"Yuki…"
Hearing him speak my name so softly, I mirrored his smile, reaching out to touch my fingertips against his hand for closeness however Itachi instantly opened his fingers and held my hand in his, the two of us now completely ignoring the stars to simply look at one another. This was the life I had wanted, and I was glad to be able to live through it, even if it were a dream and if it meant I could grant Itachi even a small degree of happiness, then it was worth losing my eyesight for.
Together Itachi and I grew older with Sasuke, and I basked in the contentedness of my peaceful joy. "Yuki darling! Your papa is home!" Lifting my head from where I waited on the front porch, I stood up when my father came grinning down the path, waving at me goofily as he had done all my life. Seeing him each and every day, alive, happy…I never grew tired of it.
"Welcome home papa." Laughing he rushed the last few metres in order to sweep me up into his arms and spun me around like a spinning top.
"Ah my cute little Yuki is so good to her papa, always waiting to greet me home like a good little girl! I'm so happy I have such a loving daughter, I'm the luckiest papa in the world!" He celebrated as he rubbed his bearded jaw against my cheek in a familiar scratch. In the old days I would have become exasperated at such overt displays of affection at such an age, but now that I knew the value of precious time, I was never the first one to pull away.
"Yuuto dear, you'll crush her to death if you carry on like that." My mother scolded lightly as she walked out of the house to greet him home. "Besides, a young woman like Miyuki doesn't need to be coddled by her father all the time, she's too polite to tell you but it is very embarrassing!"
"No! Miyuki doesn't mind, eh Yuki? You love your papa more than any other man in the world, so it doesn't matter if she never gets married." Beaming at me, I only snuggled a little closer to my father, his clean scent comforting and nostalgic.
"I do not mind."
"See Hanami? Yuki loves her papa."
"Mother too." I added, holding out a hand towards my mother who chuckled prettily before joining our embrace. These moments became prized treasures in my heart to be carried for the rest of my life without ever forgetting a single moment or detail therein. Of course, my father hoped that I would never marry and stay home forever, but my mother insisted that I should be free to make my own decisions. It was when Itachi, in this dream world, reached the age of eighteen that Fugaka broached the subject of our betrothal once more, this time wanting to push forwards for the marriage contract.
My father actually cried at the thought of possibly losing me as we all sat together around a table whilst Sasuke was out on a mission with his team, allowing us privacy to talk openly. "Buy Yuki is my only little girl, I couldn't possibly give her away." Sobbing almost comically, my father flung his arms around me and wailed into my lap until my mother smacked him over the head and forced him to sit upright.
"Have a little dignity Yuuto, Yuki is not a doll!" Snivelling with a pout, my father folded his arms stubbornly.
"She's my precious little princess." I could not help it, I giggled a little, looking at my father with deep founded love.
"It is alright, papa." Wanting to reassure him I placed my hand over his which immediately brightened his spirits as Fugaka cleared his throat and Mikoto smiled warmly.
"As I was saying…it is clearly the right course of action. Itachi is heir to the Uchiha clan after I retire, and Miyuki is a direct descendant from Madara, our founder. Such a bloodline match will benefit all in the clan, and it is clear that the two have affections for one another." Fugaka reasoned eloquently, thinking predominantly of strengthening our bloodlines by uniting Itachi and myself in marriage.
"Father." Itachi sighed, eyes closed as he listened to the conversation as it had flown back and forth. "You are yet to ask how Yuki-chan feels about this."
"Hm? She has never complained about the arrangement before, and you two have been betrothed since you were very small. Itachi, it is your duty and responsibility to marry Miyuki, otherwise you shall jeopardise her reputation and stain your honour. You have no choice in this matter." Itachi looked as if he had more to say, but I could sense an argument beginning to brew, so to keep the peace, I spoke up of my own volition.
