvious.
"Good point. Okay, so we'll check with Cas and hopefully make some progress. Dean, it…"
Callie waited, eyes closed. She felt like she could barely breathe.
"It's not just a few weeks. I've been thinking about it since she told Cas. I mean, I know we talked about it before, the stuff with Crowley, but the confusion and…fuzzy memories…Dean, it—it goes back a few years for me. Like, after the apocalypse. Around when I got my soul back. If someone erased her from our memories…who was she to us? And her daughter, I mean…what if…"
"What, you think one of us is the dad? Cas said the dad was an angel, so that doesn't make sense."
"That's what I mean, Dean. If she was in our lives for that long…who else, I mean, what angel, has known us that long?"
"That's ridiculous," Dean said immediately. "Cas? You think her dad is Cas? How the hell could he forget something like that?"
"The spell? And you said it yourself, Naomi could have messed with a lot in his head. Maybe it's both. Do you have a better idea?"
"No, but that doesn't make yours right."
"I'm just…I don't know. I don't see anything else making sense."
Callie slid down the wall, thumping the floor loudly when she landed on her butt. She dropped her head into her hands, her mind whirling with questions and thoughts. She felt like she was slowly suffocating, and each time she tried to get more air, her chest tightened more instead. Part of her realized she was hyperventilating when her vision started to darken at the edges.
"Callie? Callie, are you—Dean! Get Cas!" she heard Sam shouting, but he sounded far away.
Callie realized she was on her side on the floor. At some point she ended up in that position, but she couldn't remember when. All she could think about was what she'd just overheard. The idea that she didn't remember who she was had been more abstract before, still scary and terrifying, but abstract. If Sam's theory was correct, she was facing the very real possibility that these people weren't strangers to her, the real her, at all. She was facing the possibility that the weird angel who stared and was emotionally turbulent was…
She was clutching at her throat, clawing at her chest, trying to signal someone, anyone, but everything was getting dark. Sound was muffled and distant, and she felt her ability to breathe stop. Ari was going to end up losing both parents. This was death, coming for her suddenly and without warning, another cruelty. She saw a glimpse of tan before the darkness collected her.
"…don't know what it means, Dean," Callie heard a low voice growl.
She was aware of darkness around her before she opened her eyes, and she was grateful that wherever she was, the lights were off. She didn't know how she was alive after whatever happened, but she was immediately grateful that Ari wasn't an orphan. Callie felt less panicked even though her thoughts were racing, trying to discern what was going on.
"Well it's gotta mean something, Cas, I mean, who the hell could do that to us?" Dean replied, and not nearly as quietly.
"Keep your voice down," Sam admonished.
"I'm…alive…awake…" Callie said hesitantly.
Immediately, light flooded the room she was in. She shielded her eyes against the unexpected brightness. When they adjusted, she noticed the three strange men standing around staring at her. Sam looked most concerned, Dean just seemed angry again—or angry still, she thought—and Cas was watching her as if he couldn't quite figure out if she were there to hurt or help, and as though she were primed to blow at any second. She shifted to a sitting position on what she now realized was a bed. It wasn't the room she had chosen. She wasn't sure whose room it was.
"Hey, take it easy," Sam said.
"I'm okay. I think."
"You passed out because you weren't breathing. You looked like you were trying and couldn't get any air. It can't be a spell because you were fine after you passed out. What happened?"
Callie frowned and gave a half-hearted shrug.
"I don't know."
Cas moved toward her and grabbed her hand, and Callie gasped. The moment he touched her, she felt power surge in her body.
He titled her chin up to him and kissed her intensely again, so much so that she thought her knees were going to buckle and she clung to him to remain upright. When her lungs started to cry for oxygen he stepped back, looking into her soul—
She was screaming loudly from deep in her soul, releasing all of the anguish that she felt as she held his lifeless form in her arms. Her body was quickly wreaked and heaving with heavy sobs, tears flowing from her eyes over his head and chest—
"If you need anything, just call for me and I'll come," he told her.
The sun warmed her bare skin as she lay against him, out in nature. She was safe and loved and fell asleep in his arms.
The place from her dreams. The swing, she could never see him, they would speak…one time she climbed on him and—
Cas yanked his hand away from hers as if she'd tried to stab him. He stumbled back, eyes wide.
"Who are you?!" he shouted, and Sam grabbed him to pull him out of the room.
Callie flinched at the loudness and looked at Dean, the only one in the room with her now. He was glaring at her and seemed ready to fight if she so much as moved slightly.
"Cas, you can't—" Sam said, but Cas shoved him away and stormed back in.
"What was that?" Cas growled, sounding more like a statement than a question. Callie pressed back against the wall as he approached, coming closer until Dean stepped toward him.
"I…don't…what was what?"
"Who told you about my dreams? How did you know? How could you possibly have known? I've told no one!" he shouted again, furious.
"Cas, man, you gotta calm down," Dean finally said, putting a hand on Cas's shoulder.
Callie watched fearfully as the angel stared at her with emotions she didn't understand. She could still feel the power vibrating off him, his energy intimidating her own. She noticed a shimmer on either side of him and stared as the objects came into view. Whether it was because she was overtired, overwhelmed, or something else, she wasn't sure, but the moment Callie realized she was staring at large, beautiful wings, she burst into tears.
"What happened when you touched her?" Dean was asking Cas.
"She…there were flashes of something and I'm not…I don't understand."
"You said something about a dream?" Sam asked gently, and Callie's tears subsided long enough for her to look at Cas and wait for his reaction.
"It's…personal."
"What do you mean, it's personal? What happened?"
"It's always at Bobby's house," Cas said carefully, and Dean inhaled sharply. "I see—or rather, I don't see—someone there with whom I speak. She is…captivating," he finished.
"Wait, always at Bobby's? Like, you've had this dream before? And wait, since when do you dream?"
"There were times I slept because I needed to. I was cut off from Heaven's power and each time I used some, I needed to recharge."
"You're the one? I thought it…I can't…you're…oh my God, I mean…last time I…" Callie felt her face flush with embarrassment as Cas stared at her, his expression a mixture of things she didn't understand.
"What the hell are you two talking about?" Dean said loudly.
"It's been years, though, I mean…I've had it for years. On and off," Callie's voice dropped off to a whisper.
"Yes," Cas agreed.
"There was almost an entire year where I didn't even dream of…how could you…?"
Cas lowered his gaze and glanced quickly at Dean before looking away.
"Oh my God," Sam said softly. "Because you were in Purgatory. Right?"
"Oh, great, now you're in on it, too. What the hell is going on?" Dean shouted this time.
"I believe Sam's theory is correct," Cas said, avoiding eye contact with Callie as she stared at him.
She felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt nauseous. She felt dizzy, even when she closed her eyes. There was a faint, consistent ringing that she could hear, and had no idea where it was coming from.
"You think we knew her? You think you were…" Dean drifted off, unable to finish the sentence.
"I believe we must have been, yes."
"You can't be," Callie whispered, her eyes still closed.
"However unlikely or unwanted, it seems to be the most probable explanation."
Callie took a deep breath and opened her eyes, pulling her phone out.
"Crowley? You need to get here, now."
