TITLE: The Secrets We Hold

SUMMARY: What if the amulet Agravaine gave Uther did more than just reverse the effects of Merlin's healing spell, and also reversed all surrounding magic as well, including aging spells? PART ONE OF AU from 4x03 onwards.

WORDS: 2203

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Merlin, though I wish it did!

NOTES: Chapter Four! Only Merlin's POV today, but will be back with Arthur in the next and final chapter of this part.


Chapter Four: Progression

Merlin silently cleaned the pots and glass jars Gaius frequently used from his bench seat at the table, ignoring the concerned and knowing looks from his guardian from across the room. He kept his head down and focused solely on his task, but still the mind-numbing repetitive motions of scrubbing however, didn't help the way his mind kept trying to escape onto the one topic he was trying to avoid.

It'd been a week since the guards had escorted him to the door of Gaius' chambers and they had yet to move from outside it, except for during the regular shift changes thrice a day. Each day of silence and avoidance from Arthur, only tore the gaping wound left inside him from their last conversation, open further.

Gaius had been shocked and panicked when Merlin had first arrived back to his chambers under guard having believed his ward to have already left, but after he'd simply explained his reasoning in short answers before disappearing into his room at the back, Gaius had thankfully chosen not to comment further.

Since then, he'd spent the majority of each day alone in the back, not wanting to risk worsening Arthur's anger by spending too much time with Gaius when he theorised he was meant to be in solitude. He only surfaced for the meals Gaius urged him stomach or to complete chores the older man was too busy for – like now. Even so, each meal was eaten and each task completed in relative silence.

"I'm here to see the court physician?"

Gwen's voice outside the wooden door to the chambers made Merlin look up as the door started to open and he quickly stood, escaping towards his room before he could be caught with a visitor.

"Merlin, wait!"

He froze then turned in the entrance of his room, eyes flickering nervously to the once again closed door of Gaius' chambers, hoping the guards hadn't heard Gwen call for him. No movement or noise came from outside so either they hadn't, or maybe had ignored it.

"You're not meant to be here, Gwen." He answered finally, but he didn't shut the door to his room, making no move to stop her from following as he sagged on his bed. She didn't deserve to be ignored. "You could get in trouble."

"I brought you something." Gwen returned, pulling a small food package wrapped neat cloth that had obviously been snuck from the kitchen out from her dress pocket. "Your favourite."

"Thank you." He whispered, but he placed it on the side for later. He didn't seem to have much of an appetite lately.

"Arthur's coronation's at noon." Gwen started conversationally after a few awkward moments of silence.

Merlin nodded. "Gaius told me. Apparently, the castle's been busier than before Samhain. Fate must have chosen a good week for me to be given mandatory time off." He tried to joke as normal but could tell it lacked his usual charm as Gwen frowned.

"You'll be there, won't you?" Gwen hedged tentatively. "You've both been preparing and excited for this day for years. There's no way you'd miss it. It's the biggest moment of Arthur's life."

"I can't go, Gwen. I'm not allowed to leave." Merlin sighed. "I wish I could, but…. He wouldn't want me there."

"Of course, he would." Gwen argued. "You've had fights before, but that doesn't change the fact you're his friend. Even if his pride won't let him admit it."

"It's not as simple as before this time, Gwen."

"Then what is it? What is it that has made Arthur so furious that you're so certain he can't forgive you for?"

Merlin hesitated. He wasn't sure whether he could or couldn't share what had happened, but the fact Arthur had made clear he wasn't allowed visitors kind of implied he didn't want the reveal broadcasted to everyone.

Nevertheless, he truthfully just couldn't face another rejection right then. He still couldn't determine what Gwen's reaction would be, especially after her father's death and Morgana's betrayal.

"I can't say." He answered finally, lying down on his bed and curling into himself. "But he's right to be angry, and I understand why he is."

"Whatever happened, it's not right for him to leave you on the ropes like this." At his shrug, Gwen continued. "This isn't like you Merlin. You've always believed Arthur will do the right thing. You've never doubted him."

"Please, Gwen. You can't force this." He urged, sitting up slightly, and facing Gwen to emphasise his seriousness. "He has to make his own decision."

"I'll give him until tomorrow." Gwen compromised, with finality. "But I still think both of you will later regret it if you missed the coronation."

Gwen left with a nod, snaking a decoy vial of medicine from Gaius passed her in case the guards questioned her purpose for the long visit.

Merlin stared after her, his mind focused on her last words. He could only wish and hope that they were true for Arthur, but he knew without a doubt they were for him. He didn't want to miss the coronation.

After being at Arthur's side for years, he wasn't going to desert him now.

~*~M~*~

Shortly after the noon bells rang out among Camelot, the thundering of feet heading towards the castle could be heard from Merlin's upper-floor window as pages welcomed the courtiers and guests to the coronation with the hail of trumpets.

Gaius had already left with his invitation with an earnest apology and promise to tell him everything, but Merlin knew it wouldn't be needed. He waited a few minutes to ensure most the corridors between him and the Grand Hall would be empty, before silently opening Gaius' chamber doors a crack to check for his usual guards.

There weren't any.

Merlin frowned. So far Arthur had ben strict with the Guard's schedules outside his chamber, and doubted that would have changed so quickly, especially when Rowan - the most frequent – had been there only a half hour prior when Gaius had left.

At that point however, he wasn't sure whether him being gone was fortunate or not. He knew he was risking a lot by escaping his arrest, specifically as he was trying to prove his trust to Arthur, and truthfully his first plan, as high risk as it was, had been not to escape per say, but to play on the Guard's own desire to watch the coronation, then if failing that to move onto escaping.

