Willow is a little taller than average height, and her long legs make her seem taller than she is. Willow has long dark hair that is dyed light blue at the ends. She has a roundish oval face shape, making her look younger than she really is. Her eyes are large and friendly, one a dark brown and the other a beautiful deep blue colour that was surgically done, usually framed with eyeliner. Willow has a tattoo of willow leaves on one of her collar bones and a small heart tattooed on her wrist that she got, matching with a few of her close friends. "솜틀" is tattooed on her ankle as well. (meaning willow in Korean).
Willow Skies
5 Years Ago
It's funny how little you can know people sometimes. Even the loved ones who are meant to be closest to you. But as I'm looking back, the signs were obvious apparently, even if I had never seen them. She was always so hopeless and lethargic and stressed out. Crescent had all the common symptoms for depression that I must have not noticed at the time. But she still had her goals and aspirations and plans. I knew Crescent was always fighting for something. Some sort of change, for the better, even if she never told me what it was. I don't think she'd ever give up her goals and I still think that, even after she overdosed. She still had a reason to live.
Something deep down inside me still thinks this isn't right. Crescent would never do this. She'd never purposefully leave us. I don't know how she could have died but I don't think it was through an overdose, even as I stared at the casket. But if I told anyone that, they'd just...say I'm trying to cope with her death or the guilt, somehow. Maybe I am. Maybe I am.
"Are you still going to try out for the musical theatre club?" Lilianna asks, snapping me out of my train of thought. I blink for a second, trying to regather my thoughts again, though I'm starting to think it's better for me to ignore them. I can't keep mourning forever.
"Err, maybe...I haven't really been feeling motivated recently." I stare out of the train window at the dark tunnel, wondering when we'll re-emerge back into daylight again.
She frowns, the lines on her forehead more apparent than ever. I realise staring at the darkness isn't helping either, so I redirect my eyes to the light. "I understand why but...you have to start doing the things you love again! You can't just give everything up."
"That's easier said than done though. It's really hard not to...fall back into the state…" Now I'm the one frowning. "But...I'll still try out. There's no harm trying. I can drop out if I don't like it."
"Exactly! It'll be so much fun! We'd look so cute dancing and singing together." Lilianna claps. I really appreciate how...chipper and upbeat she is, especially when I'm so down. But it does get a little grating. I don't mind waiting around with her little antics and joining the things she wants to do, but I'd like to put my opinion in too.
I wonder if I'm being a bad friend. I shouldn't be complaining about doing something my friends want to do but here I am.
"Yeah! We'd make such a cute duo." I snicker. Suddenly the lights dim as daylight rushes back in. That tunnel felt uncomfortably long, but at least it's over now. I peer out the window to see that the school is getting larger and larger.
"Well, the auditions are tomorrow, so there's plenty of time to prepare! Don't fret over it." She tries to be helpful, although I'm not fretting. The reassurance is nice however, even if I'm not sure what to do or what I'm really preparing for. I'll do whatever to keep my mind off getting too depressed over Crescent.
The mood in the house is off, as it has been recently. We're more quiet then usual whenever we do anything, especially when cooking and preparing dinner together. You'd expect it to be loud and chaotic but...it's not. It doesn't help that Dad's been working more and more recently, Rhys isn't around much and Crescent...
The four of us sit down at the table, a solemn feeling in the air. We don't talk much, only when passing the plates and spices and cutlery around. It's clear what's weighing on all of our minds, but it doesn't seem like we can speak about it together. Mum has never really talked to us about personal matters. I guess she can't really articulate her feelings well. I know she's still processing her feelings of guilt and melancholy and shame, so I don't expect her to speak up. Lisa and I are also quite young so we won't steer the conversation.
"How was school today, Willow?" Mum asks me, breaking the awkward silence. She's switched to Korean. It's a rare, dying, archaic language in Panem, but we're still taught it as a part of tradition. We're probably one of the few handful of people who still speak it. Everybody who does is spread out too far and thin, so it's like our very own special secret code now.
"Fine...they're starting the winter tests now, so I've been focusing on all of them." I shrug. I should pass fine. I think they're going to be more lenient this year.
"Are you dealing with them fine? Are they too hard? I could always ask the school to excuse you…" Mum offers. Her voice trails out at the end, though it's obvious why.
I shake my head. "They're ok. I don't really want any special treatment anyway…" It'd feel like I'd be using her death for my own gain, which doesn't sit right with me.
Mum nods. "I understand. I won't speak to them then. How's school for you?" She turns to Lexa instead. Lexa shrugs, giving the same basic answer like I did. I can see that he's hurting too but I don't expect him to speak up either. Now's not the time. But when is?
