Mergirl: Callista's Story
By Ambassador Cara Jade
Part 5: The Black Sky Opened Up
I wasn't able to go with Kasidy to the docking bay. She and Zara Guyenn were due to leave very early, but before they did, as I was getting ready for the day's first classes, Kasidy stopped by my apartment.
"I wanted to come by and say an official good-bye," she said. Her duffel was slung over her shoulder easily. She looked at it and smiled. "Amazing, isn't it?" She said. "Ten years and all my possessions fit in one bag." She looked back at me. "If I were to put what I'd learned in this bag, it would split at the seams."
I smiled. "You'll be a great Jedi, Kass," I said as I hugged her. "I wish I could come."
"Hey," she said with a reassuring smile. "I'll see you again soon enough." Well, I have to hurry. The shuttle is leaving in ten minutes. I'll send you a message when we get to Coruscant."
I nodded as she moved away from the door and back into the hall. "Hey, Kass." I called after her. She turned around.
I bit my lip. "Thank you...for being my friend."
Kasidy smiled. "May the Force be with you, Callista, until we meet again."
Ilios wasn't in class that morning. Although he continued with his lesson, Master Altis seemed every bit as surprised as I was, since he almost never missed class, and when he did, he always told me. Today, for some reason, he hadn't, and I wondered why.
My answer came about halfway through the class, when one of the healing masters, an Ithorian named Telakt Ladek, came to the door. "Master Altis?"
Djinn looked at the healer. "Yes, Telakt, what is it?"
Master Ladek looked at all the students, who stared at him inquisitively. He strode purposefully to the front to talk Master Altis. They leaned close together, like co-conspirators in a grand scheme. Although the aged alien whispered, his synthesizer-like voice made it easy for us all to hear some of it.
"...the Larptiwa..badly...med center."
The news hit me with a bright white shock, and I was visibly shaken. My friend Jana put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"
I stared straight ahead, where Ladek and Master Altis continued to speak, but I was deafened by worry...all I could see was the moving of their mouths. Ilios had been hurt, left alone...I knew immediately that Cerante had had something to do with it.
Master Altis glanced at me briefly. The intensity in his eyes told me that Ilios' injuries were serious.
"Callista?" Jana said again. "Callista?"
"Callista." Master Altis' calm voice broke through my funk, and I snapped back to reality with a jolt.
"Huh?"
Both Master Altis and Master Ladek were looking at me. "It appears that we may need your assistance." The old Ithorian said. "Will you come with us?"
I looked at Jana, and had the sudden, excruciating feeling that everyone was watching me. Slowly, I stood up and walked shakily to my master's side. "Ilios has been seriously injured, somehow." Master Altis told me. "And he's asking to see you."
Master Ladek escorted Master Altis and me through the sterile whiteness of the Medical Wing. There weren't many patients; most of the people here now were students or healers. Master Ladek gave us details as we walked: "A pair of students found him this afternoon in the training hall. He was unconscious, and very severely beaten. They called the healers right away. We did our best, but he still has some fractured bones that will take us longer to heal. He regained consciousness about thirty minutes ago. This is his room." He opened the door for us. Beyond, the room was dark, with only one bedside lamp that encircled Ilios in a cloud of light.
Ilios lay on the table underneath a thin blanket, his arms and legs straight, bandaged in places. It was hard to see his face for all the gauze wrapped around it. Master Altis guided me to a chair beside his bed, and I saw his face in gruesome detail--both eyes were blackened and swollen, almost shut. His lips we split down the middle. Burns, bruises and cuts covered his cheeks and forehead.
"Talk to him, Callista." Master Ladek said. "He'll only speak to you."
I took Ilios' hand and gingerly touched the only perfect patch on his cheek. He stirred, whimpered. His broken limbs stretched and he cried again. My heart ached for him, in so much pain. I'd never seen him cry before, and now the tears ran freely, unabashed. "Ilios," I said quietly. "Ilios, it's me."
His eyes squinted slightly open, and he sighed. "Callista," he said, weakly squeezing my hand with shattered fingers. The round muscles in his arm flexed, as if it took all his strength to complete such a simple gesture of affection.
"How do you feel?" I asked, but knowing he would have felt better if a wystoh had bit him in half.
"That's about right," he said, and I smiled in spite of myself.
"Who did this to you?" I pressed, leaning forward. "Master Altis and Master Ladek want to know, so whoever did this can be punished."
Ilios breathed several times. He shook his head, having a sudden difficulty breathing. "You know..." He managed weakly, then closed his eyes.
"Let him rest now," Ladek said.
"May I stay, Master?" I asked softly.
Master Altis rested a hand on my shoulder. "If you wish," he said. "Did he tell you who attacked him?"
I nodded. "Yes. Cerante Getufsko. Your padawan."
