MKR Parody Chapter 5
(The sun is setting and the forest is almost dark. The group walks into a clearing, Perrier in the lead, puffing out his chest like some kind of general, or girl guide leader.)
Perrier: This is a good spot. Come on girl guides, let's set up camp. Natasha, you clean some of the leaves and such off the site, Suzie you find some rocks to make a fire pit, I'll go look for some water and uhh...
(Stares at Christine, Chris gives him a death glare.)
Perrier: ...You know, it's not very nice to stare...
Chris: ....(glare)
Perrier: (sighs) Ok, ok. You go find some fire wood.
Chirs: (sarcastic)...and what are YOU going to do, oh great green haired one.
Perrier: (Blink) Uhhhh....I'll go look for some uhh, water, yeah, that's it.
(He walks off, and the others are left to do their respective chores. Chris enters the woods and starts to look for dry wood. Not too far away she comes across a stream. No Perrier, curious she goes off in search of him. Meanwhile at camp.)
Suzie: Whew. That's it. What do you think Tash?
Tash: Looks good enough! Now all we need is the wood.
Suzie: ... Do you think Chris needs some help? I'll go look.
Tash: Hey! I saw that look!
Suzie:(trying to look innocent) What look?
Tash: You're planning on looking for Perrier aren't you.
Suzie: Yeah. ... Tee hee tee hee!
(Tash laughs. )
Tash: Ahh predictable death, even in Cefiro!
(Christine comes back with wood.)
Chris: OK Tash. Wanna try being a human match for Today?
Tash: No! That's probably not wise! (laughs)
Chris: Where's Perrier? He should have been back by now?
Suzie: Why? Miss him already?
Christine: NOOO!!! Who'd want a superficial, perverted, arrogant bastard like him. I just think that idiot must have gotten lost is all. I passed a stream while I was out, and it wasn't THAT far away.
Suzie: meh. Well if you don't want him, can I have him? Tee hee.
Christine: (Shakes head) Perdictable Death. Even in cefiro...
Suzie: That's what Tash said.
(All start to laugh.)
Growl.
Tash: What was that?
Suzie: Sounded like a monster.
Chris: Yes. Be afraid, be very afraid. The monster in my stomach has awakened..
(Her stomach rummbles wimpily. Everyone laughs.)
Tash: Yeah it is about time we ate. Yoko-ona. You got any food in there?
Suzie: You'd better have food.
Yoko-ona: Puh! Puh Puh Puh! Puh!
(Yoko-ona concentrates really hard. Sweat forms as he starts to glow. A stream of light comes from his gem. It gets larger, and larger and finally... The light dissolves into a cardboard packet that says Big mac on it!)
Suzie: What! Is that ALL! We can't all eat a Big mac. You're supposed to have food!
Christine: Give him a chance.
(Yoko-ona tries again, this time he comes up with a quarter pounder. Everyone falls backward.)
Chris: Try again.
(Yoko-ona tries a third time and passes out after coming up with....)
Suzie: A McFlurry! We're supposed to eat a McFlurry for dinner?
Tash: Well you survived on Icecream in Florida.
Suzie: True...meh.
Perrier comes back.
Perrier: What's all this?
Christine (Rather sarcastically) : Supper.
Perrier: Great I'm starving! I don't remember the last time I had a hot meal...Hey, where's the rest of it?
(The three just sort of look at Yoko-ona who is still passed out. Then they all look longingly at the food.)
Christine: Ok. Here's how we divide this up. Suzie takes the Big Mac because she'll pass out if we don't give her something.
Suzie: (small) Yay!!
Chris: Tash you take the Quarter Pounder cause I know you skipped breakfast trying to figure what the japanese mangas were saying....
Tash: excellent!
Christine: (smirks) And Perrier. It's not exactly hot, but why don't you take the flurry.
They all look more than a little suprised. Especially Perrier, who then looks suspicious..
Perrier: No, you have it.
Christine: (Waves him off) Don't worry. McDonalds isn't my idea of food. I can live without for one day. Besides. You don't look like you've ever tried Ice Cream before, have you?
Perrier: Ice Cream?
Chris: Thought so. Try some.
Perrier eyes it suspisciously. Looks at all of them, then back at the flurry. Finally he bites down on to the spoon.
Perrier: AHHHH. That hurts! My teeth! What did you do to me! Ow!
Tash Christine and Suzie are all laughing their heads off.
Perrier: Hey! That's not funny! She just tried to kill me! Hey!
All laugh harder.
Suzie: You're supposed to lick it dummie!
Perrier: Huh?
Takes a small lick. Looks at it for a moment, then raises eyebrows in surprise and starts to eat it vigorously! The three laugh and smile.
Perrier: This is great! Ice Cream! WoW! Ohhh! OW! MY head!
And the three laugh even louder. Later they all sit by the fire. Staring out into space. Suddenly out of the blue.
Christine: Jesuses Blood tastes like grape juice!
