TITLE: The Secrets We Hold
SUMMARY: What if the amulet Agravaine gave Uther did more than just reverse the effects of Merlin's healing spell, and also reversed all surrounding magic as well, including aging spells? PART ONE OF AU from 4x03 onwards.
WORDS: 1907
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Merlin, though I wish it did!
NOTES: Here you go! What you've all been waiting for. Check the end for further notes!
Chapter Five: Conversations
Arthur made his way slowly towards the Physician's Chambers, holding the still packed satchel that had been sitting abandoned in his room for the last week.
When he'd looked out over the chanting sea of knights and courtiers at his coronation, only for his gaze to catch movement on the upper balcony, at first he'd anticipated an attack, but instead, his eyes met with those of his servant who in no-way looked apologetic for being there as he proudly participated in the celebrations.
Even as the guard next to him noticed him watching and tried to pull him away, Merlin was only focused on him, and at last Arthur realised that he could no longer delay this conversation.
Therefore, after sitting rather distractedly through one of the largest banquets he'd ever attended, he was finally left alone to return to his chambers, however, Arthur wasn't surprised to instead find himself walking in his current direction, and he was also in no way surprised to find that Merlin had willingly returned what had unofficially been a prison cell of a room, a different guard stationed outside when he arrived.
Gaius was out, but Merlin bolted to his feet from where he'd been attempting to sleep as Arthur entered his tiny room, looking around startled and a little unsure before ducking his head. Arthur watched, waiting to see if he would say something, maybe even an explanation for earlier, but he got nothing but silence, his stature the complete opposite to what he'd seen on the balcony earlier.
"Sit down." He ordered firmly after only a few moments of watching Merlin's form shift uneasily where he stood started to get on his nerves.
Merlin complied faster than Arthur thought possible, dropping back down on his bed as Arthur dropped the satchel on the end in front of him. The younger man snatched it up almost protectively, but paused before attempting to look through it, as though he wasn't sure he should, but still itched to do so.
"I think you'll find everything still in it." Arthur supplied. "Though, I feel that if there was something missing you could easily retrieve it back in no time, especially after today's façade."
Merlin shook his head. "I swore I'd prove my loyalty by not breaking arrest, except…"
"What?"
"Except I didn't want to miss something as important as your coronation."
"And I suppose you thought the fact you remained with a guard meant you were keeping that oath solely via a formality." The awkward expression on Merlin's face answered it for him. "What have I told you about trying to be clever?"
He'd unknowingly slipped back into something akin to their old banter far more easier than expected, and he grimaced, though he noticed his words did have a slight harsher tone to them. Yet this time, Merlin's reaction was something of the complete opposite as he averted his eyes once again in unnerving subservience.
He frowned, uncertain on what to draw from the reaction, and felt that maybe he should provide a little assurance on the single subject he was actually categorically certain of.
"I'm not going to hurt you Merlin. I would have thought that was clear by now?"
"Not really." Merlin returned, though he looked up again and continued with a stronger, but not more hopeful tone. "Banishment then? Or more confinement? I'm not really sure which I'd prefer to be honest."
"That's still undecided." Arthur paused, studying the young man in front of his who only remained still under his scrutiny. "I thought I knew you."
"I'm still the same person."
"I trusted you. I…" Arthur stopped, knowing he was only repeating the same lines he'd said a week before in his chambers. He raked a hand over his head in frustration. "Just…how long? How long have you been keeping this from me?"
Merlin winced, but looked directly at him as he answered as if to prove his honesty. "Since the day we met."
Arthur jolted at the admission, but couldn't resist breaking into a small wiry smile at the memory. "I tried to take your head off with a mace."
"And I stopped you." Merlin countered. "Using magic."
"You cheated!" His short exclamation temporally covered his anger, as he remembered how strangely clumsy he'd been during that fight though the market. It hadn't been an example of his finest behaviour, and it now seemed it'd been Merlin's first attempt at trying to put a dent in his arrogant pride.
"Not really." Merlin repeated as he shrugged again. "You were going to kill me. You had your weapon, I had mine."
He could consider that to be true, except he supposed that Merlin's weapon would be a lot harder to defend against than a mace if he'd needed. But then again, Arthur also had no qualms that Merlin would have had the power to have done a lot more damage than simply trapping his weapon and tripping him…and yet he hadn't.
"Who taught you then?" Arthur thought back to his time in Ealdor, when raiders had threatened the village's supplies, but he couldn't remember anyone in the small village that had been close to Merlin other than his mother and one lone friend. "Was it your Mother? Or your friend maybe, Will?"
Merlin seemed to almost chuckle at the question, but it was shadowed with grief at the memory of his childhood friend. "Mother doesn't know a drop of magic, and neither did Will."
"So, the whirlwind was you?" He already knew the answer really, but still felt the need to ask, as he finally decided to settle on the chair at Merlin's small table.
"Yes. He protected my secret even to the grave." Merlin admitted, before sighing heavily and shifted to a more comfortable position. Arthur wondered if he was just putting the other less on edge now that he was seated, and so was surprised when Merlin started talk again, without prompting.
