Hurrah! Update!

I'm so so sorry that I haven't updated for months… blame an insane college term and getting a new job :P

Anyway, the next chapter should be up in a few weeks time. I want to get it all done and dusted during the holidays so work doesn't interfere with my writing.

DISCLAIMER: The Matrix and all it's characters belong to WB and I am not making one single penny out of this. Characters not in The Matrix belong to me. Whatever.

DEDICATION: To everyone who reads this or even just reads the summary. Well, it's Christmas J

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Maria gazed thoughtfully at the screens in front of her, eyes flickering to follow the code's movement. Neo stood just behind her, looking hopeful.

"Well?"

She squinted harder at the screen.

"I see… a man walking his dog," she said finally. She wrenched her eyes off the hypnotic screens and looked at Neo. "Am I right?"

He pursed his lips and turned his head to one side. "Sort of. It's a woman."

"Oh."

"And she's with her boyfriend."

"Oh." 

"But you were nearly there," said a voice behind them. Maria turned around and saw Tank wandering up to the console, holding a bowl of slop.

"He sort of looks like a dog. If you squint your eyes a little. Take," he added handing the bowl to Maria. "Eat. Then bed."

Maria took the bowl and wrinkled her nose, then sighed.

"I'm never going to be able to read that code."

"Sure you will," Neo smiled reassuringly at her. "It is complex. It just takes a little time."

Maria jumped off the chair and ate a mouthful of the slop. She made a face.

"I cannot believe that the people who can read a complex code cannot make good food." She took another mouthful and wandered off to her cabin. Neo and Tank smiled after her. Neo suddenly stopped smiling and frowned.

"She's right. Why do we eat that stuff?"

"Because we secretly love it," replied Tank and sat down heavily in Maria's vacated chair. He rubbed a hand over his face and glanced up at Neo. He was starring impassively at the screens.

"How's she doing at reading the code anyway?"

Neo nodded. "Not too badly. Give it another few months and she'll be able to read it fairly well. I hope," he added, eyes still on the screen. Tank watched him for a moment, then leant forward to look at his friend.

"Neo?"

"Mmm?" Neo didn't take his eyes off the screen.

"How are you?"

"How am I?" asked Neo, looking at Tank bewilderedly. "I'm fine."

Tank tilted his head to one side and smiled crookedly. "You're still pissed at Morpheus."

"Why would I be pissed at Morpheus?" said Neo, shifting his feet slightly.

"Because he pulled Maria out, and you don't think it was the right thing."

"Well, he's the captain, I'm sure he knows what he's doing-"

"But you don't agree with it."

Neo sighed heavily and leant against the console. "I don't know, Tank. Was it the right thing to do? You heard her just now…"

Tank narrowed his eyes in thought for a moment, then shook his head. "You've lost me."

Neo rolled his eyes. "She has to eat that shit when other kids are eating… pizza or something."

"What about us? We have to eat that shit and not pizza." Tank paused and looked slightly wistful. "What does it taste like again?"

"Well, it depends what kind you get-" Neo stopped when he realised they had strayed somewhat from what he had been trying to explain.

"Look, you're missing the point, what I mean is-"

"No, Neo, you're missing the point. You are being ageist." Tank turned and started to access places within the Matrix.

Neo stared at him, aghast.

"I'm being what?"

"Ageist. Look, when we brought aboard Auriga, did you or anyone kick up this amount of fuss? No," Tank quickly answered his own question before Neo could interject. "We all accepted that he had made his own decision." He paused for a moment and looked at Neo. "Don't you see? Maria, regardless of how old she is, choose this."

"She didn't know what she was letting herself in for," argued Neo.

"And you did?"

Neo was silent at this. After a long moment, he sighed. "Do you really think she is happier here?" he asked finally.

"I know she is." Tank sighed and leant back in his chair, staring at the screens. "I never used to watch her as much as you did, but I saw enough. I don't think she would have lasted much longer in there. I've seen so many people unplugged, Neo…She's coping better than a lot of people…" Tank's voice trailed off.

Neo swallowed and looked away. He suddenly realised how hard it was for Tank, cooped up in a relatively tiny space, week in, week out. He didn't even have the oblivion of the Matrix to slip into when he needed some air. Everything that happened on board the ship, he knew about. He had no choice.

"You have to believe me. This life is better for her," said Tank and looked back up at Neo. "Why are you so concerned for her, anyway?"

Neo's face remained impassive for a few moments. "She looks a little like my sister did when she was that age," he said finally.

"Ah."

"And I guess she reminds me a little of myself… when I was unplugged I mean."

Tank snorted. "She's taking it a lot better than you did."

"I was a lot older than her."

"Excuses, excuses…" Tank grinned at his friend. "Admit it man, you may be the One, but you're still a wuss."

Neo laughed and then stopped, trying to regain a vague sense of dignity. "I'm not a wuss… I was just unprepared for this life, that's all."

"Just keep telling yourself that."

Neo rolled his eyes and smiled. "Right. Well, on that note, I'm going to bed," he said, patting Tank's arm and heading towards the ladder.

"To sleep?" asked Tank innocently. Neo responded with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Neo?"

"Yeah?" He turned and looked back at Tank.

"Just let her be. She'll be fine. Stop monitoring her every movement."

Neo looked indignant. "I don't monitor her every movement!"

"I clearly heard you ask her if she'd had enough to eat this morning and then you asked Morpheus what she was doing today. Then you spent twenty minutes looking for her because you wanted to know if she had enough blankets…"

"I'm just concerned-"

"You're being an overprotective parent. It's not going to work, you'll drive everyone insane. Especially Maria. You gotta let her be her own person. She'll never learn otherwise."

