Different Tune to the Same Song
By: Shadout Mapes
Chapter 8: The Rings
AN: Well, for the longest time, I sorta dropped outta the fanfiction groove, since FFN has become a MAJOR BITCH lately. But now I decided after seeing the author's notes I decided I'ddo y'all a favor by adding my inept (or as the author said; "comedic mastermind", though modesty forbids me...), uhhmm, comedy. I may even go back on my Sex, Pipe-Weed, and Rock n' Roll (my own fic, I'm sure you can find it yourself). Well, here goes.
Gandalf was pissed. Or was it mega-pissed? No, no, pissed will do. Damn highschoolers. And that hick, the Bombadillo guy.
As luck would have it, Tom Bombadil drove up then in his pimp van, and opened up the door, letting out quite a bit of smoke. A really annoying rock song was playing on the radio, Tom's signature tune, "Hey doll! merry doll! ring a dong dillo!/Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!/Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!"
Despite being hungry, cold, hot, and, uhh, full at the same time, the rescue-ees all were apprehensive about going into the vehicle. And Sauron had snapped out of the daze from earlier (the pain was still there) from the song, and lashed out.
"Turn the goddamned thing down!"
"But it's just getting to the good part..." Tom argued, as the song said something about a 'Goldberry Goldberry merry yellow berry-o!"
However, after turning his head and seeing the numerous angry faces staring at him, he got an embarrassed look on his face. "Man guys, I let you come to my trailer and stay for a while, and you guys thank me like this…"
It was only a 30 minute drive to the local hospital, where they got everything straightened out with the police, and got everyone food and mended their boo-boos. I'm bad at this, so anyways, in the hospital, the doctor had finished up with the hobbits, and saw Sauron.
"Excuse me, sweetie, did you get hurt out there, too?" This, despite making everyone else in Middle-Earth laugh, did not amuse Sauron.
"I'm just fine."
"Are you sure? You're limping! And… is that a bruise on your neck?" Sauron turned bright red, not previously noticing the hickey. The nurse suddenly got a serious face, "Oh, you poor dear, are there troubles at home?" This didn't help his embarrassment.
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
Her voice decreased in volume, "Ohh, you poor little dear, tell me, who hits you, your mother or your father?"
"MY FATHER'S DEAD!"
"Oh, you poor, poor dear!"
Gandalf decided that he'd bail Sauron out now, because his godlike wizard senses told him there was no more humor left in the situation.
"Oh, it's alright, my friend here just walked into a door, and you know how it is." The nurse seemed to totally forget about the prior conversation.
"Ohh, walked into a door, of course, I should've known!" She walked away, having served her purpose as a pawn in my little game. I think I'm supposed to laugh maniacally now.
Anyhow, the gang got back to school. Long story short, they had sorta kinda gotten back to their regular niche. God, I'm bad at this. Well, long story short, Sauron was back on finding the ring.
"Okay, Morally Bankrupt Nome, let's review. We lost ALL the rings except the ones on the Nazgul… I have a giant hickey on my neck which, if seen by my Wringwraiths, they might betray me… and finally, Celeborn ratted to the campus police that I kicked him out, so now he has to be here, too."
"Hey! I have to sleep somewhere!" Sauron cringed.
"Shut up and get back under the bed!" He sighed. "Wait… come here Celeborn." Celeborn just whimpered. He sighed, and called out, "Unholy keepers on my power!" Immediately nine motorcycles drove up outside the dorm, and nine goth guys dressed in black came in through the window.
"Get Celeborn out from under the bed." The whimpering increased as Celeborn was dragged out. "Thank you, my servants." He walked up to Celeborn, grabbed his hand, and pulled off the ring.
"Of course, I should've thought of it before! Whilst I cannot get the One Ring, I can in the meanwhile collect all the others!"
"What's up with the Brit accent?" asked Saruman, somehow in the room.
"Shut the fuck up, Saruman!" He turned to Celeborn, "Who did you give the other two rings?"
"Uhh…. Uhh… Elrond and Galadriel…" He was sweating out of the wazoo.
"Hey, Saruman, what's a wazoo?"
"Hell if I know."
"Right! Saruman, I need your help, I need you to get the ring from Elrond. You can take the Nome with you. I'll deal with Galadriel. Nazgul! You guys find out where the other seven were."