Cerante, of course, denied having anything to do with Ilios' injuries. But Master Altis could tell just as easily as I could that he was lying through his teeth, so Cerante was confined to his quarters.
Ilios recovered quickly, considering the injuries he'd suffered. Cerante had broken both his wrists, shattered one kneecap and cracked an ankle, in addition to all his burns and facial lacerations. Those closed up quickly, under the influence of the Force. The healers repaired his breaks to the best of their ability, but Ilios still limped, and I had to help him around.
Although he healed physically, his heart, scathed only by anger and hate, remained an open, bleeding wound.
"He came out of nowhere, Callie!" Ilios told me as he leaned on me in the mess hall. He stumbled in his step, and I put my hand on his chest to steady him.
"Slow down. You're getting ahead of yourself." I said gently.
Ilios ignored me. "I was in the combat practice room--you know, the one where you and I always practice--"
"I know," I nodded.
"--and he was...just there, all of a sudden. He challenged me, didn't even give me a chance to respond. He just attacked!"
"Did he say anything to you? Master Altis was wondering." We found two empty seats and I helped him sit.
Ilios nodded. "He's such a bastard."
"Tell me what he said," I pressed.
Ilios looked away. "It--it was about you."
I frowned. "Me?"
Ilios nodded. "He wanted to--to kill me because than he could..could--" He gestured at me in such a way that the full weight of Cerante's intentions hit me like a block of durasteel.
"I didn't even think of fighting him until he said that."
I leaned forward and took Ilios' hand gently. "Ilios," I said. "Don't give in to the dark side because of me. Attacking to protect another is still attacking. And anyway," I fixed him with my gaze to make sure he understood. "I don't need you to protect me. I'm grateful, but there's always ways of doing things without getting yourself killed."
"Callista," he said, using my full name like he always did when he was gravely serious. "You're my friend. I don't want anyone hurting you, least of all Cerante."
"But it doesn't give you any reason to act in anger. Show you're above him by not going to his level."
Ilios sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Callie...I want to kill him."
Cerante was released from his quarters a week later. I was on edge, afraid of what Ilios might do. Fortunately, he seemed completely calm and at peace.
Then, one night I would never forget if I tried, as I was drifting into sleep, someone knocked on my door. I groaned, ignored it until it came again.
"Callie?" It was Ilios. "Callie!"
I sat up. "Ilios? What is it?"
A pause. "Can I come in?"
I climbed out of bed and threw a blanket over my shoulders, sealing out the room's chilliness. When I opened the door, I saw Ilios, leaning on the wall. "What is it?" I asked, pulling my blanket closer. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
Ilios waved a hand. "Cerante...has challenged me to a duel."
I moved forward and grabbed his arm. He grunted with pain. "Sorry," I said quietly, withdrawing my hand. "Ilios, you can't do it. You're still recovering. You're half--"
"--I've already accepted."
I sighed, and shoot my hair back. "Ilios..." I said with a groan. "Did anything I said to you get into your head? He can kill you, especially when the job's already half-done anyway! Don't do this!"
"I have to," he said. "Come with me." He added, with a sudden pleading in his voice.
I shook my head and stepped back. "No. I won't be a part of this." I stuck my finger in his face. "You do this and you go against everything we've learned in the last six months. This is the dark side, Ilios, and you know it!" I lowered my hand, as well as my voice. "You know it."
"Callie, please, just in case--"
"--just in case what? Something happens?"
With a sigh, Ilios nodded.
I rolled my eyes, exasperated. "Damn it, Ilios..."
He smiled. "So you're coming?"
I glared at him. "Well, what else could I do?"
We met Cerante in the training hall. He'd brought some friends with him. "Blast it," Ilios muttered under his breath. "A Shistavanean. He'll tear my arms off if I try anything."
"No, he looks smarter than Cerante." I returned, in a halfhearted attempt to calm him and myself.
"Welcome, my friends!" Cerante called to us, spreading his arms wide. "Ilios, I'm so glad you brought your little nursemaid along. Tell me--" He tapped his lips thoughtfully. "Just how does she make you feel better?" His companions--a human woman named Chilindra Crane and a black skinned Sakiyan I knew as Ghuna Dj'ark in addition to the Shistavanean--laughed derisively, and Ilios lunged at Cerante, but I grabbed his arm to restrain him.
"Don't, Ilios--"
Ilios didn't look at me. His eyes burned into Cerante's laughing face. "I'm bound. I've already accepted."
"Take it back!"
"Yes, Ilios! Take it back and go, with your little tail between your legs!" Cerante laughed even harder.
I gripped his arm tighter. "Ilios, he'll kill you. I can tell you that. I sense great danger--" I added lower, "for all of us."
Cerante stamped a foot, like an impatient child waiting for a new toy. "I'm waiting!"