"I didn't have a choice Arthur, just like you didn't have a choice on becoming the heir to the throne. I was born with magic; it's always been a part of me."
Arthur frowned. "I've always been told magic was something that needed to be taught and mastered?"
Merlin nodded. "For most sorcerers that's true, but on some occasions it's possible for someone to be born with magic like me and… Morgana."
Arthur clenched his teeth at the hesitant mention of his half-sister but didn't interrupt.
"For warlocks and witches, they don't have a choice. Their power usually manifests sometime during adolescence, maybe earlier if nurtured. Then it's a matter of learning to control it, or keep having it burst out with each strong emotion." Merlin continued to explain, then paused, ducking his head again. "Except that…even for a warlock…I'm a little different…"
"Different how?" Arthur pressed.
"I…. I just never had to really learn. I've been moving things with my mind since before I talk. Mother says my eyes were gold for a full minute the first time they opened. I'd never even heard any spells till I arrived in Camelot, it was all instinctual." He shrugged. "By Camelot's laws Mother should have drowned or killed me before I was even an hour old, and anyway I don't really like thinking about it."
Arthur tried to picture Hunith, one of the most kindest and gentlest woman he'd met, drowning a babe that hadn't the chance to do anything but open golden glowing eyes, but couldn't, feeling repulsed at the thought.
All his life, he'd experienced and been taught by all, that magic corrupted all those that used it. Even those who hoped to use it for good, succumbed eventually to evil, but truthfully there'd been many times growing up that he'd questioned his father's law, though anytime he did so verbally had been quickly punished and stamped out.
But then if his father was correct, and Merlin had been using magic his whole life, why hadn't it corrupted him yet?
"All my life, and everything I've experienced, has always taught me that magic corrupts." He voiced, and saw Merlin tense slightly at the topic, yet he couldn't avoid it. "You saw what happened to Morgana."
"Magic's everywhere, Arthur. It's woven into the very fabric of the world and like all natural forces, it's neither good nor bad. It simply exists for however someone wishes to use it. Fear or power, or even just the promise of power, though, has the chance to corrupt. I know what Morgana went through more than anyone, and it wasn't the magic that changed her. It was her fear of Uther and her wish to simply be free."
"And you and every other magic user haven't felt the same?" Arthur scoffed. That couldn't be the only reason for Morgana's betrayal.
"Everyone's experiences are different; you can't compare them, Arthur. I wasn't Uther's Ward or alone, I had mother and Gaius to steer me in the right direction. And….and I wasn't betrayed by the only one in Camelot that knew the truth."
Arthur felt there was something more in that final statement as guilt flooded Merlin face, but he left the topic filing it away for later. Truthfully, he swore this entire conversation was being committed to memory.
"You know, I've always wanted to tell you, but…" Merlin changed the subject nervously, picking at a loose thread of his worn blanket. "At first I feared your reaction. Your father's reaction." Merlin paused. "Then afterwards, especially after Morgana…it felt like it'd already been too long. The lies were easier than seeing your reaction to another betrayal."
Arthur stood and paced between the door and the chair, the number of conflicting thoughts in his brain exasperating him, as one side that told him of Merlin's betrayal, battling against everything he knew of the newly discovered sorcer- warlock.
"I just want you to know, whatever your decision, I won't fight you on it." He had felt Merlin's eyes on him as he moved, silently watching him come to his decision, and now understood why the latter wasn't trying to say something more to his defence, though the why still stumped him. "I don't wish to leave, but if you order it, I'll follow. You deserve that much."
Arthur turned back the bed and sighed. Whether this decision was for good or not, he figured any consequences would soon come to light, and only hoped they'd been for the benefit of Camelot. He couldn't take any more shocks. Not now.
"I honestly don't know what to think right now….but I don't want you to leave. Something tells me that'll be a bad decision, not when I still don't have the full facts." Arthur declared, firmly. "But from now on, Merlin, you will tell me everything. And I mean everything. No more lies and no more secrets."
"I swear." Merlin vowed, but then wavered. "There's still so much I need to tell you."
"Not now. Just…everything tonight… it's enough for now." Arthur argued. He turned to the door, but paused with his hand on the wooden, and looked back. "I'll will expect to see you reporting to duty at dawn tomorrow."
Arthur just caught the start of Merlin's small smile as he left the chambers. They both knew however, that while they'd made some progress tonight, there was still a long way to go before things could return to normal, if they ever would.
IMPORTANT NOTES: There you go! The bit you've been waiting for. Hope it was what you wanted, and any improvements you might have, let me know and I'll see if I can add them.
Yes the ending was that positive, but DON'T DESPAIR, I'm not finished yet! I haven't written anything yet so I don't know when it'll be up, but this weekend I'm planning to see how to branch this into the rest of series 4 (maybe even 5) with AU of some of the later episodes, with Arthur slowly coming to accept and trust Merlin again.
So as everything still in planning, if anything has any ideas about the upcoming episodes such as Aithusa, Fathers Son, Servant of Two Masters, or Secret Sharer – LET ME KNOW BELOW!
In the meantime, check out my fanvid on YouTube: Merlin | Give it Time (Be Alright) at watch?v=Mz3DZ4eXkM0
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
