When Ella wakes the next day, something prickly spikes beneath her skin. She is no longer upset, at least not in the sad sense, her previous emotions replaced by whatever this sensation is. She can't find a name for it and she doesn't want to. She has better things to do than focus on such things, like packing for her return to Hogwarts.
Most of what she needs is already in her trunk, going untouched for the entire break. A few textbooks and writing supplies need to be returned along with her toiletries, but everything else is accounted for, and she is ready ahead of time.
At least she thinks so until she sees Colin's camera.
It sits on a shelf behind the bedroom door, placed there purposefully in case her mother checks in on her without warning. She would hide it in her closet if she wasn't so worried about something falling on it. If it broke, she would never forgive herself. And if her mother found it, she would never hear the end of it.
Listening for her mother's footsteps or voice and hearing nothing, she opens her trunk in record speed and grabs the camera from the shelf as gently as she can. She cushions it with her robes and ensures it stays well away from her heavy textbooks. She only allows herself to breathe when the trunk is closed and the threat of being walked in on is over.
She looks at Jinxie. "Come on, let's get out of here."
Her father greets her at the bottom of the stairs, her mother nowhere in sight. It shouldn't surprise her, and in some ways it doesn't, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Curtis doesn't offer an explanation when he sees her and she doesn't ask for one. They both know talking about it won't do either of them any good.
When Dennis comes downstairs a few minutes later, he looks around the same way Ella did, the only difference being that he actually opens his mouth to speak. Curtis acts quickly, taking Ella's bags and heading out the door before he can get a word out.
"Come on, kids. Don't want to be late!"
Ella and Dennis exchange looks of concern, but say nothing as they follow their father out the door. It doesn't take long to pack their bags into the boot of the car, and as she slides into the backseat, Ella watches the windows, waits for the flutter of curtains that will indicate that her mother is watching them leave. She sees nothing.
Whatever prickles beneath the surface stabs her, an all-consuming feeling that she does her best to squash. It doesn't work.
Ella finds Yeoreum in the crowd seconds after running through Platform Nine and Three-Quarters' brick wall. Her family is nowhere to be seen this time, leaving her free to run over as she sees fit, dodging the rest of the crowd as she does. She carries something in her hands that Ella can't see properly.
"Ella, there you are!" she says. "I brought those sweets I was telling you about, the ones dad bought for Christmas."
She opens her closed fist to reveal a handful of wrapped candies, red and white to represent the Christmas season. Ella has to scramble to pick them all up when Yeoreum drops them into her palm haphazardly, though the last is picked up by someone else, someone with a familiar shirt sleeve. She rolls her eyes.
"Dennis, give it back, it's not for you."
"Aw, c'mon, you have plenty there!" Dennis says, waving the candy he retrieved around. "You need to share!"
"Who's not sharing?"
Curtis never quite got the hang of running into Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, so he's winded when he stands behind his two children, though the wonder is evident in his eyes when he scans the platform. Colin and Dennis had to get their enthusiasm from somewhere, and it's no wonder their father always insists on crossing the border and going with them to Diagon Alley at the end of every summer. It's a shame he isn't a wizard himself.
"Ella isn't! Yeoreum gave her all these sweets and she's hoarding them all for herself," Dennis says before Ella can defend herself.
Rather than scolding her, her father's gaze lands on Yeoreum instead, usual kind smile on his face. "So this is Yeoreum? The friend you were writing letters to all break?"
"That's me," Yeoreum answers for her. "Nice to meet you, Mr Creevey."
"Likewise," he says. "It's good to finally meet one of Ella's friends."
Ella's shoulders slump. Not only could Yeoreum be considered her only friend, but her father is now being embarrassing in front of her. Yeoreum doesn't seem to mind, however, smile bright.
"Thank you, sir!" Yeoreum says, then turns to Ella again. "Come one, we should go find a compartment before they're all taken."
"And I should go find Evangeline," says Dennis.
"Alright." Their father lowers himself to give them proper hugs, still taller than both of them, though Dennis is catching up quickly. "You two better go. Don't forget to write, you hear?"
"We won't," says Dennis, squeezing their father's shoulders with one arm.
Ella doesn't care whether she appears childish to others when she buries her face into her dad's stomach when he hugs her. Despite the disaster that was their winter break, she's going to miss him, regular letters be damned. He kisses the top of her head and gives her a squeeze before letting her go.
"Love you," he says.
"Love you too," she says in return.
With most students still saying goodbye to their families, it's easy for them to hop aboard the train and find a decent compartment. They haven't seen the boys yet, though she's sure they'll find them eventually. They always seem to. Yeoreum invites them herself half the time, and while Ella has no issues with Torian and Marius, she doesn't particularly feel like listening to Damien's inevitable recount of his holiday, not after what she's heard about his home life.