Ilios finally looked at me, at Cerante, then at me again. "I have to do this." He pulled his arm free, and walked to the weapons rack. Ilios didn't have his own lightsaber yet, so he had to use one of the training models. He drew the hilt of one and took his place before Ilios in the practice circle. Blades ignited and crossed, and I watched apprehensively as they pressed each other, closer and closer to the breaking point.
Ilios struck first. He swung the blue blade at Cerante's head, and one of Master Altis' proverbs came to my mind: He who strikes first is in the wrong
Is that really so, Master?
Their duel continued at a spectacular speed, the flashes of light on light impact blinding. Even with little experience and broken bones, Ilios was very good. He matched Cerante strike for strike, parry for blow. Cerante's friends whooped and cheered him on, but all I could do was watch in dismay and horror. I couldn't even make out a "Come on, Ilios!"
Ilios stumbled, and Cerante took advantage of it to press his attack. Anger rose in me and my entire body seemed to fill with fire. My fingers itched.
Ilios was back up, swinging his lightsaber, back and forth. Cerante dropped to his knees and brought his lightsaber up, which Ilios avoided by performing a flip that carried him two meters back.
But he missed his landing.
He stumbled, doubled over. Cerante was over him, raising his lightsaber over his head.
"Ilios!" I screamed.
Cerante brought his weapon down at the base of Ilios' skull.
"NO!" I stretched my arm out to him, as if I could catch his severed head and replace it on his shoulders. Take me by surprise, bolts of lightning erupted from my own fingers, striking--
Cerante, full in the chest.
Blue fire arced over his skin. He screamed and fell to the floor, then made no other sound or movement.
Chilindra and Ghuna grabbed my arms and hauled me back as I screamed and struggled and cried. "You bastard!" I screamed at Cerante's limp form. "You bastard! I'll kill you! I swear on the Force, you're dead!"
The Shistavanean knelt beside Cerante, leaning closer and sniffing. He sat up slowly...solemn. "No, you won't." He growled. "You already did."
Ice froze in my stomach. No...
Chilindra and Ghuna released my arms and I crawled to Ilios' side, whimpering and crying in shock. The stump of his neck smoked and sizzled, cauterized by the heat of Cerante's weapon. I sat beside him, staring at my hands.
I couldn't believe it...my mind was whirling from the momentum of a thousand thoughts and revelations. Ilios is dead...I've killed Cerante....Ilios was murdered...I have murdered Cerante...Ilios is in two pieces, one large, one small...he's dead, gone forever and you killed him...no, you killed Cerante...Cerante killed Ilios...Cerante deserved to die...Ilios deserved...Cerante killed you...Ilios killed us all...
"Get Master Altis!" Ghuna called, and in my head, his voice echoed and slowed, far away. Dizziness washed over me. I felt like I was falling very, very fast. Darkness engulfed the corners of my vision, swallowing all I knew with a voracious appetite and I could only watch as it all went away. I crumpled over Ilios' dead body.
Blackness.
I was in a tunnel, staring into an abyss if oscillating black and white light. It was mesmerizing, all the light and darkness sucked inexorably to one focal point, too far away to see. I stared at it in awe, and felt my body moving closer and closer to it.
"Callista," a resonating voice echoed in the air. "Callista, turn away. Don't look at it, Callista. That is the dark side."
I can't...I can't take my eyes off it.
Callista, you have to. Look away Callista, before it takes you! Listen to my voice, follow it."
My hair blew around my face, whipping in my eyes and mouth. With all my strength--more than what I had, really--I averted my eyes to the side and stood, gasping.
I sat up conscious and aware. I was in my bed, in my quarters, bathed in sweat. Trembling, I took in my surroundings. Soonta sat beside my bed, leaning forward with his hands clasped together between his knees. He was surrounded by a halo of light afforded by the lamp that was the only illumination in the room. He stared at me fervently with his eerie eyes, sitting up a little bit when I woke up.
I looked at him, trying to catch my breath. "Was that you?"
He nodded. "You almost crossed over. You were in great danger."
"That's enough for now, Soonta." Another voice said--Master Altis. "Leave us. I wish to speak to Callista alone."
Soonta stood up and left the room, leaving me alone with Master Altis. He took Soonta's chair and looked at me. The skin around his eyes was creased with more than the usual amount of lines, and his eyes themselves were tired, but still maintained their usual sharpness, in some amazing paradox.
"Master," I said, my throat cracking. "Did I really kill Cerante?"
Master Altis sighed. "He's dead, if that's what you mean. Two days ago. As for whether or not you killed him, I have yet to learn."
"If he's dead, then I did kill him, but Master, you must understand I did not mean to!"
He sat forward a little. "Callista, tell me in your own words what happened two nights ago."
