"We have to set out today to get more supplies as an emergency, not only has someone been stealing from our stock of food but also the room where we kept the food fell slightly apart destroying some of our rations," Lawrence thoroughly explained to the group. "I'll be going and I'll be taking 3 other volun-"
Before Lawrence could finish the sentence, the boy sitting next to me shot up his hand at supersonic speed.
"No."
"But-"
"Matthew, you're not going," Lawrence spoke sternly to his younger brother. "Anyone else?"
My hand was then the one to shoot up. "If Matthew goes with me."
"Then you're not going." Lawrence groaned.
Eugene's hand shot up next. "If Lily and Matthew go with me."
Lawrence let out a heavy sigh. "Fine. Matthew, Lily, Eugene, and I. Just get ready and meet back here as soon as possible, we're heading out immediately."
Lawrence looked pissed. He kept his composure well but it was fairly easy for me to tell that he was not at all happy with the decision made. He left the room with more speed than I've usually seen him walk in.
When Lawrence had completely left the room, Matthew beside me let out a deep sigh beside me and slumped down in his seat. "What's wrong?" I leaned forward towards him with concern.
He shrugged. "I don't get why he brought me here if he wants nothing to do with me." He quietly explained, pain found his voice. "Why didn't he just leave me somewhere to die?"
"Matthew, don't say things like that." I rested my hand on his shoulder to spread comfort. I rubbed his shoulder with my thumb. "He wouldn't have wanted to take you here if he didn't care. There was a reason he did this." I gave him a weak grin. "He cares about you. He has to."
Matthew just looked at me and passed me a small nod before he stood up, adjusted his clothing, and trudged out of the room in silence. I hadn't even noticed that everyone had already left the room until I watched Matthew leave. I knew I had to get up and get prepared for the venture, but I couldn't help but want to just sit there and think where I had been. What was happening around me?
"Lily?" A familiar blonde's voice emanated through the room. "Did you even leave yet?" I slowly turned my head to look at Eugene who stood at one of the doors entrances. I shook my head. "Lawrence is going to be pissed at you if he comes back to find you here and not even ready to leave." Eugene crossed his arms with a sigh while rolling his eyes.
I rolled my eyes as well in retaliation and stood up. "Yeah, as if you care."
Eugene was shocked, his eyes widened, his mouth was left agape and he took a step back. "Hey! I do care!" He claimed walking towards me. "You're my," He hesitated a bit before sighing and looking up at the ceiling with an uninterested look plastered on his face. "Friend. You're my friend."
I stared at him with disbelief and disapproval. "Doesn't feel like it." I spat out and walked past him, annoyed. As much as I wanted to be there for Eugene and get him out of his bubble, get him close to me again, help him open up again, I couldn't deny that it was a big struggle for me emotionally. It takes a lot out of a person to try and support a person and try to get a person to open up when they do nothing but treat you like an idiot. As if everything you do is wrong as if everything you do for them means nothing as if you mean nothing to them. I keep attempting, but sometimes it's hard for me to stay motivated, and right now was one of those times.
I got to my room, closing my door behind me, getting my stuff prepared the best as I could. Got my axes, my bag, all of the essentials. I adjusted my cap then realized I was still wearing it. I wore it every day. I debated taking it off, but when I heard a knock at my door and I felt like I knew who it was, I kept it on.
"Come in," I accepted the knock.
"Lily?" I heard Eugene's voice quietly pop up as he delicately entered the room. I hummed in response not turning to face him. I kept my focus on my bag. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He started. "I'm not this kind of person, I'm usually better than this, I don't know-"
"The world went to shit and so did your hopes and dreams. So you gave up on everything." I sighed, giving him his answer. "You gave up on yourself."
Eugene didn't respond. I knew he knew that was why. That was the answer. He was just in denial. He didn't want to admit it. Admitting it meant it was real and he wasn't ready to accept the reality of that.
I grabbed all my bags and axes and put them on, I spun on my heel and stuck out my hand to him. "I'm going to need you to follow me."