Unfortunately, things don't go as she wishes.
When Yeoreum hears the boys outside, she opens the compartment door and invites them in, starting a loud conversation over how they spent the new year. Ella half-tunes them out and stares out the window as the train starts moving. Her eyes are sore despite getting up at a reasonable hour and she assumes it's the lull of the train making her so tired. For some reason, it frustrates her.
Not wanting to fall asleep, she pays more attention to the conversation at hand. Marius is talking about France and the Quidditch match he watched before bringing in the new year. It's a surprisingly interesting story, and Ella even laughs in a few places. It's a welcome distraction to the feeling of, well, whatever she happens to be feeling. She becomes less aware of the electricity in her veins.
That is, until Damien speaks up and says, "Oh, you won't believe what happened on Christmas."
Torian raises a sceptical brow. "What?"
"So my grandparents came over, usual Christmas morning stuff right, and everything goes on as usual. Lucien and I get our presents from mum and then grandma and grandpa start handing theirs out. They give Lucien this wrapped lump and he opens it and it's coal." Damien cackles as he rips open a chocolate frog packet. "It was his 'present' for getting into Slytherin."
Marius snorts and Yeoreum giggles, albeit faintly. Torian is the only one to say what Ella is thinking. "Isn't that a little mean?"
"No," Damien says, sounding almost offended. "I mean, we all laughed. Even Lucien did."
"Oh, that's fair enough." Torian settles back into his seat.
It may be fair enough for Torian, but it isn't for Ella, who remembers Lucien's face when Damien pointedly ignored him in class, how he folded in on himself when Damien yelled at him for daring to be in a different school house than him. She can easily imagine Lucien laughing it off as to not cause more problems. She digs her nails into her palm and catches herself before they can make a lasting shape, forcing herself not to get too worked up. No one would understand why she would be, anyway.
She barely does herself.
The topic changes after that and she allows herself to tune them out and close her eyes. Perhaps sleeping isn't such a bad idea after all.
In the ensuing weeks, Ella experiences what she can only describe as stress. At least she thinks that's what it is. She doesn't have any other explanation for how her temper has such a short fuse (though she's miraculously been able to hold it in enough for her to run out and take a breather) as of late. She assumes it's school related. There are only so many essays and assignments she can handle before she overloads.
If Yeoreum notices, she doesn't say anything, something Ella is grateful for. She may have somehow become the person she is most comfortable speaking to, but they rarely talk about serious topics, and she would rather keep it that way. Yeoreum doesn't need to bother herself with her problems anyhow.
This also means all of her stronger negative feelings are being pushed back, items in a closet, accumulating until there is no space left and she has to squash everything as hard as she can to fit it all in. It's only a matter of time before the smallest of movements causes an avalanche that sends everything crashing down. She knows this, but that doesn't stop her. It becomes yet another fleeting thought to add to the growing pile.
When the pile does finally collapse, it's in the middle of the Gryffindor common room two weeks after the start of term, and is an absolute nightmare.
It starts when Damien walks in with that annoying grin of his, sitting down with the rest of them by the fireplace. "Jinxes really do come in handy, don't they?"
Torian looks up from his charms essay. He's the only one even close to finishing. "What did you do?"
"Nothing crazy," Damien says, leaning against Marius. "Just dealt with some Slytherins."
Ella takes a deep breath. She tries to focus on her essay, she really does. It isn't her fault that Damien's voice is so grating.
"What did they do?" Yeoreum asks.
"Being loud, disturbing the peace, you know," Damien says with a shrug, as though it's obvious. "Hikari and Vesper were arguing over about something or other, running into other students in the hallways, so I just knocked them into the wall a bit, that's all." He laughs. "You should've seen Lucien's face."
It's the last statement that does it for Ella. The edges of her parchment crinkle and her ink blots on the upper right-hand corner. "Why are you always so happy about bullying your brother?"
Damien frowns at her. "I'm not bullying him. I'm setting boundaries. I'm making it clear that he can't mess with me just because he's a Slytherin."
Ella groans, exasperated. "When has he ever even tried to mess with you?"
"He hasn't. I'm just making sure it stays that way."
"So, what? You're pushing him away from you because of his stupid school house?"
"This again? I told you! There was never a bad witch or wizard who wasn't in Slytherin. All of the Death Eaters come from there. And all of the people like them."
Ella thinks of Sebastian Veront smugly pulling at his Ravenclaw tie. "Not all of them."
"But most of them. I'm not taking any of that from Lucien."
"You seriously have that little faith in your brother that you think he'll become one of them?" Their voices are loud enough now that they're drawing attention from the students around them.
