TITLE: The Secrets We Hold
SUMMARY: What if the amulet Agravaine gave Uther did more than just reverse the effects of Merlin's healing spell, and also reversed all surrounding magic as well, including aging spells? PART ONE OF AU from 4x03 onwards.
WORDS: 1706
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Merlin, though I wish it did!
NOTES: Here's chapter two. More angst I'm afraid, but I promise it'll get better….well maybe in chapter 4…
Chapter Two: Nothing Left of Me
Gaius hovered in a corridor close, but not close to Uther's chambers, waiting for his inevitable call to examine the king.
Merlin was once again playing a dangerous game, but there was one thing he was right about, he'd been doing that since he first stepped over the border, and he knew Merlin couldn't sit by and do nothing when he had the power to help Uther.
Arthur was a man of his word, and if so, seeing his father healed could be the dawn of the new age he'd been waiting so long for.
He startled from his hopes however, as the form of his ward, crashed into him, nearly sending them both to ground is Gaius hadn't caught them both.
"Merlin?"
Merlin shook in his hold, his eyes shining with unshed tears, looking every much as fearful as the boy he'd first seen after he'd instinctively saving his life. Before they'd even properly met.
He looked as if he was running on adrenaline alone, the power of the magic he'd just used having sapped his strength, but that alone couldn't be causing the turmoil of emotions he was seeing.
"Are you alright?"
"I- I don't know… Gaius. I can't…" Merlin stumbled over his words, until his lips pursed and the next words were filling with restrained emotion. "The king is dead."
Gaius closed his eyes in grief of his old friend, and looked at Merlin, releasing his hold on his wards arms now to get a better look as Merlin's eyes flittered around him as he stood, as if expecting someone to appear at any moment. "What happened?"
"I don't know…the spell was working I'm sure of it, but then…. I…don't…." Merlin shook his head, his words failing again. "Arthur… I…."
"You tried your best, my boy. That's all you can do." Gaius placed his hand on his ward's shoulder, as a show of support. "You should clean up and get back to Arthur, he'll need you right now."
"Gaius, no." Merlin tugged away from his hand, and Gaius caught the look of anguish and torment behind his glazed eyes, and knew there was something else he was missing. "It wasn't just the healing spell that failed…"
Gaius sees what Merlin's trying to say before Merlin could even finished, and knew the moment he'd been dreading for years had finally occurred.
Now he could only hope that Arthur's reaction would be one for the best, though he knew it would take time.
"I'll talk to him Merlin, it'll be alright, but you should make yourself scarce until I do. I'll tell everyone you've gone to visit your mother."
"No, I can't go to Ealdor. That's where he'll look first, and my Mother, she…" Gaius went to interrupt, but Merlin shook his head again, not letting him finish. "You don't understand, Gaius. You didn't see him in there. Anything he saw in me, it's gone. He thinks I'm the monster that's killed his father, and he'd be right."
Gaius was momentarily taken aback as Merlin went to move past him. He hadn't heard Merlin refer to himself as a monster after that time not long after they'd met, and hadn't believed Merlin still felt that way about himself. Maybe he didn't know how his ward was coping with the weight of his destiny as he'd thought.
Yet, more so than Merlin currently, he still held some hope Arthur would come around. Ever since the Prince had merely been a boy, any strong emotions had been hidden behind physical anger, acting rashly until he calmed enough to consider things properly and (although only in the more recent years) apologised in his own way.
There was no doubt that many in the Castle knew how close the prince and his servant were, and if there was anyone Arthur could come to accept with having magic, it was Merlin, but the circumstances of this reveal, Gaius feared, wouldn't help.
He reached out and turned his ward back towards himself, so he could speak to him directly.
"Merlin, he's grieving and angry. You know more than anyone how Arthur deals with these things. He'll come around in time, but until then you better go before the guards are called to find you."
Merlin nodded numbly, eyes still wet, yet as he turned away and trudged back towards their chambers, Gaius knew he hadn't been convinced.
~*~M~*~
To say Arthur was surprised when Gaius knocked and entered his father's chambers, expression already grave, would have been an understatement.
It hadn't been long that he'd been alone- in silent watch over his father's deathbed, but he still hadn't called for guards or informed anyone of what had occurred, so there would be only one way Gaius knew.
"Did you know?!" Arthur hissed as he whirled around to face the physician, not giving any hint on what he meant, because of course Gaius knew. Why wouldn't there be more lies. More betrayal.
