Do you believe in destiny, I do. I see her as a cruel harpy punishing me for crimes I had yet not committed. I do not remember much of my childhood. It was all a blur of hospitals, doctors, fighting and crying, a result of my sickness taking it's toll on everyone. My parents wanted me homeschooled in case my condition worsened not something acceptable to me. My first few years in school were better I had friends, who played with me, friends with whom I went shopping, went to watch the movies. But then a seizure in the middle of lunch put me in a three month coma. When I came back no one wanted to talk with me, their eyes filled with sympathy and a desire to stay away. I persevered through it all, I had made a promise to myself, my disease will not dampen my light.
Our first meeting was uneventful to say, slightly embarrassing too. I had met Edward's father in hospital, he sometimes treated me for smaller infections . Edward's erratic demeanor contrasted his father's calmness. Our shared love of music and books bonded us and I looked forward to meeting him secretly everyday in school. The days he was absent , the days that were sunny were the days I thought in detail about who and what Edward was. My mother came from a small city in Washington where she had heard legends of protectors and the cold ones. The description given by a tribe member to me and my younger cousin Charlie to scare us of matched my ever elusive friend and his family. The doctor, his wife and the mind reader son, two more were supposed to be with them though. Or maybe I was being too paranoid binging on fantasy novels. He never did ate anything I had noticed it and his eyes changed everyday , the color ranging in different shades of gold and black.
Edward had enrolled with me in college in the same course as if he didn't want to leave me alone. Our humble abode was a two story house Edward rented along with me. It was a beautiful house and came with a piano. Edward was a talented pianist, no one could deny that. His compositions on the days I was too sick to even move soothed me. His smooth voice whenever he would sing were velvet in my ears ,songs of a siren. Edward was a better cook than I expected for someone who never ate. He took care of me in ways I never had thought I needed. His love made my days brighter, happier and full of life.
He frequently took me to various locations, together explored the deep forests, enjoying the lush greenery, clicking as many memories I could in my little camera a gift from Edward and the speed at which his motorcycle accelerated. He had never coddled me and his unwavering patience had helped get through the bad days . I had noticed lack of his heartbeats whenever I sat behind him or the way he would stiffen all of a sudden turning into stone. One day as we were exploring a forest I saw few strands of sunlight bouncing of his marble skin. He looked like an angel to me. he was my angel. I made a decision that moment, I didn't care about his origin or if he was human or not, He was my friend and that was enough.
On my 20th birthday he took me to my favorite spot and despite being drenched in the downpour his unbridled laughter made it my most special birthday. As he took my picture, the sky imploded in thunder my eyes following the beautiful and terrifying work of nature. The air suddenly felt charged not with electricity though and I saw Edward slowly walking towards me at a sluggish pace. As he planted a tender kiss on my lips another bolt of thunder broke in the sky. And just like the sky I was wild with emotions, A ingle thank You was all I could say. We both barely spoke on the way back and as each went to our rooms I felt a monumental shift happening as if the seas had parted. I was falling , falling for him, the boy with the most beautiful smile. The thought grounded me, How could I be this selfish, I knew my time was limited. I had to nip this in bud, this cannot go on . The harpy was back pulling my heartstrings and writing my wretched love in her black dark ink.
We tried to forget what happened and things went relatively normal for us on the surface. If you only scratched you would see the ditch I was trying to avoid, I wanted to love him, to touch him, to be more to him. Each day it was getting difficult to deny what I was feeling or trying not to feel for him. The dam of emotions broke on the day I passed the first year. I had achieved something I never thought possible and in that happiness, I kissed Edward.
He was frozen like a statue I felt the dread creep up, before I could apologize his lips were in action and my mind was gone too far for logic. When he ultimately set me down, I went to look for music and find some courage. We danced as much I could , danced and kissed. But my reverie broke too soon, my failing health kept reminding me I was setting him up for a heartbreak.
Edward took to travel even more, we spent more time on road than sleeping. Well I took to sleeping, I knew he never slept another oddity of being different I guess. We also took a lot of time making out in the forest, or on the bike. His lips barely left mine alone but I could feel him holding back, controlling whatever was trying to control him.
He had gone to visit his mother for a few days and I felt the pangs of loneliness deepening its claws in me. I had taken to sleeping in Edward's bed whenever he was out, I guess he didn't notice anything amiss or not but he never commented. This time I got caught , he came back early and his shuffling woke me up and I saw the clock It was 10 pm, I decided to make an excuse and run to my room ,lock it up and never come out again. A perfect plan.
As I looked in Edward's eye Everything was forgotten. I cannot tell you a bullet to my head who initiated the kiss but it did end up with me on top of me feeling a little too satisfied. I smile as I slumbered on his stony chest. When I woke up he was not in the room , I found me sitting near the piano in deep thought. He joined me back on his bead and we again made love.
We were unstoppable for the next few months enjoying the physical aspect of our relationship. He left me satisfied and often a little sore I didn't mind though my desire for him rivalled his desire for him. He was a thorough lover and often gave me the metaphorical control. He was always holding himself back though I managed to invoke his wild side a few times. The first time I blindfolded him he overpowered me easily and bought me the best orgasm I had felt. One time I bound his hands and he broke through the shackles taking me on the floor a little roughly than required. He was severely apologetic about the incident.
The physical aspect of our relationship made me think again of my impending death. How would It effect Edward, will he forget me once I was gone. Will anyone remember me my parents didn't they had a new child to take care of , a son born to replace me. He was a beautiful baby and I loved him too but I could feel my parents sidelining me everyday a little more for their beloved son. I often thought of the love Edward and I shared, it was beautiful in so many aspects. But It never felt right as if someone had poisoned the water in which our love was to bloom. Our love tasted rotten, dead and full of gloom.
One more bout of coma had made things quite serious. Edward's mother had taken care of me for a weeks in the end when my own was busy travelling the world. I was already dead to her. His eyes were full of worry every time and one day suddenly all of a sudden Edward asked me something. "If you would live forever. Would you?". It felt more like a proposition, an invitation to join him in eternity but I new my answer instantly. No matter how much I loved Edward, loved his smiles, his tendency to pout in angst, I had no desire to live anymore. I was tired of being alive, of existing in this world. I wanted the peaceful slumber of death. I had read a few books on life and one thing in particular captured my mind. Life was a cycle of our karmas, and we are reborn till we complete the cycle. I believed I would be born again and maybe in the next one our love would be pure not poisoned. He wanted more from me which I could not give to him, I had nothing else to offer I was being selfish. He had been my great love , my only love but I was not his. I could feel that with every passing second. Maybe in our next incarnation we would be enough for each other.
Our last month together he was very careful with me as if he expected me to drop dead anytime. Maybe that was what was going to happen. I cherished his every kiss, his every song, his every chuckle, his every breath, his every touch. The harpy was here for my soul. I knew I would not live to see my 22nd birthday. The last thing I remember was falling and the pain in Edward's eyes was enough to make me realize I would never wake up again. I whispered my last proclamation of love to him and then I was free from the bonds of my life on third of September ,1986.