"I am willing to enter into this contract." All eyes turned to stare at me. I did not flinch, merely returned their gazes in turn. "I will be a good wife to Itachi. I will cook his meals and maintain our home, carry the accounts and always be faithful to him. I have little else to offer other than myself. Is this acceptable to you, Fugaka-sama?"
"Yuki!" Itachi seemed astonished and even blushed deeply, reaching across the table to take my hand. "You do not have to force yourself to do this Yuki, our betrothal was never formal, only inferred. If you are unwilling then there is no need for you to appease everyone else." I kept my hand still on the table where he was grasping it strongly but not painfully. I wonder why Itachi was so opposed to us becoming husband and wife. When we were younger, he used to tell me how he planned to take care of me for the rest of my life until I was as happy as a lazy fat cat.
"Am I unappealing to you, Tachi?" Eyes widening in alarm, he quickly shook his head fervently.
"No, that's not it Yuki. It's just…" His eyes became distant then, and for a moment I felt as if he were embroiled in painful thoughts before he removed them from his mind and simply seemed to carry a heavy sadness within him. "I…I just do not feel ready to be married." There was something more to this, that much I could sense but I did not wish to ask him in front of everyone else. Therefore, I pulled my hand away from him and rose to my feet with a sharp rush.
"Walk with me Tachi." Inviting him to follow me, I went outside in order to walk the gardens but once Itachi was beside me, I took his hand to flicker out of sight away from our parents so that we could speak privately without being overheard. I brought us to the forest and stopped once we had reached one of my favourite places to go. It was a tall, rounded and filled with luscious grass at the top and surrounded by a fragrant bouquet of flowers at its base. "Itachi, what are you real reservations?" Although alone, Itachi still would not look at me, bowing his head low to purposefully avoid my eyes. "Tachi." Still no response. "Tachi!" Grasping hold of his arms I gave him a single shake, alarming him at my sudden movement that he stepped backwards.
The strong, jerking motion he made was enough to topple his balance, only one foot upon the ground before my own momentum pushed us over and we crashed against one another as we both hit the ground then tumbled speedily down the sloping hill, grunting and flinching until I sensed us begin to slow. I landed upon my back and Itachi followed me, planting his hands down in a bid to stop himself. For a moment I was a little disorientated, blinking dazedly upwards as my hair lay in a snowy halo around my head from where it had come free of its knot.
Flowers surrounded us, filling the air with a subtle aroma of sweetness and I could feel the petals as they brushed against my skin like natural silk. Itachi was directly above me, eyes so close to each other that I could see the almost imperceptible shades of grey and black in his irises. My heart fluttered like the wings of a butterfly, a knot of warmth twisting in the pit of my belly as I found myself unwittingly holding my breath. A sense of affinity seemed to bubble within me, forming a chain which wound itself around the two of us and brought us closer together than it did anyone else, closer even than Sasuke, for I was beginning to understand that my feelings about Itachi were different to how I felt about Sasuke.
Lifting my head off the floral ground I moved a little closer to Itachi, a strange primal instinct driving me towards him, however before my eyes had even fluttered closed, Itachi had flickered out of sight and placed several feet distance between us. His back was turned towards me as I blinked in surprise then sat up, frowning for a moment before gradually climbing to my feet. "I'm sorry Yuki, but I do not feel that way towards you." Suddenly, I felt as if each word were a kunai that had been driven into my entire body. "I have only ever seen you as my sister." So that was why he did not wish for us to be married, because he does not feel romantically inclined towards me. Perhaps there is such a thing as spending too much time together.
Crushed and inexplicably heartbroken, it was in the moment of my rejection that I realised I had loved Itachi at all. It was a cruel moment, and for once I cursed my perfect memory, for I knew I would always be able to remember how this felt. This terrible sense of sinking forever into the ground and falling into oblivion, of having the breath stolen from your lungs without having suffered physical injury. Still, no matter how terrible it felt and how much it simply hurt to not be able to have the depths of my feelings returned, I steeled myself with a firm resolve to not break down in front of Itachi. Instead I turned myself away from him so that I could hide my face and flung out a hand, altering the flow of the Tsykuyomi and a pulse of red light burst outwards, causing everything to ripple for a few moments until it once more settled.
