Osiris Casimir

21:38

I wheel out of the medical bay, feeling a lot better now. I didn't think the pills would work so quickly, but I'm completely fine after vomiting everywhere. And they had asked me if I willingly took the pill to make myself sick? Why would I do that?

I don't think I like the attention when I'm sick. You don't earn impressed gazes, you get worried stares of disgust as people try to coddle you, when in reality, nobody cares. I'm fine whether it's rain or shine and I'll keep going on no matter how I feel.

With a happy tune in my head, I wheel out of the small stuffy room, back into one of the hallways. There's three identical minty green hospital chairs that I parked next to. But on the left one is a nervous looking Grati. "You waited?"

"Yeah?" Grati says, looking quite remorseful as she looks away. "Did you think I wouldn't?"

"Nobody else seemed to."

Grati shrugs, looking a bit awkward as she stares down the hall. "They probably just didn't want to overwhelm you. And I think they were planning to continue the game…without us."

"Bummer…I was so close to winning too." I pretend to swoon over, devastated by this news. It does hurt a little actually, knowing I'm not needed but I don't let it get to me.

She shakes her head. "But you had the most fingers down. You were so close to drinking…"

"I see that as a win in my eyes!" I smile, as we begin to slowly head back out, back into the hall.

Grati giggles a little. "Well I was actually winning the game."

"Would you like a medal for that?"

Grati shrugs, as she pushes the door open. Neither of us know what to say as we stand still in the hall. The music is incredibly loud now that nobody's up on stage and the entire group has split up. My eyes dash around the premise, thinking of something that we could do. "Oh look, they're doing karaoke in a minute!"

"Karaoke?" Grati's nose twitches. "This is a weird party. We're not...young kids or middle aged mums. It's like they can't decide."

She has a fair point. This is an incredibly lame party…but then again we also have been playing lame games like never have I ever. We're hardly the most mature of people.

But they'll be breaking out the face paint and wine glasses next. I nod. "That's true! The show is meant to be family friendly though. They can't show us like...doing ketamine off of each other's backs."

Grati frowns. "But they can show us practically murdering each other."

"Yeah! I'd rather do ketamine." I decide, as I start to wheel over to the karaoke. Gratiana looks a bit hesitant at first, but she walks behind me too. We wait in the queue, which is thankfully wheelchair accessible. Most of the facility is and I haven't had any concerns yet. "Are you gonna sing too? I thought you didn't want to."

Gratiana's mouth opens into a small 'o'. She looks like a goldfish! "N-no...well y-yeah. Kinda? I just...don't want you going up there alone to embarrass yourself."

"Really?" I chuckle. "You look kind of scared...you don't have to if you don't want to."

"Aren't the paintings really pretty?"

"Huh?" I ask, wondering where that came from. I look up too, at the sight of a painted man being killed by a hall of people, at a banquet. They've painted a lot of parties and feasts and banquets, like we're at! What if the painting is a prophecy and somebody is murdered here? Just kidding, that would never happen! That's still some strange decor though. "Yeah, they are! But weren't we talking about the singing? You really don't have to do it if you don't want to. I'm not making you. And nobody will judge you if you do it or not."

Grati doesn't respond. She's probably very conflicted, but you just have to learn to…ignore the conflicts? Sometimes you just have to let loose.

She finally speaks up. "No...it's just not like me to do things on a whim like this."

"Oh…" Well that's exactly what I'm like! I'm always acting on impulse. "Well you don't always have to be like that! Sometimes life just happens and you just have to go along with the flow."

"Yeah!" Grati decides. "It'll be fun. I don't have to plan everything out."

"Exactly!"

An official unclips the rope, allowing us to go up.

We pick a generic poppy song, one that's catchy enough and the lyrics are really easy to remember. I look at the crowd. Most people aren't looking at us, but I'm not desperate enough to grab everyone. This'll be enough to placate all my needs.

