She had run home as fast as she could and then slammed the door in a hurry. Then she stayed there; pressed up against it for a few minutes with a heart pounding so hard it seemed to want to jump out of her chest.

What possessed her to do such a thing? It had been a lovely evening; she had fully enjoyed a glimpse of another life, but it wasn't really. What she had felt, and experienced tonight was not real, what she had done in a fit of insanity was an illusion and only that.

The tension between them had been palpable yes, the attraction more but it was wrong to do so. Yet it was strange, with him she did not feel afraid at all, as perhaps she should have been. The "incident" had left its mark on her for a long time and many a night she woke up screaming and she had been afraid of every man but he, he was different. With him she did not feel afraid, on the contrary, but what did it matter?

In the long run or in the short run, it would make no difference at all, and inwardly she became angry not only with herself but also with him. No, the kiss had not been against her wishes, but he should have known better. That she had behaved like an idiot was one thing, but he... He should have realised that kissing someone of her stature would be 'not done' and he had done it anyway.

Alina changed her clothes immediately and then jumped into her bed which was about to collapse at any moment and pressed her eyes shut, but every time she tried to push her head and body to sleep, the memory of his soft, warm lips that had kissed her gently the first time and then wildly touched her the second time returned. She recalled his slightly bittersweet taste, probably from the wine he had consumed and the way he had put his hands on her waist. And maybe she should have been startled by this movement, by this touch, but she hadn't, and instead had felt safe and secure.

Until the spell broke.

She knew that his 'request' had been a spur of the moment thing, something suggested in the moment of the heat, but it had upset her. She had no intention of sleeping with him, not of sleeping with anyone before she got married and since it was certainly impossible that she would do that with Benedict and since she had no intention of becoming one of his 'ladies' either, she had now unfortunately left a sour taste in her mouth for what had been her first kiss.

Yes, it had been her first kiss and it had been everything and nothing at the same time and somehow, she suddenly felt very melancholic, and she felt a pang of ... no idea what. Well, she did know because suddenly she missed him, out of all people and wished that the evening hadn't ended so abruptly even though she knew that what they had done should never have happened. And she would make that clear to him the next time she met him. She kept turning over in her bed for a long time but finally she fell asleep.

The next day her mother came back early in the morning, accompanied by her friend's son, Thomas Watson.

"Good morning, dearest" her mother greeted as she encountered Alina who was about to leave.

"Good morning, mother. Thomas..." said Alina as she acknowledged him.

"Tommy here was so sweet to escort me home" her mother told her with a glowing expression.

"How kind of him, Alina, don't you agree?" she asked her daughter.

"Yes, kind of you indeed. Thank you, Thomas." said Alina who realised what her mother was doing and gave her a devious look, but her mother played innocent.

"Tommy. Please. Call me Tommy. Alina. Everyone calls me that... Thomas sounds so formal" he explained shortly with a shy smile. He had taken off his cap and now held it in front of his waist and was fidgeting with it.

"Right." Alina nodded. "Tommy. Thank you" she said kindly, and Tommy smiled at her as a way of thank you.

"Well, I should go, bread is not made by itself" he said with a slightly shy smile.

"It... it was nice to see you again, Alina" Tommie said.

"Likewise," Alina replied kindly, while keeping an eye on her mother who was watching the scene amusedly.

"Goodbye then" and then he turned to Alina's mother, put his hat back on and tapped his hat as a way of saying goodbye and then he was gone. Alina put her arms over herself and sighed and then addressed her mother.

"What was that all about?" Alina wanted to know, quirking an inquisitive brow at Harriet.

"What are you talking about; child?" said her mother innocently to which Alina sighed again.

"Uh huh, sure. Do not play dumb, I know exactly what you are doing mother", shaking her head.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Thomas is like a little brother to me" she wearily exclaimed to which Harriet Kennedy rolled her eyes.

"Oh, for God's sake, Alina. He is only six months younger than you are. I don't understand.. It is obvious that he likes you very much; he has a good job; one of these days will be taking over the family bakery. Imagine being his wife; you will not have to bend over backwards and can live a more comfortable-".

Alina had started to run away, towards the door, but her mother had stopped her by standing in front of her and grabbing her wrist and gazed deeply at her.

" Sweet girl of mine...I know you don't want to think about this possibility but... what will happen to you if I am not around?" her mother had declared in a desperate manner.

"I don't want to talk about this now, mother. I will be late for work" Alina replied in a pinched voice. No, she did not want to think about this possibility, that her mother would die. Not now, anyway.

