Okay, after finally getting the Man from UNCLE DVD, I decided to crack on with the Napollya series I've been thinking of.

Please enjoy, and read/review :)

…..

The first thing Napoleon felt was a dull ache in his head. When he went to rub the back of his head in an attempt to lessen the pain, he quickly realised that his wrists were strapped to a chair.

"Aaah…" came an unfamiliar voice, "…I think the American is awake, nyet?"

Weakly, Napoleon opened his eyes to see two men, clearly KGB agents, standing in front of him. "Gentlemen…"he greeted, trying to remain calm, "…I don't think this is necessary. A simple chat over a cup of coffee would have been fine."

"The American think he's funny!" chuckled one of the men, before back-handing Napoleon across the face.

From behind them, there was a noise of protest, prompting Napoleon to focus on a small figure seated on a table. "R-really?" he coughed, "You're going to make the kid watch you thugs beat me?"

The two men glanced behind them and shrugged, one of them grinning as Lyov scooted back as far as he could. "Well, he has got to learn torture methods one day da?"

"He's five!"

"Better late than never…" the guard scowled as Lyov clutched his Superman toy closer to him, "…give me that!" He snatched the toy away, pushing Lyov back when he tried to grab it, "You Americans and your heroes." He sneered, throwing the toy to the far side of the room.

Napoleon growled at this, "Bastards….he's just a kid!"

"Nyet. He is a weapon."

The two guards then began hitting Napoleon in the stomach and face, laughing as the man grunted in pain. After a few minutes of steady beating, that left Napoleon's nose and lip bleeding and his breath laboured due to cracked ribs, the two men stopped and went to lean back against the table.

"Now that introductions are over…" began one of the men, "…tell us who employed you. CIA perhaps?"

"Social services actually. Someone reported incidents of abuse towards Lyo-UPH!"

The fist to his stomach stopped Napoleon in his tracks, causing him to wheeze in pain as he desperately tried to catch his breath. As he gasped weakly, head lowered to his chest, he could hear the two guards instructing Lyov on the proper hitting technique in Russian….but not for very long.

There was a sudden bang and one of the guards fell to the door…dead, with a bullet hole in between his eyes. The other guard yelled in anger and shock, only for there to be another bang, closely followed by his body hitting the floor.

Weakly, Napoleon lifted his head aware from his chest only for his eyes to widen in alarm. Seated on the table, aiming a gun at the two fallen guards….was Lyov. He had a determined look in his eyes as he glared at the two corpses.

"L-lyov?" stuttered Napoleon, still in shock, "H-how did you-"

Before he could finish, Lyov pointed to one of the men on the floor. On closer inspection, Napoleon could tell that the gun holster on the man's belt was empty, which meant that Lyov had likely stolen it when the two guards leant back against the table.

Napoleon was too stunned to talk, watching as Lyov leapt down from the table and pressed two fingers against each man's neck (although there was really no need….they were both shot in the head). In silence, he watched as Lyov un-cuffed him from the chair, and gestured towards the door frantically.

Weakly, Napoleon got to his feet and limped towards the door, not even managing to muster up a smile when he saw Lyov gently grab his Superman figure from up off the ground. Once outside, they were once again hit with an icy blast of wind….and their car was no-where to be seen.

"W-we need to go back indoors kid…." Stuttered Napoleon, but Lyov shook his head and pointed into the distance. Glancing in that area, Napoleon could see a dark SUV.

"Kid I-"He paused when he saw that Lyov and disappeared, although it was only briefly. After less than a minute, Lyov ran out the small building, straight towards the SUV. In amazement, Napoleon continued to watch as Lyov used some stolen keys to unlock the car, gesturing for his Father to follow him.

Weakly, Napoleon limped over and (whilst wincing heavily) attempted to climb into the front seat….but fell back into the snow, the pain from his ribs too much. "I-I can't…" he whispered, "….not before I get some medical help."

Lyov pursed his lips in thought, before nodding in determination and helping his Father as the man pushed himself up off the ground. He struggled to support the older man, but eventually, they made their way back into the small building.

Napoleon went to sit down, watching in silence as his son rummaged through cupboards and drawers. After a couple of minutes of searching, Lyov held up his hand in triumph and grinned at his Father, bandages, a first aid box and a bottle of painkillers in his hand.

He placed the items on the table by Napoleon, before attempting to push the two bodies of the dead guards to one side….he was semi successful. Napoleon smiled when Lyov gave up, the two bodies simply tipped onto their sides.

"So what's the plan kiddo?"

Lyov shrugged, grabbing the bandages and holding them up to Napoleon.

"Y-you're going to patch me up?"