I start to sing (really badly), wheeling around a bit. I know I'm out of tune and probably on the wrong pitch and really breathy, but I'm having fun! Most people are watching us now, some laughing and some clearly annoyed. But I don't care what they're thinking or what their reactions are. There's no fun if you're constantly on edge.

Grati is frozen in place, though she starts to sing when she realises a few seconds have passed and she's missed the first few lines. She's...slightly better, but still pretty terrible. I see why she was so nervous.

The time seems to fly by, as people go back to what they're doing. When the song ends and Grati has stopped, she lets out a 'eep.' "That was fun, wasn't it?" I smile, happy with it all.

She shrugs. "I guess so…" She turns around, before stopping and mumbling: "Thanks."

Grati then hops off the stage and back into the crowd. I guess she had a good time then? But she did sprint rather quickly…ah well.


Baxter Parthenon

22:14

I never realised how much of a mess I look, as I stare at myself in the grimy reflection of the mirror. It'd be hard to see through the smudges, yet my pale corpse looking self almost shines through. My heavy breathing only seems to exaggerate the veins that burst out on my forehead, the bags heavier than ever. I feel like keeling over and vomiting at any moment, but I can't back down at the first sign of resistance.

I should be proud of myself, for how well I'm doing. Three days in and I'm still going strong…and I have nobody to help me now, nothing to anchor me down. The therapy they offered was kind of shit and they haven't really stuck through with it, so I've had to keep going by myself.

Slamming open the doors of the bathroom, I wander back into the hall, with no idea who I should talk to. I haven't really…clicked with anyone yet, which makes me feel even more shit. There's nothing really here to distract me…and what I crave is being hung directly underneath my nose.

So I choose to go outside, knowing that I won't be able to access anything there. But I've already used my slot for the hour up…so when nobody's checking, I hoist myself over the balcony, dropping down to the little garden patch below.

I sit in front of a row of beautiful flowers of some kind…shit, this isn't my forte. It's like…yellow and purple pansies? And roses of every shade. It looks really pretty no matter what they are, and I'm not a sentimental sort of guy.

But my moment of peace is disturbed by another person dropping down. Or two actually…

"You aren't allowed to be down here." I roll my eyes, just wanting to be alone for a minute. Karrie clearly doesn't care, as she flicks her high heels up, dirt and grass flying across. Luckily, it doesn't land on my tuxedo though it's a close call.

Blu, on the other hand, seems to freeze up a little as he walks stiffly over.

"Ok? What are they going to do…kick us off the show? Constantly whine until we give in and conform to them?" Karrie rolls her eyes as she sits directly next to me, our shoulders touching.

"They could kick us off at any time actually. Not that they will." Blu quickly adds, so he doesn't fit in with the rest of the pansies around.

Karrie frowns. "You need to loosen up and live a little."

"Thanks for the advice." Blu rolls his eyes, as he sits down a little bit further away. I didn't think he'd come out here, he seems like a total stickler to the rules. Maybe I shouldn't be as harsh as I normally would…

We sit in silence for a minute, this odd group of people not really getting along well or talking. Blu and Karrie seem like an odd combination, but they're clearly getting on well somehow.

"It's kind of shit out here, actually." Karrie sighs as she picks at the blade of the grass, rolling them in her claws.

"Once the thrill of breaking the rules runs out, there's not much to enjoy." Blu observes…good for him.

I agree with him, but I kind of like it out here anyway. The beauty of nature calms me down. "I'd rather sit in somebody's vegetable plot then be in some shitty middle school prom."

"I've been in middle school proms better than this shitshow." Karrie laughs, so I do a little too. The evening's almost over anyway, so…I can't complain too much. It's also let me feel a lot better about myself…even if I actually feel like shit. I haven't given into the desires yet.


Willow Skies

22:42

Baxter really likes speaking to me. Just as I'm about to shuffle away, he manages to catch up to me, pulling me back in again. It's kind of uncomfortable to see him act so...emotional constantly? He keeps telling me things I know he wouldn't tell me if he weren't on a show, so it feels a little uncomfortable.