"What?" He curiously asked as his cheeks got a flush of pink when he looked at my hand. He placed his hand in mine and I intertwined our fingers together. "We can't," He started stuttering. "We have to go back to 1-C, Lawrence will get mad at us and I don't want to keep him and Matthew waiting-"
"Matthew will love that," I assured Eugene. "Trust me." He looked me in the eyes for a moment before nodding. "Good. Now follow me."
He silently listened as I quickly took him up to the music room, a place I had to go through once during a patrol. When we entered the room I let go of his hand and gestured to the dusty piano.
"Lily, I can't-"
"Play it," I ordered rather than asked.
He looked at me bewildered. "I don't even think I remember how to play it, I've always just ignored it here, it's not-" He rambled on and on trying to find excuses as to why he couldn't play the piano that sat in front of him.
I rolled my eyes and walked over to the piano. I began dusting it off with my sleeve, dusting the top, the keys, and then finally the seat. I tapped the seat twice offering the spot to Eugene. "Sit down and play." I once again stated rather than asked.
He looked at me with what felt like fear. He did not seem prepared, he did not seem ready, but I wasn't either on our 17th birthday. I want to remind him of that day.
He got situated on the stool and placed his fingers gently on the keys. He didn't press down or anything, he just softly traced the keys in front of him with his fingers slowly, taking in the sight and the feeling once again. "I don't even know what to play," He spoke up, hurt in his voice.
I sat down next to him and nudged him with my elbow. "Anything Taylor Swift?"
He looked at me and smiled. A cute genuine smile. "Everyone loves Taylor Swift." He looked sad yet relaxed with the previous memories of the night we first met. "Yeah," He nodded. "I know some Taylor Swift."
Eugene's fingers shook slightly over the keys. It took him a bit before he placed his hands on the correct chord to begin the song he wanted to play. He was visibly nervous. Scared he'd mess up, scared he'd forget how to play. I know how much it may hurt forgetting how to play something you once deeply adored, but from the short time I had known Eugene, I knew he had music in his blood. No matter what, he will always find a way.
He took a deep breath before finally pressing his slim fingers down on the keys. A smile immediately plastered onto my face as Eugene started to focus on what he was playing. As if he was destined for this moment, he remembered every key, every chord, and every lyric as he played the first Taylor Swift song we sang together on our birthday. So, I sang along.
It was a moment I had been waiting for, for so long. To sing with him again. Although it was during shitty circumstances, I finally got my wish.
Right as Eugene was finishing, the door slammed open. Both me and Eugene spun around in fear and saw an angry Lawrence and a meek Matthew behind him.
"Get up off your asses, we leave now," Lawrence demanded furiously. Angry Lawrence was nothing but terrifying.
Eugene and I got up and sped to where Lawrence and Matthew stood at the speed of light, afraid to face Lawrence's wrath. When we caught up to the two I automatically stood next to Matthew who seemed to be slumped over into his shoulders. I nudged him slightly with my elbow. He looked over at me with a hum in response. "Did you get to talk to Lawrence alone?" I whispered.
Matthew just looked away from me and up ahead to Lawrence who was walking fairly angrily in front of us but he grinned. He turned his head back to me and nodded.
...
Matthew's P.O.V
During The Previous Events
I had walked into classroom 1-C to wait for Lawrence, Eugene, and Lily to meet up and for us to go out. I was happy to be able to leave this place, especially with Lawrence. I know he didn't see me the same way as I saw him but that didn't stop me from at least trying.
I just wanted my older brother to be proud of me. So bad. I just wanted my older brother. You watch on TV of the protective and loving older sibling, beating up the bully for you, helping you when you need it, and no matter the quarrel they are always there for you. I wanted that. Lawrence never wanted that dynamic.
Lawrence never wanted a younger brother after all.
I was nervous while I waited in the classroom alone. Lily and Eugene weren't there and as much as I wanted to be alone with Lawrence I was afraid of him arriving first at the same time. Especially since he didn't even want me to go on this trip, to begin with.
Though, to my fears, he did arrive first.