I looked down at the blankets over my legs and sighed. "Well, um...about three in the morning, Ilios came to my apartment. He--he said...that Cerante had challenged him to...a duel. He wanted me to come with him. And I did, reluctantly. I tried to warn him of the dark side, but he...he wouldn't listen." I was trying my best to keep my voice even, but I kept choking on the words, failing to hold back tears that sleep had stayed. I sniffed. "Anyway, Ilios and Cerante fought. Ilios tripped and Cerant--" I couldn't breath. I'd forgotten to hold back emotion, and it was evident, running down my cheeks. "--Cerante killed him."
Master Altis put a hand on my shoulder. "And then, you--"
"I didn't mean to kill him, Master. Really. I didn't even expect it to happen. Any of it!" I moved closer to the edge of the bed, throwing the blankets away from my legs. I looked at my hands, which still itched with the lightning power that had killed my best friend's murderer. "It just...happened."
"Callista," Master Altis said gently. "Some of the Masters, myself included, are wondering where you learned the power you used."
"I never learned it. Like I said, I had no idea that it would happen. I--I--I can only call it a reflex. I didn't think about it at all."
Master Altis' brow furrowed. "Were you even thinking of using the Force to help Ilios?"
I shook my head. "I wanted to help him, but--I don't remember...it all happened so fast. Ilios..." My voice quavered, and I forced myself to swallow my tears.
Master Altis nodded. "It's okay. You're all right, Callista. I don't think anyone can accuse you of intentionally killing him."
I looked up at my Master. "What are people saying about it?"
Master Altis shook his head. "Don't worry about what the other students are saying." He helped my to stand up. "There. You're all right."
"Master?"
"Yes, Callista."
"What I saw when I was waking up--what was that?"
"When we found you all, you were unconscious. The dark side was thinly present in the room. It was...radiating from you. That is what you saw."
"Why would it radiate from me?"
He hesitated. "We don't know yet." He helped my walk across the room. "Now you must come with me. I know you're still very shaken and would rather not, but there are some people here who want to see you."
Master Altis escorted me to an empty classroom, where two people were waiting for us. As we came through the door, the two adults--a man and a woman--stood up and turned around. I could tell by their dress that they were well off. When the woman saw me, every muscle in her face tightened. Her brown eyes were red-rimmed and framed with new wrinkles.
Cerante's mother.
"Lord and Lady Getufsko," Master Altis began. "This is Callista Nogati. I have spoken with her, and I can find no murderous intent in her actions against your son."
"The hell there wasn't" Lady Getufsko said through gritted teeth. "She killed him. I'd say that about defines murderous, wouldn't you?"
I couldn't stay silent. "Lord Getufsko, Lady Getufsko," I managed as calmly as possible. Lady Getufsko looked at me with wild, furious eyes, as if she couldn't believe that I, of all people was addressing her. "I--I am so sorry for everything that has happened. I didn't mean to kill Cerante. It was a reflex I didn't even--"
Lady Getufsko lunged at me, restrained by her weary-looking husband. "I don't want your apologies!" She hissed.
I looked away from her, ashamed.
"Rebekah," Lord Getufsko began.
"Look me in the eyes, you creature!" She sobbed. "Look into the eyes of the woman whose son you took!"
"I didn't mean to!" I cried. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! What else do you want me to say?" My heart was ripping at the thought that I'd hurt her so much. "I can't give you anything more than I already have!"
"Then give me your blood! I hope that one day you understand what it feels like to have your own innocent child taken from you--"
"But he wasn't innocent!" I cut in, bristling. "He killed another student in cold blood!" Tears of anger sprang from my eyes.
"Callista," Master Altis said, taking my arm. "The dark side."
But I didn't listen. "He killed Ilios because he didn't have as much money as he did. Ilios was a better person by far!" I spat, anger rising in me. "Your son was a terrible person, especially to me and my friends, because our families weren't rich. Ilios didn't even have a family!"
Lady Getufsko raised a hand against me, and would have slapped me through the wall if Lord Getufsko hadn't grabbed her wrist. I winced away and Master Altis stepped between Lady Getufsko and me.
"Stop this, both of you!" It was the first time I'd ever heard Master Altis raise his voice. The silence that followed was only broken by Lady Getufsko's sobbing breaths. I turned around slowly, wiping my eyes and sniffing. I looked at Master Altis; his eyes were wide. "None of this will help you." He said, calmer. "What's done is done." He looked at Cerante's parents. "Lord, Lady Getufsko, Cerante cannot be replaced, but it would be ill of his memory to do something rash. We regret that this is happened, and we will do everything in our power--"
"Then try this beast as the murderer she is!" Lord Getufsko hissed at me.
"--to show you how sorry we are, but Callista will not be punished."
