Janus pulls up the window to Crude's room and shimmies inside. They always kept it cracked to help with the smell. And they broke the screen years ago when they kicked a shoe through it. Crude's not in their room. Which is weird.

Janus checks the bed and looks through the open door to the hall. Clothing and trash litter the hallway, per usual. The bathroom door is closed.

Janus turns to Crude's dresser and opens the drawers until he finds clean slacks and a shirt that didn't have a cuss word on it. By the time he manages that, the door to the bathroom opens. Janus looks up and immediately regrets it.

"Why are you naked." Janus threw the shirt at them.

Crude caught it and said, "You like the view. Why are you in my room?" They pulled the shirt over their head then frowned, "You weren't here last night, were you?"

"No. I'd love to hear all the details," Janus watched as they got dressed. "But I need a favor. You're coming to my place. Now."

"Well, I'd love to come in your place, but I just woke up."

"It's five p.m.?!" Janus blinked at his friend, who only nodded.

Crude scratched their head, successfully dressed. They didn't look half bad, a little wrinkled, but decent. That's all Janus needed.

They sat down on their bed and said, "I had a busy night! Being busy. Getting busy-"

"Splendid, so you need breakfast. Patton made pizza rolls." Janus grabbed Crude by the arm and pulled them up. They groaned about just sitting down. "Do this for me and I'll never ask you another favor again."

"You said that last time, dude." Crude didn't sound surprised at all. They still moved with Janus easily. "What do you need?"

"You have to impress my Sides."

"Easy."

"You can't be crude."

"Fuck!"

"See! That! None of that!" Janus pointed a finger at them. "I have a Morality Side and, and a Logic! Fuck, what would Virge think?"

Crude pulled their arm free and stopped walking. They were in the living room. They had repainted; the walls were green now. Janus loved it.

"Wait, so am I not good enough for your Sides?" Crude asked.

"No." Janus told them, "But you're all I have."

"Okay, cool." Crude said, turning towards their kitchen. "I'm making myself breakfast-"

"Crude! Crude, babe," Janus scrambled after them, his panic rising. "Game Night has already started and I'm not there. Everyone's bringing their friends, but me. Do you want me to be friendless on Game Night?!"

Crude rolled their eyes, "Oh, boo-fuckin-hoo. Just tell them I got sick. I hear there's a cold going around."

Janus shook his head, "I can't, because that's a lie."

"So? You're a liar." Crude leaned against the fridge and picked their teeth.

"Not with them." Janus kept shaking his head. His vision felt a little fuzzy. "I can't be."

Crude gave him a funny look, then said, "Okay, well tell them the truth then. I don't want to go and you only have one friend."

"No, they'd never believe that." Janus sighed, feeling a heavy weight on his chest. He took a deep breath, turned and looked into Crude's eyes. "Look. They only see me as a Negative."

"You are." Crude interrupted.

"I know. And they think I only hang out with Negatives." Janus said.

"You do."

"I know! But I can't let them keep thinking about me like that. They're going to hate me. If they don't already." Janus

"So what? You think if I go to your party and rub butts with your boyfriends they'll swap spit with you?" Crude asked.

Janus held his face in his hands, rubbing his temples. He groaned, "I'm so screwed."

"You will be when I'm done with them." Crude said, sounding like a promise. "Tell ya what, I'll go with you. And I'll be on my best behavior."

Janus looked up, surprised, "You will?"

"By the end of the night, they'll be so impressed with me, they'll be begging to fuck you." Crude said, shaking his hand. Janus barely followed the logic, but he got what he wanted. He thinks.

Crude looked around, walking out of the room. "Have you seen my hat? The orange one?"


It was almost five thirty when Janus and Crude got to the door.

Crude grimaced. "So much for impressing them. Why didn't you get me earlier?"

"This was part of the plan. The less time you spend with them, the better." Janus lied. He had to take the long way to avoid creepy Established men. He straightened Crude's shirt and brushed some of their stray hairs away. "Remember: no-"

"No cursing, no shooting, no sex, and no flirting. No drugs or alcohol." Crude listed them off on their fingers. "No religion, and only mention politics if you're prepared to lose an argument with a Logic."

"And?" Janus raised an eyebrow.

"And don't mention that weird story I read one time about the gummy bears and the gummy worms." Crude said with a sigh. "Okay, can we go inside now?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm ready for this." Janus told himself as he opened the door.

"Don't be a pussy." Crude said under their breath. Janus glared at them, and Crude held up their hands. "Alright, alright. Best behav-" Crude stepped into the front room and their jaw dropped. They nearly shouted, "Holy fucking shit I know that ugly mug!"

"DUDE!" Janus didn't shout. He raised his voice. Because he's nice now. Crude waved him off, not taking their eyes off whoever-the-fuck he saw.

Logic touched his shoulder. He knew it was Logic because no one else announces they're there with a touch like that. At least, not to Janus.

