A/N: Sorry for a shorter chapter this time. Sometimes the chapter breaks come where they want. The song this time is Life is Beautiful by Sixx A.M.
Chapter 13: Don't Cry
You can't quit until you try
You can't live until you die
You can't learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie
You can't breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you're the joke
There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?
I know some things that you don't
I've done things that you won't
There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home
I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?
Ty woke up in the middle of the night feeling cold. She curled into a ball and pulled the covers up more to try to get warm and go back to sleep, but it was no use. She was so cold she had goosebumps up and down her arms. Rolling over, she reached out for Dean's warm presence, but discovered the bed was empty. She opened her eyes and sat up, scanning the room for him, but he didn't seem to be there.
Now a little concerned, she got up and got dressed to go look for him. Despite her best efforts earlier, she hadn't been able to find a subtle way to convince Dean to talk and she'd been way too tired to confront him directly and risk ending up in another argument. But if he was up in the middle of the night, she had to be right about something being off since of the two of them, she was the insomniac, not him. So, she donned a long-sleeved black undershirt and a gray t-shirt to try and ward off the chill, as well as grabbing her jacket before heading outside to look for him.
She spotted him sitting on the trunk of the Impala in the parking lot, staring off into the distance. He sensed her approach and glanced over at her as she walked up to him.
"Hey, where was that shirt when I needed to borrow one?" Dean asked in lieu of a greeting, eyeing her shirt as she sat down next to him on the trunk.
Ty glanced down at the gray t-shirt with the simple black outline of a 1933 Ford Coupe, "My ZZ Top shirt? Over my dead body."
Dean huffed in response, somewhat indignant but also a little amused. Ty sat next to him, leaning into him a little and bumping him with her shoulder, cold hands stuffed in her pockets.
"What are you doing out here? Got cold in there without you."
"Sorry." Dean replied, looking away again, his lips turning downwards a little, "Just thinking."
"About?" Ty pressed gently.
She didn't like that look on his face. She couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly, but her gut was telling her that something was really wrong. She just hoped that maybe he was finally ready to talk about it and that somehow she could help.
Dean sighed and didn't answer for a long moment. Finally, he gave a small nod to himself, as if he had decided something and looked back at her again.
"This bounty thing. I just...I don't want you to risk yourself trying to save me." he said insistently.
Ty stared at him incredulously, scarcely believing what she was hearing, "What? Why the hell wouldn't I? I'm not letting you die, Dean, and I'm definitely not letting you go to Hell."
"Look, I've made my peace with it, alright?" Dean snapped, getting to his feet, "There's no point in anyone else getting hurt, too."
Ty jumped back to her feet, too, "What are you talking about? You can't just be giving up!"
Dean wouldn't look at her. When he finally spoke, his voice had lost its anger and was instead quiet and wary.
"There's something I haven't told you. Not you, not Sam, not anybody."
"Dean?" Ty asked apprehensively, a spike of fear running through her. Something about his tone and posture made her feel like he was about to reveal something painful and awful.
Dean took another long moment to answer. Part of him was screaming at him to put a lid on it, suck it up, lock it down, and forget about exposing any vulnerability. But another part of him argued back that this was Ty. She'd shared things with him she hadn't shared with anyone else and if he really cared about her and wanted to make sure she didn't do anything that could put her in jeopardy for his sake, then he had to do the same.
"When Sam...when he got killed...I didn't know what to do. I don't know how much Bobby told you, but...Dad took off after that army guy that got Sam and I...I was just there...with his body. I don't even really remember Bobby getting us out of there, don't know where Dad went or how long he was gone. But seeing Sam like that...I couldn't take it…"
He paused, taking a shaky breath and Ty saw a tear streak down his face. She felt like she could barely breathe, but she somehow managed to ask, "Dean, what did you do?"
Dean finally looked at her and she saw the resolve in his eyes, "I tried to make a deal for Sammy. Dad just got to it first."
Ty felt like she'd been stabbed in the heart. She gasped, trying to breathe past the pain that came with the realization of how close she'd been to losing him. The worst part was that she could tell by the look on his face that he didn't regret it, that if circumstances warranted, he'd do it again. It shouldn't really have surprised her. He'd tried to trade himself for her life when the Yellow-Eyed Demon took her, but somehow she'd thought things had changed since they'd killed that bastard. But it turned out the demon hadn't been the problem. The problem was Dean and she couldn't let him go there again.
"Dean...how could you?" she asked quietly.
Dean's jaw clenched and he answered through gritted teeth, "How could I not? He's my baby brother, my responsibility. Hell, I raised that kid."
