Present Day...

Sighing to myself, I slowly rise off the toilet seat. I can't sit down anymore; I need to walk, to run, to do something. I need to do anything else than just let myself be tortured with my thoughts. I begin my small pace within the confines of the bathroom, my thoughts in a whirlwind.

What am I going to do? I can't tell Jack-who knows what he'll do. My only option is to keep this as a secret, at least until I can. Until then, I need figure something out...

I stop my pacing in the middle of the bathroom. I want a drink...any drink will do. Letting out another big breath, my hands clench onto the edge of the sink. Frustrated tears begin their formation. I do my best to push them down, to force them away. That results in a headache. Pitifully, I raise my head up and get a good look at myself in the mirror. I almost gasp at the person staring back at me.

Is that...me? I am in disbelief. I look exceptionally pale. Even paler than usual...must be from the stress and worry. No nineteen year old should look this way...should be in this position. I continue to look at myself. I observe my long, red, curly hair, my face, my body-everything that is me. I am the opposite of Allison in every way. I am curvy (more like a pear shape) and am not thin. However, I'm not fat either. Freckles cover my face and my skin is a marble white, almost transparent. I have to say, if there is one thing I am confident about, it's my skin. It's like ivory and I adore it.

The thought produces a weak smile on my face.

On their own, my eyes travel to my stomach; focusing, almost admiring it. I already have a little bit of a bump from just being curvy, but now...I can just imagine it growing bigger and bigger.

A baby...

I rub the lower region of my tummy. I can imagine my stomach growing bigger, but I can't imagine my stomach growing bigger because of a baby. I can't imagine feeling the baby in my stomach. I can't imagine feeling motherly love or a connection that deep. I can't imagine feeling the baby's kick. I can only see, not feel.

I turn to my right, staring at my profile. I see my stomach protruding in the shape of a vertical watermelon. My hand goes back to my stomach.

My baby...

Allison bursts in through the door, scaring me senseless. In her hands she holds her lunchbox. "Sorry. I know it was rude to interrupt your story like that but I just had to go get my lunch!"

I smile at her. "I understand." Pretending like nothing happened, I walk back to the toilet and sit down again.

Allison follows and sits on the floor next to me. She opens up her lunchbox. In it is a tuna sandwich, an apple, and a small bag of chips. Allison, her eyes wide with greed for food, rips open the package of her sandwich and takes three immediate huge bites. I bite my lip to hold in laughter. Allison, I swear, can eat like a bear and not gain weight. Meanwhile, I have to count my calories and exercise till my limbs fall off.

Allison, holds a hand over her mouth. "Do you want some?" She holds the sandwich several inches from my face.

It looks good, delicious even, but the smell is making me nauseous. "N-no thanks."

Allison shrugs and continues to eat. "When did you suspect you might be pregnant?"

I release a breath. "My first sign was that I was three days late."

"Of what?" Allison's jaws smack as she talks.

I look down at her. "Really?"

She looks back at me, naivete clearly written on her face. "'Really' what?"

"You don't know what I mean by 'three days late'?" I ask, unable to believe my ears. My mind can't compute with this. I would think every girl would understand that.

Allison thinks for a while, a small frown appearing on her face as she continues to chew her sandwich. Then I see a lightbulb go off. "Oh!"

"Yeah..."

"Wow-phfft! That was dumb of me." Allison takes the last bite of her sandwich.

Ladies and gentleman the fastest sandwich-eater award goes to...Allison Luna!

I chuckle to myself. "We all have those days."

Ignoring me she asks another question, "Was that the only clue you had or were there more?"

I lick my lips, leaning my head against the wall. "There was one more."

"What was it?"

"Morning sickness." I almost gag from the thought. That was the most horrible experience of my life. The smell, the tug of the stomach, the feel of coughing up a lung-not fun!

"Eww..." Allison mumbles to herself. If she was telling me this story, I would've stopped eating by now, but Allison continues, this time taking a bite of her apple.

"How can you eat at a time like this?" I ask, appalled. "Here I am talking about morning sickness and pregancy and you eat on as if it's nothing!"

