Disclaimer: I own no part of Disney's story
Chapter 10 A Dose of Reality
Was I going mad? That thought swirled around in my brain over and over again as I tried to get ready for bed. Every time I came back to my small dorm room, the rose covered fantasy land seemed just that, a fantasy. Even more so now, as I contemplated the beast who had become a man in my heart and for an instant, one hallucinated instant, my eyes as well. Pajamas on and teeth brushed, I could no longer station myself in my fortress of solitude. Emily hovered over a bowl of ramen and another Korean drama, totally engrossed and none the wiser of me being there at all. I turned on my own computer and tried to focus on the paper I was supposed to be writing. Focus Julie. You've got to pass this class-you've got to keep your grades up-you've got to keep this scholarship. As I typed up my paper on an analysis of Shakespear, my determined self regrouped and poor Hugh was only to be thought of again when I closed my eyes in sleep.
…
I wasn't able to visit Hugh for some time after our library chat. As December began, my papers increased, and were completed in every spare moment away from my job at the library. Phone calls from Dad told me he was ready to see his little princess in a couple of weeks, but did I mind paying for the train trip home? Things were a little tight now, he said sadly, but we could still have a good Christmas.
I sighed. Books for the new semester, groceries, gas money for Emily when she drove me somewhere further than I could walk, the few clothes I had bought to see me through the winter, left me very little for a train trip. It was pointless to get down about it though. I would somehow afford it, because I needed to be home. I needed the familiarity of it all, the memories of Mom touching every corner of the small house. I needed the simple wreath Dad would hang on the bookstore door, and the trail of kids coming to sit on Santa's lap as I passed milk and cookies to the kids. I needed the time I read to them Christmas stories during another of our kids' programs to coax families inside to do their Christmas shopping and gain a few more dollars. I needed to know that I wasn't crazy! Emily thought I was odd and distant, Cameron was annoying and honestly, I didn't care what he thought of me. The other students in my class thought I was too nerdy, even for them. Gloria Potts from the Library was very sweet. I quite liked her, she was like a grandmother to me, with her cat eyed thick glasses, short curly permed hair and matronly yet fashionable outfits. Of all the people in my college world, she seemed the least cold and the least likely to count me as 'odd' or 'weird' and then ignore me.
Then there was Hugh. That was what was making me crave the familiarity of my old life. Surely my old life would pin me down to the real world and I would return and find that everything was a dream, or that I had truly imagined everything and needed to be put in a mental health facility. I wanted Hugh to be real though. He didn't think I was odd-He didn't mind that I could talk for hours about C.S. Lewis allegory (in fact, he seemed to be very happy to talk about him, period, since his words were also something he hadn't seen in a long time), or my preference for Mr. Knightly or Mr. Tilney over Darcy. He also was some sort of human clothed in the furs of an animal conglomerate. Reality. Yes, that's what I needed a good dose of. Reality. Didn't mean I couldn't visit at least one more time before I left to go back for Christmas!
I wasn't working the weekend before I left for Christmas vacation. Most people had already left, but I had insisted on working as many hours as I could to be sure and have enough money for a round trip ticket. The dorm room was empty and even quieter than normal. Emily had insisted on a mini tree and I reached and grabbed for the small gift I had gotten for Hugh. I hoped he didn't think I had abandoned him, and hopefully this would, in some small way, help him forgive me.
I peered into my little wardrobe and mused over the few clothes I had-For some reason, I wanted to dress nice, since this would be the closest thing to a christmas exchange we would have. I grabbed my designated christmas sweater. It was red and sparkly-I paired it with my pencil skirt, tights and black flats. 'This will just have to do' I told myself. I rolled my eyes at my frizzy hair and then wondered to myself why I cared so much. I slipped on my coat and then made my way to the friendly mansion.
I was careful this time, more careful than I had ever been before, not to step or damage any roses. I did see that there were a few more dead ones than before, and I worried about the state I would find the house in. It seemed solid enough as I knocked on the large doors before shyly opening them and letting myself in.
'Hugh?' I walked along the dark entrance peering into the familiar rooms, but seeing nothing but dark walls, dark curtains, and well, just darkness. There was no fire in the fireplaces, no hot cocoa steaming in thick mugs, no book laid out to be talked over. I've been gone too long, I thought. He had forgotten about me, in just 6 weeks, he had completely forgotten me. Why hadn't I made myself come sooner? I thought to myself. I could have gone without a few more meals than I already had, just for at least one day off, surely.
All these thoughts swirled around in my mind as I made my way up the staircase and into the library. Even the library, though, was eerily quiet. A large crack ran along the far wall, and I wondered if this was the consequence of the dead roses I found outside. I shivered as I thought of the house shaking as it had before. Hopefully Hugh was alright! And with that thought, I opened any closed door that I approached, hoping that Hugh would be there.
'Hugh?' I said, getting more and more frantic as I opened each door. Finally, the last door on the right opened and light was coming from a dying fire. Slumped over in a torn, oversized couch, was Hugh. The sight of him so dejected and tired, gave me little thought other than rushing over to him.
'Hugh!'I almost screamed. 'Are you okay?'
'Julie?' His tired voice, seemed surprised? And seemed to look at me as though I was some sort of ghost. 'You came back?'
'Of course, I came back! Oh, I'm so sorry I was gone so long. I've been-I've been busy.' Well, that was lame. That made it sound like I didn't care. I mean, it was the truth, but told nothing of the weeks of hard work, endless papers, and worry as I tried to make ends meet and save at the same time.
'I'm just happy to see you.' He said sheepishly. 'I didn't expect you to come back anyway. I know I'm kind of poor company compared to…'
'Now don't be selling yourself short! I promise I haven't been doing much socializing!' And with that I told him a more detailed version of what happened. I got more than understanding-I got concern. He let the fire burn brighter, and made mugs appear with English Breakfast tea steeping away for me. A blanket was draped over me and I felt, for the first time in weeks, warm and peaceful.
Author's note:I promise there is more to the Christmas themed chapters coming! We are nearing the end I think-probably 3-4 more chapters to go. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me. Thanks!
Fun fact. My grandmother's name is Gloria and pretty much as I describe her here. Also, I prefer Knightly and Tilney to Darcy, though Pride and Prejudice is still my favorite book of all time, lol