I keep a note of the things he says anyway, in case I need to use them against him or remember them in the future. It really isn't wise to reveal everything to your competitors.

At least it's entertaining seeing him stupor around and make a fool of himself. I don't think he's drunk, but he's clearly going through some form of withdrawal. I feel bad for him too…so I don't want to leave him.

Ah well, I've had worse conversations before.

"I promised my parents I wouldn't drink here." Baxter decides to tell me to an incredibly loud heavy metal song. "But they didn't believe me. Do they just think I'm a disappointment?"

"Of course not! They…probably just think it's a good way to give you some advice? You don't have to listen to them all the time." I say, thinking it's something he wants to hear, even if it's the worst possible advice to give to somebody like him.

Baxter stumbles for a second. "The thing is." His voice is shaky. "I never do."

"Oh." I say, realising I sound like I don't care. I do but I don't at the same time? Is honesty better or am I just being a bitch? "Well you should sometimes then."

He nods, as the song ends. "I should."

"Your parents probably mean the best for you…" I start to speak, now smiling.

But Baxter interrupts me, as a slow song picks up. Whiplash. He slows down considerably, barely moving his arms. "They don't."

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that. But they probably meant the best for you with what they said then."

Baxter just shrugs. I feel like it's my cue to leave here. I could stay and help him out and maybe play with his emotions a little bit more, but I don't want to be a terrible person. I've seen and heard enough from him. "I'm going to go to the toilet." I lie to him, as it's the most convenient excuse I can think of. If I go anywhere else, Baxter will just follow me. So I have to go somewhere he can't go.

"Will you come back?" Baxter asks, pining like a puppy.

I nod. I walk through the hall, past the empty tables (why are there so many tables anyway?) and bars to get to the toilet. But as soon as I get there I make a turn. I'm no longer in his sight, so I don't have to worry about him anymore. Instead, I look around the hall, trying to scout anybody out.

"Willow!" Miri waves from the corner. Grati and her are standing there, both with a wide smile and glass of...water in hand. So I walk up to them and stand next to them.

"Hi! Your singing was great earlier, Grati." I smile, slightly teasing her. It was...certainly...interesting! But I admire her courage anyway. It's that sort of courage you need to put yourself out there everyday.

Grati blushes, suddenly mumbling something. "Ah, y-you don't have to lie to me."

Miri laughs. "No, you were...good! I didn't think you wanted to sing though."

She shakes her head, laughing too. A bit if water spills onto the floor. "I didn't want to."

"Oh? Did Osiris convince you?" I ask, laughing.

"Yeah?" Grati shrugs. "I guess his confidence inspired me."

Miri squeals and claps her hands. "Confidence? Was that all? Cause you looked really happy around him."

Grati nods. "Yeah! That's all. Wait...no, are you implying I have a crush on him?"

"Maybe? It's just you'd look soooo cute together." Miri giggles. "When I saw you, you reminded me of Casimir and me!"

Grati places her drink down, looking a lot more worried now. "Is...is that a good thing?"

Miri nods. She looks slightly more relieved now, but I can tell something is wrong. She's clearly unsettled, but what is it? "So...do you?" I'm not going to use this against her, I just really like knowing things.

She shakes her head, looking very upset. "No! I'm taken! I have a girlfriend back home." Grati waves her hands desperately too, not wanting any confusing messages.

Miri claps her hands and squeals again. She's definitely passionate too. It's almost obnoxious at times but it's also sweet how caring and engaged she is. "Aww, that's so cute too! What's her name? What's she like? How long have you been going out for?"

She looks overwhelmed by the questions. "Err...Soph! She's so amazing and sweet and gentle...she's a lot more laidback and relaxed than me. I think I overthink things a lot more than she does."

"That isn't always a bad thing though!" I try to reassure her. But she sounds sweet enough too.