Ty shook her head, frustrated but not with him, with herself. Why could she never seem to find the right words?
"This isn't about Sam. You tried to make a deal for me, too."
The emotionless mask that Ty hated suddenly dropped over Dean's face, "So?"
Some more rational part of her brain knew that mask meant she must be getting close to the root of the problem, but the majority of her was overwhelmed by how mad it made her when he did that.
"So do you want to go to Hell?" she snapped, "I remember you getting all up in my face about being reckless on the job, like I had a death wish, but at least I wasn't trying to damn my freaking soul!"
"You don't know everything about me, alright?" Dean snapped back. Her anger was making him feel defensive so he instinctively threw it right back at her, "I shouldn't even be here anyway. I screwed the pooch on a job before I even met you. It's only 'cause some wackjob preacher's wife had a Reaper on a leash and offed some poor, innocent bastard instead that I'm still around."
That revelation had Ty's mouth snapping shut for a moment, but she shook her head and doggedly pressed on, "So? I died, too, you freaking hypocrite! And what, everything you've done since then doesn't mean anything? All the people you've saved, including me?"
Dean didn't have an answer for that so he just yelled back, "I don't know!"
They both just glared at each other for a moment before Ty forced herself to close her eyes and take a deep breath. When she opened her eyes again, slightly calmer, she again tried to speak softly.
"Dean, why do you keep acting like you're somehow less important than everyone else, like you don't deserve a life or to be happy?"
Dean wasn't ready to let go of his anger as quickly. He rolled his eyes at her before turning his back, "Save the Dr. Phil shit."
Once again losing her tenuous hold on her temper, Ty grabbed the first thing she saw and chucked it at his back, growling under her breath, "You are such an asshole!"
"Ow! Hey, did you just throw a rock at me?" Dean demanded, spinning back around.
"I didn't have any bricks handy."
"God, I knew telling you was a mistake. What the hell was I thinking?" he muttered to himself, but Ty heard him clearly.
"Maybe that we need to be able to talk about things, like you wanted? Or is that just when it's my issues? Damn it, Dean! I mean, how do you think it makes the people who love you feel when you do shit like that?" Ty finally demanded, at her wit's end, "You know that's why you kept it a secret."
Dean didn't reply, just turned away again and resumed walking away, ignoring her. Ty resisted the urge to throw another rock. How could he demand she acknowledge how her own past trauma affected her one minute and then refuse to even listen to her the next? There had to be some way to get through to him.
"We need you, Dean! Sam, Bobby, me…we need you. You said you couldn't take life without Sam. Well, we need you just as much." she yelled at his back, just barely stopping herself from adding "even if you are a goddamn dick."
Dean stopped, but didn't turn around. Ty cautiously moved closer. She was just barely able to hear him speak.
"You don't, though. You're all stronger than me."
Ty sighed, her anger abating. Finally, they were at the heart of it, Dean's deep-seated insecurity. And it made so much sense now that she knew. No wonder Dean was a protector, sometimes to a fault. He'd convinced himself that if something happened to him, everyone else would be able to move on without him even though he couldn't imagine doing the same if the roles were reversed. Having already lost so much, starting at such a young age, he was afraid to be alone.
As that thought crossed her mind, Ty found she couldn't bear the space between them anymore. She flung herself across the distance, nearly crashing into his back, and wrapped her arms tightly around him. Dean stumbled, making a surprised noise at the impact, but managed to keep his feet.
"You idiot." Ty said, face pressed into his back, voice starting to hitch from emotion as tears burned her eyes, "You stupid idiot. I'm not any stronger. I don't want to be alone either."
It stung to admit that, but she knew he needed to hear it. No matter how uncomfortable she felt about sharing her own perceived shortcomings, the thought of losing him made her willing to endure anything. God, it felt like she was battling for his soul just having this argument. And now that the tears had started, she couldn't seem to stop them. It was like everything they'd all had to suffer through, particularly in the last few days, was coming up again as the emotional floodgates were unlocked. So Ty clung to Dean as tightly as she could while her body was wracked with sobs, refusing to let him go in every sense of the phrase.
Dean stood still, body stiff, while Ty sobbed against him. Her intense reaction surprised him and suddenly he found himself doubting what he'd just said, what he'd always believed, about being more expendable than the rest of the people in his life. Maybe...maybe he might be wrong about how much they needed him around. He wasn't convinced, but… the doubt was there.
Dean slowly managed to get Ty to loosen her hold enough to let him turn around in her arms and face her. Her sobbing had dissipated a bit and he could tell she was trying hard to pull herself back together, but tears were still escaping her eyes, running down her cheeks. He lifted his hands to her face, using his thumbs to brush some away. When she met his eyes, he gave her a small, shaky smile.