"Hey, I need to eat! You know I become Freddie Krueger when I don't eat!"

She's right actually; when she doesn't eat, the claws come out. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just-" I give her an apologetic look. "I'm just-I don't know anymore."

Allison gives me a look full of sympathy. Patting my knee she says, "I understand." She takes another bite. "So har far along do you think you are?"

"About six weeks."

Allison gives me a look of surprise. "Wow...so it's been a while..."

"It's usually when the morning sickness starts."

"Already started researching have you?"

I nod. "Yeah. I'm going to try and make an appointment with an obstetrian later today."

"Oh fun." Allison begins to dig into her chips.

"Yep."

Silence fills the bathroom.

"So, you going to tell me the rest of this story of yours? I want to know what's going on with you and Jack."

I nod again. "I know, I will." I clear my throat, getting ready to speak. "Like I said, everything was going great. I had a great boyfriend who was sweet, kind, considerate...I couldn't have been

happier." My eyes glaze over. "But after a while, things began to change, small things, but noticeable things..."

Five months ago...

"I can't believe we're finally doing this!" I squeal as I set my last box down next to the other dozen.

Jack, closing the front door smiles at me. "I know. It's almost surreal."

"I mean I know we've only been together a month, but it feels like we've known each other for ages." I stand back up, stretching my back; several pops make me sigh in relief. I turn around, giving Jack two glorious smiles-one coming from my eyes, the other from my lips. "Do you think that's a crazy thing to say?" I grab Jack's hands in both of mine, worried and curious what his answer would be.

"No," he smiles warmly to me. "That's exactly how I feel as well. Which is why I asked you to move in with me."

I take a deep breath, feeling content with my decision. "Which is why I said yes." Jack brings both of my hands to his lips and kisses them.

Releasing a sigh, he glances at all the boxes. "That's...quite a few boxes you have there." He abensmindedly runs a hand through his hair.

I let out a small snort at his boyish attitude. "Then we better start unpacking..." It was a long and strenous evening, legs began to tire from climbing the stairs with every other box, and arms grew weary from carrying them. Other than that...it was a glorious day. I mean, how could it not be-I got to move in with my angel.

Present Day...

"Jack had some money, so he was easily able to buy a house near the college," I explain to Allison.

She nods. "I remember that. You called me up, all excited. Your voice practically glowed!" Allison gives a small eye roll.

I give a weak smile, remembering it all perfectly. I certainly felt like I was floating in Heaven.

"Although, I still don't see any changes in his attitude," Allison continues. "He was kissing you, helping you move in-hell-he asked you to move in. The guy was crazy foy you! I saw the way he looked at you whenever you two were together. Which was always."

"And what look was that?"

"Love."

I scoff. "Close, Allison. The letter 'L' is indeed a part of the word of how he looked at me, but trust me, 'love' wasn't it."

"If not 'love', then what was it?"

I give a slight exasperated sigh, mostly to myself. I'm annoyed that I confused the word 'love' with the other word. "Lust."

"'Lust'?" Allison raises an eyebrow. "As in sexuality?"

I nod grimly.

"But he said he would wait for you."

I give Allison a grim look.

She narrows her eyes. "Didn't he?"

Ignoring her accusing tone, I take another deep breath. "This is where the changes begin..."

Three months ago...

I can't believe he's suggessting this! I feel unexpected and unwelcomed tears form in my eyes. He said he would wait! He said he could wait!

I feel so stupid.

"Come on, Amy. Please!" Jack looks at me with wide, begging eyes.

I sigh at him, feeling a tear drop from my eye. "No, Jack! I said no. And you said you would wait." My voice cracks at the end.

"I know but I can't! I want you so desperately." Jack kneels down to where I am sitting. My head is in my hands, my fingers curling themselves into my hair. I shake my head. Sniffling, I look back at him. His eyes say it all; I can read every bit of emotion in them: lust, begging, lust, and more lust. No love.

No love.