Grati shrugs. "Kinda...she's always there to help me whenever I do overthink and get stressed over it. She's like the best friend and girlfriend I could ever have."

Well, she sounds like a lovely person at least. I'd like to have a girlfriend or boyfriend or any other genderfriend. Like I've had lots of flings before, but I don't have anyone right now...and it's kind of lonely. But it won't be a forever thing, right? I'll find that certain soulmate soon enough, like I promised Baxter would.


Miri Sunburst

23:31

A hand on my shoulder wakes me from a dreamless slumber, my once dark vision now flooded with light. My groggy eyes struggle to adjust to the flashing lights, flickering on and off. I wipe the hair out of my vision and sit upwards to see a concerned looking Lycoris sit beside me, on a different chair.

"Hey…are you ok?" Lycoris coos. I crack my stiff neck and shoulders, rolling my arms too from where I was laying on them.

I…had fallen asleep? I don't usually take naps, but I guess constantly keeping up this act does get exhausting rather quickly. I've had a really long day today and I barely slept last night anyway from the nerves, so I guess…I just crashed.

Maybe I should just…drop the act a little bit. It's unreasonable to expect me to act this way the entire time.

"Yeah, I just struggle with…insomnia problems, sometimes…thanks for waking me." I lie, not even sure why I'd use such an extreme lie which is so easy to rebuke and prove wrong.

"I'm sure they'll have some medication in the infirmary, if you need anything…" Lycoris worries, which is kind of endearing and sweet actually.

I shake my head, finally sitting upright. "No, no…it's fine. Once this party is over, I'll just leave right away and hopefully crash…"

Lycoris laughs, a deep booming laugh that attracts all attention and can send shivers down spines. "Doesn't that sound nice?" Lycoris smiles and I nod, laughing despite totally being out of the zone.

He gets up and heads off to…who knows where? I don't really pay any attention, instead briskly rushing to the toilets. I just need to splash some water on my face…and I might feel a lot more awake. But it does little to help as I just feel pathetic, almost, as I stare at my shaky body.

"You alright?" I suddenly hear from the stalls. Nefeli walks out, looking a little flustered as she stands in front of the mirrors too.

I'm taken aback, not expecting her to offer her sympathies. "Yeah…thanks." I send a weak smile back as I stir.

"Good…you just kind of look like shit right now. But I'm not one to chat shit about looks." Nefeli laughs, which is a lot sweeter to listen to than expected.

I laugh too, finding it all to be strange and overwhelming. "I think you look really nice in the tuxedo though…not to say that you didn't look nice in the fashion show outfit either."

"You think I looked nice in my loungewear?" Nefeli looks confused as they reach for a tissue to dry their hands.

I nod, not sure if I'm being honest or not. I try not to think about it. "Yeah? You looked good, it's just not what they were looking for…"

Nefeli smiles as they pass by me, looking into my eyes. "Thanks." They laugh, looking a lot prouder now. With that, she walks out…

Even if I wasn't acting really and it came off as a little insincere, I feel a lot better about myself. I think people would appreciate my more mellow and realistic side, I'd just have to put the effort into making it seem natural and…enjoyable still? I can't lose my usual charisma in an attempt to come across as relatable.

Oh, it's all so…challenging and stressful…


Karrie Cataline

23:57

I sigh, looking at the clock. I wasn't expecting this party to be so...tame and boring. It could just be the fact that I get tired of things easily, but I've never felt it to this extremeness. I just needed something to distract myself with and let my brain work over and then I'd be fine.

There's only...thirty three minutes left, which is slightly above the average bloodbath length. I'll be dancing for most of that too which should be fine. Once the clock strikes midnight, we have to listen to the anthem, before doing our own interpretive dances after which feels incredibly disrespectful. If the tributes dared do that they'd be mocked and shamed, but I guess there's different rules for us.

"Hey!" Two of the pipsqueaks walk over. (Auberon and Dae?) While they both tower over me, they're obviously mentally much younger. Auberon is first to speak, "Would you like to dance with us?"