The rest of the dinner is near silent, besides the small talk. Lexa and I excuse ourselves rather quickly, taking all the plates out to wash. I want to speak to him and doing it while we're wiping the plates seems like the best time, obviously.
I mumble in Korean to him: "You ok?"
"No." He bluntly responds. Short and simple I guess. "But I don't want to upset Mum, so I'm acting like I'm ok."
"Your acting is terrible." I giggle, as I pick some of the spoons up. "She can tell. She'd rather you talk to her about how you feel."
"You haven't either. And she hasn't asked me how I feel." He pouts, as he starts to dry what I've washed. That's true, but...I can't really argue with him.
I plop a fork in the water. "If you can't talk to her about it, you can always talk to me."
"Thank you...maybe we could talk about it at a different time though?" He suggests and I nod along. It'd be better to have a deeper venting session in our own privacy, where no one can watch or overhear us. This isn't a good time.
3 Years Ago
I really wasn't expecting to be performing in plays when I auditioned all those years ago. It was meant to be a fun hobby to pass the time but now it seems a lot more...proper. It's a lot more real now. I'm surprised I'm not scared though really. I think all this practice has really boosted my confidence actually.
"Ok, don't forget your lines!" Artemis smiles, though I don't look at her as I'm reading over the script.
"I'm not going to Artemis, I've spent hours looking over this stupid piece of paper." I giggle, as I scour through one final time. There's no way I'd be foolish enough to make a fool of myself on that stage, which is why I've spent so much time learning it.
"Yeah, and I spent hours painting on those stupid pieces of paper to give you a backdrop! So I want it to be as good as possible! Make sure you don't forget!" Artemis pouts. I take a moment to look up to see the painted castles and forests, which are stunning! Artemis is a really talented artist so it'd be a shame to see that talent go to waste.
"It's a shame that you can't show your art off in a gallery. That'd be better than some school play." I frown, but she seems fine either way. As long as her art is being shown to someone, she's content.
Artemis shrugs, as she admires her work. Feeling awkward now, I go to admire my hair and makeup (that's been done for me, I couldn't make it look this perfect.) I wonder if a District lady could ever look as nice, as that's the role I'm meant to play, but what else can they cover me in? Coal? Grain? Fish?
Suddenly, I hear the countdown, as I rush over to the side, just beside the curtain. It's time to finally go on, so I take a breather, before slowly hobbling over to the stage. I have a bucket and mop in hand, ready to start scrubbing the one dirty patch of the spotless stage.
"Hurry up!" My 'sister' shouts at me off stage, as I bend over, trying to look as hurt and sorrowful as possible. The stage lights shining in my direction makes it a little easier to look disgruntled. I can hear the audience let out a few sympathy sighs as I look downwards for this scene. "You're such a failure. You can't even do the most simple of jobs!"
"I'm so sorry." I cry out with as much emotion as possible, as I scrub harder, though it still won't go. Sister kicks me slightly and I cough, as I try my hardest.
"Sorry isn't good enough." Sister huffs and puffs, fanning herself. She paces up and down the stage. "If this place isn't looking spick and span for when the Capitolites show up, you'll be locked up in your room for the rest of the year."
"Please don't!" I cry. "I'll clean everything as quickly as I can!"
"You better! After you clean this pigsty, you better wash my dress for tonight! And clean my shoes and do my makeup!" Sister shouts, causing me to weep even more. I feebly mumble that I will, repeating it every time she says another sentence.
After saying this, she storms off the stage. The entire audience is whispering as they watch the tears fall out of my eyes. This has hit them right in their emotional gut. After a few seconds, I suddenly stand up, taking the bucket off stage, as the backdrop changes from a darker room. There's a quick few minute interval with the Capitol characters who explore the Districts.
I know this is technically propaganda, but we don't have a choice. The Capitol saves the innocent Capitol girl (who was lost in the Districts after the war) from her abusive trashy District family. She goes home and goes to prom where she has the time of her life and she laments about how much she loves her new life! It couldn't be more forced or hammered in but we didn't get to choose this play. I just wish we had more of a choice and creative freedom.
But I still smile, feeling proud of myself. The audience really connected with my character and acting! It'll definitely be a memorable performance they won't forget. My mission is working so far.
The crowd claps incredibly loudly as the ensemble stands on the stage, holding each other's hand. Basking in the attention...feels very nice. I try to find Lexa in the crowd but I don't see him anywhere. But I don't really need his praise right now anyway. I've got this entire audience who just loved my performance…
We take a final bow, before clearing off the stage. I let out a deep sigh of relief, glad I didn't make any major mistakes. The performance was really smooth and I don't think anybody had any hiccups. It was a lot better than all of our rehearsals.