She wrestled herself loose from Harriet's grip and then walked to the door and grabbed her coat.

"I have to go" she said, deliberately turning her back on her mother so that Alina's tears would not be seen. "See you tonight" and away she went.

Benedict hardly spoke at all during breakfast in his parents' house, in fact he did not even seem to be there, he was so lost in thought.

"Well brother, you're not exactly the most exciting company this morning" accused Eloise in a disapproving voice.

"Yes, Benedict... Is there something the matter? You are so withdrawn today" Daphne noted.

"Hhm?" Benedict said as he came back to his senses.

"Oh... Sorry Daph, what did you say? I wasn't listening".

"You can say that again" Eloise reprimanded but Benedict ignored his sister's comment. Daphne repeated her question, and this time Benedict did provide an answer.

"No, Daph, I am fine. There is nothing wrong" answered Benedict quickly and then took a bite of his poached egg.

"How is Simon doing? And how are you? I see the baby has grown a lot" asked Benedict as his eyes darted to his sisters ever growing belly. Daphne smiled and told him that she was feeling great, and the baby was doing well. She then talked about some projects Simon had in mind for their estates.

Benedict did his best to listen and nodded politely here and there but did not pay any attention, which fortunately Daphne did not notice. When breakfast was over and his sisters and mother had moved to the drawing room he was left alone with his eldest brother, Anthony, Colin had already left that day.

He stared at his cup of coffee and stirred it aimlessly with a spoon. Anthony looked at him with concern.

"You know you can tell me anything, don't you? I know I am not always... the most understanding person in this family but if there is anything that is weighing on your mind, I hope you know that I am here to listen and to help" Anthony declared.

Benedict looked up to his brother and smiled.

"Thank you, but there is nothing going on really" but he had to sigh deeply which Anthony scoffed.

"Are you sure?" the Viscount Bridgerton wanted to know.

"Yes. I am positive" Benedict nodded and Anthony decided for now not to press the point any further.

"So, where is your better half today?" asked Benedict after taking a little pause of silence.

(Writer's note: Anthony's wife Mara. See my other Bridgerton fic 'Last Chance') "

"Oh, Mara went to her parents; they invited her for breakfast" explained Anthony and Benedict grinned.

"And they didn't invite you too?" he asked with a sly smile.

"Oh yes they did but I mentioned that I was otherwise obliged by my many appointments " replied Anthony with a smirk.

"And yet you are here somehow?" said Benedict in an innocent tone, barely keeping himself together to burst out laughing.

"Yes, apparently I am. Figures." said Anthony as he nonchalantly sipped his coffee.

"I don't know anyone who wants to avoid their mother-in-law as much as you do, Anthony" he reprimanded with a grin.

"Trust me Ben, if you had a mother-in-law who chatted as much as Henrietta Kensington, you would do the same," Anthony smiled.

Benedict laughed and then shook his head but refrained from further comment.

"Come dine with us tonight... Mara would like if you joined us," Anthony suggested but Benedict didn't accept the offer.

"Some other time, brother" and Anthony saw that Benedict's gaze suddenly became serious again. "I have somewhere to be" Benedict stated.

Her colleagues were busy talking while decorating the dresses with all kinds of embellishments, but Alina was not very talkative, as always. The other seamstresses had accepted that Alina sometimes said something but often nothing and so it often seemed as if Alina was not even in the room.

"Ooh, have you read Lady Whistledown's new leaflet? That Mr Bridgerton we were talking about the other day has dined with an unknown lady at 'The Spring Rose'. Someone not from London, at least so Whistledown claims," her younger colleague Ellie had told her incredulously. At that moment, Alina stopped breathing, it seemed, and she suddenly went pale as a ghost; her hands had also stopped moving, of their own accord, and she could only stare at her lap.

"Oh really, how interesting! I do like a mystery... who knows, maybe she's French or something?" said Gwendolyn, a red-haired, sturdy woman originally from Ireland. Despite the awkward situation she found herself in, namely that the 'unknown' lady they were talking about was none other than Alina, she almost laughed at the idea of her being 'French' but quickly recovered.

"Alina... Can I speak to you for a moment?" she suddenly heard someone say, she turned around startled and saw Madame Delacroix standing there. "In my office, please" she said.

"Of course, madam. I'll be right there" she answered in a pinched voice.

She walked with lead feet to the office of her employer, knocked and then went inside, looking down. When she looked up, she was horrified to see Lady Whistledown's leaflet lying unfolded on the desk, and something inside her told her that Genevieve knew and that she had been called to the office because of it. A feeling of shame rose to her cheeks and so she turned her gaze back to the ground.

