AGAIN YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF AT THE Théâtre des Sailor Scouts!
Tonight's show is oh dear god no The Three Little Pigs.
Mina: I wrote it!
Ami: I shudder to imagine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act One, Scene One
Naruru: I am a pig! *runs onstage in a piggie costume*
Ruruna: I am also a pig! *follows Naruru*
Hotaru: I'm sort-of a pig *walks onstage with pink construction paper glued to
her*
Darien: AND I AM A WOLF! I WILL EAT YOU! *runs onstage a wolf again*
Hotaru: Oh. No. What. Ever. Shall. We. Do?
Naruru: What's that smell?
Ami: *whispers* Is that line in the script?
Mina: Not that I know of.
Darien: Sorry I made a butt-biscuit.
Rei: what?
Ruruna: EEEWWW GROSS!!!
Naruru: YOU SICK FUCK! *runs offstage*
Hotaru: Um the bathroom's over there. *points*
Darien: Thanks. *runs offstage*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act One, Scene Two
Ami: Who's going to play the wolf while Darien cleans himself?
Andy: I WILL I WILL!!!
Rei: Okay. *hands him the wolf costume from Little Red Riding Hood*
Mina: What's a butt-biscuit?
Ami: Um
Rei: Poopy pants.
Mina: Oh. Gross.
Bunny: I wanna be a pig.
Naruru: You can have my part.
Bunny: YAY!!! *runs onstage* Oh I'm going to grandmother's house. I hope a wolf doesn't eat me!
Ami: I just don't care anymore.
Ruruna and Hotaru: *follow Bunny onstage* Let's build houses.
Bunny: Um okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act Two, Scene One
Darien: I'm back.
Andy: I didn't get to be the wolf!!!
Bunny: We are building houses! Houses! Fun! *throws some straw around*
Ruruna: *makin' house from sticks*
Hotaru: *makin' house from bricks*
Darien: *runs onstage* I will blow you!
Ruruna: Um
Darien: Your houses down!!! BLAAARGH!!!!
Bunny: Wolf!!! WOLF!!!
Hotaru: SHUT UP STUPID WE KNOW IT'S A WOLF!!!
Naruru: *runs onstage and jumps on Darien* RUN AWAY BEFORE THE SICK MUDDAFUCKA BLOWS YOU!!!
Ruruna: He's going to blow our houses down, not blow us.
Naruru: Oh. *climbs down from Darien's head and walks offstage*
Darien: I'm allergic to straw. I can't blow down the straw house or else I'll get an asthma attack.
Bunny: YEAH!! MY HOUSE IS SAFE!
Ruruna: My house is stupid-looking. *kicks it down*
Darien: Hey wait I'm supposed to blow it.
Naruru: NOW THE SICK MUDDAFUCKA WANTS TO BLOW YOUR HOUSE!!!
Ruruna: He wants to blow the house down.
Naruru: Oh. *shuts up*
Darien: Well I guess I have to go for the bricks now.
Hotaru: *squeal*
Darien: I'll huff and I'll puff–
Naruru: THE SICK MUDDAFUCKA'S ON DRUGS! HE WANTS A PUFF!!
Rei: Ami
Ami: Morphene?
Rei: Yes please.
Ami: *hands Rei a syringe filled with 20cc of morphene* Good luck.
Rei: Thanks. *runs onstage* NARURU YOU SICK DOG GET OVER HERE SO I CAN SHUT YOU UP ONCE AND FOR ALL!!
Naruru: -squee- *runs around the stage being chased by Rei*
Rei: *jumps on Naruru* GOTCHA!
Hotaru: Um new scene please.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act Two, Scene Two
**20cc and quite a bit of running around later, Darien is ready to blow some houses!**
Darien: I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down! SHMOO!! *blows really hard at Hotaru's brick house*
House: *falls down*
Hotaru: Well that wasn't supposed to happen.
Ami: *shakes head* That's what you get from using cardboard scenery
Mina: How exciting!
Darien: Now I'll eat you! *jumps on Hotaru*
Hotaru: FFFUCK!!! *runs around screaming*
Naruru: I'll save you, Hotaru!!! *jumps on Darien*
Ami: How much morphene?
Rei: I guess 20cc wasn't enough.
Hotaru: FFFUCK!! THAT SICK BASTARD BIT ME!!
Naruru: *hits Darien with a big stick* YOU'RE GOING DOWN YOU SICK MUDDAFUCKA!!!
Darien: WHAT DID I DO!!! I'M A WOLF!! I EAT PIGS!!
Hotaru: You don't eat humans though!!!
Darien: Well, you're dressed up like a pig! How was I supposed to know you aren't one!!!
Hotaru: I HAVE PINK PAPER GLUED TO ME!!! I LOOK NOTHING LIKE A PIG!!!
Naruru: Now where did I leave my boric acid? Hmm *looks around* Oh! There it is! *shows audience a test tube filled with dangerous-looking junk inside* This stuff can eat through a cow!
Darien: you're not going to use that on me, are you?
Naruru: Of course! BWAAAAAAH!!! *runs after Darien who's screaming like a little girl*
Bunny: MUUDAFUCKA GET AWAY FROM MY MAN!!!
Ruruna: Um curtain?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act Two, Scene Three
Ami: Let's just apologize to the audience and go home, okay?
Rei: Okay.
The End
Mina: But there's a moral of the story right?
Rei: Of course.
Ami: The moral of the story is
Mina: Don't give Naruru boric acid?
Ami: No. Don't quit your day job.