His voice was easy, "It's quite alright, Patton's already become accustomed to Structure and Planning."

Janus watched as Crude approached a tall, nerdy Side. They had neat facial hair, not like Crude's patchy, scruffy mess. And they were wearing a stylish hat that Janus might have to regretfully announce was lost. They were wearing a blue bowtie. They were a successful Crude.

"Greetings." The Side- Stronger and Potting? Janus would have to remember some names tonight. He was totally prepared to have strangers in the house he shares with other strangers.

"Fucking greetings, dude!" Crude said, excitedly shaking their hand. Stronger smiled, pleased and wary at the same time.

"Fucking greetings!" The Side parroted with amusement, "I'm Structure and Planning."

Nailed it.

"Oh, I see, you like getting two at once." Crude said, nodding and biting their lip. Janus should've just left them at home and been the awkward loner loser with no friends. That would've been better than watching this. Janus is so glad he brought them.

"Two diagnoses, yes. More than thirty percent of Sides are given two diagnoses as a single pair. Some are hyphenated, while others use 'and' to connect the words. The difference is regional preference with hyphenated diagnoses being more popular on the west coast." Structure said all of that, and everyone let them do it. The wild world Logics live in.

Crude blinked, apparently soaking in the information. They nodded once again and said, "Damn, what else that mouth do?"

Structure frowned a little and said, "Along with speech, an impressive function itself, the oral cavity is required for feeding, breathing, and sinus drai- are you fucking with me?"

"I would love to be fucking with you." Crude said, with a wide grin. Structure laughed and pushed them.

Janus crossed his arms, surprised by the turn of events. "They'll be fine."

"Structure certainly seems pleased." Logic said, still beside him. Janus tried to ignore the warm feeling in his chest. It's not like Logic can permanently stick by him. Roman's needy, too. Speaking of which.

Janus looked around the room. Structure and Crude were talking a few feet away. Virgil was camped out on the couch, playing on his phone. Based on the burning smell, Patton was in the kitchen.

"Where's Roman?" Janus asked.

"He went out to get Kai. He said he was too tired to go downstairs; so Roman volunteered to retrieve him." Logic explained.

Virgil said from the couch, "The word he used was 'rescue'."

"Right. Structure was punctual, and the rest have yet to arrive." Logic said, running a hand down his shirt. He was wearing a tie, how fancy. Janus wanted to yank it.

Virgil spoke up again, "Elliot just texted, they're a block away."

"Excellent. I propose we spend the rest of this time-" Logic's proposal didn't stand a chance against the bombardment that was Roman carrying a screaming Side.

They burst into the house like the door was made to be broken. The smaller, angry Side was being carried over the shoulder of Roman, who was also screaming. They did a loop around Structure and Crude before stopping by the couch. Roman, in a great show of strength and dexterity, managed to put Kai down gently.

Kai kicked Roman away, somewhere between irritated and furious. "Don't touch me, fuck off!"

"Wow, everyone's a potty mouth today." Patton said, standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He had oven mittens and an apron on. He looked stupid. Janus didn't shift closer to Logic.

"Patton! Meet Kai!" Roman grabbed Patton and pulled him over to the couch. The two of them stood and spoke to Kai, who was rubbing his face and sighing. Janus felt his chest dip in pity for the guy.

"Logic, tell me about the Illness diagnosis." Janus picked up enough of the chatter to figure out Kai got the short stick of something.

"The Illness diagnosis was created in 1968 in response to the Washington Diagnosis Protests of that summer. An activist group of primarily Negative Sides were peacefully protesting in Washington, DC to have their diagnosis class relabeled. Many of the Sides embodied mental illnesses, physical disorders, and learning disabilities."

Janus actually listened as he spoke. Logic's voice was smooth and soothing when he was talking about facts.

Logic continued, "The activist group was named PSPS, or Positive Sides for Positive Strides, and members are still fighting for Sides to be granted full civil rights. Positive Sides argued that certain labels; such as Bipolar or," He gestured to the two sitting on the couch, "Anxiety, should not be categorized as 'Negative', as the Side has no choice in the matter."

"Oh, I should've thought about that when I decided to be a compulsive liar." Janus snarked. He flinched, expecting a smack for his snarkiness. But Logic wasn't Frank. He just watched him with a funny, calculating expression.

"Forgive me, I misspoke." Logic said instead. He adjusted his glasses and insisted, "I didn't intend to imply that the Negative label is correct. It's not. It should be renamed to something less…" He shrugged and offered helplessly, "Shitty."

Janus' lips quirked up, and the tension in his shoulders released. He rested his head on Logic's shoulder. "I know, brainiac, I'm messing with you."

He felt fingers hesitantly fit between his. Janus shivered at the contact. Somehow, this felt more real than when they were cuddling in Logic's dorm. Nothing he did as Patton felt real. They didn't like him, they liked Patton. But Logic? Maybe Logic still liked him?