"Okay. It's okay. I hear you." he said soothingly, "I'm not going anywhere."
Ty searched his gaze, looking for any sign of an empty promise, but she couldn't find any. He was meeting her gaze steadily, waiting patiently for her to decide if she believed him. Finally, relieved, she felt the anxious tension start to drain from her body and she relaxed into his chest, resting her cheek against him, "Yeah, you better not, you bastard."
Dean's lips quirked a bit in amusement at her words and he rested his own cheek against her hair. This feelings shit was more exhausting than a hunt, "Man, I could really use a drink."
"Or six." Ty agreed quietly.
Dean gave a brief chuckle, "Yeah, or six. Come on. Let's go."
Ty nodded and released her hold, moving back a step and wiping at her face to try and erase any evidence of her outburst. Dean gave her a second, then held out a hand. Ty's eyes widened in surprise, but she shot him a small, grateful smile and took it. It felt stupid even thinking it, but she'd never been so thankful to hold someone's hand before, never felt like it had been quite so meaningful. It was like maybe, somehow, they'd forged a new link that would keep them together through whatever came next.
Meanwhile, Sam was relieved when Ty and Dean finally went back to their room. From where he was hiding he hadn't been able to hear much, but it was pretty obvious they'd had another fight and it had been about something pretty important. He'd been stunned when he saw Ty crying so hard she was shaking and just as astonished by the way his brother had turned to her and gently wiped the tears from her face. He'd known, probably before either of them, that the pair had serious feelings for each other, but it was still shocking to see his brother, Mr. Love-Em-and-Leave-Em and No-Chick-Flick-Moments, openly caring so much about a woman. Maybe he'd been right about his hunch before that this was the girl that could finally give his brother the real, lasting relationship he'd always felt that Dean deserved and needed. It made him even more determined to save him.
Once the coast was clear, Sam moved quickly across the lot back to his and Alex's room. He opened the door quietly and was relieved to find Alex asleep, passed out on his laptop. He gently closed the door behind him and moved silently over to the bathroom, shutting the door before he turned on the light.
The sudden bright fluorescent lighting momentarily blinded him, but when his eyes adjusted, he was horrified to see his reflection in the mirror. There was blood drying on the corner of his mouth. Sam hastily grabbed a washcloth and turned the water on, scrubbing furiously at his face until he was sure it was gone. Thank God Alex had been asleep. He would have to be more careful next time.
Sam frowned as that thought settled in, but he couldn't dispute it. There would be a next time. Ruby hadn't lied. The demon blood was making him stronger. After this second infusion, he could feel it now. It wasn't much, but deep down he could sense it, strange but familiar, like his abilities were somehow awakening again. So far he'd barely been able to make objects quiver in place, but he had made them move. With more practice, and more demon blood, he was now sure he would be able to do more.
However, he was also just as certain that he would have to keep this hidden from the others. Dean had never been a fan of his abilities and he definitely would not understand why he had to do this. Sam sighed wearily. He didn't like keeping things from Dean, but sometimes his brother gave him no choice.
Sam took one last look at himself in the mirror, scrutinizing his reflection. The blood was gone, but for some reason he still felt like he could see something different about himself. Shaking his head and deciding he was just tired, he headed for the door, intent on getting as much sleep as he could in what remained of the night.
Just before dawn, Ty began to toss and turn in her sleep. At first, Dean tried to ignore it, stubbornly clinging to unconsciousness, but then she began making noises, like she was in distress somehow. That he couldn't ignore.
Opening his eyes and shifting up onto his elbow so he could look at her, he saw that she was definitely still asleep, but she was also frowning deeply, her brow furrowed as she tossed back and forth.
"Babe?" Dean asked, gently touching her arm to try and rouse her without startling her.
Ty didn't seem to hear him. Instead, she practically thrashed, shaking her head almost violently and jerking to the side like she was trying to get away from something. A whimper escaped her lips.
Dean frowned in concern. This was either one hell of a bad dream or something weirder and he wasn't a fan of either option. Sitting up, he grasped her shoulders with both hands to stop her spastic movements.
"Ty!" he said more insistently, "Wake up!"
Ty gasped and her eyes flew open, wide and panicked. She instinctively tried to sit up, but Dean's hands held her still.
"Easy." he said, trying to draw her attention to him, "It's okay. You're okay."
Ty's eyes locked on his and slowly she relaxed, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She finally nodded at him that she was alright. Dean released her, but remained close.
"What was that?" he asked.
