This Is Your Song Chapter Six

Author's Notes: Angst. Angst, angst and more angst. Thanks: To Amber, for the S/G tarantula-buying idea, and the C/W "glory days" comment, to try and cure me of my writer's block. You're the best. To Tash, for finally coming home and not hitting me with several heavy objects after reading chapter five. To Allison, for being my partner in brainwashing, and to Telly, for being cute. And, of course, to Meg. Because you just flat-out rock at being a beta, and you've helped me so much with this story. Disclaimers: Don't steal my story...actually, go ahead. Come on, R&R..you know you want to. ;)



I was sitting at my kitchen table watching the movement of the ceiling fan reflecting in my coffee cup. The silence in the room was pretty near unbearable, so I tapped the handle of my mug with my fingernail so I would have something to listen to. Lindsey was with Eddie for the day, and so I was home alone, left to contemplate everything that was going on in my life.

The loud knock at the door made me jump a little, but I recovered and got up to answer it. He took me by surprise, standing on the other side of the doorframe, smiling down at me. I attempted a greeting and moved aside so he could walk in. I noticed he was wearing new shoes.

"I just came by to see if you wanted to go out and get something to eat." I had hoped he wouldn't say that. I could feel my eyes clouding over as I heard the words, and I turned so I wouldn't have to see his face.

"I don't think so, Warrick." The voice sounded too low to be mine, but I knew it was. He said nothing, just stood there in the middle of my living room, his fists clenched at his sides.

"Why not?" It's like he assumed the worst. He didn't ask me if I had other plans, or if I had already eaten. He knew instantly something wasn't right.

"It's too complicated." I answered, finally turning to face him. "You and I having a relationship is just too complicated." His happiness crumbled.

"What do you mean?" He said, his voice sounding desperate. "What about last night? I thought you... I thought we.." He trailed off, his features still strained.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Warrick. I just don't want to get involved with someone right now. Especially not someone from work. Lindsey needs a father figure in her life, because God knows Eddie isn't much of one. And that would be asking way too much of you. I just, I'd just hate to have to hurt you." I knew I had said all the wrong things. The speech I had memorized before had disappeared, and I couldn't think of anything to tell him that would make sense.

"Yeah well, too late, Catherine." His jaw was clenched the way it did only when he was really pissed. "I can't believe this." He rubbed his eyebrows with his left hand. "You don't just make love to someone one night, then the next decide there's nothing between you. You don't just do that."

"Maybe I do." I offered. I knew instantly it was the wrong thing to say. I wondered fleetingly if anything I ever said was the right thing. "I am so sorry, Warrick. This was such a huge mistake." He stared at me, but not into me like he usually did. I noticed the difference instantly. "I'm so sorry." I said again.

He shook his head. "You can't stand here and tell me that last night meant nothing to you, Catherine. Because I know it did. I felt it. There was something between us-" He stopped short. "I know there was. There still is." He sighed and looked down at his feet. "You can't tell me there wasn't. You can't tell me you didn't feel it, too."

I didn't know what to say. He was right, of course. Every part of me knew he was, but my lips were saying things that I wasn't giving them permission to. "It's too complicated, Warrick." I said again.

He snorted in disbelief and turned to the door. "The hell with this."

The slam of the door seemed to shake the house, it seemed much too loud, deafening almost. The realization hit me that he was gone. And that it was my fault. I fell, defeated, in one of the wooden chairs that were around the table.



"Catherine, you mind to tell me what the hell is going on between you and Warrick?" Gil walked up to me, his suede shoes making quiet squeaks against the linoleum of the floor. It was a few days after the incident at my house with Warrick. Things in the lab had been overly awkward, and obviously, Gil had sensed that.

"Nothing." I lied, turning back to Greg, who was processing my evidence for the case I was working with Nick.

"Bull shit." Grissom replied, and I raised my eyebrows. He rarely swore. A man of few words, he simply stood there in the middle of the room and stared at me.

"Done." Greg said suddenly, and I looked at him. He glanced at the paper that had just come out of the machine. "Your substance was chocolate. Have fun."

I nodded at him and left the room, Gil following me angrily. "Catherine, come on. What happened between the two of you? I can't stand things being like this around here.." He pushed my shoulder slightly. "Talk to me."

I sighed and followed him into his office, the dead bugs and jarred animal remains that lay on his shelves distracting me for a few seconds. I picked up a pinkish looking container and held it up for inspection. "Is this new?" I asked him.

He didn't answer. "Sit." He motioned to the chair in front of his desk. I did as I was told while he looked me up and down. I saw his eyes soften and knew he had finished being angry with me. I could always tell when he switched from being my boss to being my friend. "You're dressed up more than usual. You were hoping he'd notice."