"I have remedied the situation. We shall no longer be bothered by our parents' intentions to unite our families." I do not know how I was able to control my voice, though perhaps it was more lifeless than usual, at least I had had many years practice in maintaining a plain and unemotional demeanour. It served me well in that moment, so when Itachi turned around to apologise, even coming over to touch my shoulder, I brushed it aside and faced him, even managing a smile. "I did not know it was not your wish, Tachi. I apologise. We will continue as if it never were."
"Yuki…"
"This is still a dream, so you are free to love and marry as you wish. Izumi still has feelings for you, if it interests you."
"Miyuki…"
"I have also only ever seen you as a brother, so this arrangement suits us well. You should go now, Sasuke will return home soon. He will wonder where you are." Never had I talked so much in such a small space of time, I was even a little breathless by the end. Twisting my smile into what I hoped to be a passable smile, I reached up to draw my hair aside as the wind blew it across my face. "Farewell Itachi, I shall see you soon." Then I fled. I could not help myself, for even though I felt like a coward for running away, I was so afraid that if I did not leave quickly then all of my emotions would rip themselves out of my chest and lay themselves bear.
Moving as quickly as I could I did not stop until I was a safe distance away, stopping at the Uchiha lake and walking down the wooden pier to stand and watch the water's surface. I stared blankly ahead, not taking in any of my surroundings as I replayed Itachi's words in my mind. This was my genjutsu, yet I was the one who was suffering for it. Slowly I became aware of something wet and warm trailing down my cheeks, and for a moment I thought it might be raining, but when I tasted salt upon my tongue I touched my fingers to my face and drew them away to see clear droplets.
Tears. At first I was shocked, quickly touching my face with my other hand only to receive the same result. They were flowing uncontrollably, endlessly and as I felt them continue to fall, I realised that this was possibly the first time I had cried real tears in my entire life. My parents had told me that I never cried as a child, which had worried them for a long while, though I also remembered never crying, merely making sounds when I wanted something. I was amazed at the sensation of their existence, how the continually bloomed like budding flowers before each crystalline droplet fell away like a wilted petal.
So, this was the depths of sorrow, to lose the person I loved most in the world. Had I not already known the death of my parents, I had no doubt that this would have been the moment I awakened my Mangekyo Sharingan. Perhaps it sounded overly exaggerated, and to many others they might understand being distraught at rejection, but for an Uchiha…well. We felt deeper. Hurt longer. Things like this were worse than were we to cut off one of our own limbs.
As my tears increased so did my breathing, rapidly accelerating until I was wheezing from the effort, clutching my face in my hands as I sobbed with mournful cries until I simply could bear it no longer. I dropped to my knees and hunched over, fully immersing my head into my arms and gripping at my hair to weep until I had no strength left, merely lay there on the pier with my head on one arm, partially hanging over the edge in order to stare at my own reflection and watch the ripples that my tears created as they dripped downwards. I never knew such misery was possible, did other men and women truly feel like this when they were rejected by the one they loved? I did not want to eat, I did not want to move, I just wanted to lay uselessly as I was even as the night became cold.
Eventually I was able to drag myself home, but not of my own willpower, more like natural routine of muscle memory acting on my behalf to ensure that I was home at a certain time. I was silent in my movements, drifting through the house as I began my evening routine with neither of my parents noticing that anything was wrong, allowing me to continue onwards until I was safely hidden under the cover of my bed where I stayed for the next week or so, feigning illness just so that I did not have to move. I needed time. Time to restructure myself, then I will be able to face him again, and I can focus on providing him with the life that he deserves.
Even if I cannot have him, I want Itachi to know ultimate happiness however I can. So I shall focus upon that, and think nothing more of the intensity of this ache in my chest, which I would carry with me for the remainder of my days throughout the Tsykuyomi.
