Crowley appeared almost immediately. Callie, Sam, Dean, and Cas filed into the room with the large table, and while the brothers sat down, she and Cas remained standing on opposite sides of the table. She could tell he was staring at her again. She refused to look at him, unable to process what he suspected, what Sam suspected, what Dean suspected. She couldn't be this person they thought had been in their lives. She wasn't even a person at all. Everything felt wrong.
"Are you ill?" Crowley asked Callie, walking over to her and touching her elbow. She pulled away and shook her head, looking down to steady herself. After a deep breath, she met his gaze.
"You need to tell me who I am."
Crowley blinked and turned his head a little, still watching her.
"Well, love, as I've told you, you're a unicorn. Last of your kind."
"No. I know you know more. You need to tell me who I…who I was."
Crowley stepped back and glanced at the men, a frown replacing the look of concern he'd previously shown.
"What makes you think I'm the expert, here? I was just asked to look after you. Before that, we didn't really know each other."
"Stop lying to me!" Callie said, balling her fists tightly. Crowley's concern flipped immediately.
"Did you ever think that I'm still PROTECTING YOU!" he shouted at her.
Instead of backing down, Callie narrowed her eyes.
"How is keeping all of this from me protecting me? They all seem to think they know me but can't remember me. You claim to be the one who knows about some spell that erased my memory, but what about their memories? Who did that? If I knew them, and they knew me, and you're the only one who remembers anything, well, that doesn't make it look like you're protecting me from anything. It makes you look like the one who did it!" Callie shouted back.
"Whoa, don't start a fire in here!" Dean said, standing up quickly.
"Your eyes…" Sam said as Callie looked over at Dean.
"What?"
"They changed color to yellow, your irises," Sam continued. "And your hands started smoking a minute ago."
Callie glanced down at her hands, which looked normal. She noticed a whiff of smoke in the air as she took a deeper breath in.
"Okay, that's exactly what I'm talking about, Crowley, I need to know!" Callie said again.
"Crowley, if you screwed with our minds, so help me I will chain you in the dungeon and you will never see anyone or anything ever again," Dean added. "Now tell us the truth!"
Instead of looking intimidated, Crowley was seething. He stared at Dean for a while before looking back at Callie, glaring at her.
"Fine. You want the truth? Yes, you knew these lumbering imbeciles, all of them. But I didn't erase Moose and Squirrel and I didn't erase you, all I did was pro—" he began before Cas interrupted.
"What about me?"
"What about you?"
"You said you did nothing to Sam, or Dean, or her. What about me?"
Cas narrowed his eyes and shifted, standing tall. Callie saw his jaw tighten as he glared at Crowley. His eyes began glowing brightly, and she saw his wings spread out, held high. It was a gesture of intimidation, and it was working. Crowley shifted slightly.
"Not sure what you're on about, Castiel."
"What did you do to me?" Cas growled, more light pouring from him. Sam and Dean were turned away slightly, shielding their eyes from his glow.
"Does it really matter? My contributions did exactly what you asked me to do, which was to keep them safe."
"He…he's the one…he asked you?" Callie whispered. "So they're right? He's…we were…"
Crowley just stared at her, silent.
"Well if you didn't do anything to us, why can't we remember?" Dean asked, his tone as aggressive as before. Crowley continued staring at Callie for a few moments before shifting his gaze to Dean, his expression impassive.
"Spells aren't the only thing that can erase and change memories, now are they, Squirrel?"
Dean looked confused, glancing over at Sam. They seemed to have some sort of conversation without words before they both suddenly looked ill. Sam shook his head, looking like he might cry, and Dean turned to face Cas.
"Did you wipe us, man? Cas, what did you do?"
Cas looked shocked at the accusation, vehemently shaking his head.
"Dean, I would never—" he began, and Crowley interrupted.
"But you did, Castiel. And not just to those lumps of flannel. We both know even the most powerful spell couldn't have worked on her, let alone the little one. Not without a major boost."
"Ari," Callie whispered again. Her body wasn't working. Nothing felt correct. She could barely get the word out.
"I don't believe you," Cas said.
"I. Don't. Care," Crowley retorted.
"You're nothing but a liar," Cas continued.
"Oh, really, Castiel? What could I gain from this, from any of this? It's been years, and I've done nothing but keep my promise to protect them!"
"How do we get our memories back?" Sam interjected.
"Haven't the faintest. It wasn't any spell I'm aware of, so I can't fix it," Crowley said, still staring down Castiel.
"But you did do something to Cas. So, just undo that, and Cas can fix what he did to us."
