The thick, dark clouds looming overhead unleashed their divine load without mercy. Streams of water bustled down the streets, pushing the drainage systems to their limits. Equipt with thick raincoats, Velma and Hank made their way across the street to Dale's house. Velma's phone rang, she took it from her pocket. A look of perturbation flashed across her face as she declined the call.

"Need to take it?" Hank casually asked. Velma looked away. Her rain jacket only did so much to protect from the icy wind and rain, she shivered.

"It's just my fiance, I can call her back later," she replied. To her surprise, the rain had already begun soaking through her shoes and seeping into her socks.

"Huh. Ya know if I did that to Peggy, she'd kick my ass, I tell you h'what," Hank laughed.

Velma looked back at him, recalling her earlier conversations with Peggy, "I can tell you two love eachother very much."

"I don't know h'what I'd do without my Peg-leg," he warmly said, "there aren't a lot of things worth loving more than propane, but Peggy's one of 'em. And my boy."

Velma looked back down, thinking for a moment, "what would you have done if Peggy didn't like propane? If she made you choose between the two?"

"Peggy would never make me choose between her and propane. Part of loving another person is accepting them for who they are, that includes all of their weird quirks and interests. Otherwise, h'what's even the point? If Peggy didn't love me with propane in my life, then she wouldn't be able to love me at all," Hank said. They were halfway across the street, Hank's socks were still dry, "I like to think of it like a clean burning propane flame. You can't choose what shape the flame takes, it's always shifting. You can only choose to fuel it or let it go out. So if you find a flame that keeps you warm, you should give it all the propane it needs."

A slideshow of memories flashed through Velma's mind. She recalled late night study sessions, writing stories together, decorating their first apartment, "you know she used to be a member of Mystery Incorporated for a time, standing in for Daph. That was the first time I felt like someone in the group really understood me. Daphne eventually came back, and they kicked her out of the group. I tried convincing the gang to let her stay, but they wouldn't allow it. I felt so unlistened to. My heart felt like it burst into flames. That flame you and Mrs. Hill talk about… I think I'm starting to understand it."

"Sounds like she's important to you," Hank thoughtfully replied, " and you're important to her. I'd call her back before she kicks your ass."

They had made it to Dale's porch. Before knocking, Velma called Marcie. The rain hadn't stopped, but Velma felt warmer than before.

The half-molten magnum opus relentlessly ran after Bobby through the never ending, mazelike halls. Bobby searched for any opportunity to escape, but found none. He wondered if he would ever make it out of the tent, if he would ever see his beloved Connie again. His parents, Ladybird, Luanne – he thought about how he never got to say goodbye to any of them. Bobby Hill brutalized by a bastard with a crowbar, he thought.

"No," he uttered between two deep breaths, "I won't die to some stranger," he continued panting. He knew the layout of the tent like the back of his hand; after all, he had put most of it together. In his mind, he considered all the trap doors hidden in the hall of mirrors. With the next intersection of halls, Bobby cut left.

Epstein took one long swoop of the crowbar, which Bobby caught, bruising his arm in the process. Bobby turned and threw a mighty kick to Epstein's groin, who let out a sharp yelp.

"I don't know you," Bobby cried, kicking Epstein several more times in the groin with full force. Epstein loosened his grip on the crowbar. Bobby noticed and yanked it from his hand, retaliating with an overhead blow to the skull. Epstein's body fell to the ground.

"I… I did it… wait until dad finds out," Bobby gleefully announced. Suddenly, the wax figure of Jeffrey Epstein withdrew a dagger from his wax coat and plunged it into Bobby's leg.

From a nearby room, Shaggy and Scooby heard him cry out in pain.

"Like we gotta help him, Scoob," Shaggy said. The two found themselves in a cold, dirty room covered in blood, lit by two large fire pits full of bones. Long chains interlaced with chunks of fresh flesh hung from the ceiling, gently swaying back and forth. Against the back wall, a massive, rusty meat grinder. The ceiling had a grotesque hole wrapped in thick veins. Intermittently, a person coated in a thick mucus would fall out and directly into the meat grinder, which would shred them, adding to the ever growing pile of ground meat.
"Hmm, r'I think I have an idea Raggy," Scooby said, eyeing the meat pile.