"Janus!" Roman appeared in front of him. Janus jerked away from Logic, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"What? What do you want?" Janus grumbled. He wasn't ready to join the party yet. He wanted to stay on the sidelines longer.

"Meet Kai!" Roman didn't take no for an answer. He grabbed Janus and yanked him across the room, humming merrily. They stopped in front of Kai. "Kai, this is Janus!"

"Hi Kai." Janus said, using his best 'Exhausted AA Meeting' voice.

"Hi Janus." Kai said, mimicking the tone. They both smirked and nodded before Janus waved and walked off.

Roman whined, "What? No! You didn't talk!"

Janus kept walking until he was beside Crude. He heard when Roman gave up and said, "Virgil! Have you met Kai!?"

"How's it going?" Janus asked, interrupting whatever Structure was saying.

Crude slung an arm around him and said, "Dude, this motherfucker knows everything about dicks. Ask him, ask him- can you break your dick?"

"Yes, penile fracture is the rupture of the fibrous covering of the corpora cavernosa." Structure said, completely unbothered by Crude.

"Do you know what any of that means?" Janus asked his friend, crossing his arms.

"Uh, it means you can break your dick." Crude rolled their eyes and gestured to him while stage-whispering to Structure, "He never listens!"

Structure did that nose exhale thing people do when laughing is too difficult. Before they could comment, there was a knock at the door. Logic opened it and three more Sides stood outside. Two short ones and a tall one.

"Expression! And friends!" Patton rushed to greet them. "Come in, come in!"

Janus watched them shuffle to the center of the room. Crude made a choking noise, even though they weren't eating anything. Janus followed their gaze to the tallest Side of the newcomers. Then Janus connected the facial features.

"Oh." Structure said, almost sounding surprised. "Another one."

"Holy shit. Holy fucking shit." Crude kept whispering to themself over and over.

Janus nudged them. "You ok?"

"Did you plan this?" Crude whispered, slinging an arm around his shoulder to keep him in place.

"What? No." Janus frowned, looking up at the new look-alike. "I'm excellent at recognizing faces."

Crude shook their head and said, "They look like a total fucking badass. Look at all those rods in their face."

"Yeah, welcome to being the second-coolest side." Janus glared at Mr. Tattoos, who finally decided to get off the couch.

Virgil approached the group and introduced them to the crowd. He did this by pointing to each person and saying their name. "Roman. Logic. Patton. Janus. Structure. Crude. Kai."

Janus liked his style. Patton whisked one of the small Sides away into the kitchen. The other two seemed content talking with Virgil.

"I'm going to introduce myself to that Side." Structure said, talking to Crude. "Would you like to come with me?"

"Oh, that's too easy." Crude said with their lopsided grin.

Structure frowned, "Would you rather make reaching Establishment difficult?"

"No, I meant the part about us coming together." This is what Crude considers flirting. No, really. Janus would know.

"The proper grammer within that sentence would be us going togeth-"

"Oh my Gods!" Janus interrupted this conversation before it could get any stupider. He grabbed both their wrists and pulled the Sides after him. "C'mon!"

He stopped beside Virgil. "Tell me about your friends."

The taller one was talking, and they stopped to look at them. The shorter one was the cashier at the tattoo parlor. Loud and, wait, didn't she hit him with a broom?!

He was trying to not glare at her as he said, "I'm very interested."

"Ignore him." Virgil told his friends. Thankfully, he didn't follow his own advice. He told Janus, "This is Elliot and Spunk."

Crude laughed.

Spunk turned on them like she smelled fresh blood. "What's so funny?"

"You know what your name means, right?" Crude asked, clearly holding in more giggles.

"I sincerely doubt you would know the definition of my diagnosis." Spunk rolled her eyes.

Janus took that moment to gesture to Crude and announce his diagnosis.

Spunk didn't seem surprised. "I could've told you that." She addressed Virgil, "Punch?"

"In the kitchen." He said, jutting his thumb over his shoulder. "Unless you meant punching Crude, then, no."

"Pity." Spunk tossed her hair over her shoulder as she walked past. "I'll take the drink."

Janus smiled at Virgil. "I like her."

"Watch it." Elliot said.

"Oh! He's protective!" Crude laughed. They nudged Structure and said, "You know what they say about jealous types."

Elliot didn't bother acknowledging the tail end of that. They said simply, "I use they/them pronouns."

"Oh." Crude sounded surprised. A rarity indeed. "Me too."

"I do as well." Structure said, before holding out their hand to Elliot. "I'm Structure and Planning."

"Oh good," Elliot looked a little overwhelmed. "The braincells arrived."

"I have been here; I arrived on time. You were tardy." Structure said, gesturing neatly like they were on a TedTalk.

Crude snickered, "Punish them, Professor."

"I'm out." Virgil said, stepping back.

