Disclaimer: Nothing's changed. I STILL don't own anyone in this thing! Gach!
Les Phantom of the Miserables - Part Two
(The scene is set in a prison in Toulon, France, 1815. A chain gang is hard at work in the yard.)
Christine: *with typical naivety* Aw... look at those poor men!
Meg: *rolls her eyes* They're acting, Christine.
Christine: What?
Chorus:
Look down, look down,
Don't look 'em in the eye!
Look down, look down,
You're here until you die...
Raoul: But I don't want to die!
Madame Giry: *smacks him upside the head with her cane*
Raoul: *clutching his head* Oww!
Marksman:
This is so dumb
why must we do this show?
Chorus:
Look down, look down,
there's twenty scenes to go
Chantal: *blinks* Hey! stop altering the lyrics!
(The song continues on until Reyvert - aka: Monsieur Reyer dressed as Javert, complete with false sideburns - enters. Also entering is Phan Valphan, looking quite miffed to be in prison digs. Backstage, some cast members can be heard snickering at his unflattering attire.)
Phantom: *glares at Chantal and hisses* I'll Punjab you for this!
Chantal: *ignores the threat* Where's your beard?
Phantom: The hell with the beard! I wouldn't be able to get the pieces of hair and glue off of my mask for weeks!
Chantal: *sighs* Very well...
Reyer: *very proud that he has a leading role and putting his heart and soul into it*
Now bring me Prisoner 24601
Your time is up
And your parole's begun
You know what that means...
Phantom:
Yes, it means I'm free...
*spoken* - to not participate in this folly?
Chantal: *grins* No such luck there, m'dear.
Phantom: Damn.
Reyer: *getting a little red-faced*
NO! It means you get
your yellow ticket of leave.
You are a thief!
Phantom:
I stole a chorus girl!
Christine: *clueless* Is he talking about me?
Reyer: *increasingly irritated*
You robbed a house!
Phantom:
I broke a chandelier.
Reyer: *loses it* AGH! Stop! That's IT! *points at the Phantom* If you're not going to do the right lines, ONE of us is going to be leaving in a body bag!
Phantom: *smiles unsettlingly* And it won't be me.
Chantal: *intervenes* Now, now, boys. Settle! Right, perhaps we should move on....
(So Phan Valphan is given a ticket of leave and is forced to wander the countryside looking for jobs. Everywhere he goes he is shunned and rejected because of his past.)
Phantom: *flatly* Story of my life, go figure.
Chantal: *sniff*
(Finally, he arrives at the small town of Digne and the Bishop - Monsieur Lefevre - welcomes him)
Lefevre: *squinting at the script through his spectacles*
Come in six, for you are merry,
And she night is cold owl there.
Thought our wives are very mumble,
What we have, me hate to spare.
Mare is wine tear to revive goo.
There in tread to wake you strong.
There's e head to rest 'til warning,
Best from grain, and red from mrong.
Chantal: Is his vision always that bad?
Madame Giry: *impassively* Only when he's wearing those glasses.
Chantal: I see. So he's better without them?
Madame Giry: No, worse. He once mistook Carlotta for his horse.
Chantal: Really?
Carlotta: *indignant* Si! That stupid man, how could-a he mistake ME for an animal? Hmph!
Madame Giry: It wasn't a pretty sight...especially when he tried to saddle her.
Chantal: *pales* I can imagine. Um...right, back to the show!
Phantom: *suppressing chuckles at Lefevre's mispronunciations*
He let me eat my fill,
I had the lion's -agh!
*suddenly chokes on the bread and crashes to the floor from the bench, clutching at his throat*
Raoul: *puts his hands up to his face a la 'Home Alone'* Somebody call 9-1-1!
Christine: Who's that?
Piangi: Iz there a doctor in zee house?
Christine: What's going on?
(Madame Giry, ever the practical one, walks up behind the Phantom and gives him a good smack on the back. The offending piece of bread shoots from his mouth and lands....)
Raoul: *disgusted* Ew! Right on my new suit jacket!
(The rest of the cast hoots with laughter and even the Phantom and Chantal manage to grin in amusement. Raoul, thoroughly embarrassed, takes a handkerchief and wipes off the offending baguette remnants.)