Shaggy peaked out the door to the horrific sight of poor Bobby. He hit the floor with a thud, his blood a growing warm puddle, desperately pulling himself away from Epstein. Looking up he saw Shaggy reaching his hand out. Bobby took grasp of Shaggy's clammy hand, who then pulled him into the room. Scooby barred the door behind them with a femur bone he found on the ground.

"Ahhhhh," all three of them shrieked in unison, looking at each other.

"I'm gonna barf," Bobby said, throwing up all over Shaggy's feet and collapsing to the floor.

"Like, stop bleeding man," Shaggy panicked. He tore his green v-neck t-shirt off and wrapped it tightly around Bobby's leg.

"I'm gonna die… at least it was in Shaggy Rogers arms," Bobby coughed as Shaggy held him. Scooby came close.

"No way man, we aren't dying without a last meal," Shaggy said, tears welling in his eyes, "we gotta, like, keep on pushing," Bobby spat up some blood, "we just need a plan."

"R'hat would Fred do?" Scooby pondered. Epstein was thrashing on the door with his crowbar.

"Like, Fred'd, be like, 'alright gang, let's split up and search for clues,' ha-hoo, and then he'd go with Velma and Daphne and leave you and me with the monster," Shaggy replied, "like maybe that's not such a bad idea Scoob."

"Reaving us with the monster?" Scooby asked.

"Like, Bobby here knows his way outta this place," Shaggy said, Bobby nodded in agreement, "and, like, with that leg of his, he'd be no good running from that freaky dude."

"What're you saying?" Bobby nervously asked. The magnum opus continued it's assault on the door.

"Like, Scooby and I will distract that guy while you get outta here and find your mom," Shaggy said. A frown grew on Bobby's face.

"No. I can't leave you guys, that thing'll kill you," declared Bobby.

"R'if you don't get your r'om, r'at thing'll kill us all…" added Scooby. Bobby thought hard for a moment. He looked to Shaggy who gave an encouraging nod, then to Scooby who licked his cheek, causing Bobby to giggle.

"Alright guys, just promise me you won't get hurt," Bobby requested.

"Don't r'orry, we're professionals, rehehehe," Scooby laughed. Bobby slowly stood up with Shaggy help, his legs quivering like jackhammers. Shaggy and Scooby helped Bobby to a wall he directed them towards. Bobby found a hidden button on the ground under a chunk of meat. He pressed it, causing the wall to begin tearing. It looked as if the wall was ripping itself open, strands of fleshy concrete snapped as the tear grew wider, eventually unveiling a grotesque secret escape. Bobby went in, looking back at Shaggy and Scooby one last time, who smiled back reassuringly.

"What can I do for ya sug, gonna kick Dale's ass again?" A blonde woman greeted the two at the door. Velma recognized her voice, Nancy Hicks-Gribble from Channel 84.

"No, we just wanna talk," Hank reassured her.

"Well, alright," she motioned them to come in, "he's down in that basement of his, careful, don't wanna trip on one of his science experiments."

Hank and Velma stepped into the dark, dank basement. Hank felt around and found the switch. A single, dim, yellow light bulb pushed back against the darkness. In the corner of the room, Dale lay nestled in bed like an albino pretzel.

"What do you want, Hank…" he uttered.

"I'm just here to find out where you got all that gobbledygook," he said, walking over to Dale's bed.

"And I see you brought," Dale said, removing his glasses and putting them on, "Velma Dinkley?"

"Oh, don't mind me, I'm just tagging along in case there's an actual mystery," she said, standing to the left of Hank.

"Well you're in luck, because I've stumbled upon the greatest mystery of all time," Dale said, pulling a laptop out from under his blanket, "that is if Hank's actually willin' to listen."

"Let me guess, some weirdos on the internet told you about some asinine conspiracy theory and you believed them?" Hank asked.

"No… it's nothing like that at all… it all started about a month ago. I was browsing r/conspiracy-"

"H'what in the hell is an r/conspiracy," Hank interrupted.