Ty shook her head, hesitating before she answered. When she finally looked up at him again, she seemed unsettled, "I'm not sure but...I think it was some kind of vision."
Dean froze in shock. He thought they were done with this psychic stuff. As far as he knew it had been months since Sam had had a vision or anything. And the last time Ty had picked up on one...well, he'd rather not think about her burning on the ceiling ever again.
He finally managed to force himself to ask her, "What did you see?"
Ty frowned and answered slowly, choosing her words carefully, "At first, it was more like I heard something. Like a high-pitched ringing. Then it just kept getting louder and louder. It felt like my head was going to explode."
She reached up to rub at her ear, like it still bothered her. Dean shifted uneasily, but he couldn't help but press, "And then?"
Ty's eyes were distant, like she was still seeing whatever had appeared in her dream, "I didn't really see it. Just its...its shadow, I think."
Dean resisted the sudden urge to snap at her to just spit it out. He bit his tongue while he waited for her to take a deep breath before her eyes finally focused on him again.
"Dean, I think...this sounds crazy, but...I think it was an angel."
Meanwhile, in another room at the motel, Sam gasped as he startled awake. The sound made Alex startle awake, too, where he was still slumped at the desk, accidentally knocking his laptop onto the floor with a crash.
"Shit." he swore, leaning down to retrieve it and make sure there wasn't any damage. Satisfied that the laptop had survived the rude awakening, he turned to Sam, groaning as his neck protested the movement after the awkward position it had been in all night, "Sam? You okay?"
Sam took a moment to answer. His heart was racing and he dragged in deep breaths while he tried to calm himself down. It had been so long since he'd had a vision, but there was no mistaking it. His powers were definitely coming back. But what was that?
"Sam?" Alex repeated, dropping his hand from his aching neck and standing up in concern when Sam didn't reply. Alex took in the other man's heavy breaths and the sweat staining his t-shirt. It was hard to tell in the dim light in the room, but for a moment he would have sworn the younger Winchester had looked decidedly freaked out, but before he could really tell, Sam met his gaze and his face went stoic.
"Sorry, I'm good. Just a weird dream." he said, offering Alex a sheepish smile that he wasn't entirely sure he believed.
"Right." Alex drawled skeptically.
"Really, it's nothing. Sorry if I woke you." Sam insisted.
"No, it's okay." Alex finally replied with a shrug, figuring if Sam didn't want to talk, he was in no position to make him. Besides, it wasn't like he didn't have his own share of nightmares, "If I slept like that any longer, I'd probably be crippled. For future reference, feel free to throw something at me if I pass out on my computer. How long was I out anyway? Sort of lost track of time."
Rather than admit to how late he'd gotten in, Sam climbed out of bed, back turned to Alex while he fished some clean clothes out of his bag, "Not sure. Find anything?"
Alex glanced back at his computer with a frown, "Not really. There's a mention of Melchiresa from the Dead Sea Scrolls as a major contender, but nothing specific. I tried going back through my files on deaths like my parents' again, but...I don't know. Feels like even when we find stuff out, we're still in the dark. "
Sam sympathized with the frustration in the other man's voice, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Alex shook his head, like he was shaking off his mood, but Sam suspected he was just pushing it down where he could hide it. He'd done it often enough himself to recognize it.
"I bet Bobby will know something. Probably call me an 'idjit' for not figuring it out on my own. Go ahead and take the shower. I'm gonna pack up my stuff." Alex announced.
Sam nodded and headed into the bathroom, his mind already preoccupied with thoughts about dark, shadowy figures with a large wingspan. He felt a gut certainty that he knew what he had seen, but it was nothing like he'd imagined before. And, more importantly, he had no idea what the vision meant for them but between what he had seen and that picture that Bobby had sent before, he had a feeling it was something big.
Before Sam was even out of the shower there was a knock at the motel door. Alex got up to go answer it, but before he'd reached the door he could already hear Dean's voice through the thin walls, complaining loudly about how pointless knocking was and how they should just go in. As Alex reached for the door he heard Ty reply, "Alright, but if we walk in on them naked, it's your fault."
"Why the hell would...nevermind. I don't want to know whatever twisted thoughts are in that head of yours." Dean replied.
Alex opened the door, shaking his head, "Not naked. Well, Sam probably is 'cause he's in the shower. You really think guys just hang out naked?"
Ty shrugged as she shouldered her way past him into the room, "I don't know. You guys all seem to think women have sleepovers in their underwear that devolve into sexy pillow fights."
Dean followed after her, "We don't think that. We hope that. Don't kill the dream."
