I lead the team all into my little hidey-hole. I introduced them to everything and showed them where I slept and that everyone was welcome to sleep anywhere else but there. I had my comfortable spot and I wasn't going to just leave it alone.
I was a little sad knowing I was going to be leaving this small base of mine. I had been practicing with my axe-throwing here, I had been testing out how to deal with zombies here, I was learning how to live on my own. I loved it. I had nothing to worry about. My only issue was that I was lonely. I had no one. So I'm very excited to finally find people, find someone.
Find Eugene.
I guess I was more than happy to leave that small area if that meant I got to spend time with him again.
By the time the morning had come, everyone started stocking up on the food I had and I was making sure to get as many axes as I could bring, along with Matthew helping me out with that since he had a knack for the sport surprisingly. We were getting prepared fairly early to make sure our long trip back to the school could be safe. People were probably worried enough as is, knowing that part of their group had been gone for a day now.
When we left the area and started leaving my old base, everyone seemed to huddle closely with each other. Ethan and Lawrence seemed to stick closer together while Eugene and Harry stuck by each other and so that left me and Matthew alone in the back following behind. Although Matthew did try to walk with Lawrence, Lawrence said he had to talk about something with Ethan in private so Matthew respected that and came to walk next to me.
"Are you happy?" I asked Matthew as we continued to follow the others in front of us.
Matthew seemed to think for a moment and then turned to me and nodded.
I tilted my head. "Why did you hesitate?"
Matthew just shrugged and gave me a weak smile in return. "Just a lot to take in." He spoke and then sighed. "I guess take in the same old same old."
"What do you-"
"Lily!" The very so familiar voice called me. Soon the little blonde boy appeared on my left while Matthew remained on my right. "Why aren't you wearing the cap?"
I looked at him in shock. It was weird having him suddenly acknowledge my existence. "Am I supposed to?"
Eugene rolled his eyes. "Well, that's why I returned it, stupid."
I groaned in response. "Fine." I took the cap out of the small bag I had with me and put it on my head. "Better?"
Eugene nodded with a mischievous smile on his face. "Better."
"Hey," Matthew spoke up to join in on the conversation. "How do you two know each other?"
"Oh-" I went to begin speaking with a smile before Eugene interrupted me.
"Story is lame, don't need to repeat it." He responded with a lack of interest. Did he think the story was lame? Did he think that day was lame?
Did it mean more to me than it did to him?
I looked over at Eugene with disappointment. He must have noticed the look of hurt in my eyes as his eyes softened and he turned away from me and pulled his mask up over his face once again. It's almost as if every time he may show some sort of hint of emotion or empathy he hides behind his mask.
What happened to the excited and ambitious Eugene I met that night?
I sighed. "Yeah, it doesn't matter anymore anyway." I looked over at Matthew. "Means nothing."
That hurt to say. It hurt a lot. I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes but I knew not to show that weakness. Especially not in front of Eugene. I didn't want to show him the pain he was so effortlessly causing me. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of me caring about something that he did not care about.
I wasn't going to let him win.
I swear I heard a huff come from Eugene but before I could put more thought into it he walked back over to Harry without acknowledging me and Matthew as he left. I rolled my eyes, confused and annoyed at his actions. Was he always this way? He was not this secluded when we met. I was the secluded one. How did we switch roles in a matter of months?
Well, I guess the time didn't matter. The apocalypse did.
...
After a long walk and a good conversation with Matthew later, we had all arrived at the school. Matthew seemed in awe looking at the area. I felt like he was always interested and proud of the things Lawrence was able to do, yet Lawrence did not seem to care. At least he didn't care about Matthew's opinions.
Entering the building, there seemed to be a group of people waiting for the return of the group.
"Took you long enough!" A crimson-haired boy shouted at us. He seemed to try and appear tough but it was obvious that he was worried.
Before he could speak again, a shorter girl with red glasses spoke beside him. "Two newcomers? Are you sure?"
"Sue, meet my brother Matthew," Lawrence introduced Matthew in a type of tone that was most likely used to get her to not question his decisions. "And this is his friend, Lilithana."
Sue did seem in shock with Lawrence's statement. She nodded silently to what he said though and accepted it.
"You didn't tell us you had a brother," The girl I had met previously named Emily spoke.