Lord and Lady Getufsko both looked at Master Altis in surprise. "As if she did nothing wrong?" Lord Getufsko said, spitting out the words as if disgusted by their foul taste.
"I won't listen to this." Lady Getufsko said, disengaging herself from her husband's arms and reaching for her cloak.
"She could not help what she did. It was an unhappy reflex."
"Altis, I swear to you, if you refuse to do anything about this," Getufsko said, stabbing a finger into Master Altis' face. "We will go to the proper authorities and we'll shut this place down!" Without another word, they headed for the door.
Cerante's family left that evening, and I, exhausted as if I'd never slept in my entire life, locked myself in my quarters. I curled up on my bed and tried to sleep.
But I didn't sleep peacefully.
I dreamed I was home, on Chad. It was the first time in months. I was a little girl again, lying on my bed in our little beach house. Jeebie laid on my stomach, his fur purple in the darkness. I stroked his ears, listening to the creaks and groans as the walls released the heat of the day. Very faintly, I could hear voices in the next room, those of Mama and Papa. I sat up, didn't hear Jeebie complaining about being displaced.
"She's a little girl, Kara. She doesn't know--"
"Of course she knows! By the time you're seven, you tend to love your mother. But...no, no. Brigam, she hates me!"
Their voices faded, replaced by others:
"Come here, Callie. Come over here."
"Four children with no mother, and it's all your fault!:
My breath came harder, and my chest tightened. Pressed against the door, I could hear more voices, mingling together. Hesitantly, I opened the door, and the voices grew louder. Stepping into the hall, I couldn't see anyone else in the house.
But something was wrong. And I knew what it was. The voices escalated, crescendoed to a deafening level, drowning everything out except for the throbbing of blood in my veins.
Then, my own voice rose from beneath them all, displaced far from my lips and falling over itself as it became clearer: "Mama...Mama...Mama..." I turned the corner and froze.
Even though I knew it would be there, the sight of the blue bottle resting innocently on the carpet clutched my heart with uncontrollable fear. Beads of red liquid dripped from its rim. With all the curiosity of a seven-year-old, I knelt and picked it up, examining it. My fingers grew long and thing, aging ten years in the blink of an eye.
The blood that trickled over my fingers didn't even register in my mind for a heartbeat. When it finally did, it filled me with frenzied horror. Fully grown, I dropped the bottle and stumbled into the fresher, tripping carelessly over Mama's body and thrusting my bloodied hands under the water. I scrubbed furiously, trying desperately to wash the blood from my hands. But...oh, it wouldn't...it wouldn't come off, I couldn't...get the blood off.
And so I ran. I tripped over Mama's body again, fell to my hands and knees. Sobbing, I stumbled out the door, and sprinted away into the darkness.
The driving rain mixed with my tears, hid them as they poured down my face, released after years of suppression. I ran, and I ran, exempt of fatigue in the world of dreams. Trees passed by in irrythmic patterns, as unheeded as the conventions of religion and love.
There was a cemetery, high on the hills above the beach, surrounded by forests. Josef and I would play there, pretend to be the people whose names had been forgotten. Salt and freshwater stained my lips as Mama's marker appeared before me. Papa had made it, a memorial in remembrance of her, my mother, buried now beneath the water, far from me.
I fell to my knees as if praying, and buried my face in my hands, weeping and sobbing uncontrollably. When I looked up at the marker, it was gone--the entire scene had changed.
I was on the cliff.
The cliff.
Where we'd buried my mother at sea. Crawling to the edge, my breath staggered as I gazed down at the dark water, far below. Its iciness reached me even far above it. For some reason, I expected her to be down there. When she wasn't, it filled me with realization.
My mother was gone, gone forever.
I screamed and scrambled back as I'd done when Mama had breathed her last onto my skin. The memory of that tiny breeze came back like an icy slap.
With all my might I cursed--cursed the Force for robbing me of my mother, my father, my best friend...and felt so alone and afraid that I could smell it. The ground rumbled and gave way, plunging me into the darkness of the earth as it enfolded me. I was instantly void of emotion as tiny insects marched across my back, just another obstacle in their path.
The mud, the insects, the leaves...disappeared, faded like breath on glass, but I still fell, towards the water, closer...closer...
The water was cold, frozen and stabbing as I broke the surface. The shock of it made me gasp, but I swallowed no water.
She was down here, some place. If I could find her, everything would be okay. Mama would be okay. Papa, Maya and Arkna would love me again.
So I swam, deeper and deeper into this abyss that struck no fear in my heart.
She was here...I could find her...
There, the pristine box, small and lavender, that Papa and Claine had launched into the sea when I was a little girl. It glowed ominously before me, beckoning me.
Come, Lissy...here I am. Set me free...
Grasping the lid, I lifted it, pressing against its heaviness.