"It's a thinking ground. A place where modern geniuses and philosophers gather to engage in highly advanced discourse about what really matters," Dale explained.

"That's one way to put it," Velma said under her breath.

"One day I discovered a discussion about a conspiracy centered right here in Arlen. It didn't have many upvotes, but I felt compelled to dig deeper. What I read changed everything. The post was by two young scientists who had uncovered something at a dig sight, something that could only be described as the word of God," Dale ominously said. The lonely lightbulb flickered.

"Right. The word of God. And what exactly was God saying?" Velma skeptically inquired.

"It can't be spoken. Only felt," Dale replied. Velma found it difficult to breathe, a combination of the stuffy environment and the cramped, dark space.

"If it can't be spoken then how did you read about it on the internet, Dale?" Hank said furiously.

"The post was an invitation," Dale replied. The light bulbs flickering became more sporadic.

Velma removed an inhaler from her pocket and took a hit. "An invitation to what?"

"To experience the word of God," Dale said, turning his laptop and revealing the post. The post advertised a free and enlightening ten-minute experience.

"Damnit Dale, you're telling me you put those machine guns on my truck because you got inducted into a cult?" Hank's voice cracked in frustration, "I outta-"

"I can take you there Hank."

"Pass."

"I had my reservations at first, too, ya know. But once you feel it, there's no doubt. It's inevitable Hank."

Velma piped in. "I'll go with you Mr. Gribble."

"H'what? No, he'll probably get you killed," Hank rebutted.

"What can I say? I love a good mystery. You know just as well as I do that there's no word of God, but you can't deny there's an air of mystery about the whole thing. Call it an instinct, following my gut, my nose. Mystery's a fruity taste that always shows, Mr. Hill," Velma replied.

"I don't think I understand you kids and your mysteries, but I suppose it would be irresponsible of me to let you go with him alone. I'll go see your word of God, Dale," Hank said with a hesitant nod.

"Excellent, to the Dalemobile," Dale cried, pumping his fist in the air. Velma and Hank turned to leave, "would someone please place me in my wheelchair?" Dale requested.


The magnum opus drew back the last blow needed to bust down the door. He threw a swift swing which, to his surprise, he carried forward, falling to the ground. Someone had opened the door. Epstein peered up and saw two figures looking down at him.

"Bonjour mon ami, you are here for the burgers, no?" The slim, tall fellow asked. The creature stood up rubbing it's waxy head in confusion.

"Rell of course he is, who rouldn't want the finest burgers in all of the netherworld, made from freshly birthed hellspawn?" The other, furrier person added, pulling a chair over for Epstein to sit on. Epstein took a seat, the cushion a thick and luxurious red silk. The furry person began massaging Epstein's shoulders while the slim one brought over a table. He effortlessly threw a beautiful lace tablecloth over it, garnishing with a single candle at the center. With a swift stroke of a match, the candle had been lit. In front of the magnum opus it sat, slowly melting – impermanent.

"We'll start you off with our delicious appetizer of stuffed mushrooms, these mushrooms were picked from, like, the dirtiest crevice this hell hole has to offer," the slim wait explained, bringing out a silver dish holding six mushrooms, "then we, like, stuff them with our inhouse ground flesh and cream cheese cultured from human centipede milk."

"Mmmhhhh," the creature delightfully expressed, biting into a mushroom. The candle's flame flickered frantically as he feasted, drops of hot wax slowly creeping down it's shaft. The furry waiter poured Epstein an ice cold glass of water.

"For our main course, one pound burgers, 'rizzled with r'acho cheese and r'alepeneos," the waiter said, setting the pitcher of water down on the table. The slim waiter had gone under the table and began massaging Epstein's feet.

The furry waiter carefully carried the cheesy sandwich over on another platter. It was beautiful, the molten cheese and jalapenos, the fresh and steamy buns, the juicy and well seasoned patty, all of it – glorious. Epstein went to grab the burger, but the furry waiter stopped him.

