Tandy slipped back into the booth. Her stomach was in her throat and her mind was racing. Feelings of anxiety bubbled beneath her rib cage and threatened to claw their way up her oesophagus and out of her mouth, like vomit. She wanted to crawl out of her own skin, to be someone else, to be somewhere else. The mere presence of the angel, Castiel, lingered in the air around her like a bad smell; his deep voice ringing dully in her ears.
She slammed down a shot, winced and then chased it with another. She then collected a JD and coke and gulped that down, too.
Sam quirked a brow, watching her. An amused grin blossomed on his lips. "You okay?" He asked.
"Never better." She breathed, her voice dry and husky. The alcohol burned her throat, but it took the edge off. For the first time since her encounter with Castiel, she felt her heart beat slow down to a more tolerable pace and the painful throbbing within her veins grew fainter.
"You're alone?" She asked, having only just noticed the absence of the others.
"Cadence wanted to dance." Sam muttered.
"And?" Tandy inquired.
"And I don't dance." He replied bluntly.
"Ha." Tandy chuckled. "Right. 'Course you don't." She ran her fingers over her forearm and scratched, absent-mindedly, at a freckle, pointedly avoiding his gaze.
Was she being awkward? She was being awkward. Jesus. She needed to cool it. She could see that Sam was becoming suspicious.
"Are you okay, Tan? You look a little pale." He asked, his voice laced with concern. "And you're drinking a lot. Like, a lot a lot."
Tandy paused, her hand mid-way between her core and another JD and she dropped it, defeated, and sighed.
"Well, it's funny that you ask, Sam." She murmured, her arm still sprawled out across the table before them, having suddenly become numb. She attempted to retract it but it wouldn't budge, feeling as though it were made of lead.
Guess the liquor in this bar hits a little harder than it used to, she thought. I'll need to remind mama to go easy on the home brewin'.
"Why is that funny?" Sam asked, the crease in his forehead growing deeper with each passing second.
Tandy hiccuped. Guess they were skipping the foreplay. Out with the beans then. "Well, I just met our friendly neighbourhood cloud-hopper, although 'tween you'n me, he wasn't all that friendly." She revealed.
"Hold on. You met Castiel?" Sam spluttered, shock evident in his tone.
"Uh-huh. In the can." Tandy slurred. God damn it. She was beginning to regret that last drink a whole lot more now.
"Well, what did he want?" Sam fired, leaning forward in his seat, becoming animated. "Does he have any information on the remaining seals?"
"Actually, come to think of it, he wanted to warn me." Tandy replied.
"About what?"
"About you."
Sam's expression grew stony and he too reached for a shot, slumping back into his seat. He downed it quickly and flicked the glass across the table. Tandy watched it roll to a stop. Slowly, dazedly, her eyes drifted back towards him.
"I see." He muttered. "So, he told you."
Tandy shook her head, feeling the world spin around her. "Not 'xactly, but Sam, if there's somethin' goin' on, you know you can tell me. I promise, I'll do whatever I can to help you."
"You can't." Sam bit back icily. "Nobody can. Not even Dean."
"He doesn't know, does he?" Tandy guessed.
Sam scoffed. "Of course he doesn't know. What would I even tell him? It's not like I can just go up to him and say 'Hey, Dean, here's some pie, by the way, I'm drinking demon blood'."
Tandy cocked her head to one side and looked at him, unclear as to whether or not she had just heard him correctly. "Wait. Did you say ... demon blood?"
"It's fine." Sam uttered. "Go ahead and tell me it's disgusting. I've been preparing myself for the same reaction from Dean for months."
Months?! Holy crap!
Tandy raised her arm, having finally gained back some feeling in it and wrapped her fingers around Sam's shirt tightly.
"Sam, I would never do that to you." She breathed vehemently. "Never." She needed him to know that she wasn't there to adjudicate his decisions. She was his friend. She wanted to help him.
"Why not? My own brother would." Sam murmured and Tandy felt her heart plummet southwards, into her stomach. Sam's face; the pain, the fear, the shame, it was all so completely devastating.
Tandy's gaze softened. If Sam felt as conscience-stricken as he appeared then why did he continue to see this demon? Why did he consume it's blood?
"Look, Sam, I'm sure that what you're doin', it's for a good reason, or, at least, you think that it is. I would never doubt the integrity of your heart." She said, and she meant it. "But when a damned angel comes to me with a warnin', surely it must be because what you're doin', well, it can't be all that good. Maybe it comes with consequences."
"It does." Sam confessed, his hazel eyes swimming with emotions. "Addiction."
Tandy exhaled and her grip slackened. Slowly, she drew her arm back and bit her bottom lip, thoughtful. "Well, on the bright side, the first step is admittin' you have a problem."
"How are you always so peppy?" He questioned, almost as though the answer to her optimism could somehow be smuggled or imbibed, or sold on the black market. He certainly looked desperate enough to buy some.
