The Dream

Chapter 12: The Decision

Silence. Bitter silence.

Sydney no longer heard the shower or the TV. The silence was choking her, mocking her. It stole her voice and would not give it back. But that was just as well, because even if she could speak, she couldn't find the words. She couldn't think, didn't know what to say.

Inside she was screaming. The blood seemed to explode through her veins. Her heart was shrieking its answer; she could almost hear it pleading with her brain. But Vaughn couldn't hear words that weren't spoken, and she couldn't make the words come to her mouth. She looked away from him.

The silence was clawing at her, driving her insane. Sydney felt like she was being tortured. This was worse than having her tooth pulled without Novocain, worse than feeling Sakkoulas' tongue slither up her face, worse than any form of pain or torture that had ever been inflicted upon her.

She could only wait. Wait until she could form the words that were screaming inside of her. God damn it! Why couldn't she speak?! She had remembered Chinese when two men were kicking her to the ground, why the hell couldn't she even speak English now? She would have shouted the first words she thought of, whether they were Italian, Russian, Arabic, anything; but not a single word came to mind. She would have blinked a message at him, for God's sake, but she couldn't remember a damn letter of Morse code. She seemed to have lost all ability to communicate, except with her eyes.

The seconds ticked by painfully.

Silence. There were no words, no sounds except for the shower and the television, which seemed to be dueling for Vaughn's attention, offering their opinions of the situation. One mocked him with its indifferent laughter; the other showed its sympathy by pouring out endless tears.

Why wasn't she speaking? Why wouldn't she answer him? He wanted her to say something, anything. He desperately wished that it hadn't happened like this, that when he had asked if she wanted him to leave, she had given him an emphatic no, thrown herself on him, begged him to stay.

But with every second that passed that scenario became more unlikely, until it seemed to have washed down the drain with all his other dreams. Now, he just wished that she'd say or do anything to let him know what she was thinking. He didn't know how much longer he could wait for an answer. He didn't know whether he should take her into his arms, or walk out of the bathroom and out of her life forever.

Finally, Sydney looked up at Vaughn. This time he could read her emotions, and see the pain in her eyes; the pain that he knew was reflected in his own.

Vaughn struggled to keep his arms at his sides and his hands to himself. He almost hated himself for adding to her pain, and wanted to gather her close to him and comfort her. But he couldn't take back what had been said; he couldn't deny the truth. Sydney was right; they wouldn't be able to truly be together until SD-6 was destroyed, and that could take days, months, years, even a lifetime.

He could settle with that if he had to, with not truly being together, with being part secret, part lie, because no matter what their feelings would be true. He wouldn't be completely satisfied with having to be like that, but he could and would wait forever for her, no matter what she said tonight.

But he couldn't put her through that, cause her more pain. If the lies were too much for her, he would let her go. He would leave forever, taking with him only the memories. He would leave her because he loved her, but he would still wait for her forever.

Vaughn had to look away from her. He was dangerously close to losing control of himself, of breaking the silence and cutting the tension. If he looked for one more second into her eyes, he would throw his arms around her and bring his lips to hers. He couldn't do that, though, he had to let her make her own decision.

In reality, only half a minute had passed, but to Sydney it seemed like an eternity. Tears of frustration were welling up in her eyes and she gave up trying to speak. She needed to somehow give him her answer without words.

Silence. The time passed, indifferently zooming by her. Sydney tried frantically to think, but couldn't. She finally gave in to her emotions, the beating of her heart and the screaming of her skin. Vaughn still wasn't looking at her as she quickly moved forward. Crashing her lips against his and putting her arms around him, she let the passion pour from her lips in response to his question.

Vaughn was surprised at first, but eagerly responded to her kiss and embrace, his delight in her answer clearly evident.

Sydney's lungs were on fire and she pulled away for air. Gazing deeply into his eyes, she whispered, "Never."

Vaughn lifted her onto his lap. Her hands were still clasped around his neck and she rested her head on his shoulder. Neither of them uttered a word, but this time the silence was peaceful, not unbearable. He felt her heartbeat gradually return to normal and her breathing become slower. Why couldn't they stay that way forever?

"Vau…Michael?" Sydney asked tentatively, smiling as she heard him sigh with satisfaction at her use of his first name "What are we going to do?"

Vaughn paused a minute before answering. "We wait and treasure the few secret moments we have. It won't be easy…"

"But then nothing I do ever is," she interrupted, as she took her arms from around his neck.

He turned to face her, and gazed deeply into her eyes, his lips only inches from hers. "God, you're beautiful," he murmured.

She answered by kissing him gently and slowly pulling away, never taking her eyes from his.

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" he asked gently.

Sydney smiled coyly and placed a slender hand on the back of his neck. "I think the question is, Mr. Vaughn, are you?"

He laughed softly and leaned toward her, bringing a hand up to run his fingers through her hair. His lips just brushed hers, when she pulled back suddenly. He was about to protest when she brought her fingers to his lips, and he kissed them lightly.

Sydney slowly brought her hand away, cocking her head and looking towards the door. When she finally spoke, her voice was just barely a whisper. "Do you hear that?"

Vaughn listened; it was more an absence of sound than a presence of one. It took him a moment to realize that he could no longer hear the laughter or the droning voices of the television.

They both sat perfectly still, almost afraid to breathe even though they knew that the running water of the shower would cover the noise.

Suddenly, Vaughn heard another sound: footsteps. He swore under his breath. Why did they always have to be interrupted? The footsteps became louder and then stopped right outside the bathroom door.

Next, he heard the soft tap of knuckles against wood and heard a voice, "Sydney?"

Vaughn looked at Sydney. The tears returned to her eyes, and she turned her gaze to the floor. "Dammit," she whispered, taking a deep breath and trying to come up with a plan, an excuse, a lie.

"Syd?" the voice called again.

Vaughn didn't know who was standing outside the door, but he had never hated a voice more in his entire life.