"Okay, Nome. I'll keep radio contact with you. You wear this sneaking suit. You codename is Solid Snake, mine is Colonel Campbell. You need to get into Elrond's apartment, call me on Codec when you arrive. Any questions?"
"Colonel! Are you not telling me the whole truth!"
"This isn't going to be a spoof of the entire videogame, dumbass!" Saruman yelled. You see, he's a whiny bitch.
The Nome went out onto the side of the building and shimmied his way to Elrond's window. "This is Solid Snake, I'm on check point."
"Roger, Snake. I see age hasn't slowed you down one bit. I'll provide distraction effort. Over."
"Elrond is in his dorm, proceed with distraction, over and out."
Elrond was sitting on his desk, staring at the ring. It was a beautiful ring. Yes, it was his ring. A nice one, indeed. Beautiful. Such a faithful ring. He must never abandon it.
The door knocked. Odd. There it goes again. Doesn't that mean something? Ohh yes, someone's on the other side. Always a clever door, it was. Beautiful door.
He opened it up, and Saruman was on the other side. He managed to snap Elrond out of his daze with his whiny bitchiness.
"Hey! Elrond! Wanna go for a pub at the local bar! Or better, strip club!"
"What the hell Saruman, I barely know you, except when Gandalf gets drunk and talks about that time you got drunk and tried to have se-"
"GANDY PROMISED NEVER TO SPEAK OF IT!" Then he saw the Nome going through the window, and remembered the mission.
"Oh, well, Gandy, that silly old prankster, we have a thing going, you see-" he was interrupted by a giant crash coming from Elrond's dorm. Elrond started to turn around, but Saruman quickly grabbed him and turned him away.
"So do you want to go to a pub or a strip club? Do ya?!" Another crash and what sounded like an explosion went off behind Elrond.
"What was..?"
"Huh? What are you talking about Elrond? Are you hearing things? I think you need a drink! Maybe at the local pub!" The window to Elrond's room broke as the Nome escaped. "Wait! Can't do anything! Gotta go!" Saruman left leaving Elrond confused in his trashed up room.
Elrond turned around, facing the room, there were things strewn everywhere, and his toy rockets had gone off, leaving fire in a few places.
"WHAT THE HELL?!!" Elrond exclaimed at the sight. "WHERE'S MY RING!"
Saruman laughed at the sound of Elrond's screaming. "Ah, that was a lot of fun," he said to the Nome. He picked up the school newspaper and read through it.
There was a very interesting article in the school paper on this day. It involved many of the members of the Dwarves' Male Soccer Team. It seems as though seven of them werebeaten up. They claimed something was stolen at first, but when asked what, they denied it, and then muttered something about "They just want it for themselves." Why seven dwarves said this at the same time is beyond me, but whatever.
Sauron had been standing in front of Galadriel's door for about an hour now. He finally decided to knock and get the ring back.
He cleared his throat and said in a deep voice, to practice what to say, "Look Galadriel, I understand that Celeborn gave you a ring, and since I don't want to hurt you, I'd like to ask kindly that you give it back."
Then the door opened, and wen Sauron saw her face, he melted. "Sauron?" She gave a large (and very sexy, if I may say so myself) grin. "Came back for more?"
Sauron immediately tensed up. "Uhh, well, you see, uhh… well, Celeborn told me that-"
"Oh, don't mind him, he gets a little boring for my tastes," she winked.
Sauron's left leg gave out.
"Woah, sorry, I, uhh…" She grinned, and helped him up.
"Come in," she smiled and led him to her couch. "Now what were you saying?"
"Eheh… well, Celeborn gave you this ring, you see, and, well, it was my ring first and I really really want it back…"
Galadriel did the ol' puppy eyes trick. "Aww, but it was such a pretty ring! How about you let me keep it and I'll consider it a gift? Pleaaase?"
Sauron sat there, his arms crossed tightly over his lap (you don't want to know why), and was sweating out of the wazoo.
"Well, uh… wait a second! I'm not putting up with this anymore! What the fuck is a wazoo?!!"
Galadriel's grin turned into a smile. "I can show you!"
"Huh? Wait! Wait! WAIT! NO! What the hell?!! What's wrong with you?! Do you carry a chain wherever you go?!!!"
AN: Well, It'll prolly be a mellinea until I update this again, so, we'll see what happens, eh?