"Suddenly I'm parched." Janus agreed. He saw Elliot shoot Virgil a panicked look, but they received no sympathy from him.

Janus followed Virgil to the kitchen. It was quieter there. Patton was standing by the oven with his coworker. Spunk and Logic were talking by the counter, plastic cup in each hand.

Naturally, Janus hung by the doorway, even as Virgil strode through. He watched, removed from the room, as Virgil approached Spunk and Logic.

"Your partner needs saving from themself." Virgil said.

"Story of my life." Spunk said with fond annoyance. "Okay. I think I'm ready to kick Crud's ass."

"It was Crude." Logic corrected.

"I know what I said." Spunk replied as she stalked back towards the door. Janus watched her pass and stride right up to Crude and Elliot. She wedged herself between them and took Elliot's hand. She didn't say a word, and Crude didn't address her. But she stayed a solid wall between Elliot and the thing worrying them. She took a sip of her punch.

Oh yeah. Janus liked her.

"I believe it's rude to stand in doorways." Logic's voice made him jump. He whipped around to look at him. His lips were half raised in a Logic's Smile, so Janus takes it as a joke.

"Just like everything else I do." Janus said, glancing back into the livingroom. Roman was putting a movie in. Janus was betting on a musical.

Logic's attempt at a smile falls. His brows pinch as he says, "You're polite when you want to be."

"Isn't everyone?" Janus is enjoying this conversation less the longer it continues.

"True, I suppose." Logic tilts his head as he thinks and it's not the cutest thing he's ever seen. Stupid Logic and his stupid tie. Why'd he dress up to play Mario Kart away?

Janus made himself mad. He mutters, just loud and bitter enough for Logic to hear. "A Deceit with a point, sound the alarms."

He could feel Logic's gaze on him, drilling a hole through his patience. They're silent. The party is going on around them, getting louder and more lively, but they're statues.

When Patton and Expression finish setting up the table with a buffet of snacks, they call everyone to eat. Only then does Logic speak. He leans close against Janus and mumbles in his ear.

"I believe the festivities are about to begin."

It isn't anything special. Crude (probably) couldn't make a joke of it. But the sensation of Logic's voice in his ear and his hand on his back was enough to knock some sense into Janus. Did he really want to pick fights with the only one willing to hear him out?

"Logan." Janus grabbed his wrist, willing him to stay close. Keep whispering mundane things, only for him. A weird lump started to swell in Janus' throat. He didn't like the feeling. "I'm sorry, for um…"

Logic relaxed and smiled. Not a little half smile or a raised corner or a Logic's Smile. It was a real smile, made with enough warmth to thaw Janus' heart.

"You needn't apologize." Logic said, still too close. Still not close enough.

Janus wished he could ask for fusion, and Logic would agree. But he's not like Roman. He didn't make Logic more resourceful, he just made him argumentative. No one would want Polemic at Game Night.

Janus didn't catch Logic's next words. Something about friendship. By the time he could tune in again, Logic was giving him another smile.

"...if you need anything. And-" Logic hesitated. Janus noticed his cheeks darken and Logic swayed ever-so-slightly closer. His voice dropped even lower; his lips tickled the shell of Janus' ear. "I enjoy when you call me Logan."

Janus felt a shiver roll through his spine as Logic stepped away from him. He tried - and failed - to not follow after like a desperate Dependent Side. Logic picked up a paper plate and began filling it with finger food. Janus awkwardly stood beside him until he was handed a plate of his own. Someone else was on his other side, Expression? He thinks? It didn't matter, because someone else was pushing behind him to get to the drinks. Janus grit his teeth and tried to ignore everyone filling into the kitchen to get snacks. He could hear the beginning notes of Frozen playing in the living room. Patton and Kai were having a conversation as they grabbed their own food.

"And my cousin in an Allergy Side. She can't have gluten, dairy, or tree nuts." Kai said as he shuffled around the table. They all followed behind like a slow, boring parade.

Patton piled his plate full of cheese, crackers, strawberries, and grapes. He seemed to be done getting food, but was staying in line to talk to Kai. Patton frowned in sympathy, "That doesn't leave many options."

"She gets by. She eats a lot of fruits and veggies." Kai said. "I'm glad I don't have that. I like food too much.'

He punctuated this by grabbing a cupcake that Structure had brought. He licked the icing off his thumb distractedly.

Patton was nodding. His voice carried over the commotion of the room. "My brother's Allergy is for animals. We thought getting a hairless cat would be safe, but when she scratched him, we had to go to the hospital."

"Wow, was it a big scratch?" Spunk asked.

"Not at all!" Patton said, shaking his head. He held his fingers an inch apart and added, "It was barely this big! But his hand started swelling and he couldn't feel his fingers."