"I'll have to pass on your incredibly tempting offer." I frown, annoyed that they said I look lonely. Why does it matter to them? I'm fine sitting by myself. I'd much rather be left alone actually, I need to recharge my socialisation batteries.

Dae looks confused. "If it's so tempting, why don't you accept?"

I sigh. Perhaps the sarcasm wasn't obvious enough. "I'm not really in the mood to dance."

"But you have to, so you should join us!" Auberon smiles. Why are they so persistent? How many times do I have to coat my no's in a different paint?

I would snap at them, but something in my mind is telling me that I shouldn't snap at every single innocent person I see here. I despise being nagged but they technically have done nothing wrong, so I'd look like the terrible person in this situation. "I...I'm not in the mood and I have plans already. I'm dancing with Blu. So please just leave me alone...and dance with yourselves!" I add at the end, so I don't sound too mean. It was a tempting choice not to.

"O-oh...have fun!" Auberon looks hurt, but I don't care. They finally leave after the third no. And I had to lie.

I walk to the dance floor, hanging on the edge. Nothing says we have to dance but it'd be disrespectful not to. I can just...sway along for thirty seconds and dash away. The anthem is played and we stand in silence, waiting for it to end. Nobody cares about having to listen to it and it's incredibly hammed in, so most people aren't happy to be standing here.

It ends and we all clap. As everyone starts to dance, I slink through the crowd and out to the double set of doors at the back. I don't think we're allowed to have a break during the most important moment of the night but I can just feign ignorance if they ask. The bitter Winter air is a harsh contrast to the stuffy hall. It just feels nice to be out of that hell hole though.

I stand at the edge of the balcony where the benches are, looking at the distance. But I suddenly dive down, when I hear voices from below. I take a peek to see a few of the kitchen workers outside, smoking. Pleasant. I consider going back in before they notice me, but I'm curious about what they're speaking about.

"I'm so glad the night is finally over." The stocky man coughs a little. "Those bastards keep raiding the storage room. Kids these days...don't understand anything about boundaries and respect."

"I think they're sweet enough!" The lady says. She sounds old, but sweet. "All kids have a rebellious streak to them. They'll grow out of it one day."

"I sure hope so."

Silence. My breathing seems to be louder than ever. But the music inside seems to get louder, covering any tiny noise I make.

Raiding the storage? Interesting. It seems like a few people here don't mind playing with the rules too. I should keep my eye on those individuals. Who's to say they'll follow every rule in the game's playbook?

The silence is broken finally. "I just hope that they're all safe this year."

"Safe?" The other man asks what I'm thinking. "What happened then? Shot for raiding the storage rooms?"

The lady doesn't seem to appreciate this joke. "Edwin...that's not appropriate."

He scoffs. "And? Just going to ignore my question then Calandra?"

No response. I wish I could watch them, but I don't want them spotting me. "No...you know what happened to Astrea, don't you?"

"Poor woman…lost her daughter, didn't she? In a car crash?"

"That's just the cover up story…" She begins to whisper, but I do pick up on: "Happened in the games…"

But I don't get to hear the rest, for the officials storm out and practically drag me in by the ear. But I've gathered more than enough to pique my interest…a tribute died, in the Saturn games? It wasn't clear enough really and I only heard the bare facts of the case…but surely I'd be able to find out more? I'll just have to investigate a little and try to find out as much as possible.


Nefeli Brightberry

00:23

"I really admire your outfit…though I don't get the motivations behind it?" Rowan blocks me from the exit, unintentionally. It's still incredibly annoying as I've had to answer this multiple times.

"Maybe it's a performance piece that you're meant to analyse and critique. Ask yourself what it really means." I give the vaguest answer possible to get him off my feet, though he barely budges.

Rowan looks at the ceiling, stroking his chin once. "Interesting…that was a non answer, but it was helpful enough, I guess."