Nodding eagerly, Lyov clambered up onto his Father's lap and grabbed a plaster from the first aid box, before carefully placing it under Napoleon's lip, where he was cut. As his son then went about cleaning the dried blood under his nose, Napoleon's thoughts turned to Illya and everyone waiting at the UNCLE safe-house.

It was probably about noon by now….they would be concerned if he didn't show up.

'But it was too late now' thought Napoleon wearily, wincing when Lyov accidentally nudged his busted nose. "So, how do you know how to do this anyway?" he asked.

Lyov stopped, his hand still clutching the tissue. With a deep sigh, he lifted his t-shirt up to show Napoleon a jagged scar on his mid-section, and tapped it with the other hand.

Napoleon felt as though his heart had stopped, "H-how did that happen kid?"

His son shrugged, letting the t-shirt fall back down and began to mime fighting, making karate chops and little boxing punches. He then mimed a stabbing action, before pointing at where the scar was again.

"S-so you were fighting….training?"

A silent nod.

"And someone stabbed you during it….you were training to defend yourself from a knife, and your trainer stabbed you?!"

Another nod.

Napoleon had to take deep breaths, trying to reign in his anger at the thought of anybody hurting his son. "W-who stitched you up?" he asked, hoping that the answer wouldn't be what he thought it was….he was disappointed.

Lyov mimed the action of stitching himself up, grinning up at his Father as though expecting a 'well done for knowing how to stitch yourself up at five years old!' Napoleon took another deep breath, and weakly smiled back. "Okay, okay kiddo."

After a couple of minutes, Napoleon's face was completely clean (although his nose was still very sore) and Lyov was reaching into the first aid box to grab the bandages. This was the last straw for Napoleon, "Woah, woah, woah kiddo…" he gently grabbed a hold of his son's wrists, and smirked at the boy's confused look, "…I can strap up my own ribs okay? Why don't you go and see if there's any food in this dump? We may be here a while."

Lyov nodded eagerly, and practically leapt off of Napoleon's lap (causing him to yelp in pain), before rushing into the kitchen…well, Napoleon assumed it was the kitchen, he didn't exactly get the full tour last time.

Groaning, he managed to unbutton his shirt….when the door to the building flew open. Not even pausing to yelp at the sudden blast of cold air, Napoleon dived to the floor and quickly the one gun remaining in the guard's holster, aiming it at the figure in the doorway.

"Napoleon!"

Napoleon sighed in relief, "Illya…" he grinned up at the Russian "….sorry we were late."

Illya shut the door behind him and knelt in front of his lover, gently turning his head from side to side in order to see the extent of the wounds. "What happened?" he murmured.

"They had eyes on us…must have drugged my water when we stopped for a quick bite to eat." Napoleon winced, "They didn't know who I was working for though….the CIA should expect a back-lash from the KGB."

"They tortured you?"

Napoleon shrugged, "They knocked me about a bit. They didn't really get time to do anything worse though."

Illya seemed confused at this, however, before he could say anything Napoleon groaned as the painful repercussions of diving to the ground made themselves known. Rolling his eyes, Illya helped the man off of the floor and back to the chair. "You are a foolish man Cowboy."

"Hey!" complained Napoleon, "I prefer to think of it as being foolhardily brave."

"Call it what you want Cowboy, but it was a stupid thing to do."

Choosing not to argue, Napoleon held up his arms obligingly when prompted so that Illya could wrap the bandages around his chest. "I will call Waverly and tell him the mission was not a success…" muttered Illya, eyes firmly focused on his work, "….maybe we can catch them before-"

"Woah, woah, woah…" interrupted Napoleon, "….what are you talking about Peril?"

"Well they captured you….Lyov must be back with them."

Napoleon chuckled and shook his head, "They were cocky…brought the kid with them in order to teach him good torture skills I suppose."

Illya seemed disgusted at this, although not very surprised. At his lover's silence, Napoleon continued, "I don't know what they've been teaching that boy, but he managed to steal a gun and shoot them directly in the head!"

"Lyov did this?!"

Napoleon nodded, "But there's still a glimpse of a child in their Illya! I brought a toy with me and the wonder on his face…well, I think he just wants to be a normal five year old."

Illya didn't seem convinced, but remained silent as he finished wrapping up his lovers' chest. As he finished tying off the bandages, the door leading to the kitchen slammed open and Lyov came rushing in, waving a loaf of bread in the air.

Napoleon tensed slightly, getting ready to protect Illya if Lyov saw him as a threat….but was surprised.

At the sight of Illya, Lyov dropped both the bread and his Superman figure on the ground and raced forwards.

"PAPA!"