"I just felt like dressing up." I said. "I've felt like dressing up a lot since it happened."

"Since what happened?" Gil asked. I sighed and set my elbows on his desk. "Since I turned him down." My voice was slightly muffled by my hands resting under my chin. "He came to ask me to lunch. I told him we couldn't have a relationship."

"But you slept together. Doesn't that imply a relationship?" I shook my head.

"Not always."

"So you basically told him it was a one-night stand?" He asked me. He leaned back in his office chair, surveying my face like he always did. Looking for hidden emotions.

"No!" The phrase seemed to harsh for what had gone on that night. "I just told him that although we had..you know..slept together, I didn't think that an actual relationship would be the smartest thing for us to do."

"I have to be honest with you, Cat. You're kind of sounding...sort of.."

"Slutty?" I suggested. He laughed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Listen, I know this is difficult to understand, but you said yourself that our night together seemed like a mistake. I'm just going with what my gut tells me is right."

"I know I'm not usually a very romantic guy, but what is your heart telling you?" I rolled my eyes. "Oh come on, Cat! You obviously felt enough for him to have sex with him. We both know you, and you don't just go out and screw every guy you meet. You take these things very seriously, ever since-" he stopped. Ever since Eddie, I finished for him in my head. "You're obviously attracted to him."

He had a point. I knew what I had done was wrong, but I was too stubborn to admit it. "I don't know Gris, is a simple attraction really enough basis to start a relationship and possibly ruin a friendship?"

"You're too cautionary, Cat." Gil said, running his hand along the edge of his desk. "Forget about what you think is the right thing to do. For once do what you feel is right." My head was reeling. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Gil Grissom giving me relationship advice..

I stood up, frustrated with him and his philosophies. "I can't just do what I feel is right! I'm not just worrying about myself here, but about my daughter, and Warrick. I can't put myself in a situation where it's easy to hurt either of them."

"You've already hurt Warrick, Cathy." He said, looking at me calmly.

"Don't call me that." I snapped, pacing the room while running a hand through my hair.

"Alright. You know what? Do whatever the hell you want. Go buy a new Dodge Viper and dye your hair blue, for all I care." His anger shone through the blue of his eyes. "But get rid of the tension in my lab. Go talk to him. Even though you can't make me understand this, maybe you can explain it properly to him."

He grabbed his glasses off of his desk and stormed out the door, leaving me standing there in the middle of his office. I sat in his chair, buried my head in my hands, and cried for the first time since all of this happened.



The next morning I went to his house. I wasn't sure what I was going to say, but I knew he had to be the first one I told.

I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer, smiling when I heard his feet stumble several times. I must have woken him.

"Catherine." He said simply, after he had opened the door. His curly hair was ruffled and fluffing around his head. He quickly tied up his bathrobe. I giggled.

"Sleeping late this morning, Gil?" I asked. He growled and let me in, and I marveled at the empty feeling his apartment held.

"Why are you here?" He asked me, pouring himself and me a coffee. He wasn't angry or irritated, he was simply asking me a question.

I sighed. "No coffee for me, thanks." He stopped pouring and set the pot on the counter. "Come sit beside me." I patted the part of the couch beside me. He shook his head.

"I'll stay here."

"You're going to want to sit down for this one." He said nothing, just raised an eyebrow and took a seat next to me on the brown sofa. "What is it?" He asked. I looked at him closely. I saw the fear in his eyes, the way it danced across my face.

"Horatio Cane called me this morning. He's being transferred as supervisor to the New York City CSI team. He wants me to take over his position on the Miami team." I said it all one breath, then leaned back and closed my eyes, glad to finally be rid of the weight on my shoulders.

"Are you going to accept the offer?" Gil asked, never missing a beat. He was trying to act like what I had just said had no effect on him whatsoever, but I knew how he really felt.

"I think I might." The words left my mouth without permission from my mind.

He sat still, silent next to me, sipping his coffee slowly. He stared at the wall ahead of him for almost a full minute, not moving. Neither of us were speaking and the silence was unbearable. Finally, his voice cut through the thickness.

"I'm going to miss you, Cathy." His words sounded strange. This was, after all, Grissom. The emotion in his voice caught me off guard. It wasn't like him to let me know exactly what he was feeling like he was doing now. "Have you told Warrick?"

"No." I said. My throat felt like it was closing in.

He nodded, then took another sip of his coffee. I watched him carefully.

"I'm happy for you." He said. I did smile, then.

"It's a big opportunity." I said. "Being a supervisor is a big job."

"It is." He exhaled loudly, running a palm over his face. "It really is."