Ty turned, flopping down to sit on the edge of Alex's bed and sending him a disgusted look. Her eyes shifted to Alex as if to ask if he could believe what Dean had said. Alex shut the door before moving back to the spot he'd already spent most of the last 12 hours occupying, the chair at the desk.
"He's got a point." he admitted as he took a seat.
Dean raised his eyebrows, a triumphant look on his face. Ty rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, glancing impatiently at the bathroom door. Sam had better hurry up and get out here. They had way more important things to be talking about and she didn't want to waste any more time than they had to. She was already itching to get moving.
Almost as if he could sense her mentally summoning him, Sam emerged a moment later, fully dressed but hair still damp from the shower. He didn't look very surprised to see them there and Ty wondered if he somehow knew that she had seen the vision, too.
"Sam?" Ty began, not sure what the most tactful way to ask a person if they were having visions again even though their brother swore that they hadn't been experiencing any special abilities since they'd come back from the dead might be.
"You had a vision, didn't you?" Dean accused before she could say anything else or Sam could respond, "I thought you didn't have any of that psychic stuff anymore."
Sam frowned. He'd been expecting Dean to be upset. Dean had never liked his "freaky powers" or the way they seemed to be completely beyond his control, which was why he hadn't planned on telling Dean about using them again. It hadn't occurred to him that Ty might pick up on something again like she had back when Azazel had been after them. So, rather than face Dean's narrowed eyes and the unspoken accusation that he had been lying to him, he looked at Ty instead, "You saw it?"
Ty nodded, opening her mouth to say something, but once again Dean beat her to the punch, "Goddamnit, Sam!"
"What do you want from me, Dean?" Sam snapped back angrily, "I tell you about the visions, you freak out. I don't tell you about them, you get pissed."
Alex skirted around the arguing brothers and slid onto the edge of the bed next to Ty, "Did I miss something?"
The brothers continued to argue, so Ty turned to Alex and ignored them, "Yeah, just a bit. Remember how I told you I tapped into Sam's vision back when I first met the Winchesters? It happened again."
"Shit." Alex said, "So that's why Sam woke up like something was chasing him. What did you see?"
"That's the thing." Ty said, shaking her head again at the strangeness of it, "I think the thing I saw...I think it was an angel."
Alex blinked in surprise, "I'm sorry. Did you just say angel? Like, halo, wings, choir of?"
"Yeah, although trust me, it did not look like that. And, after what I saw, I'm pretty sure that the body Bobby sent me the picture of was an angel, too." Ty frowned thoughtfully, "But, I guess if Lucifer is real, he's an angel, right? So...maybe this vision has to do with the Seals."
"Seems like a solid bet." Alex nodded, "But the bigger question is, what are we supposed to do about it?"
"No clue." Ty said. She climbed to her feet, "I think this is where Bobby comes in."
Sam and Dean were still snapping at each other so she stepped between them, holding up her hands.
"Okay, enough!" she said, raising her voice to be heard over theirs, "If you want to keep arguing, do it on the road. I'll ride with Alex and you two can go nuts, but we need to get moving."
With that, she headed for the door to go grab her things from her room. Alex recognized her tone as the one that meant that she had made up her mind and nothing and no one was going to change it now, so he jumped up and quickly finished gathering up his stuff.
"Hey, Ty! Wait!" Dean protested, starting after her. Sam grunted, crossing his arms in annoyance. Dean's gaze snapped towards him and, glaring, he raised a finger, "We're not done."
That said, Dean continued after Ty, fully intending to talk her out of this stupid idea of riding with Alex. The last thing he was in the mood for right now was another six hours or so cooped up in the car with Sam. What was the freaking, stupid punk thinking? Where did he get off trying to keep something like this from him? With a growl, Dean shook his head, trying to dispel those thoughts so he could focus on convincing Ty.
Fifteen or so minutes later, Dean tossed his bag in the trunk of the Impala, shutting the trunk with perhaps more force than was strictly necessary before he climbed into the driver's seat. He closed the door, but paused before putting the key in the ignition. Turning his gaze towards his passenger, he took in their petulant posture and the stubborn set of their jaw. This drive was undoubtedly going to suck.
"So...Ty's riding with Alex…" Sam guessed from the pissy look on his brother's face. He couldn't say he was particularly pleased either. At least Ty could be somewhat reasonable and he was sure she would side with him when it came to doing whatever it took to make sure Dean didn't wind up in Hell.
Dean shoved the keys in the ignition and turned on the car, growling, "Not...another...word."
Before Sam could think about replying, Dean cranked up the music and pretended he didn't notice Sam glaring at him. Yeah, this was gonna be a long drive.
