TITLE: The Secrets We Hold

SUMMARY: What if the amulet Agravaine gave Uther did more than just reverse the effects of Merlin's healing spell, and also reversed all surrounding magic as well, including aging spells? PART ONE OF AU from 4x03 onwards.

WORDS: 2150

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Merlin, though I wish it did!

NOTES: Chapter Three, and slightly longer this time! And thanks to all that has reviewed so far, they make my day!


Chapter Three: Shattered Trust

Merlin sat in Arthur's chambers in silence. He'd initially started to tidy up around the chambers, but eventually his thoughts distracted him too much and he'd sank down the wall to the floor, absentmindedly playing with the rabbit's foot he'd pulled from his bag.

He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there. The few candles he'd lighted had dimmed but dawn had started to shine through the windows a little time before, marking the new day. He wasn't sure where Arthur was, but knew it wouldn't be too much longer until he returned.

Eventually, the door rattled before opening and Arthur entered, his expression blank but noticeably doing a double-take at the sight of Merlin. He stood abruptly, but kept his back against the wall trying not to avert his gaze from Arthur's even as The Prince glared fire at him.

The look of pure hate that churned his stomach.

"Thought you'd be smart enough to be gone by now." Arthur spat, turning away as he threw his gloves onto the side. "Or was your idiocy not another lie."

"Nothing was a lie." Merlin whispered, but at another glare of Arthur's over his shoulder, he quickly amended his statement. "Not the important bits."

Arthur looked away again but didn't answer, and Merlin took to chance to examine Arthur's stance. He could tell the latter was purposedly keeping the distance of the room between them, and Merlin could only hope that it was from him trying to keep control of his emotions and not do anything rash, rather than the person he'd call friend not wanting to be anywhere near him.

The now cool expression however made him fear, yet also hope, that maybe it was a mix of both.

"Um, I was… leaving that is." Merlin continued, when the silence went on too long, gesturing to the satchel on the ground beside him. "But I couldn't. Not like this. Not without explaining…"

"There's nothing to explain." Arthur interrupted harshly, still not turning around. "You're a sorcerer and you betrayed me. You've lied to me all this time."

"Maybe, but still, I couldn't just run. It didn't feel right." Merlin returned. "I don't care if you think I'm a monster because of my magic and I'll accept whatever sentence you declare, but I just didn't want you to think that I'd ever not been loyal to you or Camelot."

Arthur was silent, his expression and form no longer providing even the smallest hint of what the Prince was thinking, of what he thought of Merlin, who was now every bit the traitor he'd always feared Arthur would think of him.

He'd committed regicide. No matter how unintentionally, it was treason without even mentioning the magic he used to do so.

He started to step forward slightly until he caught Arthur's almost imperceivable flinch and instantly froze. "I know you have no reason to hear me out. I killed your Father, and I'll live with that for the rest of my life, but it truly wasn't my intention…."

"You didn't kill him."

The unexpected words from Arthur were what broke through the haze in Merlin's mind, as his mouth snapped closed at the implications they had.

"W-what?" He stuttered. "I thought you…"

With only a moment's hesitation, Arthur pulled an amulet from his pocket, staring at it for a long moment before speaking. Merlin had never seen it before, but if he focused he could sense the dark magic emanating from it, so much that it made him shiver.

"Gaius found this around his neck. He said it…"

"…altered my magic." Merlin's breath hitched at the realisation, his legs no-one holding him up, as he sunk to the ground with a short laugh of relief. "It wasn't me. It wasn't me."

Nothing was said for a long while, but he could feel Arthur's gaze boring down on him, watching, and assessing his every move. Arthur at that moment was in all rights, his judge, jury, and very possibly his executioner.

"I trusted you." Arthur whispered eventually, and Merlin tried not show how the past tense of the words affected him. "I've trusted you more than anyone else. You knew that, yet you continued to lie to my face anyway."

Merlin looked up, with a pain-filled expression. "I'm sorry…"

"No, Merlin." Arthur held a grim look on his face, still not meeting his eyes. "I just… I can't deal with this right now."

Merlin licked his dry lips, the worry in his chest twisting like a knot. "What are you going to do? What can I do to prove to you that my loyalty is yours?"

Arthur's face looked thoughtful opening and closing his mouth several times undecidedly before he final spoke. Yet, when they finally came, it wasn't what he'd either hoped or even truly expected.

"GUARDS!"

Merlin throat constricted, as the door opened hurriedly. He wondered what'd he said that had suddenly forced Arthur's hand to have him arrested.

This was it, this was when he ended on the pyre or chopping block, as Gaius had always warned him. He didn't want to die, but he knew he wouldn't fight Arthur if this was what he was certain he wanted.

Merlin stared, stunned, however at Arthur's next words.

"Escort my servant to his chambers and ensure he stays until further notice. Keep it to yourselves but allow no visitors unless authorised by me."

"Yes, Sire."

Merlin didn't react, as the guards answered and grasped his upper arm rather tightly to pull him to his feet. Hope sparked in his chest but hie quelled it. This wasn't the time to get ahead of himself.

Yes, his chambers were better than a manky cell surrounded with cold and rats, but it didn't change anything. He was a prisoner none-the-less, isolated from all but Gaius until Arthur made up his mind whether to kill or banish him.

Because those were the two option he could only believe this would all boil down too as he risked one final glance at Arthur who only adverted his gaze as he was lead from the room.

Everything had changed, forever. He wasn't going let himself fantasise on anything else.