"That was so good Willow! Your acting is amazing." Artemis pulls me into a hug as I stumble behind the curtain. "You really convinced me that was the first time you saw the Capitol."
"Was I really that good?" I feign humbleness, laughing sheepishly. I know I was amazing but I don't have to show that.
"Yeah? The audience loved you!" Artemis claps. I show a guilty smile. We walk to my little booth where I start to zip my corset down. This is so tight and uncomfortable, but we all had to wear traditional Capitol dresses for the prom scene, where I had to meet my dream prince before midnight.
I stare at myself in the mirror, feeling weird about how unnatural I look right now. Showing a quick frown, I take the corset off. "It couldn't have been done without everybody's else's work though. Especially everybody who worked behind the scenes."
"Yeah, we're like the foundation of the play." Artemis says somewhat bitterly from the side. I can tell she isn't happy from the lack of appreciation.
I nod along. "You should have been on the stage at the end, with the rest of us! You deserve all that clapping that we got. Maybe I could ask next time?"
I'm not sure if I will ask as I don't think I'll remember it by then, but it's something that Artemis wants to hear. She seems very excited by the prospect of this as she bounces up and down excitedly. "Thank you!" She smiles, so I smile back gracefully. "You know what, Willow. You should audition for some bigger shows. Like, an actual series or TV show or movie. Not just some school play."
"Do you really think I could get into anything though? There'll be so many more applicants." I think about it. I have the ability to succeed but that doesn't mean they'll pick me.
"Absolutely! You'll be able to smash any audition!" Artemis promises me, though I can't help but feel she's just saying that to be a good friend. But I like her advice. I want to be famous and the easiest way to become famous is through acting, which I'm really good at! I might as well try.
2 Weeks Ago
It turns out my hopes to become an actor weren't as successful as I thought it'd be. I guess my confidence was somewhat delusion. But I'm still a good actor so I should be able to get in, right?
So sitting in my dark room, I refresh my computer once more, hoping another email has come through or my phone might start to ring. I do this for a while as I wait for some sort of response from the latest show I auditioned for. It's something about this crime detective show? I thought it was interesting but…
I didn't get in. Sighing, I close the email, not bothering to read the rest of the copy and pasted automated message. I pull out the notepad and cross another name off the list. And that's another page of unsuccessful auditions. I can't even do any of these simple things. Very frustrated, I tear the page out and throw it into the bin. Goodbye, my failed dreams and hopes.
I hear a ring on the phone and I quickly go to grab it. It's Artemis! Ok, I'm happy to see she's calling me but it's not what I was hoping for. Sighing slightly, I pick it up. "Hi Artemis!"
"Hi! Did that...cluedo show accept you or whatever?" She asks, getting right into the topic at hand. I guess we just skipped the hi, hello, how are you stage.
"No, they didn't." I cover my disappointment up though. At least that's what I can do with my acting skills.
"Aw, that's a shame. They really missed out on an amazing actress." Artemis says. I mumble thanks to her, which is cut off prematurely by her moving on her really squeaky and loud bed. So I jump onto my bed too, tired of the uncomfortable hard wooden chair.
"I wonder why everybody keeps denying me. What can I do to get in?" I wonder, as I fiddle with my hair.
Artemis takes a pause for a second, so I can hear her heavy breathing. "Maybe you just need some more experience? They keep recycling those same actors." She settles on. I guess that's true. How can I stand up when there's extremely famous celebrities applying to the same role as I am?
"So...I should try to audition for some smaller things? Or I should find a way to put myself out there." That sounds smart. I've applied to all sorts of shows of varying fame, but I don't really want to start small. I guess I don't have a choice then.
"Yes! Oh, I know! You should apply for one of those Hunger Games things! They don't usually take celebrities!" Artemis squeals, sounding very excited again. That...sounds fun actually! I've considered some of them before but never settled on one. It was meant to be a last resort thing but I'm running out of options. "I dare you to apply for one! Like, the Saturn Games? That's a big one."
"I can't say no to a dare." I giggle. "I dare you to apply too! We can get in together!"
She nods along, wanting too as well. We spend the next half an hour talking about how we can apply and what angles we'll try to go for and what we'll say in our tapes. It's nice just relaxing and talking to Artemis again, as it feels like we haven't had such a long conversation in a long while.
I just have to apply that usual confidence I have to this, right? I can do this and easily get in!