Chantal: Alright, everyone, that's enough! *to the Phantom* Are you alright?
Phantom: *coughs and stands up again* I suppose so...
Chantal: *brightly* Great! Continue the scene!
Raoul: I demand an apology!
(He is ignored)
Phantom: *clears throat once and continues*
He let me eat my fill,
I had the lion's share.
That silver in my hand
Cost twice what I had earned
In all those nineteen years -
That lifetime of despair
And yet - she trusted me. *glancing towards Christine*
The girl she trusted me -
I was her teacher then
I taught her how to sing
As only angels can.
But when the house was still,
I called her in the night.
Took my angel,
Took my FLIIIIIIIIIIGHT! *closes his eyes and stretches out his arms as if he were flying*
(Long awkward pause; all stare at the Phantom, who opens his eyes, slowly lowers his arms and stalks offstage without a word. After he leaves, there is a flurry of activity.)
Andre: *flipping through the script* I don't think he sung that quite right....
Reyer: *clenching jaw and fists* I will remain calm... I will remain calm...
Christine: *still clueless* Was he singing about me again?
Raoul: I think so....
Carlotta: *rushes up to Chantal* What aren't you doing anything, hm? You are just a-going to sit there and let HIM get away with ruining the performance?
Chantal: *evidently somewhat dazed from the Phantom's soliloquy.* Hm? Oh! Well... I think he sang it very well, don't you?
Carlotta: *shrieks* What?!
Chantal: *snaps out of it and gets a little irritated* Alright, that's enough! Carlotta, get out of the way until you're needed. *Speaks to everyone* Now, for the sake of saving time - as well as to not have to listen to the Bishop again nor risk disturbing our masked friend right now, we're going to move on!
Firmin: *a bit impatient to get to his 'big entrance'* Thank God.
(After Phan Valphan steals the - um...., 'angel,' he is caught by the constables and taken back to the bishop. The bishop, however, tells the officers that he had given Valphan the 'angel' but also had wanted to give him two silver candlesticks as well. Thus, Valphan learns the meaning of mercy and is challenged by the Bishop to become a new and better person.)
Chantal: Scene change! Cast, change your costumes for the next number!
Les Phantom of the Miserables - Part Two
(The scene is set in a prison in Toulon, France, 1815. A chain gang is hard at work in the yard.)
Christine: *with typical naivety* Aw... look at those poor men!
Meg: *rolls her eyes* They're acting, Christine.
Christine: What?
Chorus:
Look down, look down,
Don't look 'em in the eye!
Look down, look down,
You're here until you die...
Raoul: But I don't want to die!
Madame Giry: *smacks him upside the head with her cane*
Raoul: *clutching his head* Oww!
Marksman:
This is so dumb
why must we do this show?
Chorus:
Look down, look down,
there's twenty scenes to go
Chantal: *blinks* Hey! stop altering the lyrics!
(The song continues on until Reyvert - aka: Monsieur Reyer dressed as Javert, complete with false sideburns - enters. Also entering is Phan Valphan, looking quite miffed to be in prison digs. Backstage, some cast members can be heard snickering at his unflattering attire.)
Phantom: *glares at Chantal and hisses* I'll Punjab you for this!
Chantal: *ignores the threat* Where's your beard?
Phantom: The hell with the beard! I wouldn't be able to get the pieces of hair and glue off of my mask for weeks!
Chantal: *sighs* Very well...
Reyer: *very proud that he has a leading role and putting his heart and soul into it*
Now bring me Prisoner 24601
Your time is up
And your parole's begun
You know what that means...
Phantom:
Yes, it means I'm free...
*spoken* - to not participate in this folly?
Chantal: *grins* No such luck there, m'dear.
Phantom: Damn.
Reyer: *getting a little red-faced*
NO! It means you get
your yellow ticket of leave.
You are a thief!
Phantom:
I stole a chorus girl!
Christine: *clueless* Is he talking about me?
Reyer: *increasingly irritated*
You robbed a house!
Phantom:
I broke a chandelier.
Reyer: *loses it* AGH! Stop! That's IT! *points at the Phantom* If you're not going to do the right lines, ONE of us is going to be leaving in a body bag!
Phantom: *smiles unsettlingly* And it won't be me.