He trudged into the classroom with his bag and pole in hand. He definitely seemed to be in a bad mood. His hair was a mess and seemed less composed than usual. He walked in looking down at the ground so he didn't see who was all around but I was sure that if he knew it was only me he wouldn't have walked in. My theory was confirmed when he looked up to me and his face fell to a look of annoyance. He sighed then looked back down.
"Hey," I timidly greeted my brother. Lawrence remained silent.
Not sure why it did, but that for some reason made me speak before I could think.
"Why did you take me here if you were just going to pretend I didn't exist?"
Lawrence looked back up to me quickly in confusion. "What?"
"You heard me," I bravely stated. "Why did you take me here?"
He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. "Because you're my brother."
I liked the response, but it still made no sense to me. I pursed my lips. "Then why don't you treat me like your brother?"
He seemed to be incredibly shocked by all of my sudden bold questions. He had to think long and hard for some as if he didn't even know the answer himself.
"You're my younger brother and you're my responsiblity," He spoke out curtly. "Zombie apocalypse or not, I'm supposed to take care of you."
I stuffed my hands into my pockets and continued to look at him. By the look on my face I could tell he knew exactly what I wanted to ask next.
"I wanted to take you with me, you know."
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "What?"
Lawrence let out a small breath and ran his fingers through his hair. "You know I never really got along with mom and dad." He began. "I was the golden child and everyone had the most expectations of me and everyone couldn't wait to have the doctor lawyer astronaut son or whatever." He rolled his eyes and I chuckled at his words. He smiled slightly for a small second then sighed and returned to his story. "I was never allowed to want to do what I wanted to do. I couldn't look into other things, I couldn't consider a different career path, I couldn't," His eyes closed shut tightly. "I couldn't even have a girl to call mine."
I hopped up to a desk behind me to take a seat on it. I intertwined my hands together and patiently waited for my brother to continue his story.
"When all of this went down I realized how I only have this one life to live and I was basically living it for my parents. To meet their expectations. So, when I was sent out, I decided to just leave and never go back. I didn't want to stay under what they said anymore. I wanted to be my own leader." He crossed his arms and stood up straight, his eyes scanning around the classroom for a brief moment. "After I found this school and another group I had thought about you." He looked over to me. "I didn't care about my decision when it happened, if I must admit, but for some reason when I saw everyone around me I felt something inside me that made me wish I brought you too. Because I suppose without me, mom and dad would put the golden child title onto you. And you don't deserve that, Matthew. You shouldn't be burdened with that title." He looked away once again and back down to the ground. "Maybe if I wasn't raised with that title I wouldn't have done the things that I have done." He smiled. "And I don't even feel guilty."
I didn't know what he was talking about, but the way he smiled and the way he spoke. It gave me chills. It was almost scary. My brother, what have you done?
"I have the oppurtunity to take what I want and take control of my own life now." He looked up, his smile seeming more cynical. "And I'm not letting that go." He looked back over to me and his expression softened, the once cynical smile turning into something almost sad. "I don't want you to grow up and be like me, Matthew. I wanted to save you from mom and dad, but I didn't know how to save you from myself."
The look in his eyes. It was hurt. He was hurt. I just hopped off the desk and walked over to him, taking him into a tight embrace. At first Lawrence didn't hug back, but after a short moment he returned the gesture. "No matter what you have done, I will always love you Lawrence."
He chuckled and pulled away from the hug. He looked at me with a grin, seemingly genuine and caring, and just looked at me. He patted me on the head. "I don't think you would if you knew I was playing God."
"What-"
"We need to find Eugene and Lily, we should have left a long time ago." He groaned, his entire demeanor returning back to the one he had when he first walked into the room. He swiftly turned and left the room without warning. I quickly ran to follow, unsure what to say or what to do after what he last told me.
Those words repeated in my head all the way to the source of the music me and Lawrence heard.
"If you knew I was playing God."
Our parents raised us as Christians, but I knew Lawrence was always one to believe in science. Although I believe in science as well, I still had a faith in me that I felt like would never go away. It was never the strongest but his words caused me to worry.
I decided that before I went to bed that night I would pray for my brother, hoping God would forgive him for whatever he's done that caused him to say that he is playing God's role.