Neo nodded slowly. "Maybe you're right," he sighed.

"I know I'm right."

Neo shook his head and smiled. "Goodnight, Tank."

"Night," Tank grinned and turned back to the console. He flexed his fingers and started typing again.

* * * * * * *

Maria wandered slowly back to her room, eating the slop Tank had given her. She didn't want to go back to her room. Even if the others were all much older than she was, at least they were human company. When she was in the tiny room by herself, memories came rushing back to her, and she had to stuff her pillow into mouth to suppress the sobs that consumed her. She didn't want the rest of the crew to know how miserable she sometimes felt, especially Neo. She knew that he felt responsible for bringing her here, and it was obvious that he cared for her. Sometimes, she hated his protectiveness, became angry at his concern and just wanted him to leave her alone. Other times it was the only bit of comfort she had.

With a sigh she entered her cabin and climbed on to her cot, wrapping the blanket around her. It was itchy and thin but reminded her of an army blanket her favourite uncle had given her. When she had been younger, he had used it to help her make forts on her bed. Her fake bed, she thought angrily. A fake blanket for a fake bed to make fake forts on. And a fake favourite uncle. He never existed, she thought, desperately fighting the wave of misery threatening to engulf her. I can't miss what never existed…

She had been told that she reacted fairly well to the truth. The main thing that frightened her was the thought of never seeing her family or friends again. At least not in the sense she was used to.

At first she had been incredibly angry with Neo and Trinity for bringing her to this place. It was a white-hot anger, which coursed through her veins, something that she couldn't ignore. Maria had never felt anger like this: she rarely got very angry at all. She had no idea of how to deal with it, and she was afraid to ask; they would all overreact and try to stop her training, and that was one of the things that kept her going.

As soon as she had discovered that she would learn martial arts, Maria had been saving her anger for when she trained. This had lead to several broken wooden pillars in the construct and huge bruises on her hands and feet.

Do you want to be scarred for life? Phoenix had shrieked at her the fourth time she had to be treated with injuries.

Of course, she had replied brightly, leaving Phoenix to mutter something that Maria couldn't catch. Something about youth anyway.

She didn't really want to be scarred for life. But she couldn't really think of any other way to get rid of that anger. It was either letting it out that way or by doing it for real, and something told her she would inflict more damage in the real world than in a construct where the walls could be turned to paper, as they often were. Her training had been a lot gentler than any of the other's, simply because everyone felt bad about fighting a little girl. She had quickly learnt to turn this to her advantage.

But now the anger seemed to be fading. At first she had been glad but then she realised that it was just being replaced by another emotion: despair. No matter how hard she tried to be angry with the others for bringing her here, she knew she had no one to blame but herself. They had never forced her to come: she had chosen of her own free will, and if given the choice again, Maria had no doubt she would take the red pill again.

"It's my own bloody fault," she muttered to herself, glaring at the cot. "They never forced me to do this. And now I'll never see them -"

She bit her lip. Her family was constantly on her mind, gnawing away at her like a guilty little bug. They would be worried sick. She had just disappeared on the way to school, no note, no nothing. Memories constantly bombarded her; her mother's face when she was scolding someone, her father's newspaper print smudged fingertips, and her uncle's black crackling eyes. Memories that held no real importance, but were burnt into her brain as something she had once been a part of but was now on the outside of. She had tried to convince Morpheus to let her write a letter or something to them, but he had told her that it was better this way. It would be hard for them to accept the truth, and she would wind up hurting them even more. This did not make any sense to her, but there was nothing she could do.

At least that was what she had thought at first. Neo was teaching her to read the code, so she could watch her old fake life. Tank was teaching her how to work the computers, so soon she would be able to pinpoint exactly where in the Matrix her parents were. And better then that, she had managed to persuade Auriga to show her how to plug herself in and out of the Matrix without any help. Morpheus had even hinted that she was ready to take on more responsibility on board.

A few more months, and she would be able to put her plan into action. Maria had it all planned out. She would offer to take watch, preferably when the others were asleep. Then she would plug herself in, find her family and then… that part was a little hazy. Sometimes she thought that she would be able to persuade them to come back with her; other times she knew this would be impossible. The outcome didn't matter though. All that mattered would be that her parents would open the door, expecting the worst, and instead she would be standing there. And then everything would be all right. Admittedly, it wasn't much of a plan, but desperate times called for desperate measures. She knew it would get her in trouble; possibly even with the agents she had heard so much about, but again, that thought was unimportant.

She felt guilty about the others, especially Neo. It was obvious that he actually cared about her even if it was a bit smothering. If she was honest it reminded her slightly of her uncle's protective nature, so the idea of hurting him was painful to her. But it had to be done. The entire crew had taken her in and tried to help her find her feet but she didn't want this life anymore. And they wouldn't understand. They had all had a chance to live in the Matrix, to discover that something about it didn't work for them. She had never had that chance. Sometimes though, her doubts rose up inside her until she lay shaking with the fear of them. Could she, who had always tried to toe the line in school, at home, everywhere, really just… run? But then she would quash that panic and concentrate on her mother's face when she opened the door..

She lay down on the bed and smiled to herself. She would see them all very soon. She had too. That was all that mattered.

* * * * * * *

I know, I know. Long wait, short chapter, cliffhanger-type ending.

But I promise, next chapter will be extra long, and include a Neo/Trinity fluff scene for all you fluff-lovers out there J