Crowley raised an eyebrow, staring at Sam in disbelief.
"What makes you think he will? What makes you think he won't just erase this from your minds? You're putting an awful lot of trust in one of Heaven's worst."
"Because, if—if what you're saying is true, then I'm sure Cas had a good reason to do all this. I trust him. We trust him," Sam replied, glancing nervously at Dean.
"Well, I don't," Callie said, her voice finally working again. "All of you, it's just lies, and secrets, and—and erasing people's memories, and giving them fake ones, and…you all are monsters."
"She's right; you should be ashamed," Crowley said.
"You, too! It's all of you! What is this? How is this your life?"
"Look, I don't know where you get off saying jack about us, lady," Dean replied. "You got no idea what we've done to protect people, to protect the whole damn world!"
"Neither do you!" Callie shouted back. "At least not all of it! And how many people have you hurt, or worse, along the way?!"
Dean clenched his jaw and glared, furious.
"Crowley, just fix whatever you did to Cas. He'll help us. He'll fix this, whatever he did. Like Sam said, he must have had a good reason."
Crowley stepped close to Callie, grabbing her hands in his.
"Is that what you want, love? You want it all back, good and bad? There's an awful lot of bad."
Callie swallowed, biting her lip. She didn't want to lose herself. There was no way to know how different she might be. Everything she knew about her life would disappear. She couldn't even accept the angel was Ari's dad, despite all the evidence pointing to it. It was too difficult to continue living the lie when the truth was fighting to be released. She had to be brave, she had to let go.
"I have to do it. I have to know," she said.
"I won't be able to protect you like I can now, once you know. You'll understand more after."
"I need to. Ari, too."
Crowley nodded and stepped back.
"I'll do my part. The rest is up to him."
Crowley began reciting words that didn't make sense to her, but she felt power moving through the air. Palpable energy was growing as he spoke. As he recited, he suddenly had a bowl in his hand. He dropped in his ring with the blue stone, and the contents of the bowl ignited with a bright flash of white.
Cas fell to his knees, arms at his sides and face staring up. He was screaming as light burst from his entire being. Callie watched in horror as he screamed, aloud and in her mind. His wings were held tightly and at a painfully unnatural angle. Sam and Dean were shouting and hunched over, trying to get out of the room, covering their ears and eyes squeezed shut. She knew they were far from where Ari was sleeping, but the amount of noise might be enough to wake her. Callie glanced at Crowley to see if he was affected, but he stood beside her calmly. The lights in the room burst, sending them into darkness. A few moments later, everything was silent.
Callie had moved instinctively closer to Crowley in the darkness, still wary of this place and these people. Even after all the lying, Crowley had been honest in his vow to protect her. Whatever was going to happen, she trusted that he would continue to keep her safe, or at least try. The silence that filled the room after Cas's episode was overwhelming. It felt threatening, juxtaposed with his screams just moments before.
"You quite done now, Feathers? Always with the dramatics," Crowley said.
Dean and Sam ran back into the room, flashlights in hand. They shined them over Cas, who was still kneeling on the ground. Instead of facing up in pain, he was hunched, sagging, head dropped down.
"Cas, man, you okay?" Dean asked, offering a hand to help him up.
Cas looked up at the proffered hand before slowly looking up to Dean's face. Callie could feel the remorse and shame echoing off him in waves, even without seeing it on his face. Dean seemed to notice something was off and hesitated.
"Cas? What is it?"
Callie thought it was almost comical at this point, how long Dean had been standing there, trying to offer Cas help to stand, while Cas did nothing. She knew whatever it was that had the angel so consumed, it was far from funny.
"Dean, I—" he began, but his voice broke and he lowered his head again, shaking it slowly.
Callie watched as Sam and Dean's partly shadowed faces seemed to have a silent conversation again.
"Cas, let us help you," Sam said, leaning down as if to help Cas up.
"Help me? Help me!" Cas shouted suddenly, rocking back to sit on the ground and laugh maniacally. "No one can help me!"
Sam froze, unsure of what to do, looking to Dean for guidance. Dean shook his head slightly, seeming just as surprised and unsure.
"Is he evil or something now?" Callie asked Crowley, and Cas's attention snapped to her. He jumped to his feet and crossed the room quickly, standing just a couple feet away.
"I'm not—I mean, it's—you see, I…maybe I am evil," Cas said.
"You're not evil, you're just a bloody idiot," Crowley muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Yes," Cas agreed.
"A self-righteous, narcissistic holy roller."
"Yes."
"A good-for-nothing, small—" Crowley began again, but Callie interrupted.