"Alina... I just want to tell you that-" but Mara didn't let her finish.

"Please, ma'am. Please don't dismiss me. My mother is ill and cannot work. I am the sole breadwinner. It is difficult to get by already and I don't know what I will do if I lose my position here, so I beg of you, don't fire me"; she stammered.

Genevieve looked at her amusedly for a little while, not that Alina could see that because she was busy staring at her feet anyway.

"I have received compliments from Mrs Crawford on the dresses you have made for her daughters. Apparently, they were much appreciated and talked about at the Silvershields' Winter Extragavanza ball. In fact, her eldest has attracted the attention of a banker's son, much to Mrs. Crawford's happiness."

Alina looked up in confusion and frowned. Huh? This was about something completely different than she had expected.

"She asked me who the seamstress in question was if this particular seamstress would make a couple of more garments for them. They shall come by soon to discuss their wishes and to get fitted once more. So, what I was going to say. Good work, Alina... You really are one of my better employees and therefore I hope you will work for me for a long time to come".

Alina now looked completely confused and Genevieve had a hard time not laughing, but she held back.

"I'll give you a raise; it will not be a lot, because I don't want the other girls to find out and complain but I think every little bit helps. And since I can sell several dresses thanks to that is the least, I can do" Genevieve stated with a small smile.

"Uhm, thank you Madame Delacroix. I really appreciate it" said Alina shyly. Genevieve nodded and then said she could go back to the sewing room. Alina turned and walked to the door but heard her name shortly before she could grasp the handle.

"Alina. Just one thing I would like to discuss with you before you, a word of advice if you don't mind. I am saying this out of concern, and not out of any other intention so to speak and I hope you will take what I have to say in account."

She paused briefly for she continued as if she wanted to put more emphasis on what she was going to state.

"Be careful. The world we live in is harsh and can be brutal. I genuinely hope therefore you know what you're getting yourself into" and no this had nothing to do with the Crawford's but everything to do with Benedict.

She almost didn't see it, so subtle was the movement, but Genevieve swore she saw Alina nod before she left her office.

To her 'relief' he didn't come by at the end of her working day, well, she felt relieved but on the other hand also... somewhere disappointed. When she realised this, she scolded herself; that she was behaving like an idiot again and that it was better that he hadn't come. That way she could close it and she would be spared an uncomfortable conversation. She was the last to leave again today because she wanted to make a start on her 'commission' for the Crawford's but earlier than usual.

Genevieve had instructed her to close the shop when she was finished and when she did, she had looked around and not seen him, much to her relief and subsequent disappointment. She put her coat around her even more tightly, as it was cold again tonight and the cold February wind seemed to want to cut through her body. She began to walk with firm steps, trying to warm herself and therefore did not realise that she was being followed... She did not realise that she was being followed by a carriage, nor that someone was getting out of the carriage and following her. Alina walked down a side street, which was somehow deserted, and then, a moment later, stopped dead in her tracks.

"Hello Alina" she heard him say and she turned round, startled; and suddenly she found it hard to keep her composure at the sight of him. Even though she had wanted to see Benedict, somewhere deep down, him being there was something entirely different.

He took a few steps closer with a serious look on his face, in trepidation, trying to gauge her reaction.

He sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair. She had not said anything until now and only stared at Benedict. He didn't know where to begin, so he began in a light, nonchalant tone.

"How are you?" he asked.

She stared at him for a long time before answering. How was she? How was she? She didn't quite know; she felt all sorts of things at once, an urge to jump into his arms but on the other hand, restraint, because what she felt wasn't ok. Wasn't pat.

"Fine, thank you. And you, Mr Bridgerton?" she asked politely.

This did not go down too well with him, she could see, as he got an irritated look on his face at hearing the way he was addressed, but he said nothing. Well, he wanted to, but he didn't hold back a second later anyway.

"After last night, don't you think it would be better for us to address each other on a first name basis?" he exclaimed with a sarcastic tone, which in turn irritated Alina.

"No, not really. I am perfectly content calling you Mr. Bridgerton instead. Now I apologize but I must go, I wish you a nice evening Mr Brid-" she said, and she was fully intending to walk away but she saw that he rolled his eyes.

"God, you can be so exhausting, do you know that" he rudely interrupted.

"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?" she reproached him sharply, but he wasn't the least bit affected by her tone of voice.

"Allow me to explain. You are always running away from me. Always. Why do you do that? Especially the way you did yesterday, I was worried about you arriving home. We went after you, and I even went on foot but lost you at some point... You don't live near Church Street at all, do you? " He accused while taking a few steps closer to her.