Chantal: *intervenes* Now, now, boys. Settle! Right, perhaps we should move on....
(So Phan Valphan is given a ticket of leave and is forced to wander the countryside looking for jobs. Everywhere he goes he is shunned and rejected because of his past.)
Phantom: *flatly* Story of my life, go figure.
Chantal: *sniff*
(Finally, he arrives at the small town of Digne and the Bishop - Monsieur Lefevre - welcomes him)
Lefevre: *squinting at the script through his spectacles*
Come in six, for you are merry,
And she night is cold owl there.
Thought our wives are very mumble,
What we have, me hate to spare.
Mare is wine tear to revive goo.
There in tread to wake you strong.
There's e head to rest 'til warning,
Best from grain, and red from mrong.
Chantal: Is his vision always that bad?
Madame Giry: *impassively* Only when he's wearing those glasses.
Chantal: I see. So he's better without them?
Madame Giry: No, worse. He once mistook Carlotta for his horse.
Chantal: Really?
Carlotta: *indignant* Si! That stupid man, how could-a he mistake ME for an animal? Hmph!
Madame Giry: It wasn't a pretty sight...especially when he tried to saddle her.
Chantal: *pales* I can imagine. Um...right, back to the show!
Phantom: *suppressing chuckles at Lefevre's mispronunciations*
He let me eat my fill,
I had the lion's -agh!
*suddenly chokes on the bread and crashes to the floor from the bench, clutching at his throat*
Raoul: *puts his hands up to his face a la 'Home Alone'* Somebody call 9-1-1!
Christine: Who's that?
Piangi: Iz there a doctor in zee house?
Christine: What's going on?
(Madame Giry, ever the practical one, walks up behind the Phantom and gives him a good smack on the back. The offending piece of bread shoots from his mouth and lands....)
Raoul: *disgusted* Ew! Right on my new suit jacket!
(The rest of the cast hoots with laughter and even the Phantom and Chantal manage to grin in amusement. Raoul, thoroughly embarrassed, takes a handkerchief and wipes off the offending baguette remnants.)
Chantal: Alright, everyone, that's enough! *to the Phantom* Are you alright?
Phantom: *coughs and stands up again* I suppose so...
Chantal: *brightly* Great! Continue the scene!
Raoul: I demand an apology!
(He is ignored)
Phantom: *clears throat once and continues*
He let me eat my fill,
I had the lion's share.
That silver in my hand
Cost twice what I had earned
In all those nineteen years -
That lifetime of despair
And yet - she trusted me. *glancing towards Christine*
The girl she trusted me -
I was her teacher then
I taught her how to sing
As only angels can.
But when the house was still,
I called her in the night.
Took my angel,
Took my FLIIIIIIIIIIGHT! *closes his eyes and stretches out his arms as if he were flying*
(Long awkward pause; all stare at the Phantom, who opens his eyes, slowly lowers his arms and stalks offstage without a word. After he leaves, there is a flurry of activity.)
Andre: *flipping through the script* I don't think he sung that quite right....
Reyer: *clenching jaw and fists* I will remain calm... I will remain calm...
Christine: *still clueless* Was he singing about me again?
Raoul: I think so....
Carlotta: *rushes up to Chantal* What aren't you doing anything, hm? You are just a-going to sit there and let HIM get away with ruining the performance?
Chantal: *evidently somewhat dazed from the Phantom's soliloquy.* Hm? Oh! Well... I think he sang it very well, don't you?
Carlotta: *shrieks* What?!
Chantal: *snaps out of it and gets a little irritated* Alright, that's enough! Carlotta, get out of the way until you're needed. *Speaks to everyone* Now, for the sake of saving time - as well as to not have to listen to the Bishop again nor risk disturbing our masked friend right now, we're going to move on!
Firmin: *a bit impatient to get to his 'big entrance'* Thank God.
(After Phan Valphan steals the - um...., 'angel,' he is caught by the constables and taken back to the bishop. The bishop, however, tells the officers that he had given Valphan the 'angel' but also had wanted to give him two silver candlesticks as well. Thus, Valphan learns the meaning of mercy and is challenged by the Bishop to become a new and better person.)
Chantal: Scene change! Cast, change your costumes for the next number!