"I'm making sure it doesn't."
"By bullying him!"
"It's easy for you to sit on your high horse. Your brother is in the same house as you, you don't have to worry about him doing slimy snake stuff! You can see him whenever you want!"
He's talking about Dennis. She knows he's talking about Dennis. She knows this, yet it isn't his face that flashes in her mind (a wide smile on his face as he rushes to answer the call of a magic coin, telling them not to leave a place for him at dinner because he'll be fighting dark wizards, not knowing that there will never be a place set out for him again), and her hand curls into a fist.
"Shut up!" she screams, and if there was anyone in the room not paying attention to them, they surely are now. "Shut. Up. What do you know? The reason I can see my brother whenever I want is because I'm not pushing him away for something that wasn't his choice in the first place. I can see my brother whenever I want because I actually have a brain and don't lump people together because of the colour of their school tie!" Her voice has risen an entire octave.
"It will always be this way, there's no changing it!" They're right in each other's faces now — when did they both stand up? "They're evil. Pure evil. And he's just going to be one of them!"
"He's eleven! He's just another kid like us, he's not evil!"
"You don't know a thing, do you? You don't know what those bastards did to us!" Stray spit lands in her face but he doesn't stop there. "You don't know what it's like to have one of them take something away from you!"
She doesn't know what it's like to have them take something away from her?
She doesn't know what it's like?
She doesn't know?
Swiping her wand from her hand in one fluid movement, she points it at Damien and yells, "Slugulus Eructo!"
The spell hits Damien in the chest and he gasps in surprise, staggering back. His eyes widen, his brows drawn, and his mouth opens as if to restart their yelling match, but he doesn't get the opportunity. A squirming lump drops from his mouth to the floor below and a few people let out noises of disgust.
The slug rolls on the floor near his feet.
"What the —" Damien's shout is cut off by another slug and he wraps his arms around his middle.
"Don't ever say that to me again!" she says, no longer shrieking, but still loud enough to be heard across the room.
A gentle hand covers her shoulder. She knows it's Dennis without turning around, and she's about to defend herself in a (somewhat) reasonable manner when he speaks first.
"Ella, you know Colin wouldn't want —"
The mere mention of that name is enough for her heckles to rise again and she slaps his hand away, whirling around to face his shocked expression. "Stop it!"
"I don't —"
"Don't say his name! Don't — he — he can't tell us what he would — just don't!"
And it all becomes too much. Damien's anger, Dennis' concern, the stares from her housemates. The walls are closing in and the fireplace is too hot and her hands and face are sweaty. She can't tell if she's breathing. She could be breathing too much. She isn't sure. An invisible spotlight shines on her and it's of her own making, but it's too bright and she has no other way out.
She runs.
She thinks she hears Dennis and Yeoreum call after her, but she doesn't stop, running blindly down the stairs once she's escaped through the portrait hole. Staircases move up and down and across, but she puts her cross country and athletics achievements to the test, jumping from one to the other, caring little for the risks. It takes less time than usual to reach the bottom. That, or she can't register time anymore. Either is plausible.
Students have stayed in for the afternoon, the outdoors too cold to spend time, but the cold is just what she needs. She pays no mind to the few people she passes in the corridors and blatantly ignores another house's prefect tell her off for running inside. She doesn't care about that.
She just needs to get away.
Frosty winds kiss her cheeks as she bolts outside towards the Great Lake. No one is around, but she still has the sense to find a spot away from the castle entrance to stop. The large tree with the bare branches and dark wood should do the trick. She's finally able to breathe again, and she takes a deep one, filling her lungs to their full capacity.
And she screams.
She screams and screams and screams, the tension subsiding within her with every second that passes, and by the time she's wasted all of her breath, she's dizzy and crouching down against the icy lake. She falls on her bottom, mildly aware that the snow will dampen her jeans. It's the last thing she cares about right now.
Time passes and exhaustion settles into her bones. Or the cold. It could be either, it could be both. She isn't bothered to check. The wind pushes hair into her face and she lets it sit there. She doesn't need to see. Not when she's so focused on being numb.
She doesn't know how long it's been when something is draped over her shoulders and a warm body sits next to her. Whoever it is shares the covering with her and ensures none of her limbs are sticking out. She lets it happen.
"Damien's a prat." Yeoreum. "I know we already established that, but I feel like it needs to be said again."
Ella feels herself nod. "He still puking slugs?"
Yeoreum chuckles. "Yeah. He's in the bathroom right now. Marius and Torian are tending to him, but they definitely aren't babying him." There's a pause, then, "Do you want to talk about it?"
She considers it. She can't decide. "I don't know."