"Catsup?" He asked, offering a large bottle of Heinz ketchup. The creature's mouth salivated as it lifted the top burger bun so as to allow the waiter to apply a delightful dollop of ketchup. Instead, the waiter shot a stream of the tomato puree through the candle flame, extinguishing it, and directly into Epstein's eyeball. The intense burning sensation was unlike any he had felt before, he fell back in pain. The waiters removed their wigs, revealing themselves to be Shaggy and Scooby-Doo in disguise. Epstein opened his other eye and Shaggy immediately shot it with mustard, completely blinding him. The two took the opportunity and ran for it.

Epstein whipped the condiments from his blazing red eyes and took off after Shaggy and Scooby. They lead him back the way they came in. When they got outside of the hall of mirrors, two other figures waited. Bobby had brought Peggy with him. She stood tall, fury in her eyes, still sporting the green ascot Daphne had given her. Bobby limped over to Shaggy and Scooby, who hid behind a massive tentacle tree on the edge of the forest of flesh.

"Well, I knew my magnum opus was lifelike, but I never dreamed that I was this good," she said, removing her shoes.

"Like, why's she taking her shoes off like that?" Shaggy whispered to Bobby. Bobby smiled.

"My mom's jutsu works better when she's barefoot," he replied. Epstein withdrew the dagger he had stabbed Bobby with earlier, now covered in dried blood.

"Is that the dagger you stabbed my son with?" Peggy asked, as they began slowly circling each other. The magnum opus gave the blade a slow and sentimental lick, then nodded.

"Well, then that's the blade I'll use to kill you. Peggy Hill brought you into this world, and now she's gonna take you out," Peggy said, suddenly dashing straight for the creature. She threw herself into a spin. The creature threw its hands up to block, but Peggy kicked it and launched it's body deep into the forest of flesh with a thunderous boom.

"R'ow, R'I've never seen a kick r'ike that before," Scooby said in shock.

"Mom uses a specialized taijutsu that focuses on expelling chakra from her feet to amplify her kicks," Bobby explained, "no one can outkick my mom, she trains hard every day to be the best."

Peggy lept towards Epstein, leaving rubble in her wake. Three miles away, the magnum opus sat up, dizzied from the high-velocity blow as well as the genjutsu from the grass. He had landed on enough of the stuff to vividly recall just about every rancid memory rotting in the back of his mind. Before he had time to finish recollecting himself, he saw Peggy flying towards him.

Peggy watched as he performed a lightning fast set of hand signs. Before she could land, he sent a wave of piercing heat her way. She shot chakra from her feet, throwing her up and over the wave with a flip. She began falling once again, carrying her velocity into a spinning down kick. As she spun, she began expelling chakra to spin even faster.

"Ho-yeah, get ready for one of Peggy Hill's Peggy-style, blazing buzzsaw kicks," she cried. The opus put his hands up just as Peggy's kick landed, wax shrapnel flew out in every direction. Peggy landed nearby and looked up. Where Epstein stood, a large waxy ball now sat. A large chunk was missing where Peggy had landed her attack. The large wax ball suddenly lit ablaze, melting away to reveal an unscathed Epstein.

"So that's how it's gonna be, huh? I guess it wouldn't hurt to let loose a little," Peggy said, rolling her neck with a loud crack. Epstein motioned up to Peggy, who peered up and saw that the wax shrapnel sat suspended in the air. He performed a swift hand sign and the solid wax floating in the air began melting. Boiling hot wax began raining down from above. Sweltering drops burned the fleshy grass, causing them to emit shrill and torturous shrieks. Peggy jumped out of range of the wax rain, across from Epstein.

"That jutsu's too slow for my feet," Peggy said, surprising Epstein with a flying kick to the jaw in the blink of an eye. Epstein's jaw flew off, revealing a gory inside before his entire body melted to the floor.

"Wax clone," she muttered, scanning her surroundings. The entire mile radius was coated in a thick and glossy navy blue wax. She spotted him in the center of it. He threw another hand sign and candle wicks grew all over the place, like a fuzzy moss. Peggy jumped just as the entire battlefield burst into bright black flames.