I should have left him at that moment. But I didn't. Why didn't I? Was it a fear to be alone? I don't know...

I shake my head again. "I'm sorry, Jack. But I'm not having sex with you until we are married."

Jack's eyes shift away from mine. His jaw moves slightly, meaning he's grinding his teeth. He's angry with me, irritated. Suddenly he gets up and stomps to the coat rack. He yanks his coat off one of the pegs and forcibly puts it on.

I look at him with fear. "What-where are you going?" I get up on shaky legs and run to him. He ignores me. That frightens me more. "We need to finish talking about this." I touch his shoulder. He yanks it away from my grasp, the back of his hand hitting my face. I fall down from the force of it, not expecting the sudden movement. I lay down on the wooden floor in shock.

That was an accident...right? I gaze back at my seething boyfriend. Of course it was. Even if we are in an arguement, that wouldn't mean he would hit me...

Jack rushes to the door, his shoes clomping down hard on the wooden floor. He opens it, but before he walks outside, he looks at me one last time. "You should always show your boyfriend love, Amy!" He sneers before slamming the door shut; I wince at the ferocity of it. The picture hanging on the wall grows askew. I know it's about to fall.

I let out a pitiful cry and scramble to catch it. It falls between my finger tips and smashes to the floor. Broken bits of glass scatter everywhere. I stare at it in deathly silence. One thought runs through my head:

What have we come to?

Whimpering, I pick up the pieces of glass. With each piece, I remember every single moment we've been together, all of them happy. What had happened to make it so wrong? Carefully, I stand up with the broken pieces in my hands. I walk to the kitchen and throw them in the garbage, hearing the glass tink together as they fall. I walk back to the picture on the floor. I pick up the frame, some of the glass fragmants are still conected to it. The picture is one of Jack and I at our favorite restaurant; the time of my birthday, the time when we first became a couple.

Staring at the photo, I sink down to the ground, my back against the wall.

What did he mean by that last comment? The one where he said I need to show him love? Don't I do that already? You don't have to have sex to do that...do you? I kiss him and hug him. I ask about his day, I take care of him when he isn't feeling well, I listen to him and talk to him. I'm his best friend. His lover.

Without the physical benefits.

With silent tears, I stand up. Holding the frame to my chest, I begin my long ascent upstairs.

And where did he go? Probably to a restaurant of some sort. Hopefully when he comes back he will be himself again.

I open the door to our bedroom. I stand in the doorway for a minute. I bring the frame away from my chest, gazing at it longingly one last time before gently setting it down on my dresser. Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I let out a sniff and walk to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror.

I let out a small gasp. A bright red mark highlights my cheek. That must be where Jack hit me.

I shake my head. No...Jack did not hit me...it was an accident.

Sighing, I turn on the faucet, letting cold water run. I cup my hands and bring the water to my face. I do this three times, sighing in conent at the feeling of ice-cold water putting out the hot singe of my damaged cheek. Squinting at myself, I can feel a headache coming on, a pounder too.

"Oh, man..." I murmur. I open the medicine cabinet, looking for some advil. I dig it out and pop two pills into my hand. I walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. There's a bottle of water near my bed stand. I open the bottle, bringing one pill to my mouth. I pop it in and gulp a big sip of water. The pill runs down smoothly. I hold up the other pill, it drops to the floor and rolls under my...our bed.

"Dang it." I get on my hands and knees. Looking underneath the bed, my eyes grow wide in shock. I couldn't believe what I saw. Tears started pouring as a maelstrom of possibliities roll around in my head.

No...it can't be. He wouldn't do this. No!

Present day...

"What Amy? What happened?" Allison's voice was on edge, intrigued with my story. "What did you see?"

I smile at her. "Why, my dear Allison, that was when I found a pink-laced bra underneath our bed."

"So?"

I chuckle lightly at Allison's confusion. "That wasn't my bra."

Five months ago...

With a trembling hand I reach underneath the bed, completely forgetting the pill and my headache. Feeling the soft material, I slowly drag it out. The lacy, pink bra looks expensive...and it looks fairly new...