I follow this pulling sensation as if I am attached to an invisible tether and I have no control no will power to fight against my cosmic opponent. I hate this. I hate this moment. I hate having no control. I shuffle my feet on the stairs. One time when I was little I watched the movie Sleeping Beauty, which is a horror movie for children by the way.

A demon that hypnotizes the princess. Well funnily enough I feel like Aurora right now, following a green light. Although there is no light, it is dark, I am floating in darkness. There is no other matter except for me and the invisible leash.

A leash? Yes. How much is the vampire dog in the window? I ask myself, as I release a chuckle of self deprivation. A vampire dog, I snicker to myself but it sounds so far away. I am floating in dark space. Is this dark matter? I question to myself. Is this the source of creativity in the universe?

I am floating in dark matter! I feel a trill of excitement enter my being. As if there is a fluttering bird in the centre of my hollow being. Because that is what I feel, I feel hollow just air and space. No soul, my soul is dead. Or I want it to be dead.

I hate this. I hate being pulled and trusting in a silent infinite as if this all knowing energy knows where to take me. The world is full of contradictions because it is also very calming here. It is as if I am being introduced to a new part of myself, a primal part.

I feel my fingers trace along the doorway that enters the living room where I can sense the living dead through my blurry vision. Their well disguised grief is flooding the room as if it is the sweet smell of a festering wound.

I grip the white door frame breathless. I feel my mother's calm. That is what is nice about my mother and why she is worth it to keep around, because she knows how to keep me calm. She runs her fingers through my shoulder length blond hair.

Yes, I am blond. A blond that is almost a light brown like sand on a beach. Did you know that particles of sand is actually poop from a fish? Yes, a parrot fish to be exact. A fish that eats coral and then the coral turns into sand. The things that I learn as I sit and wait to see if I am immortal or not. I know I am not. I am ready to greet death though as if it as an old friend like the stars in the sky or the sacred moon.

I like up at my mother. Her burgundy eyes are shining with love, I can't…I can't leave her. Guilt and shame pool my conscious. I am a selfish vampire bitch, for thinking I can leave my mother. I can't…I find myself embracing her tall form as I nuzzle into her sweet floral scents that sings to my nose.

I swear my nostrils are serenading her red shirt right now. I feel her plant a light kiss on the crown of my head as if she is planting a seed of courage within me. Me and courage. I am just as cowardly as the lion in the Wizard of Oz.

A loud clearing of a throat interrupts my calming thoughts like shattering glass on a hard floor. I feel my body involuntarily jump with surprise and I stutter a sound. "Hazel," my mother gently says.

I almost weep at the warmth and love in her voice.

"I would like to introduce you to someone who I told you about long ago, this is my brother Carlisle and his family," my mother introduces.

I don't like making eye contact with people it is too much. I am afraid of what I will glimpse in their eyes and I fear what they will see in mine as if all of my deepest darkest secrets are before them. Meeting new people is nerve wracking. Meeting a coven of vampires…well it is not that bad I think, as my eyes focus on the female with the short brown hair in the group.

I have never seen someone so beautiful. Her skin is as smooth as alabaster and her eyes are golden. Her lips are enticing to look at, a part of me wishes that she will say something so I can see them move. There is a trill in me from my inner caged bird. I place my hands on my stomach to stop the fluttering it does not go away. It is not her demon faerie looks that entice me though, it is her raw sadness, deep and fresh, and still weeping clear fluid. If only I could lessen it like a cold cloth. How can a vampire feel so much? I wonder with a hidden fascination, well I hope it is hidden.

I start again when a smooth voice calls to me as if I am a tortoise hiding in my shell. "Hello Hazel, my name is Carlisle Cullen and the woman beside me is my mate Esme and these are our adopted children, we like to call them."

"Do you have names or does your daddy introduce you himself?" I bite out with frustration.

I don't like this, why can't they just say what they are. They are not children far from, they have been existing for a lot longer than a natural lifespan.

Adopted children, bullshit, with a scoff.

The other male in the group barks out a loud laugh, I want to cover my ears against the onslaught of the barbaric noise. He is not a dog, after all.

"I like you cousin, I am Emmett," he greets as he extends his hand for a cold handshake.

I roll my eyes as he widens his eyes in wonder at my warm skin.

"Hazel, and I do not know you enough to tell you if I like you or not," I say honestly.

I hear my mother mutter her displeasure.

I shrug with indifference, she raised me to be myself, this is myself. Cold, warm, and internally lost in a dark spiral.

The next person to introduce themselves is a beautifully stunning woman, with long strands of shining blond hair. She is wafting an air coldness that I am quite familiar with.

"Rosalie," she says with an arrogant sniff.

I feel my mouth break out in a small smile. I will stay out of her way if she stays out of mine.

The last member of the Cullen to introduce herself stands up and kneels in front of me. She looks me directly in the eyes and says, "Alice."

In my dark spiral there is now flecks of gold.