Janus shuffled closer to Logic, hoping to get out of this line soon. But he was trapped in the corner of the room; the food table in front of him and people blocking the way. He put a pizza roll on his plate. On the other side of the room, he saw Virgil and Structure standing in the doorway. They were talking, but Janus' couldn't tell what was being said. He didn't care. He was just jealous they had elbow room.

He needed a distraction. He turned to Logic and said, "I think Negative traits should be renamed to Irritating. Thoughts?"

Logic looked up at him, his expression blank. After a beat, he said, "I believe that's the same issue as the current title. Don't we want it changed because it's offensive?"

Janus wasn't expecting him to say 'we' and his brain short-circuited at it. He cleared his throat and said, "I suggest making it more offensive. Better for warding off predators."

"Animals don't have Sides." Logic said, confused. Janus smirked and let the conversation drop. He grabbed some cheese cubes. Logic finally spoke again, "Have you still been trying to be honest?"

"Yes." No.

"How's it going?" Logic was talking quieter now. Although Janus was sure no one was listening to them. Most people around the table were talking about allergies. "Are you noticing any side effects to repressing your trait?"

I can't think. My lying is worse: stupider and more often. I want to scream all the time. I have horrible migraines. I can't breathe with the pressure in my lungs. I can't take this.

"No."

"Really?" Logic watched him closely.

Janus shrugged. "Yeah, it's fine." He made the mistake of looking Logic in the eye. He saw the curiosity, but also the concern. He struggled to not look away. "I mean, it's a hell of a lot easier to lie. But I'm not-" He had to break eye contact then as he scrambled to find the right word. "dying, or anything."

Nope. That sucked. See, his lying was getting stupider.

"Well, that's a relief." Logic said, finally at the end of the table. He stepped aside to let Janus free from the Table Jail. They walked to the livingroom together. "I wouldn't want you to harm yourself in the name of science."

"Yeah." Janus said, frowning at the TV screen as they sat on the floor, side by side. "Science."

Janus didn't speak again until the end of the movie. He had eaten all his food and was leaning against Logic. He wasn't really watching the movie; more interested in Roman's running commentary.


As the credits rolled, Patton hopped up from the couch and announced, "Alright, we've got some games for us to play. I have SideLife and Battle Scrabble. Virgil wanted to play videogames, if anyone's interested. We also have cards!"

Janus watched as people split into groups to play games. Virgil, Kai, and Elliot gathered around the TV. Virgil took out the Frozen DVD and turned on the game station. Logic got up to take Battle Scrabble from Patton. He looked at Structure, who grinned and nodded. Just like that, Janus was abandoned. Nice.

Almost everyone else went into the kitchen to play SideLife. Janus stayed sat on the floor, unsure of what to do. Crude had gone with the crowd to play SideLife. Maybe he should join them? But the idea of going back to Table Jail right now was daunting.

God, when did he become such an Anxiety Side?

With that thought, he looked at the back of Virgil's head. He still didn't know much about Virgil; wasn't sure what to think of him. Janus had been doing his best to avoid everyone and stay out of the way as much as possible. He thinks Virgil's been doing the same.

Virgil turns around and looks right at him. Apparently he could feel himself being watched, because he wasn't surprised to see Janus there. He held up a controller. "Wanna play?"

That… wasn't what he was expecting him to say. Janus slowly nodded and crawled forward. He took the controller from Virgil and looked up at the screen. It was a dark game, shading-wise. Janus had to squint to read the text properly. He picked a character that looked tall and waited for the others to be ready.

"It's a shooting game." Virgil explained, "Press X to shoot, Y to duck. L is reload and R is focus." He was showing each button as he spoke, but none of it clicked. Janus looked down at the controller in his hands. Oh, this would be easy.

"We play til someone gets five kills, then we move to another map." Virgil said as he expertly navigated the screens. He changed game options and settings. Things that Janus didn't really understand, and also didn't care about. Thankfully, he turned the brightness up.

The screen loaded and then they were playing. The screen was split into four ways. One person was in a field, two were in a forest, and the last one was in a cave. Janus watched as three of the screens moved as the others began searching. The one not moving had to be Janus. He managed to wander around the cave. His character tried to go forward, but it wouldn't work.

"The map ends there, Janus, turn around." Virgil said.

"Someone's not looking at his side of the screen." Kai muttered.

"Sounds like a cheater." Elliot agreed.
Virgil scoffed and shot Elliot. "I just wanted to see what was making that noise."

Sure enough, every time Janus walked into the wall, an annoying beep sound went off. Janus tried to back up, but he couldn't figure out how to move the camera to see where he was going.

"Dude!" Kai almost screamed as Virgil one-shot killed him. Kai respawned and ran off in a random direction. Janus was still in the cave.

"Janus, pick that up." Elliot said as Janus awkwardly approached a box on the ground.

He frowned. "How?"

"Press A." The other three said.

Janus did. His gun grew bigger and now had sparkles. That was great, now he could defend his cave.