Hank, Velma, and Dale pulled into a dirty alley. A foot of murky flood water flowed out to the street. The rain continued pouring. Hank looked about the alley from the driver's seat, slowly coming to terms with the fact that he was likely wasting his time.

"We're here," Dale said, "Hank, light me a cigarette."

"Light your own damn cigarette," Hank replied, stopping Dale's van next to a large green dumpster that was stuffed just past it's limits.

"I can't, I'm paralyzed from the waist down," Dale rebutted.

"Fine," Hank lit Dale's cigarette and jabbed it into his mouth, "h'what're we doing in this alley, anyways?"

"The prophets aren't from Arlen. They relocated here because it's closer to the dig site."

"They relocated to an alley?" Velma asked.

"Not exactly," Dale said, "as soon as someone puts me in my wheelchair, I can show you." Hank got out of the van and went around back to get the wheelchair.

"So Ms. Dinkley, what brings you to Arlen?" Dale asked Velma.

"You've heard of Mystery Incorporated?" Velma asked.

"I've done my research."

"Well then you should know we're headed to Seattle to investigate the missing top of the Space Needle, isn't that right, Rusty?" Velma said with a wink.

"Gi- how did you-"

"I've done my research too," Velma replied with a grin. Hank opened the passenger door, unbuckled and then tossed Dale into the wheelchair.

"Could you atleast roll up my pant legs?" Dale asked, eyeing the unnatural amount of water flowing through the alley.

"No," Hank replied, "now get on with whatever you're gonna do so I can stop wasting my time."

"Reindeer Flotilla," Dale exclaimed. Suddenly, three large tubes shot out from the dumpster, sucking the three in. They flew through a complex, maze-like network of transportation tubes and out into a dark cave lit by various candles.

"What the hell was that?" Velma asked, attempting to hold in her vomit.

"Shhh…" Dale said, holding a finger to his lips, "you should always greet them with a bow."

"You don't bow to us, child, you bow to the Lord," a preteen's voice echoed from the shadows. Two shadowy robed figures stood just outside the light of a candle. They stepped forward, revealing themselves. One boy had green hair, the other was a redhead. They both wore light yellow robes and held their hands together at their centers in prayer.

"Yes sir," Dale said. He began praying to the lord for forgiveness.
"So, you two have come to witness the word of God yourselves?" The redheaded boy asked.

"Aren't you kids a little bit young to be starting a cult?" Hank asked in retaliation.

"Yes, yes we are," the redhead replied, "where are our manners? I'm the holy prophet Phineas, and this is the holy prophet Ferb. We've been gifted the responsibility of spreading the holy Lord's message."

"I'll believe that when I see it," Velma replied.

"You won't see it, you'll feel it," the holy prophet Ferb said, his voice warm and charming.

"Right this way," Phineas said, motioning them to a hall. The five began walking together.

"Mr. Gribble said this was a dig site, what were you two digging for?" Velma asked, admiring the various stalagmites.

"We were making an elevator to the otherside of the Earth," Phineas enthusiastically replied. They hit a fork and Phineas led them left.

"That's impossible, no elevator could withstand the heat of the mantle, let alone the core of the Earth," Velma responded.

"Impossible's only the limits of your own imagination," Ferb said, walking over to the wall of the cave. A drawstring hung from the ceiling, he gave it a tug and part of the wall shot up – window blinds in disguise. The glass panel behind it revealed the impossible, Velma's jaw dropped.

"You mean-" she uttered. On the other side of the glass, thick magma flowed. It was as if they were at a lava lamp aquarium.

"Yep, you're in the mantle right now. This base is used to keep an eye on things," Phineas said, walking over and closing the blinds, "unholy things."

They continued a little further. Upon a sharp left turn, they saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel. They could feel the light even from a hundred or so feet away – so comforting. Hank tried identifying its color, but with no luck. He activated his Sharingan.

"Bwah, that chakra, it's unreal," Hank said. They all stopped.

"Those who are ready to experience his word, step into the light. Let it bathe you, baptize you, and come out reborn, like we did. Like your good friend Dale did," Phineas said, raising his hands up. Hank and Velma began walking towards the light, and then they were falling into it, and then they were a part of it.