She lay inside, perfectly still. Dead. The flesh was gone, burned away, decayed and eaten by time. Eyeless sockets stared skyward, a lipless mouth smiled at its victory. Remnants of black hair floated in tangled skeins, rotten by years. As I stared at her, she neither moved nor spoke.
By Ambassador Cara Jade
Part 5: The Black Sky Opened Up
I wasn't able to go with Kasidy to the docking bay. She and Zara Guyenn were due to leave very early, but before they did, as I was getting ready for the day's first classes, Kasidy stopped by my apartment.
"I wanted to come by and say an official good-bye," she said. Her duffel was slung over her shoulder easily. She looked at it and smiled. "Amazing, isn't it?" She said. "Ten years and all my possessions fit in one bag." She looked back at me. "If I were to put what I'd learned in this bag, it would split at the seams."
I smiled. "You'll be a great Jedi, Kass," I said as I hugged her. "I wish I could come."
"Hey," she said with a reassuring smile. "I'll see you again soon enough." Well, I have to hurry. The shuttle is leaving in ten minutes. I'll send you a message when we get to Coruscant."
I nodded as she moved away from the door and back into the hall. "Hey, Kass." I called after her. She turned around.
I bit my lip. "Thank you...for being my friend."
Kasidy smiled. "May the Force be with you, Callista, until we meet again."
Ilios wasn't in class that morning. Although he continued with his lesson, Master Altis seemed every bit as surprised as I was, since he almost never missed class, and when he did, he always told me. Today, for some reason, he hadn't, and I wondered why.
My answer came about halfway through the class, when one of the healing masters, an Ithorian named Telakt Ladek, came to the door. "Master Altis?"
Djinn looked at the healer. "Yes, Telakt, what is it?"
Master Ladek looked at all the students, who stared at him inquisitively. He strode purposefully to the front to talk Master Altis. They leaned close together, like co-conspirators in a grand scheme. Although the aged alien whispered, his synthesizer-like voice made it easy for us all to hear some of it.
"...the Larptiwa..badly...med center."
The news hit me with a bright white shock, and I was visibly shaken. My friend Jana put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"
I stared straight ahead, where Ladek and Master Altis continued to speak, but I was deafened by worry...all I could see was the moving of their mouths. Ilios had been hurt, left alone...I knew immediately that Cerante had had something to do with it.
Master Altis glanced at me briefly. The intensity in his eyes told me that Ilios' injuries were serious.
"Callista?" Jana said again. "Callista?"
"Callista." Master Altis' calm voice broke through my funk, and I snapped back to reality with a jolt.
"Huh?"
Both Master Altis and Master Ladek were looking at me. "It appears that we may need your assistance." The old Ithorian said. "Will you come with us?"
I looked at Jana, and had the sudden, excruciating feeling that everyone was watching me. Slowly, I stood up and walked shakily to my master's side. "Ilios has been seriously injured, somehow." Master Altis told me. "And he's asking to see you."
Master Ladek escorted Master Altis and me through the sterile whiteness of the Medical Wing. There weren't many patients; most of the people here now were students or healers. Master Ladek gave us details as we walked: "A pair of students found him this afternoon in the training hall. He was unconscious, and very severely beaten. They called the healers right away. We did our best, but he still has some fractured bones that will take us longer to heal. He regained consciousness about thirty minutes ago. This is his room." He opened the door for us. Beyond, the room was dark, with only one bedside lamp that encircled Ilios in a cloud of light.
Ilios lay on the table underneath a thin blanket, his arms and legs straight, bandaged in places. It was hard to see his face for all the gauze wrapped around it. Master Altis guided me to a chair beside his bed, and I saw his face in gruesome detail--both eyes were blackened and swollen, almost shut. His lips we split down the middle. Burns, bruises and cuts covered his cheeks and forehead.
"Talk to him, Callista." Master Ladek said. "He'll only speak to you."
I took Ilios' hand and gingerly touched the only perfect patch on his cheek. He stirred, whimpered. His broken limbs stretched and he cried again. My heart ached for him, in so much pain. I'd never seen him cry before, and now the tears ran freely, unabashed. "Ilios," I said quietly. "Ilios, it's me."
His eyes squinted slightly open, and he sighed. "Callista," he said, weakly squeezing my hand with shattered fingers. The round muscles in his arm flexed, as if it took all his strength to complete such a simple gesture of affection.
"How do you feel?" I asked, but knowing he would have felt better if a wystoh had bit him in half.
"That's about right," he said, and I smiled in spite of myself.
"Who did this to you?" I pressed, leaning forward. "Master Altis and Master Ladek want to know, so whoever did this can be punished."
Ilios breathed several times. He shook his head, having a sudden difficulty breathing. "You know..." He managed weakly, then closed his eyes.
"Let him rest now," Ladek said.
"May I stay, Master?" I asked softly.