Snikers
Suzie: My neck hurts, and my ear hurts. Now I have 2 owies!
Perrier looks confused.
Tash: I bent my wookie!
laughs more, Perrier looks more puzzled.
Christine: OH Lord. Won't you buy me, a mersadieze benz!
Tash: Noooo. Baaad.
Smiles deviously
Tash: I've gotta work, work all day...
Suzie: Vat is dis dis funny joke heya. In Mozer Russia, we no have dis...
Perrier looks at them like they've gone insane! Which just makes them laugh louder!
Perrier: What was that?
Christine: That's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end! Hey guys! We need Camp fire music! What should we sing!
Suzie: Beatles!
Tash: I know! How about Enya!!
Strange looks.
Tash: I was kidding! Sheesh
All laugh.
Tash: Which beatles song?
Christine: I like helter skelter!
Suzie: I knew that was coming!
Christine: How about Black bird?
Suzie: I don't know that one. How does it go?
Christine: Well...
Yoko-ona: Puh!!
Appears on rock holding magic marker like microphone.
Yoko-ona: Puh!
Perrier: Hey look. The puff ball wants to sing!
Yoko-ona: puh!
Tash: A, sure why not! Wait!
Yoko-ona starts to sing!
Suzie: Oh no! Singing Jiggly puff! cover your ears!
Perrier: He's not that bad...
Christine: It's not working! I'm getting tired!
Tash: Cover your face!....Nooo...
The sound resounds through the forest. Everyone collapses into sleep. The three cover their faces, Perrier lies on his back. Around them and in the distance bugs birds and animals all fall asleep.
Yoko-ona: Puh? (huh?) Puuuuhhhh!!! (you'll pay for this)
In the early hours of dawn Christine opens her eyes. Something is brushing against her nose. It appears to a tiny stick, but then turns out to be the antenna of a giant bug that has fallen near them. Christine draws her spear. Suddenly the bug gets up. Perrier hurles it's carcass across the clearing into the bush. Perrier stands there with his axe. Christine gets up still holding her spear.
Perrier: You're too late. The bug's dead.
Christine: (gives him a funny look) Maybe it's not the bug I'm worried about.
Pause
Perrier: ...What are you talking about?
Christine: (Accusingly) The stream is right over there.
Perrier: Huh?
Chris: Last night you went to get water, which took you about 20 minutes, but the stream's right over there, where'd you go?
Perrier: ...I...was, doing my job! Killing bugs!
Chris looks at him sceptically
Perrier: What! It's the truth! I even stayed up all night protecting you three! And this is how you thank me? Sheesh!
Chris: All night huh? (examins his face) ...Whatever.
Perrier: What?
Chris: Never mind, bottle boy, never mind.
(gets angry)
Perrier: ...Yeah. Well, I'm really glad you're not the Green Understudy, because I couldn't stand being paired with some ugly suspicious broad like you.
Chris: WHAT!! Oh, and like YOU'RE the catch of the day!
Perrier: (smugly) Well both you're friends seem quite taken with me. Even YOU blushed the first time you saw me, I saw you!
Chris raises an eyebrow skeptically
Chris: Yeah, well you lost all you're appeal the second you opened you're big fat mouth. Besides, Tash and Suzie might oogle you, but they do that all the time...well, Suzie does. It doesn't mean anything. They don't really care about you.
Perrier: ...Huh? Sure they do...I mean why would they...uh...give me their food if they hated me?
Chris: That was MY food you ate, dumbass. Besides, it was only icecream. The stuffs half water anyway.
Perrier: Oh...it is? Oh...(Stomach growls, then Perrier thinks of something) ...But hey, if you hate me, why did you give me you're food?
Chris: I don't hate you.
Perrier: Uhwa?? But you just said...
Chris: (flatly) You're a shallow, brainless idiot, and not worth my time... I hate certain bugs more than I hate you. You're just an annoyance, and hopefully if I ignore you, you'll go away.
Perrier: ...An...annoyance! Hey! You hardly know me! You can't judge me!
Chris: Oh, but you can judge me after knowing me for three seconds?
Perrier: I didn't judge you, I just said I wouldn't want to date with you.
Chris: Good.
(She starts to walk off)
Perrier: Hey, where are you going.
Chris: To get some water.
Later that morning...
Suzie: Well It could be worse. It could be Americain Mc Donalds.
Others grunt in reply. They are sitting around eating breakfast. This Time Yoko-ona has made four burgers.
Tash: Uh by the way Perrier, you've got something...
Chris shoves burger into Tash's mouth.
Chris (whisper): Don't tell him ok? He thinks he stayed up all night protecting us.
Tash (removes burger): You're crule. You know that?
Chris: meh.
Perrier: What? Why are you all looking at me?
There is permanant marker all over his face as he sits perplexed. The three supress giggles.
Perrier: What?
Christine: You've got some food on your face.
Perrier: Oh. (wipes mouth) Better?
Christine: Yep.
Snickers.
End Chapter 5