"Stop," she told him firmly, so he did.
"And you," Cas said, his expression changing suddenly from dark to hopeful. "Are the light that shines brighter than all the stars in all the universes. You are the song in the wind that brings a smile to the face of anyone who hears it. You are the presence of beauty against the cruelty of the world. You are the hope that springs eternal from the depths of despair."
"Uhhh…okay," Callie said slowly.
"I should have listened to you all along. But instead, I was arrogant and foolhardy and too dedicated in my cause. I failed you, again. It was never supposed to be like this. It was only meant to be for a short time." Cas turned to face Crowley, his expression morphing into rage. "This mess is your fault."
"Now, Castiel," Crowley began, backing up slowly as he spoke. "Do keep in mind—without this, the Leviathans would have known about her. She would've been killed, or worse."
Cas glared at Crowley before turning back to Callie, expression softening instantly again.
"I…what I've done, I can never…"
"Just fix it, okay? Just…make it better again, just undo whatever it is. Please," Callie asked softly.
"You'll despise me. I can't. I'm sorry, Elena. I'll never be who you and Ava deserve."
"Callie," she corrected automatically.
"Do you know what it means?" Cas asked suddenly, switching again from depressed romantic to intently curious.
"What…what means?"
"Hidden. It means hidden, the name Calypso. Because that's what I was trying to do: hide you. And Arella, my angel. She's so much more than that, of course," he continued, his demeanor changing back to manic. "But I didn't have much time, and it was the best I could think of, because I never wanted to do this. It was the only way. I thought. I was wrong, I was so wrong. It was worse because of Crowley, but I made this mess, and I can't ever make it right."
Callie was trying to keep up with his rapid-fire words.
"I don't quite follow, but you can make it right. Just fix what you did," she told him again, this time more firmly.
Cas froze and stared at her, and she waited for him to speak. In an instant, he was gone.
"What did…wait, what's happening? Where did he go?" Callie asked, looking around. The flashlights only illuminated parts of the room, but she didn't seem him anywhere in the shadows.
"Damn it, Cas. Son of a bitch!" Dean shouted, slamming his hand against the table loudly.
"Cas, get back here!" Sam yelled, but to no avail.
He remembered everything, and she had nothing. Rather than give her what was hers, what she deserved to have, he left. Callie felt numb inside. This day—the day that had turned her world upside down—had never really stopped, even when she thought it had. It was as though her entire life was being sucked slowly into a black hole, ripped away piece by piece. All the comforts and security that she thought were hers were there no more.
Callie realized she was sitting on the floor, held up by Crowley. Dean and Sam were still shouting for the angel, but Callie knew he wasn't going to return. She'd seen the look in his eyes before he disappeared. Whatever he knew, he was terrified of what would happen if she remembered. Crowley had been right, again: they shouldn't have trusted Cas to fix the mess he made.
Callie felt herself being lifted suddenly, away from Crowley. The shock of someone grabbing her was enough to focus her attention on the reality around her and pull her out of the chaos in her mind. She realized Sam was holding her now, and Dean was going after Crowley.
"—your bloody hands off me!" Crowley shouted, shoving Dean away. He was standing now, but when he stepped forward toward Sam and Callie, he seemed to get stuck. Callie watched in confusion as Crowley appeared visibly annoyed, rolling his eyes and sighing heavily, shaking his head. "Boys. How many times must we do this dance?"
"Until you learn to tell us the truth, damnit!" Dean shouted.
Callie was struggling in Sam's arms, trying to break free, but he held her tightly.
"Calm down," he told her softly. "He's in a Devil's trap. Can't step outside it. We just need to get answers, for all of us."
"That angel is a real dick," Callie replied. "Put me down. Just don't…hurt him," she continued, glancing at Crowley.
"This kind of treatment isn't going to get you what you want, you know," Crowley taunted.
"Yeah? Jeez, man, what is it with you and her? You didn't even notice me drawing the trap!"
Callie continued to watch Crowley, waiting to hear his answer. When he stayed silent, she stepped forward.
"You tried to warn us, that he wouldn't fix it. We need to know. He called me Elena. Is that my name? So I don't even know my real name? And Ari is Ava?"
Crowley stared at her but said nothing.
"Please, Crowley. He…he's really Ari's dad?"
"Castiel is her father, yes."
Callie heard Dean inhale sharply.
"I suppose I may as well tell you the rest. No point in hoping things will stay the same."
"Stay the same? I don't understand," Callie said.
"'Fraid he's not the only one who did things he regrets, love. And when you learn about what I've done, well, let's just say I won't be expecting a Christmas card this year."