"Fuck!" Elliot was killed by Virgil. Janus could feel the playful tension growing around him. He wasn't really what you'd call a 'gamer'; although this was more fun than SideLife would be.

"So…" Kai said after a few minutes of silent gaming. "You guys are friends with Spunk and Expression, right?"

"Yeah, Spunk's my girlfriend." Elliot said, then shot Kai.

"Oh." Kai said, respawning.

Virgil jumped across the trees and picked up an item. His character started glowing like Janus' gun. Virgil jumped to the ground and began running across the forest. The game didn't have a map, but Janus was sure Virgil knew where everyone was just by looking at their screens.

He wanted to say, 'hey, come get me, I'm lost in a fucking cave!', but Kai kept talking.

"Well, like, Roman has this crazy idea that I look like them."

"You do." Virgil said, appearing out of the bushes to shoot Kai.

"Get the fuck away from me!" Kai said, turning and running the other direction. He smashed the buttons frantically, but it was no match for Virgil's muscle memory. He died in one blast. "Fuck!"

Virgil went on the search for his next victim. Janus was trying to move around a rock.

"Do you think they're your Sides?" Elliot asked, glancing at him.

"Maybe." Kai shrugged. "If they are, I might've found all of mine."

"Really?" Virgil and Elliot said at the same time. Janus got around the rock, moving further into the cave.

Kai shrugged again. "I guess. The other ones are online, though. I haven't actually, like, talked to them."

"Well, talk to Spunk and 'Press now. They're really cool, don't worry." Virgil said, nodding to the kitchen. "I'm sure they're excited to talk to you."

"If Expression wasn't here to hold her back, Spunk would be all over you right now." Elliot said, shooting at Virgil. Virgil's shoulders grew tense as he focused on the screen. Janus watched his fingers fly across the buttons, expertly avoiding danger. Virgil's character ducked behind a rock, then threw a bomb at Elliot.

"What the fuck was that?!" Elliot shouted as they died. The screen showed Virgil's character grinning in victory, with the others laying on the ground. Janus realized he spent the entire round in the caves, unbothered. Somehow, he didn't mind.

"What if they're not my Sides?" Kai asked as the game reloaded. Virgil picked a different map.

"Then they're not your Sides." Elliot said with a shrug. "It's not that big of a deal. And Taylor and Express are really chill. They won't hold it over you or anything."

"You should talk to them." Virgil agreed as they respawned in a desert. Janus was out in the open. He could see a couple buildings near him, and he ran towards those. Someone was already shooting.

"Hm. Maybe." Kai mumbled.

Janus played with them until Virgil won again. Then he set his controller down and stood up. None of them noticed him leaving, still discussing Kai's issue. Janus wandered over to where Logic and Structure were playing Battle Scrabble. The board looked complicated; letters crisscrossed the table, and little soldiers marched between the words. Logic moved a soldier forward as he placed a tile down. Janus didn't know the word that was spelled, but Structure scoffed at it.

"I disagree." Structure said, as they picked their own letters. Janus watched them spell 'righteous' going vertically. "The synopsis described Graham as a 'rough loner', there's no way his diagnosis would be 'charming'. It's a red herring."

"I destroyed your tank." Logic said as he set down 'victorious' horizontally. He moved the soldiers across the board until they surrounded a black tank. "But he attracts friendship and lovers alike. Julie depends upon him and presumably respects him."

Structure took their tank off the board and frowned. "But only because they both are loners. She never leaves the hospital either."

Janus glances between them. He doesn't know what show (or, more likely, book) they were talking about, and he didn't care. Also their game was confusing and weird. He left without being acknowledged. He doesn't think they even noticed him, but that's fine. He didn't care.

Janus went to the kitchen. Virgil won another round as he passed. The kitchen was louder than the livingroom; someone had turned on music and everyone was talking over it. Janus moved slowly into the room. Roman glanced up at him while he was talking, but otherwise didn't address him. Janus looked at the board. There were five cars going around the board. Three of them had two little people in them; the other two had one. Everyone had various amounts of money and cards in front of them. Janus couldn't tell who was winning.

"I'm just saying, if you take the Royal Jester's Mansion from me, I'm going to have to slay you." Roman told Crude seriously. Crude grinned, looked at Janus, then grinned wider. He knew they found a dirty joke in that somewhere.

"Oh, please, Prince Roman, slay me." Crude said with a wink, reaching across the table to him. Roman squinted, then it processed, and his face turned rosie. He laughed awkwardly and swatted Crude away.

"Stop, I'm married." Roman said, turning to Patton. "Your turn."

Patton spun the spinney number thingy in the center of the board. He landed a four and moved his car. He only had one little person in his car, not that it mattered. He pulled a card.

"You went on vacation! Collect $200." He read out loud.

"Why would you earn money on vacation?" Spunk asked.