Sure enough, Gaius only sighed and looked at him with a look of sadness but also of trust and hope. "Merlin is your friend, Arthur. You needn't question the extent of his loya…."
"I don't want to hear any excuses!" Arthur cut in rigidly.
Gaius' expression hardened with objection and his lips tightened, but his eyes strayed to the prone form of this father. "May I examine the King, Sire?"
"What's the point? We both know what killed him."
"Be that what you think, but I presented Merlin with the spell myself, and would swear on the life of all my patients that its purpose was solely to heal and nothing else." Gaius revealed, with what Arthur knew was no hesitation at possibly condemning himself along with Merlin. It wasn't exactly the first time Gaius had taken the fall for his ward.
He glowered, but stepped back, nodding stiffy for Gaius to do what he needed, and the old man stepped forward, suddenly looking older than Arthur had seen in him a while. Gaius, palmed Uther's eyes closed for a final time, before pulling back his covers and robes, as if searching for something, but didn't know what.
"Ah."
Arthur straightened as Gaius palmed something he couldn't see, before tugging forcibly until whatever it was came free from his father's neck. The old physician turned away slightly and held what looked like an amulet up to the light as if examining it, before his gaze turn to one of sorrow. "Oh, I'm sorry, my boy."
Arthur heard the whisper from Gaius uncertain to whom he was talking, but he gave no regard to what Gaius might have meant, as he stepped forward, his words almost a snarl.
"What?! What is it?"
"I have my suspicions, Sire, but before I cast any suspicions could you possibly describe exactly what happened after the spell was cast."
Arthur scowled, but at Gaius' probing eyebrow, he stammered over what he remembered about the events of last half hour – had it really only been that long – that wasn't clouded by emotions.
"He woke, just briefly, but then…there was a light. Dark red. Then…he just died."
"And that's when Merlin's aging spell reversed?"
"I didn't see, but the light threw him backwards. He was on the ground against the wall." Arthur shook his head, to refocus on the current problem. He crossed his arm, and stood formally, though his glare still could have shot ice if possible. "How does this change anything? The King is dead!"
"It changes everything, Sire." Gaius reported solemnly. "This I fear has been enchanted. The force of any magic in its presence would have been reversed, and magnified tenfold. Uther didn't have a chance, no matter what Merlin tried."
Arthur looked away, fists clenching and unclenching as he took in Gaius words, pairing it with the look of surprise, fear and – apparently – mislaid guilt etched on Merlin's face as he'd held his sword to his chest, but even that couldn't quench the resentment that stormed inside him at the new outright and unavoidable revelation of Merlin's having magic.
He paced towards the wall, his back to Gaius, releasing a short silent shout of frustration as he tried to think straight.
"Sire? May I ask…"
"Don't." Arthur official tone gave no room for disobedience. "I don't want to hear another word on it."
"Yes sire." Gaius relented, but his sharp gaze showed he wasn't impressed, which didn't nothing to help with the amalgamation of emotions swelling inside him. "I'll prepare your father for vigil in the main hall."
~*~M~*~
Merlin shouldered his satchel and looked around his room at the things he had to leave behind. He only had one bag that he could easily carry, and after packing meagre provisions, his spell book, and his other few prized possession (including his only physical gift from his father and the rabbit foot Gaius had given him) there was little room for anything else.
Even the staff he'd stolen from the Sidhe Sophia was too noticeable to carry and was being left behind as it, mostly likely to be found in no time, when Arthur order his room overturned.
He couldn't really remember getting back to his quarters and beginning to pack, he'd almost just been going through the motions. His mind somewhere else entirely, back on the floor next of Uther's deathbed, with Arthur screaming silent reams of anger and disgust.
He closed the door of his room one last time, and made his way through the main chambers and down into the courtyard, keeping an eye out for any guards in case Arthur had finally managed to source some to hunt him down. He met no resistance however, and as he reached the gates of citadel he froze in his steps.
He couldn't do it.
He couldn't leave Arthur like this. Not after everything they'd been through. Not when he was grieving, and believed he'd betrayed him like Morgana had.
Arthur might hate him, maybe order his death, but it didn't matter. He'd excepted long ago that he might die either protecting Arthur, or from his powers being revealed, but he couldn't just run without facing him. If he did, he'd forever just be the coward Arthur always teased he was.
Notes: And there's chapter two! Let me know if I have everyone in character…. Thank you! See you tomorrow for the chapter 'Shattered Trust'.