By: Shadout Mapes
Chapter 8: The Rings
AN: Well, for the longest time, I sorta dropped outta the fanfiction groove, since FFN has become a MAJOR BITCH lately. But now I decided after seeing the author's notes I decided I'ddo y'all a favor by adding my inept (or as the author said; "comedic mastermind", though modesty forbids me...), uhhmm, comedy. I may even go back on my Sex, Pipe-Weed, and Rock n' Roll (my own fic, I'm sure you can find it yourself). Well, here goes.
Gandalf was pissed. Or was it mega-pissed? No, no, pissed will do. Damn highschoolers. And that hick, the Bombadillo guy.
As luck would have it, Tom Bombadil drove up then in his pimp van, and opened up the door, letting out quite a bit of smoke. A really annoying rock song was playing on the radio, Tom's signature tune, "Hey doll! merry doll! ring a dong dillo!/Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!/Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!"
Despite being hungry, cold, hot, and, uhh, full at the same time, the rescue-ees all were apprehensive about going into the vehicle. And Sauron had snapped out of the daze from earlier (the pain was still there) from the song, and lashed out.
"Turn the goddamned thing down!"
"But it's just getting to the good part..." Tom argued, as the song said something about a 'Goldberry Goldberry merry yellow berry-o!"
However, after turning his head and seeing the numerous angry faces staring at him, he got an embarrassed look on his face. "Man guys, I let you come to my trailer and stay for a while, and you guys thank me like this…"
It was only a 30 minute drive to the local hospital, where they got everything straightened out with the police, and got everyone food and mended their boo-boos. I'm bad at this, so anyways, in the hospital, the doctor had finished up with the hobbits, and saw Sauron.
"Excuse me, sweetie, did you get hurt out there, too?" This, despite making everyone else in Middle-Earth laugh, did not amuse Sauron.
"I'm just fine."
"Are you sure? You're limping! And… is that a bruise on your neck?" Sauron turned bright red, not previously noticing the hickey. The nurse suddenly got a serious face, "Oh, you poor dear, are there troubles at home?" This didn't help his embarrassment.
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
Her voice decreased in volume, "Ohh, you poor little dear, tell me, who hits you, your mother or your father?"
"MY FATHER'S DEAD!"
"Oh, you poor, poor dear!"
Gandalf decided that he'd bail Sauron out now, because his godlike wizard senses told him there was no more humor left in the situation.
"Oh, it's alright, my friend here just walked into a door, and you know how it is." The nurse seemed to totally forget about the prior conversation.
"Ohh, walked into a door, of course, I should've known!" She walked away, having served her purpose as a pawn in my little game. I think I'm supposed to laugh maniacally now.
Anyhow, the gang got back to school. Long story short, they had sorta kinda gotten back to their regular niche. God, I'm bad at this. Well, long story short, Sauron was back on finding the ring.
"Okay, Morally Bankrupt Nome, let's review. We lost ALL the rings except the ones on the Nazgul… I have a giant hickey on my neck which, if seen by my Wringwraiths, they might betray me… and finally, Celeborn ratted to the campus police that I kicked him out, so now he has to be here, too."
"Hey! I have to sleep somewhere!" Sauron cringed.
"Shut up and get back under the bed!" He sighed. "Wait… come here Celeborn." Celeborn just whimpered. He sighed, and called out, "Unholy keepers on my power!" Immediately nine motorcycles drove up outside the dorm, and nine goth guys dressed in black came in through the window.
"Get Celeborn out from under the bed." The whimpering increased as Celeborn was dragged out. "Thank you, my servants." He walked up to Celeborn, grabbed his hand, and pulled off the ring.
"Of course, I should've thought of it before! Whilst I cannot get the One Ring, I can in the meanwhile collect all the others!"
"What's up with the Brit accent?" asked Saruman, somehow in the room.
"Shut the fuck up, Saruman!" He turned to Celeborn, "Who did you give the other two rings?"
"Uhh…. Uhh… Elrond and Galadriel…" He was sweating out of the wazoo.
"Hey, Saruman, what's a wazoo?"
"Hell if I know."
"Right! Saruman, I need your help, I need you to get the ring from Elrond. You can take the Nome with you. I'll deal with Galadriel. Nazgul! You guys find out where the other seven were."