"You live even further away than that, right?" he concluded. Alina started to blush a little as he had found out about her white lie, so she didn't say anything.

"I had to ask Gen.., Madame Delacroix this morning if you had come to work because I was afraid that something had happened to you" he exclaimed in anger.

"You don't need to be worried about me" Alina exclaimed, sounding vulnerable, to her dismay.

"But I do have to be." he claimed in a soft tone, and he stepped towards her once more and was now awfully close and looked at her attentively.

"I can't stop thinking about you" he said softly; sweetly almost and slowly he brought the back of his palm to her face and then he gently stroked her cheek with his fingers, and she let him. She did not flinch from him, no; she remained there with her eyes fixed on him.

"And don't want to stop thinking about you either." he said, shaking his head but fixing his gaze on her lips; his breathing quickening as it did hers.

"Don't run away from me. Please" he said in a pleading tone. Benedict slowly bent towards her and almost had her lips with his until she pulled away from him.

"We can't do this. We must not do this." she argued in a clearly affected voice. He quirked an eyebrow at her and blinked his eyes a few times.

"And who says that?" he asked sincerely sounding curious, like a child that wanted to know the answer to some mathematical equation.

"Who says I'm not allowed to take you in my arms and kiss you for as long as I wish to?" Her breath caught after hearing this sentence, and she could swear that she could faint any moment now, but she had to remain strong.

"Society says so. We come from two vastly different worlds which are not compatible, so I think we should stop seeing each other..." she said in a slightly agonised tone. Benedict bit her lip; something he often did when he felt uncomfortable but did not yet feel the compulsion to respond.

"This has gone far enough already, and I can assure you that I have no intention of being you. your... mistress" she said embarrassed with a huge blush. This was something she had better not have said because it hurt him, she could tell.

"Oh, so this is what you think what this is about? I didn't know you thought so low of me" he exclaimed hurtfully and somewhere she had the urge to comfort him, but she had to be tough now, and clear so they could both get on with their lives and mock the illusion.

"What else should I think then? If a woman of lower birth like me gets an offer from a well-to-do man to go home with him" she said and she did indeed have a point, there.

"I should have phrased it differently," he said. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant that I would like to spend more time with you" Benedict stated.

" As what exactly?" she asked him rightly so.

"As the woman I'm falling for, as the woman I'm falling in love with" stated Benedict and the confession made her breath stop. She could see that he was being honest, that he was telling the truth, but she still shook her head.

"You don't think I am being truthful?" he asked her with wide eyes.

"I didn't say that" she said shakingly swallowing a large lump in her throat as she was no longer able to avoid the longing gaze in his expression.

"Good" he said softly. "Good. I'm glad you believe me. " He repeated, fixing his gaze on her lips a second time and a second later he plunged his mouth into hers.

It took a while before she returned the kiss, but she did and when he grabbed her head with both hands and slowly pressed her against the wall, she lost herself in the moment.

His kisses were sweet at first but became more pressing as time went on and after a few minutes he let his tongue touch hers, which made her feel indescribable. He had grasped her arms and placed them on his shoulders, indicating that he wanted her to touch him, and she did, timidly at first, but later she let one hand run gently through his hair and the other over his back.

Thank God the street was deserted, and they were obstructed from view as they stood around the corner a 'booth' where tickets were sold by cockfighters gave them the opportunity not to be discovered.

Their mutual touching became more intense and when Benedict really forced himself between her legs, until now he had tried to keep his 'distance' with his body, they both uttered a groan or an exclamation of surprise. He had started kissing her neck while his hands rested on her waist, not for long though, for they slowly started to wander upwards, very gently, stroking sweetly; over her belly, more and more upwards so that when she felt his hand on her left breast she was not startled, on the contrary it felt like a welcome caress.

Yet he did not leave his hand on her breast for long, for fear that she would be startled, and placed both hands on her face so that he could kiss her more insistently. This lasted for a while until he realised exactly what they were doing and, specifically, where so he reluctantly withdrew. However, he did stay close to her and kissed her forehead afterwards because he couldn't resist.

"Mr. Bridg... Benedict... I, we..." She undoubtedly started another speech about what they had just done and how wrong it was, but Benedict didn't care. Instead, he grinned broadly.

"You called me Benedict" he stated, to which she blushed once more that night.

"Oh... yes I believe so" she said shyly, and she looked away from him for a moment, at his chest instead of his face. He lifted hers with one finger and kissed her briefly on the mouth smiled at her and said:

"Come, I'll take you home".