She was sitting between Roman and Expression. Janus' gaze lingered on how the two Sides were leaning against each other. Expression had an arm around Spunk. Janus moved closer to the table, standing between Roman and Patton's chairs. Patton glanced up at him and quickly looked back back his cards. Love that.

"I don't know, it's what the card says." Patton flipped it around to show it. Of course he wouldn't lie. He's Patton. "Maybe because vacations are fun?"

"Okay! My turn!" Crude said, sitting up straight.

"No, you're still in jail for another round." Expression said, spinning the spinner instead.

Crude crossed their arms and said, "Fuck!"

"Language!" Patton chastised.

"You're going to police a Crude on their vocabulary?" Spunk said with a snort.

Crude blew out a breath, eyes wide. As if they could control it. "Good fucking luck."

"I- uh-" Patton glanced at Janus over his shoulder, clearly uneasy. Janus tilted his head, scowling in confusion. What was the problem, exactly? Janus didn't care if he belittled Crude. Crude wouldn't care, he'd probably like it. So why was Patton hesitating?

Patton cleared his throat, but the attention wasn't on him anymore. Expression had moved their car around the board and landed on a colorful square.

They pulled a card and read it. "You're a fusion! If you have two or more Sides in your car, collect a Fusion token! If you don't have two, save this card."

Expression whoop'd as they grabbed a bigger piece and fit it into their car. Then they turned to Spunk and said, "That doesn't sound like a bad idea."

"Get a room!" Roman said playfully.

"Please, don't!" Crude said, leaning against the table. Janus snapped at them and gave them a warning look. Crude rolled their eyes, but settled down.

Spunk laughed at whatever Expression said next and leaned even closer to them. She said, "I don't mind."

And then they were fusing, so perfectly, so easily. No dance or kiss or anything. They fit together naturally, there's no need for a show. How the hell have they gotten that close in such a short time? They met recently, Patton said once. Janus wasn't bitter or jealous or any of those Negative feelings. He was fine with where he fit in the group.

Anyway, the two little ones were now a normal-sized fusion. Janus wondered why their face looked familiar. Oh, yeah, because he was just looking at their Sides. Duh.

"Hey, why do you look familiar?" Crude asked.

"I make videos online." The fusion said as they spun the thingy.

Crude looked to Janus, clearly desperate to make a joke. Janus shook his head slowly, arms crossed. Crude groaned and threw their head back, banging on the table.

The fusion moved the car three spots and gasped. "I get to pick a house!"

"Don't you dare touch my Mansion! I just need to land on a house spot!" Roman said, pointing a finger at them.

They waved a hand, and shuffled through the cards. They didn't look up as they said, "I like the log cabin."

Janus turned to the doorway as he heard commotion. Virgil entered with Kai and Elliot following behind. Kai took a deep breath, shaking his hands.

Kai said, "Spunk and Expression, can I- OH MY GOD YOU'RE VOGUE!"

"I AM!" Vogue said, standing up proudly. They looked to Kai and asked, "Who are you?"

Kai stepped back, but Elliot pushed him forward again. Kai shook his head and repeated again, "You're Vogue!"

Vogue blinked, looking at Kai more closely. They stepped around Roman's chair and said, "I like your jacket."

"Oh my God." Kai muttered, closing his eyes. Vogue approached Kai slowly, curious and surprised.

They held out their hand and said, "Hi, I'm Fashionista Vogue. I use they/them pronouns. It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah." Kai said, shaking their hand. He managed to maintain eye contact as he said, "I'm Kai. Uh- he/him."

"Oh, it IS good to meet you!" Vogue said, even more pleased now. "We've gotten so many fake claims online. Everyone wants to be our Side, but you actually look like me!"

"Right…" Kai said, only sounding more nervous.

Janus saw Logic and Structure poke their heads in the doorway. They must've been interested in the commotion.

Vogue noticed his hesitancy. "Are you okay? We can try to fuse if you think we're not Sides."

Crude wolf-whistled and Roman cackled at Kai's tomato face.

"Come on, Vogue. At least buy him dinner first." Virgil said, and everyone laughed. Janus watched Kai shake his head again. He said, "No, no! That's okay! I'm not trying to pretend I'm your Side or anything. But I also don't want to fuse tonight."

Vogue smiled and said, "No worries! Here's my number, just promise not to post it online."

Kai seemed dazed even when everyone looked away from him. Just being in Vogue's presence was too much for him. The idea of being so close to the other pieces of you; pieces that were so much more successful and interesting. Janus knew the sensations.

"Since the topic of Fusion was approached," Structure said, stepping into the room. They trailed off and looked at Elliot.

Elliot held their hands up and shook their head, "Whoa, hold on, we look alike?"

"Dude!" Vogue laughed, they had an arm slung around Kai's shoulders. He was still as a statue, staring at the ground. "Yes! You're like frickin' twins!"

"Uh-" Elliot still looked hesitant.