Master Altis rested a hand on my shoulder. "If you wish," he said. "Did he tell you who attacked him?"
I nodded. "Yes. Cerante Getufsko. Your padawan."
Cerante, of course, denied having anything to do with Ilios' injuries. But Master Altis could tell just as easily as I could that he was lying through his teeth, so Cerante was confined to his quarters.
Ilios recovered quickly, considering the injuries he'd suffered. Cerante had broken both his wrists, shattered one kneecap and cracked an ankle, in addition to all his burns and facial lacerations. Those closed up quickly, under the influence of the Force. The healers repaired his breaks to the best of their ability, but Ilios still limped, and I had to help him around.
Although he healed physically, his heart, scathed only by anger and hate, remained an open, bleeding wound.
"He came out of nowhere, Callie!" Ilios told me as he leaned on me in the mess hall. He stumbled in his step, and I put my hand on his chest to steady him.
"Slow down. You're getting ahead of yourself." I said gently.
Ilios ignored me. "I was in the combat practice room--you know, the one where you and I always practice--"
"I know," I nodded.
"--and he was...just there, all of a sudden. He challenged me, didn't even give me a chance to respond. He just attacked!"
"Did he say anything to you? Master Altis was wondering." We found two empty seats and I helped him sit.
Ilios nodded. "He's such a bastard."
"Tell me what he said," I pressed.
Ilios looked away. "It--it was about you."
I frowned. "Me?"
Ilios nodded. "He wanted to--to kill me because than he could..could--" He gestured at me in such a way that the full weight of Cerante's intentions hit me like a block of durasteel.
"I didn't even think of fighting him until he said that."
I leaned forward and took Ilios' hand gently. "Ilios," I said. "Don't give in to the dark side because of me. Attacking to protect another is still attacking. And anyway," I fixed him with my gaze to make sure he understood. "I don't need you to protect me. I'm grateful, but there's always ways of doing things without getting yourself killed."
"Callista," he said, using my full name like he always did when he was gravely serious. "You're my friend. I don't want anyone hurting you, least of all Cerante."
"But it doesn't give you any reason to act in anger. Show you're above him by not going to his level."
Ilios sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Callie...I want to kill him."
Cerante was released from his quarters a week later. I was on edge, afraid of what Ilios might do. Fortunately, he seemed completely calm and at peace.
Then, one night I would never forget if I tried, as I was drifting into sleep, someone knocked on my door. I groaned, ignored it until it came again.
"Callie?" It was Ilios. "Callie!"
I sat up. "Ilios? What is it?"
A pause. "Can I come in?"
I climbed out of bed and threw a blanket over my shoulders, sealing out the room's chilliness. When I opened the door, I saw Ilios, leaning on the wall. "What is it?" I asked, pulling my blanket closer. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
Ilios waved a hand. "Cerante...has challenged me to a duel."
I moved forward and grabbed his arm. He grunted with pain. "Sorry," I said quietly, withdrawing my hand. "Ilios, you can't do it. You're still recovering. You're half--"
"--I've already accepted."
I sighed, and shoot my hair back. "Ilios..." I said with a groan. "Did anything I said to you get into your head? He can kill you, especially when the job's already half-done anyway! Don't do this!"
"I have to," he said. "Come with me." He added, with a sudden pleading in his voice.
I shook my head and stepped back. "No. I won't be a part of this." I stuck my finger in his face. "You do this and you go against everything we've learned in the last six months. This is the dark side, Ilios, and you know it!" I lowered my hand, as well as my voice. "You know it."
"Callie, please, just in case--"
"--just in case what? Something happens?"
With a sigh, Ilios nodded.
I rolled my eyes, exasperated. "Damn it, Ilios..."
He smiled. "So you're coming?"
I glared at him. "Well, what else could I do?"
We met Cerante in the training hall. He'd brought some friends with him. "Blast it," Ilios muttered under his breath. "A Shistavanean. He'll tear my arms off if I try anything."
"No, he looks smarter than Cerante." I returned, in a halfhearted attempt to calm him and myself.
"Welcome, my friends!" Cerante called to us, spreading his arms wide. "Ilios, I'm so glad you brought your little nursemaid along. Tell me--" He tapped his lips thoughtfully. "Just how does she make you feel better?" His companions--a human woman named Chilindra Crane and a black skinned Sakiyan I knew as Ghuna Dj'ark in addition to the Shistavanean--laughed derisively, and Ilios lunged at Cerante, but I grabbed his arm to restrain him.
"Don't, Ilios--"
Ilios didn't look at me. His eyes burned into Cerante's laughing face. "I'm bound. I've already accepted."
"Take it back!"
"Yes, Ilios! Take it back and go, with your little tail between your legs!" Cerante laughed even harder.