"Okay, Nome. I'll keep radio contact with you. You wear this sneaking suit. You codename is Solid Snake, mine is Colonel Campbell. You need to get into Elrond's apartment, call me on Codec when you arrive. Any questions?"
"Colonel! Are you not telling me the whole truth!"
"This isn't going to be a spoof of the entire videogame, dumbass!" Saruman yelled. You see, he's a whiny bitch.
The Nome went out onto the side of the building and shimmied his way to Elrond's window. "This is Solid Snake, I'm on check point."
"Roger, Snake. I see age hasn't slowed you down one bit. I'll provide distraction effort. Over."
"Elrond is in his dorm, proceed with distraction, over and out."
Elrond was sitting on his desk, staring at the ring. It was a beautiful ring. Yes, it was his ring. A nice one, indeed. Beautiful. Such a faithful ring. He must never abandon it.
The door knocked. Odd. There it goes again. Doesn't that mean something? Ohh yes, someone's on the other side. Always a clever door, it was. Beautiful door.
He opened it up, and Saruman was on the other side. He managed to snap Elrond out of his daze with his whiny bitchiness.
"Hey! Elrond! Wanna go for a pub at the local bar! Or better, strip club!"
"What the hell Saruman, I barely know you, except when Gandalf gets drunk and talks about that time you got drunk and tried to have se-"
"GANDY PROMISED NEVER TO SPEAK OF IT!" Then he saw the Nome going through the window, and remembered the mission.
"Oh, well, Gandy, that silly old prankster, we have a thing going, you see-" he was interrupted by a giant crash coming from Elrond's dorm. Elrond started to turn around, but Saruman quickly grabbed him and turned him away.
"So do you want to go to a pub or a strip club? Do ya?!" Another crash and what sounded like an explosion went off behind Elrond.
"What was..?"
"Huh? What are you talking about Elrond? Are you hearing things? I think you need a drink! Maybe at the local pub!" The window to Elrond's room broke as the Nome escaped. "Wait! Can't do anything! Gotta go!" Saruman left leaving Elrond confused in his trashed up room.
Elrond turned around, facing the room, there were things strewn everywhere, and his toy rockets had gone off, leaving fire in a few places.
"WHAT THE HELL?!!" Elrond exclaimed at the sight. "WHERE'S MY RING!"
Saruman laughed at the sound of Elrond's screaming. "Ah, that was a lot of fun," he said to the Nome. He picked up the school newspaper and read through it.
There was a very interesting article in the school paper on this day. It involved many of the members of the Dwarves' Male Soccer Team. It seems as though seven of them werebeaten up. They claimed something was stolen at first, but when asked what, they denied it, and then muttered something about "They just want it for themselves." Why seven dwarves said this at the same time is beyond me, but whatever.
Sauron had been standing in front of Galadriel's door for about an hour now. He finally decided to knock and get the ring back.
He cleared his throat and said in a deep voice, to practice what to say, "Look Galadriel, I understand that Celeborn gave you a ring, and since I don't want to hurt you, I'd like to ask kindly that you give it back."
Then the door opened, and wen Sauron saw her face, he melted. "Sauron?" She gave a large (and very sexy, if I may say so myself) grin. "Came back for more?"
Sauron immediately tensed up. "Uhh, well, you see, uhh… well, Celeborn told me that-"
"Oh, don't mind him, he gets a little boring for my tastes," she winked.
Sauron's left leg gave out.
"Woah, sorry, I, uhh…" She grinned, and helped him up.
"Come in," she smiled and led him to her couch. "Now what were you saying?"
"Eheh… well, Celeborn gave you this ring, you see, and, well, it was my ring first and I really really want it back…"
Galadriel did the ol' puppy eyes trick. "Aww, but it was such a pretty ring! How about you let me keep it and I'll consider it a gift? Pleaaase?"
Sauron sat there, his arms crossed tightly over his lap (you don't want to know why), and was sweating out of the wazoo.
"Well, uh… wait a second! I'm not putting up with this anymore! What the fuck is a wazoo?!!"
Galadriel's grin turned into a smile. "I can show you!"
"Huh? Wait! Wait! WAIT! NO! What the hell?!! What's wrong with you?! Do you carry a chain wherever you go?!!!"
AN: Well, It'll prolly be a mellinea until I update this again, so, we'll see what happens, eh?