Honest to Dios

Chapter 3: Mercy, Mercy!

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRR!"

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"EEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKK!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAATTTTTTSSSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPLLLLLL!!!"

The horrible screams resonated throughout the halls of Ohtori Academy.

"I really have no idea why girls scream at me when I walk by them," Akio commented nonchalantly to Chu-chu as they walked to his office in order to prepare for the fight with Anthy and Utena. "After all, though I am a bishounen, I don't sparkle at all!" Akio grimaced at this fact. "It's just not fair!"

Chu-chu made no comment. (He didn't really care.)

Akio had an epiphany. "I know! After I show those upstart wenches who is boss, I'll make my wish and I will wish to become the most sparkling bishounen of all time! I will become the most adored character with my blinding brilliance! Yes! I will wish for that!"

"CHHUUUUUU!!!!" Chu-chu chastised his partner in war.

"Ah….ahhhh…Of course! I'll wish for bananas too! Um…Lots of bananas!!!!"

"Chu," said Chu-chu, satisfied.

Inside the Chairman's office, Chu-chu and Akio sipped random iced-drinks and sat opposite each other. Akio set his drink down for a moment.

"Now, my friend, to business!!! You must tell me this devious plan of yours that will lead us to glorious victory, as well as to our dreams!!"

"Chu."

**********

"Oi, Himemiya. I'm not so sure about this…" Utena trailed off as she gazed into the mirror at the outfit Anthy assured her would be Akio's undoing. And maybe Chu-chu's as well.

"Don't worry, Utena-sama," Anthy said smiling creepily. "It will work out fine. Onii-sama will never be able to concentrate on fighting us when he sees you!"

"Hmmmm…." Utena grumbled, unsure if she would be able to either.

"And everything else is going great! But are you sure we can't use those nuclear warheads I found?" Anthy asked.

"Um, no," Utena said, casting a worried glance at Himemiya before turning back to her reflection. "Ne, Himemiya," Utena said, "can I just ask you something?"

"Hai?"

"Why a reindeer?"

"Isn't everyone afraid of reindeer?" Anthy blinked.

"Uhhhh…Not…that I am aware of…" was Utena's reply.

Utena shook her head. "Well, never mind. I guess it doesn't really matter so long as it works, right."

Anthy smiled again. "Hai."

Utena grinned devilishly. "Now hand me some of those roman candles!"

Anthy smiled again, and she looked super-freakytm. "Here you go Utena-sama."

"Gwa hee hee!" Utena laughed. "At last we'll reveal ourselves to the Jedi! At last we will have revenge!"

"Uhhh," Anthy stated.

"Oops! Wrong line!" Utena gasped. "Oh, well." She began to rig the dynamite to their master contraption.

"Tee hee," Anthy giggled. "This will be fun! Tee heee heeee heee!"

"Oi," Utena rolled her eyes.

***********

"Well! Are you BLEEPING ready to face US!!" Akio shouted at his opponents.

"What was that bleep?" Utena asked.

Akio sighed. "I was swearing but I couldn't think of anything better to say, so I said BLEEP because it made it seem as if I said something too horrible for this parody." Akio said as if he was explaining it to a small child.

"Don't condescend to me you BLEEPING BLEEEEEP!" Utena bleeped back.

"Oooo! I'm scared! Nyaaahh nyaahhh!" Akio cried, dancing around and sticking out his tongue.

"Enough of this childishness!" Anthy said, surprising everyone. Battle-lust was in her eyes. "Let's begin!"

She took out their device the "Super-weapon-o-get-Akio/onii-sama-and–that-traitor-Chu-chu-too" and aimed it at Chu-chu and Akio.

"Eeek!" Akio shrank back. "I'm impressed, but our plan is better!" Chu-chu pulled a curtain back, revealing a room full of giggling girls in skimpy outfits. They were sipping random iced drinks and eating bananas.

"Join us or die! And you know you want to join us!"

"That's your ingenious plan!?" Utena laughed.

"No," Akio motioned to Chu-chu. "This is." Chu-chu sweated as he rolled forward two very deadly looking missiles.

"Hey!" Anthy protested. "You stole those nuclear warheads from me!"
Akio shrugged. "Oops," he yawned. "Now! Surrender!"
"Never! Utena-sama, quickly, the SECRET WEAPON!"
Utena fidgeted and looked and the ground. "Himemiya, no."

"Utena-sama!?"

"It's…embarrassing."

"But, Utena-sama. At this rate, our torture device won't beat them! Not while they have my missiles!"
"Ha…hai," Utena sighed and quickly donned her reindeer outfit, complete with a large red nose.

"Ma…mamamama…ma…sa…ka*…" Akio stammered. Then, to Utena's surprise he began to wail. "Waaaaaahhhhh!"

"Nani!? He's crying!? Naze?"

Anthy smiled. "It's simple. Tell her why onii-sama."

"I hate Santa-Claus! I hate Christmas. And I'm…I'm afraid of reindeer!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Soo…" Utena sweatdropped.

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! NOW WE WILL KILL YOU!" Anthy cried.

She reached for the activation button on their "Super-weapon-o-get-Akio/onii-sama-and-that-traitor-Chu-chu-too" device, but then a booming voice stopped her.

"YAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEETTTTTTEEEEE!" cried the voice.

"Huh," Anthy breathed. "Dios!"

"Uh-oh," Akio whined.

*ma sa ka means 'impossible' here.

Naze means 'why'

Yamete means 'stop' (For those who don't know)

Don't miss the touching conclusion to Honest to Dios in Chapter 4: The Wishy