Tandy shrugged and a grin crossed her lips. "Well, the way I see it, Sam, you can either cope, or you can collapse. And collapsin' ain't an option. Not for me. Never has been."
Sam nodded, however the look of abject misery didn't quite leave his face. "Louisiana hasn't helped." He admitted.
"But ... why demon blood?" Tandy asked, unable to control the words that tumbled, so bluntly, out of her mouth.
Sam sighed and fingered a French Fry, though he had no intention of eating it. "It makes me strong." He said. "It gives me the power to exorcise demons ... with my mind. When I was a baby, well, you know the story about the yellow-eyed demon, Azazel. The demon blood, it gives me powers beyond belief. If I can get even just a little bit stronger, I'll be able to take Lilith out all on my own. I'll be able to end this."
"But the angels ... your brother ..." Tandy breathed. "You have to tell him."
"No!" Sam shouted suddenly, alarmed, reaching across the table to take her wrist. "Please! Please, don't tell Dean. I've been meaning to, I promise you I have, but I know what he would say. I know how his brain works. He'd tell me to stop, he'd try to take out Ruby."
"Ruby?" Tandy probed.
"Uh, she's the demon who has been helping me." Sam mumbled quietly, releasing his hold.
Tandy glanced down at her wrist. Her skin was white where his fingers had left indentations in her flesh and she wanted to smile at the irony because, at that moment, it almost looked like the claw mark that Castiel had given Dean when he had yanked him free from Hell.
Tandy shook her head. "You mean feedin' you?" She corrected, again, unmuzzled.
"And there it is." Sam sighed. "That's what I've been waiting for. The judgement. This is exactly why I haven't told Dean."
"M'sorry." Tandy apologised. "I didn't mean it that way, it's just ... a lot to process."
"I know." Sam replied tiredly and he placed his elbows on the table, rubbing slow circles into his temples. "It's okay. Just, promise me you won't tell Dean."
"Sam, I -"
"Please, Tandy. I'm begging you."
Tandy exhaled and reached for another shot, despite her better judgement. "Fine, I won't tell him, on one condition."
"And what's that?" Sam asked.
Tandy threw back the shot and swallowed. "I wanna meet her." She said hoarsely.
"What?" Sam choked.
"Ruby. I wanna meet her." She repeated.
Sam pursed his lips. "Tandy, I don't think -"
"Don't you dare tell me that you don't think it's a good idea!" She countered swiftly. "Demon blood, Sam. Demon blood."
Sam rolled his eyes and offered her a side-ways glance. "Okay. I see your point." He breathed.
"Good. So, we're clear then. When you see her next, I'm comin' with you." Tandy stated, much more brazenly than she would have been without the liquid courage.
"Well, it was going to be later tonight." Sam confessed.
"Okay, fine, then I'm comin' with you."
"But what about your date?" Sam snickered.
Tandy froze and the confident smirk fell from her face. "What?" She stammered.
"Oh, come on, Tandy, don't look at me like that. I wasn't born yesterday. I know what you and Dean are up to." Sam said.
"Oh." Tandy breathed, glancing down. "S'it that obvious?"
"No, not really, but he's my brother, and you've become like a sister to me, and I can see that something is going on between the two of you, and let me be the first to tell you, I'm glad." He explained, sincere, much kinder than what she deserved.
"You're what?" She asked.
"I'm glad." Sam repeated, and he smiled at her, showcasing his dimples. "I'm genuinely happy for you guys. I mean, I wish you all the best. With the way things are going, I hope that there is a future for you. I really do. You're honestly the girl of my brothers dreams, even if it took him a trip to the pit to realise it."
Tandy reached across the table and placed her fingers on Sam's sleeve.
"Sam, I swear to you, I am goin' to help you." She promised; her voice firm and unwavering. "If you think that this is goin' to work, then I want in. I need you to know that I have your back. Dean might take a little more to convince, but when the time comes, I know he'll be there for you as well."
Sam smiled, his eyes tender, and he placed his hand over Tandy's. "Thank you. This ... it really means a lot to me."
Tandy smiled back softly and Sam excused himself to use the rest room. Once he was out of sight, the smile quickly faded from her lips, only to be replaced by a grimace.
She hated lying to Sam. She hated it. It made her feel so dirty, so duplicitous. But what other choice did she have? Sam had looked so utterly dejected. It would have broken his heart if she had told him that she was actually with the angels on this one, that she too thought that siding with a demon was a terrible idea.
Not unforgivable, she reminded herself, but definitely terrible.
One thing that she did agree with him on though was that it was safer to keep Dean in the dark, at least, for the moment. She understood why Sam was so hesitant to confide in his brother. Like a volcano, Dean would erupt, destroying anything and everything in his path. It would be cataclysmic.
Tandy glanced at her nails, pensive. Something about the way the angel had looked at her, as though she were something other than human, as though she were the unfathomable entity, made her feel uneasy and she didn't know why.
What she did know, however, was that when she met this Ruby, she was going to send her black-eyed ass straight back to Hell, where she could rot, and she would do it with a smile.