"I'll do it!" Crude stood up from their chair so fast, it fell over. They were staring Structure down, an expression in their eye Janus had never seen before. "I'll fuse with you!"

Structure belatedly glanced at Logic and Roman, "Uh, if that's okay with everyone."

"Vogue already did it." Patton pointed out, although he had to clear his throat. Janus noticed the pink dusting his cheeks. Of course he'd be shy about public fusion. "It's a party. It's alright."

Structure nodded and Crude scrambled to them. They took each other's hands and stared into one anothers' eyes. Janus didn't think he'd ever seen Crude look nervous, but here they were.

Structure moved forward like they were trying to start a box step, but Crude pushed up into them and connected their mouths. Janus wasn't watching. Structure made a noise that could barely be heard over the yelling in the room. Roman was shouting positively, Virgil negatively, Patton was hiding his eyes, Vogue was cheering, Elliot- Janus couldn't tell what their expression meant. Crude put a hand on Structure's hip and thankfully they fused before it got worse.

Their fusion had three eyes and two and a half arms. They had a scruffy beard and dark, curly hair. Their jacket covered Crude's innocent 'Culture' shirt, morphing it into saying 'Cult'.

Everyone gave them a moment to collect themself. They swayed, blinking in the light. Roman turned the music down. Janus had forgotten it was playing. Finally, the fusion looked up.

"I heard there's a party?" They said.

"Yes, welcome. What's your name?" Logic said, holding out his hand.

The fusion held out a hand and when Logic moved to take it, they pulled away quickly before grabbing his hand with their third one. They shook once before dropping it and fist bumping Logic with their other hand.

Logic was left flustered. Confused, adorable, little Logic. Janus tore his gaze away from him.

The Fusion said. "Already told ya."

"Oh, uh, is it Party?" Logic asked.

"Pranked." The fusion fist pumped him again. Logic kept his hand as fist, held by his chest. His focus was on the fusion. "I didn't tell ya."

"That's… not really a prank, that's just a falsehood." Logic said slowly.

"Oh, that's a good point. There's something on your shirt." They pointed down. Logic, stupidly, looked, and they flicked his nose. "Pranked."

They fist-bumped Logic again.

"I-" Logic was breaking.

"Okay, my turn." Janus stepped forward, pulling Logic back. "They're obviously not a Prankster fusion. Like lies, but less entertaining."

Roman was in his space now, leaning against him while he looked up at Prankster. He smelled like flowers, and Janus forgot what he was going to say. Roman's hand was on his shoulder.

"What's your best idea for a prank?" Roman asked, far too excited for some reason.

"What is my perfect prank? I break into Tiffany's at midnight." They say immediately, as if prepared for the question. "Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting."

Janus and Logan share a glance at each other. They continue, "I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

"That's a crime." Logic said, as Roman burst into cheers.

Janus stepped back, away from the noise and the spotlight. He bumped into Patton's chair. Patton was still in it, staring at the phone in his stiff hands. Janus glanced at him; he couldn't see Patton's expression. But to see the usually joyful Side acting quiet, during a party… Something was clearly wrong.

Janus leaned closer to see the phone screen. It was a series of texts from Patton's mother.

Mom: Jonathan told me you found your Sides!

Mom: Which one will you be bringing to the family dinner on friday?

Mom: we have enough room for all of them of course :')

Janus found the tone rather passive aggressive. He wondered if that was just his Negativities morphing his perspective. Patton looked up and they were making direct eye contact. Janus blinked, clearly caught reading over his shoulder.

"I'm busy." Janus said, trying his best to look like someone with a schedule.

Patton stood and Janus made way for him. He reached up and tugged Roman's sleeve. Roman turned and ducked down to listened to Patton.

"Are you busy next Friday?" Patton asked.

Roman shook his head, "I have dance on Fridays."

Patton turned to Logic, who was already watching them, and repeated his question with growing concern.

"I apologize, I have an essay and a group project due the same weekend." Logic said, worried by Patton's behavior.

Patton rushed to Virgil, who stood by himself, watching the commotion. Janus couldn't hear their conversation, but he knew the script. Virgil had a tattoo appointment. He shook his head and Patton's spine straightened. Janus and Logic shared a look as Patton turned back around. He walked stiffly back up to Janus.

"Deceit…" Patton took a deep breath, wringing his hands as he spoke. "Are you actually busy next week?"

Janus stared into Patton's eyes. He could feel Logic behind him, and could see Roman in his peripheral. Of course Virgil was still watching from his perch by the drinks. Janus didn't know what answer Patton wanted. If he lied, Patton wouldn't have to take anyone. If he told the truth, he might be forced to spend time with a clan of Pattons. There was an obvious answer, and Janus knew it.

So why did his dumb ass confess, "No. I'm not..."

Patton's face fell, the color draining from it. He closed his eyes and said, just loud enough for them to hear, "Fuck!"

Janus laughed. It was all he could do.


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