I guess he could be ruder but I'm still annoyed though. He was definitely more tactful than most people thankfully though. I straight up heard Karrie say I wasn't a threat under her breath! Fuck you and you shitty close minded attitude. And that Baxter didn't even bother being polite as he insulted me. I wouldn't care if he keels over dead by the end of the night.

At least, some people like Miri, have been so nice. I was expecting her to be a lot more shallow, but she seemed kind of down to earth and sweet than I realised?

I just need some fresh air still. I'm tired of socialising tonight. I don't know why I assumed most people would be different here or more accepting. Maybe I thought everybody would be on their best behaviour in front of the cameras, but I was wrong again.

I need a break from it all.

So I step outside too, expecting nobody to be out there. None of us have extra layers and it's the middle of December, so it'd be insane to come out here now. But I see Osiris, who's looking at the stars. Real ones, not the satellites they implant into the skies to pass of an illusion…and they make my heart flutter just a little bit, as they illuminate the heavens before us.

"Osiris? What are you doing out here?" I wonder.

He waves to his legs. "I can't really dance well, can I?"

"The dancing is pretty much over now, if you want to go back in." I tell him, speaking a lot more softly than I usually would.

Osiris shrugs. "Nah, I like looking at the stars. Who knew there were so many?" He says, not too seriously.

"Yeah...you know, my mom always used to tell me that once you die you become a star." I mumble. I didn't believe her, even when I was a naive child, but it's a calming thought.

"A giant flaming ball of gas?" Osiris asks. I laugh a little, as the idea sounds so silly.

I shake my head. We move over to the benches and I sit down, Osiris parked next me. "No, it's just a nice...sentimental thought. Having your family and friends watch over you for the rest of your life."

Osiris doesn't really react to this. He looks downwards, looking a little bit upset. Maybe this idea isn't as sweet to him. "Why are you out here anyway?"

"Everybody and everything is pissing me off." I say. I bend down slightly and pull blades of grass, to try to distract myself from my anger.

Osiris laughs. "And me, the most annoying person ever isn't pissing you off?"

"You're not that bad, really." I laugh. "People...just won't stop pestering me over the same old things. Wow, I didn't wear some...stupidly extravagant outfit and I happened to be born without an arm! What a fucking big deal!"

He looks at his legs. "Those questions are always...tiring. I don't normally care if people are respectful…"

"But they're not most of the time." I mumble, which is true. People don't know where to draw lines. "I'm tired of being the centre of attention for things I can't help."

That's not counting my outfit, which I'm also kind of regretting wearing, as I didn't put the message across that well. But it was an in the moment thing and I assumed most people would understand it from just glancing. I guess my expectations are too high.

"Really? I kind of love it." Osiris smiles. "It's one of the only benefits I get from my stupid fucking legs."

He's...definitely more positive than I am. I never look for the positives, but are there even any? Why do I always hyperfixate on the negatives?

"I'm glad you've harvested something good from your shitty situation."

We go back to silence, as I let the thoughts brood over my mind. I haven't suddenly changed because of Osiris, but I wish I could be as...content with my side effects that come wou my disability like Osiris is. Or at least be able to act like I am (if he is). Maybe it's worth the effort to try. But that also sounds exhausting, so I'll probably just...stay the same old Nefeli.

"Well, if anyone else pisses you off, I'll run them over for you." Osiris smiles.

"And I'll strangle them for you." I smile too.

The wind picks up a little bit, harshly stabbing into our skin. As I walk back, I think back to our conversation. I like Osiris actually. I know I wanted to go alone and be a lone wolf villainesque type of character, but maybe trying to stick with Osiris would be a good idea too. I need at least one friend here…


Tiara Christal

00:47

I lift my dainty fingers from the key and turn to the audience, to hear a few measly claps. I just finished such a beautiful piano solo to have nobody cheer for me...maybe they didn't appreciate it as much as I thought they would. Was I just disrupting their fun time with my soppy and sad classical music? Or can they just not stand me and don't want to applaud?