"Wasn't exactly important," Lawrence responded. Matthew's head whipped over to view Lawrence. You could tell that response hurt him. "I didn't know what happened to him and talking about it wouldn't bring him back."
"Lawrence, you left," Matthew spat his words at Lawrence, turning to face Matthew with shock. "You didn't come back. We were worried sick." He seemed almost angry. "You would've known what happened to me if you came back."
Lawrence sighed and messed with his glasses. "Matthew, I couldn't go back. Okay? I'll explain that to you later."
Matthew stayed silent and looked away and down at the ground. Since he stood next to me I just scooted closer to him and patted him on the back. When I started the gesture he lifted his head slightly to look at me and gave me a small smile. He was a sweet boy. I don't know the dynamic between him and Lawrence, but whatever it is it's easy to tell that Matthew just wants his big brother.
"Everyone should introduce themselves," Lawrence spoke with a smile, looking at the group that was in front of him. With some hesitation, the ones I didn't already know introduced themselves as Sue, Hailey, and Zion.
"So what, we lose two members so you bring two more to replace them?" Zion scoffed, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at Lawrence.
"We aren't replacing anyone," Harry spoke softly in response. "It's Lawrence's brother and a friend of him and Eugene." Harry continued, defending both me and Matthew. "We can't just leave them alone. They brought a lot of food as well, making sure we have stock for all of us."
Zion rolled his eyes. "This is the worst time to bring new people with everyone slowly dying."
Matthew and I looked at each other with curiosity. Then Matthew took the initiative to ask the elephant in the room. "What do you mean by you guys lost two members? And that everyone is slowly dying?"
Emily opened her mouth as if she was about to speak but was quickly interrupted by Zion. "We had more members before. Then we just slowly started dropping. First, it was Judy who went missing. Next was Jay who was eaten by zombies while out searching for supplies with a group. And recently it was Scarlett who was found dead in her room." Zion explained with aggravation.
"Well they're staying here and that's final," Lawrence spoke almost calmly, yet his facial expression showed something different. Sure he appeared to be steady and cool but you could tell he was angry.
It was silent for a small bit before Hailey, the quiet girl spoke. "Where will you two be sleeping?"
"Maybe I can-"
"Matthew can stay in Jay's old room." Lawrence interrupted Matthew. Matthew sighed, almost knowing that was going to happen. I'm sure Matthew wanted to stay with his older brother, but his older brother did not want him around.
I know Lawrence cared somewhat though. He wouldn't have taken Matthew in if he didn't. Guess that caring just goes up to an extent.
"And Lilithana can stay in Scarlett's old room-" Lawrence started when he was stopped mid-sentence by Zion.
"She was literally found dead in there, do you really think she wants to sleep there?"
"Many people died in that room before Scarlett, Zion." Eugene rolled his eyes and spat out. Zion just returned the gesture and rolled his eyes being extremely annoyed by the situation.
Sue sighed. "Not entirely sure how that's supposed to make her feel any better, but it's up to her if she wants to stay there or not."
I looked over to Lawrence who was already looking at me, probably waiting for the confirmation of where I was willing to sleep. "I can sleep there." I nodded. "It's fine."
"Perfect," Lawrence grinned. "We can get you all situated as well as add the food to the stock we have now."
Soon everybody started to do so, everyone taking different roles, Matthew following Lawrence out still waiting for an explanation for his disappearance, and that's how I found myself alone in the meeting room with Eugene.
I looked at Eugene with broken eyes and gave a weak smile. "Hi," I spoke, the word coming out quieter than I intended. Guess I was more nervous than I thought.
"Hi," Eugene responded, his voice being quiet as well. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry."
"What?"
"Don't make me say it again please," Eugene groaned. I chuckled at his response. I wasn't trying to tease him, I genuinely wasn't sure if I heard correctly. Yet, due to his response, I knew I heard correctly. "I don't mean to act this way it's just," He stumbled over his words, his breathing seemed to quicken its pace and he seemed deep in thought. "It's just hard."
I took a couple of steps closer to him. "What's hard?"
He once again groaned, this whole conversation obviously being difficult for him to discuss. "It's hard to care." He said sadly. "It's hard to want to think about the good times, to care about someone, especially when you can lose it all at any second." He continued to explain, avoiding any eye contact with me.