"That's okay," Yeoreum says. "I didn't really want to talk about it either when my mum died."
Perhaps this should come as a shock to Ella, seeing as Yeoreum has never mentioned it before now, but it doesn't. Yeoreum speaks of her family a lot. Her father, her brother, her sister. She's never mentioned her mother before now. Ella could only guess the reason, gathering she isn't in the picture anymore, but knowing it isn't any of her business to question it.
"And, I mean, I get it. Kind of. Mum was killed by Death Eaters, too."
She looks at Yeoreum for the first time since sitting down. She isn't looking at Ella, unfocused eyes on the Great Lake. "The Battle of Hogwarts?"
Yeoreum shakes her head. "No, it was before that. I said that dad's an auror, but my mum was, too. Not last year, but the year before, the Ministry of Magic was taken over by You-Know-Who's forces all at once, and the Ministry of Magic is where the Aurors work. Well, that's where their office is. My parents were both there when it happened. All the Aurors were targeted, but mum was a muggleborn wizard. I'm pretty sure whoever killed her knew that. Us kids didn't find out what happened until around midnight, and they told me first since I'm the oldest. Dad wasn't even there, he was being treated for his wounds."
Ella can't imagine being in her position. When she'd found out about Dennis, it had been from her father after everyone else had been told. Her mother was sobbing. Loud crashing noises were heard from Dennis' room all night. She doesn't remember it processing fully until the next morning when Colin still wasn't back and everything came crashing down at once. She'd chosen not to cry, though. She was old enough to hold her own and she wasn't about to let anyone else worry about her.
"Dad almost died, too," Yeoreum continues. "During the Battle of Hogwarts. One of the first stories he told us when he got back was about when he'd been facing three people at once and two sent out a curse at the same time. He probably would've died if this kid hadn't deflected it. He told us that he was so surprised for a second because he was sure this kid wasn't of age, but he was battling so bravely, and he sent dad a smile before running back into it. When everything was over, he wanted to thank him, but…"
"But he'd…" Ella doesn't finish.
Yeoreum understands anyway. "Yeah, he'd died during battle. He still wanted to know who he was, though, so he asked some of the people standing around. And he got a name."
When Yeoreum stops, Ella prods her along with a, "A name?"
Yeoreum finally looks at her. "Colin Creevey. His name was Colin Creevey."
Ella's eyes widen and the winter wind starts to dry them out. "He… saved your dad?"
"Yeah." Yeoreum adjusts the blankets around their shoulders. "He's the reason I still have a parent around."
It's surreal. Ella always knew her brother (both of them, actually) was brave. He was a Gryffindor for a reason, after all. Whenever he spoke to Ella about the world he'd been dragged into, of the differing sides of the war, of his own convictions, he'd always sounded so sure. He was ready to fight for what he believed in. She hadn't considered that his sacrifice may have prevented so many others.
(Yet she can't stop thinking — why could she not have been there? Why did someone else get to see his last moments while she waited at home?)
"When I heard your name being called at the sorting ceremony, I knew I wanted to be your friend," Yeoreum says. "I tried telling you about dad on the first night, but you avoided it and went to bed, so I didn't bring it up again."
Ella remembers that first night. Yeoreum mentioned Colin and she'd immediately shut down. That hadn't been fair.
"I'm sorry."
Yeoreum tilts her head slightly. "Don't be, it was —"
"— Not just for that." Ella takes a shuddering breath before pressing on. "I… I didn't want to be here. Sometimes I still don't want to be here. This is the place my brother died, and our family was trying to move on from that, then I get my Hogwarts letter and I just have to… accept it. I knew I had to come so I could learn to control my magic, but… I decided before I even got on the train that I wasn't going to enjoy it. I wasn't going to get sucked into this place the way my brothers did and just," die. "And that included friends. I told myself I wasn't going to make friends, but…"
It's Yeoreum's turn to ease her to continue. "But?"
"You treated me as a friend from day one, even when I didn't talk to anybody, and you never seemed to let that bother you," she says. "You even wrote me letters during the holidays. And all this time I was like… like this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a terrible friend."
She hangs her head, Gryffindor courage failing her at the moment. She picks at the grass until she feels an arm wrap around her, giving her a squeeze, and a cheek squished against hers. If she weren't so surprised, she'd laugh.
"I never thought you were a terrible friend," Yeoreum says, and when she pulls back from their brief hug, she's smiling.
Ella snorts. "You're biased."
The smile grows bigger. "And what of it?"
The two laugh, pulling the blanket over their heads as the breeze picks up, voices carried away by the wind.
i won't lie, i was excited to post this chapter just because of yeoreum and ella's talk. thank you for reading!