~*~M~*~

Arthur spent the first couple days alone in his chambers, disturbed only when several unfamiliar servants delivered food before leaving silently.

He knew when the rest of the citadel and town had been informed of their King's death, the solemn ringing of the castle bell just after dawn, bringing hushed mourning tone to the courtyard as many stood holding vigil.

He ignored them, however, sitting at his desk focusing solely on past reports, studiously wiping all thoughts of his impending King-ship and Merlin's supposed betrayal from his mind.

On the third day, there was nothing left in his chambers to be a sufficient distraction for his stewing anger and grief, and he wandered the castle, sticking to the shadows, though he found that proved rather difficult.

The castle was a bustle of activity with preparation for Uther's funeral before later his coronation. He knew he was leaving the preparations all to his Uncle and the Council, but it didn't matter, and the fact no-one had come to bother him, other than to inform him of key details, he figured it wasn't uncommon for him to be alone to grieve at this time.

The fourth day, however, he couldn't hide any longer. He had a kingdom to run, and training to attend. While Leon had taken command the last few days, he now welcomed this latest distraction as he made his way onto the training grounds.

"Missing someone, are we?" Gwaine asked, thumping him playfully on the back as he approached. "I don't have to go rescue Merlin from extra chores you've bogged him down with now you're King do I?"

"He's not King yet, Gwaine." Leon counted, stepping forward to join the pair.

"Only by law, and we all know he'll forever be the Princess to us." Gwaine teased. "So where is Merlin then? Wouldn't have thought he'd let you out his sight."

"He's…" Arthur faltered, thinking on the spot. "I said he could assist Gaius today. He needs it more than me."

Truthfully, he was surprised no-one had questioned Merlin's disappearance beforehand, but realised his own avoidance of people would have prevented anyone from noticing. It was no secret in the castle that where Arthur was, Merlin could most likely be found close-by, yet now Arthur could only scoff at the irony because truthfully at that moment they couldn't have been further apart.

They might be in the same castle, but the distance he was talking about wasn't physical. While he hadn't approached, he had checked only once that a guard was still stationed outside Gaius' chambers, but he'd realised by now they were simply there for show.

If Merlin wanted to escape he had no doubt he could, but the fact he hadn't, or had even shown an inkling of it, didn't do anything to answer his questions. It only created more.

And logically, he knew there was only one way he'd ever get answers, but then again Arthur couldn't face it. Couldn't face him. Not yet.

~*~M~*~

Arthur rummaged around the mess of his chambers, searching fruitlessly for his sword-belt, muttering curses at Merlin at having been caught and leaving him without a servant, before just as frequently cursing himself for not just getting temporary one.

He froze. When had he decided this was just temporary?

He shook his head and growled, just not understanding how one minute he was furious at his lying and treasonous manservant, but the next calm and reasonable and wishing he could just forget it happened and get back to normal.

It'd almost been a week, yet things were no closer to being clearer.

A gentle and familiar knock at the door, distracted him from searching as he bid Gwen to enter. Other than when she'd passed on her condolences, he hadn't seen much of her the past week, knowing she was as busy as the other servants. Though, Elyan being knighted had given her a higher status in the Castle, she'd found she didn't want to change the routines she'd grown used to.

He hoped he didn't look too unprincelike as she approached, though looking closer, the frown on her face told him she wasn't exactly there for recreation.

"Ah, Guinevere." He kept his tone familiar, hoping he was wrong. "You haven't seen my sword belt by any chance have you?"

Gwen shared only knowing look as she easily sourced the item from the seat of a chair. He tried not to look too embarrassed as she handed over the item and he quickly donned it. "So, what can I do for you, today?"

"Merlin." Gwen answered, her tone and single word cutting straight to the point and now Arthur understood the reason for her frown, and he turned away with a sigh. "Rumours are he's under confinement."

Arthur snapped his head back around. This was the very reason he'd wanted it kept quiet. "Who told…"

"The other staff and I aren't blind that Merlin hasn't been serving you Arthur." Gwen interrupted, with the tone that gave no-one a chance to argue. Even him. "Not to mention the guards posted outside Gaius' chambers, and the fact that we all know he wouldn't leave your side at a time like this. Not if he had a choice."

"You're right. He didn't." Arthur returned, no long hiding the harshness to his tone, as he turned and lent against the table.

"What happened between you too? What did you say to him?"

He smacked the table in front of him, exasperated. "Why does anyone think it's it my fault?"

"Because it's Merlin, Arthur. It's not like him too…"

"Then maybe none of you know him at all." Arthur snapped. "He lucky he's not in the dungeons after what he's done. Hell, he's lucky he hasn't been killed."

Gwen eyes widened, but she shook her head. "You don't mean that."

"I…" Arthur couldn't answer, because by the laws of Camelot, Merlin should have been dead days ago, But somehow, he'd known deep down from the moment Gaius had told him Merlin hadn't killed his father, that the last thing he wanted was to see Merlin dead.

"You don't." Gwen confirmed firmly. "I can't speak for a situation I know nothing of, but you two have had disagreements before, yet you've always sorted them out. This might not be to the same scale, but you won't know anything more if you don't actually talk to him."

With that, Gwen curtsied and left, leaving Arthur alone and numb with his thoughts. He already knew they needed to talk, and soon, but right then he needed to focus on one thing at a time, and firstly it was tomorrow's coronation.

Notes: There you go, and I promise things will be (slightly) uphill from here… Please Review and I'll see you tomorrow for Chapter 4: 'Progression'!