But now it seemed, he had to go straight to plan B, and only hope he was back in his room before anyone noticed he was missing.

"I had come up with a plan to break you out, but I guess there wasn't really any need after all."

Merlin jumped at the sudden presence behind him, swinging around to face a familiar knight dressed however in castle guard ensemble, the disguising helmet in his arms.

"Gwaine!"

"That's my name, glad you still remember it." Gwaine teased, smacking Merlin on the shoulder, but his tone still held a hint of seriousness. "What trouble have you gotten into now mate, that was so bad you couldn't come to me? Princess won't spill a thing, other than whacking everyone and everything twice as hard in training."

Merlin grimaced imagining how Arthur's struggles at both Uther's death and Merlin's revelation would have impacted those closest to him. "Sorry, I couldn't…"

"Don't worry about it." Gwaine interrupted, quickly changing his tone. "We all keep secrets from people, and if it was something this big, I know you were probably only trying to protect others, but maybe one of these days you'll trust someone to protect you too."

Merlin tried not to show how close to the truth Gwaine had actually gotten as he nodded slowly. "What are you doing here anyway? Where's Rowan? Why aren't you at the coronation?"

"One, what do you think? Two, bribed into taking my place at the coronation and three because why would I choose to dress up identically to every other noble and stand stiffly for hours on end with Princess the centre of attention, when I could watch it illegally after breaking out the one person in the entirety of Camelot who wouldn't miss this for anything." Gwaine answered in order. "Which do you think is more fun?"

"It's not all fun, Gwaine. You could get in trouble." Merlin returned seriously. "And while I don't know Rowan as much as others, I'm not sure he's one to be bribed easily."

"He wasn't, but I promised you'd be back in your room before anyone noticed and he does know you enough to know you won't try anything." Gwaine answered, all but dragging him along the corridor even as Merlin bit his lip and had to stumble to stay on his feet. "Now come on, or we'll be late and it'll be all for nothing."

Merlin followed Gwaine through halls, up and down staircases towards the Grand Hall. He knew logically where Gwaine was leading him - it'd been one of his own ideas as well - and found himself being right as the knight stopped in front of the small wooden door that led up to the balcony overlooking the hall.

It wasn't guarded, but then that was because it was always locked.

Alone, the door wouldn't have hindered him in the slightest. He could have unlocked the door without as much as a single word, easily able to explain away what he did from Rowan but with Gwaine things became more difficult.

Gwaine would have already planned for this door would be locked before guiding Merlin to it, and for all his playful nature, nothing missed the knight's observation. Not at this closeness anyway.

Merlin smiled weakly. It was the same as with Gwen earlier that day, though maybe Gwaine would have a slightly better reaction. He felt he could maybe tell Gwaine the truth, but if he did, he also had the feeling that the knight's temporary escape plans would quickly turn into permanent ones, even if he didn't need or want them.

It turned out though that his contemplating had been pointless when Gwaine pulled out a familiar key which slotted effortlessly into the lock.

"Nabbed from Princess this morning. He really is distracted at the moment."

"Gwaine!" He protested, but followed him through the door anyway. "Breaking me out temporarily is one thing, but stealing the King's keys is treason."

"Then I'd better hope to return them before he notices."

Merlin didn't respond, and instead the pair fell silent as they rounded the top of the spiral staircase and crept forward to the edge of where the balcony overlooked the Great Hall. They didn't want to risk being heard.

Scarlet and gold banners hung from every wall, as the room was full of as many people as possible, all dressed to the finest no matter their rank. The Knights of the RoundTable stood at the front in their cloaks (nobody seemingly surprised at Gwaine's noticeable absence and he wondered if the rest of them knew or might have guessed where he was), while Gaius and Gwen stood together on the opposite side.

Geoffrey stood at the end of the aisle proudly holding the King's crown as Arthur approached slowly, his face portraying no emotion from what Merlin could see from his angle. Each member of the crowd bowed or curtsied as he passed before he kneeled before the throne.

"Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the Peoples of Camelot according to their respective Laws and Customs?"

"I solemnly swear so to do."

"Will you to your power, cause Law and Justice in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgments?"

"I will."

"Then by the sacred laws vested in me, I crown you Arthur, King of Camelot!"

Arthur stood, swinging around to face the crowd in uproar as Merlin glanced at the excited and honoured faces in the hall, momentarily forgetting his need to hide in the excitement as he leaned further around the pillar.

This was the moment Arthur had been born for, the moment he'd been preparing for his whole life, with the support and love of those around him.

He glanced back at the newly crowned King, knowing more than anyone the pressure Arthur was sure feeling at this moment, the way he would keep his face expressionless until many hours later when he was finally alone in his chambers – when there would usually be just him present.

But with his gaze on Arthur's, it wasn't his emotions that he managed to get a gage on, as something else caught his attention.

Arthur's eyes were focused above the crowd. Staring directly at him.

Merlin refused to move or even freeze, even as he felt Gwaine urgently trying pull him out of sight as the Knight noticed the same thing. Instead, he stood tall, his arms clasped behind him and his smile radiating his joy and pride directly at Arthur before he loudly quoted the same words of the crowd. Even if Arthur couldn't hear him, there would be no mistaking the words his lips formed.

"Long Live The King!"

Notes: Back tomorrow for the last part of what I've written so far. This will be the first (of many) much needed conversations between Arthur and Merlin.

Please Review. Hope you enjoyed Gwaine's appearance!