But as I look around a little bit more, I realise that most people have left by now. When I started, everyone was here, but I guess they didn't want to stick around. They don't have to stay here...so hopefully they didn't do it just to hurt me.

I step off the stage, feeling a little bit down. I thought this would be a fun night, but I guess not. Socialising is meant to be like my thing, but everybody is just keeping to their own friend groups. Is there no space for me anywhere? I keep drifting between the groups but I never feel welcome.

Fuck them all.

I still have Lycoris though. He's alone on the dancefloor, but he's clapping and cheering the loudest. I'm happy he's so supportive and sweet to me, but I don't like how he's taking me to be an idiot. Does he think I wouldn't notice how kindly he's been talking to everyone else? Am I the only one who's idealistic and naive enough to fall for his bait?

"You were so good up there Tiara! Pure talent." Lycoris tells me, clasping onto my hands. I still giggle stupidly even though I'm in such a mood. It's a reflex reaction at this point.

"I couldn't have done without you cheering me on though." I smile, letting my fingers crawl up his arms. We embrace each other, but the entire time I hold him, I think of King. He said he'd be ok with this...but is he really ok with this? Am I hurting him by keeping up this shitty act that I don't even believe in?

We slowly careen around for a bit. It'd be like so cute to watch us, but nobody is. We're probably the only ones in the hall now. What a fucking dissapointment.

Lycoris eventually speaks up again, as the song comes to a close. "I was wondering...if you'd like to take our relationship further."

"Further?" I ask, wondering what he means. I don't like the sound of it.

He nods, showing that ever so charming smile. "Perhaps I could word it better. Would you like to officially start a relationship?"

I...we've been tiptoeing around the question the entire time, but it's obvious it was going to lead to this, right? I giggle again, showing a wide smile. "Of course, silly! I thought we were in a relationship."

The song has finally ended. Lycoris suddenly leans closer to my ear, in a silent whisper. "You don't have to lie to me though. How are we meant to have a relationship with no trust in it?"

"Lie? I'm not lying." I say, but I don't even sound sure.

Lycoris laughs at me saying this. Eww, it's so...condescending. You're not like some mastermind just because you made one correct guess. "You are. I see how hesitant you are…and I don't want to force you into anything."

I frown, pushing him away slightly. "But I've given consent! What's the point of asking me then if you won't take my word?"

"Because you've been sending a lot of mixed messages. You've avoided me for most of the night, when we should be capitalising on this opportunity." Lycoris shrugs. Why is he like this? He doesn't have to act all mysterious. "Please just tell me how you truly feel."

But I don't want to! Why can't I just...pretend like I'm fine with it? Why can't we just ignore all this uncertainty and act as if it doesn't exist? Why does he even truly care? We've known each other for like two days now, this relationship will crash in rocky waters soon anyway!

I whisper to him, so the cameras can't pick it up. "I just wanted to start a showmance, ok? Is that such a big deal?"

Lycoris takes a step back, but he doesn't look too shocked. He steps back and whispers to me too. "No...I'm perfectly content with starting a showmance too."

I feel the heavy stone lifted off my shoulder. I could have just asked him all along…I had assumed he'd like…not want to put the effort in and it'd be more convincing if it was real, but we could put the work in still.

And with that, he walks away. I'm just dancing on my own now, but...I feel a lot more pleased. I've been honest to him and he's been open back, so I don't have to lie to him anymore. Setting the details of this 'relationship' is probably better than just not actually talking to each other.

But...I'm still not happy. Why not? I sit down, my back against the stage, looking down at the floor. I can't seem to figure out why. No reasons come to my head. I'm just...dissatisfied I guess.

I can't tell if the night ended on a sweet or sour note. I'll have to think about it when I'm in a better mood, maybe tomorrow. And I'll have to speak to Lycoris a little bit more obviously, about our showmance plans. We can't go in without thinking things through. How exciting...