I feel myself attempt the art of swallowing, my throat feels all dry and scratchy. Even my saliva is different, it feels thick like mucous and yet dry. This is strange, I feel my breath hitch. I want this to STOP.
I want to stray my dull gaze from the golden stare. I am being hypnotized, just like when I watch the star Capella at night and all of it's twinkling colours within the glowing silver orb are far out of sight.
For a second time this evening I feel my face stretch, as if I am smiling? Wait, why is she smiling? Alice I mean.
The bird trills within, I feel as if I am in a golden bubble. I try to listen to the sounds from outside of this bubble, there is no outside sound there is just gold.
"Where is Edward?"
I start I feel my jump, startle and spook. It is as if there is a serpent going up my spine. In some cultures and teachings it is believed that the spine is a serpent and it desires and seeks love. Well, my sex seeking serpent is awakened it burns, it writhes, and I can feel my serpent eyes look down towards Alice's…nope not going there.
Why won't she LEAVE, I want her to leave. "Don't touch me!" I hear myself hiss. I really am a serpent…cool.
"Here, Hazel, come…sit," my mother gently prompts.
I sit in my dark blue midnight wingback armchair I feel my body recline with a satisfied sigh. An unwelcome touch echoes on my hand. Someone is missing, a cold hand is missing. We would not fit anyway, I silently mutter to myself.
"He is with his mate," I hear my uncle's velvety voice say, as I stare into the red caverns of the fire.
I know I am supposed to fear fire I can see Alice does. She stares at it as if she is a deer and they are headlights for a lack of a better image.
"It can't hurt you know," I softly tell her.
Why am I being friendly? I chastise myself.
"It has already hurt me," she murmurs so softly as if she is a mouse, with the most adorable squeak.
I almost smile…almost.
"I am sorry…for your loss, your brother…" I force out with a restrained eye roll. Have you ever tried to restrain an eye roll. It is like one of the most painful things, ever.
"Your brother…must have been…" I try to say.
"My mate," Alice interrupts.
"What!?" I hear myself exclaim. Was that me? I feel so far away, get back Hazel, get back!
"Jasper was my mate…he…" Alice is almost as choked as I am. I don't need her to say how much she misses him. I can see it. Like dew on the green morning grass or ocean waves. I can see it so obviously that my chest constricts with her pain.
I feel myself dig my fingernails in the silk upholstery of the couch so hard that my nails ache. I feel like a snake cat. I feel my fingers rhythmically circle the silver circles that are hammered into the fabric. I have no idea what they are called.
There is a hushed conversation happening behind me, my mother's anger is fuming like burning food in an oven. "A human! Carlisle how could you! After everything!"
"She is different Marsella!" he growls.
"Different…I suppose a vampire who is drunk on love and is being serenaded by sweet sweet blood is telling you that," my mother states with arched eyebrows.
"Yes!" Carlisle exclaims.
I shudder at the animalistic tone.
"Let him go Marsella…let him go," I hear my uncle say so tenderly, tears prickle at the back of my eyes.
This is not good…this is not good. I need to…I need to…
"You don't seem all that different," a deep voice says. And for some reason I can feel their deep words are directed at me, without me even having to look at them. I feel all of their stares, as if I am a loud spark in the small fire.
"I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult," I quietly comment.
"It was neither," Rosalie frigidly mutters.
"What were you expecting then, a hunchbacked, sharp toothed ghoul, or were you expecting…"
"Hazel! Stop it! You are being rude."
"Me rude? Mother, I didn't come into this house and question them on their differences. Who is being rude?" I heatedly question.
"He just means you don't seem all that different from us…Carlisle said that you were having difficulties and…" someone tries to say. I don't care who it is.
"Having difficulties…do you know who you are! You are monsters…zombies…not even living people and yet you exist, who is having difficulties. My heart beats and I feel…so deeply, and you call that a difficulty," I admonish. I smirk with satisfaction that Emmett looks like a kicked puppy.
"From how I see it, this Edward is a difficulty. What do you know of this human he so called loves? She could be a danger to your kind," I honestly tell them.
"Bella is not a danger…she is my friend," Alice melodiously says with a small smile, as if she is staring up at a sky filled with falling snowflakes.
My internal monster growls with jealousy that I was not able to be the one to make her smile like that.
"I have an idea," Rosalie proposes, "what if Hazel meets Bella and she can see if her intentions are true or not."
"Was Jasper not able to…" my mother tries asks.
"No," Carlisle answers. "She smells good to all of us, it warbles our thoughts like static."
I nod with decision, "What makes you think I won't react the same way?"
"Because you are different," Emmett quips with a boyish grin.
"What is in it for me?" I query.
"Is the notion that you are keeping your family safe not enough?" a soft lilting voice says.
I have not heard that voice. Esme…I think her name is. I almost forgot she was here, I think with a shrug of indifference.
"I hardly know you to call you family," I mutter. I may as well be shouting. There is no use muttering around vampires. They hear you anyway…remember that.
Then a scent invades my senses, a scent that beckons a floral perfume with hints of lemon. I feel a soft touch on my hand. I feel my open eyes further open as if there was a transparent screen over them. Words are futile.
"Please Hazel," Alice imploringly whispers with her golden eyes wide and imploring.
I silently nod. My body is filled with tingles and shame, what have I gotten myself into.
I have no idea what is happening except I hear the unmentionable word, "Hospital."