"Is that why you never went back to the arcade?" I asked the question that had been killing me since that day. Since our birthday. "I went back there almost every day. After a while my visits became less frequent until they finally stopped. I was looking for you Eugene, but you never came back. Is that why you never came back?"
Eugene seemed shocked by my words. "You went back?" I nodded in response to his question. "I," He stuttered. "Yeah, I didn't go back because you were someone who shared the same dream as me, someone I wanted to hang out with all the time. That was kind of scary to me because I knew that if something ever happened between us it would hurt me the most out of anyone else in my life at the time. So, I left." He confessed. "And when I saw you again I was scared. Because now in this world that we live in, getting to know people and reminiscing on the past isn't worth it when everything can disappear in a snap. Seeing you reminded me of good days and how happy you made me that day. I don't want to care so then it'll hurt less when you're," He stopped and gulped before he said the words I was innevitabely waiting for. He finally looked me in the eyes to finish his sentence. "When you're gone."
I smiled at him with tears building up in my eyes and slowly dropping down my cheeks. "I'm not going anywhere."
...
The next day everything went back to normal with Eugene and it remained that way for the next couple of days as well. Seeming cold and like he didn't care. Yet, when we were alone he was slightly more open. Not as open as he was previously, but enough to have a nice conversation. That would be until someone else came in and he'd pretend I was nothing but a burden.
Yeah, I had a better understanding of his thought process and feelings but that didn't make anything hurt any less every time he said that we had nothing and that nothing really mattered and nothing really will. I heard those words more than any reassuring ones, so those were the words that repeated in my head the most.
"Hey," A familiar voice spoke from outside of my room and was accompanied by a knock, the noise taking me out of my thoughts. "It's Matthew. Can I come in?" He asked politely.
"Yeah, come in." I invited him in. The room wasn't entirely fancy, it was just a classroom with the bed being stacks of blankets, some pillows, and old small mattress pads.
Matthew slowly opened the door and walked in. He closed the door softly behind me then turned to face me with a smile. He adjusted the glasses on his head and walked a bit closer to me. "I was just wondering how you're doing?"
I was slightly confused by his questioned, but it was nice knowing someone was concerned. Though, I thought I was hiding my emotions a little better but apparently he was able to tell something was off. "I'm okay I suppose." I shrugged in response.
Me and Matthew had been spending a lot of time together. The others were still pretty iffy about us besides maybe Ethan and Harry. Obviously Lawrence and Eugene were okay with us too but seemed distant. I suppose that was something me and Matthew could relate with when it came to each other.
He just wanted a better connection with his older brother and I just wanted a better connection with my old friend.
"Is Eugene still bothering you?" He asked with sincerity in his tone. He knew how it felt like to be shrugged off by the one person you wanted to be closer to more than anyone else here. "You know you can talk to me about it."
I sighed. He was right. I could. Yet, it still felt hard to. It was almost as if talking about it made it seem more real, and I just wished this whole thing was fake. "He used to be so self-assured and confident when we first met. He never listened to what anybody said and would sing his stupid little heart out with no care in the world and no care of what the world thought. Now he just," My voice cracked as I tried to find the words. "Now he just hides and pushes everyone away. He used to have no fear when it came to performing and being who he wanted to be and now he just seems so afraid. How did the roles change?" I chuckled sadly, just then realizing I was crying.
Matthew sat me down on the makeshift bed I had and wiped my cheeks to take away the tears and then sat next to me. "What do you mean?"
I smiled at him to silently thank him for the gesture and then tried to find the words to explain my last words. I looked at the ground and twiddled my thumbs. "When we first met I was the shy recluse and he was this confident entertainer and he showed me how to break out of that bubble. Now he seems to have hidden in this bubble that I used to hide in. No longer confident and no hope for the future when those are what used to fuel him." I stated, thinking deeply into what I was saying as I continued. "Now I feel like I've made friends more easily, I'm not this recluse I thought I was going to be anymore." My voice slowly started to fade as I continued to speak. Then I turned to face Matthew, looked him in the eyes, and smiled. "I need to get Eugene out of his bubble like he did for me."
Matthew returned the smile. "Well then, why don't we get started on that?"
I hadn't felt so excited for something in quite a while until that moment when Matthew spoke those words. Now I had something to look forward to.
Getting Eugene out of his bubble.