I gripped his arm tighter. "Ilios, he'll kill you. I can tell you that. I sense great danger--" I added lower, "for all of us."
Cerante stamped a foot, like an impatient child waiting for a new toy. "I'm waiting!"
Ilios finally looked at me, at Cerante, then at me again. "I have to do this." He pulled his arm free, and walked to the weapons rack. Ilios didn't have his own lightsaber yet, so he had to use one of the training models. He drew the hilt of one and took his place before Ilios in the practice circle. Blades ignited and crossed, and I watched apprehensively as they pressed each other, closer and closer to the breaking point.
Ilios struck first. He swung the blue blade at Cerante's head, and one of Master Altis' proverbs came to my mind: He who strikes first is in the wrong
Is that really so, Master?
Their duel continued at a spectacular speed, the flashes of light on light impact blinding. Even with little experience and broken bones, Ilios was very good. He matched Cerante strike for strike, parry for blow. Cerante's friends whooped and cheered him on, but all I could do was watch in dismay and horror. I couldn't even make out a "Come on, Ilios!"
Ilios stumbled, and Cerante took advantage of it to press his attack. Anger rose in me and my entire body seemed to fill with fire. My fingers itched.
Ilios was back up, swinging his lightsaber, back and forth. Cerante dropped to his knees and brought his lightsaber up, which Ilios avoided by performing a flip that carried him two meters back.
But he missed his landing.
He stumbled, doubled over. Cerante was over him, raising his lightsaber over his head.
"Ilios!" I screamed.
Cerante brought his weapon down at the base of Ilios' skull.
"NO!" I stretched my arm out to him, as if I could catch his severed head and replace it on his shoulders. Take me by surprise, bolts of lightning erupted from my own fingers, striking--
Cerante, full in the chest.
Blue fire arced over his skin. He screamed and fell to the floor, then made no other sound or movement.
Chilindra and Ghuna grabbed my arms and hauled me back as I screamed and struggled and cried. "You bastard!" I screamed at Cerante's limp form. "You bastard! I'll kill you! I swear on the Force, you're dead!"
The Shistavanean knelt beside Cerante, leaning closer and sniffing. He sat up slowly...solemn. "No, you won't." He growled. "You already did."
Ice froze in my stomach. No...
Chilindra and Ghuna released my arms and I crawled to Ilios' side, whimpering and crying in shock. The stump of his neck smoked and sizzled, cauterized by the heat of Cerante's weapon. I sat beside him, staring at my hands.
I couldn't believe it...my mind was whirling from the momentum of a thousand thoughts and revelations. Ilios is dead...I've killed Cerante....Ilios was murdered...I have murdered Cerante...Ilios is in two pieces, one large, one small...he's dead, gone forever and you killed him...no, you killed Cerante...Cerante killed Ilios...Cerante deserved to die...Ilios deserved...Cerante killed you...Ilios killed us all...
"Get Master Altis!" Ghuna called, and in my head, his voice echoed and slowed, far away. Dizziness washed over me. I felt like I was falling very, very fast. Darkness engulfed the corners of my vision, swallowing all I knew with a voracious appetite and I could only watch as it all went away. I crumpled over Ilios' dead body.
Blackness.
I was in a tunnel, staring into an abyss if oscillating black and white light. It was mesmerizing, all the light and darkness sucked inexorably to one focal point, too far away to see. I stared at it in awe, and felt my body moving closer and closer to it.
"Callista," a resonating voice echoed in the air. "Callista, turn away. Don't look at it, Callista. That is the dark side."
I can't...I can't take my eyes off it.
Callista, you have to. Look away Callista, before it takes you! Listen to my voice, follow it."
My hair blew around my face, whipping in my eyes and mouth. With all my strength--more than what I had, really--I averted my eyes to the side and stood, gasping.
I sat up conscious and aware. I was in my bed, in my quarters, bathed in sweat. Trembling, I took in my surroundings. Soonta sat beside my bed, leaning forward with his hands clasped together between his knees. He was surrounded by a halo of light afforded by the lamp that was the only illumination in the room. He stared at me fervently with his eerie eyes, sitting up a little bit when I woke up.
I looked at him, trying to catch my breath. "Was that you?"
He nodded. "You almost crossed over. You were in great danger."
"That's enough for now, Soonta." Another voice said--Master Altis. "Leave us. I wish to speak to Callista alone."
Soonta stood up and left the room, leaving me alone with Master Altis. He took Soonta's chair and looked at me. The skin around his eyes was creased with more than the usual amount of lines, and his eyes themselves were tired, but still maintained their usual sharpness, in some amazing paradox.
"Master," I said, my throat cracking. "Did I really kill Cerante?"
Master Altis sighed. "He's dead, if that's what you mean. Two days ago. As for whether or not you killed him, I have yet to learn."
"If he's dead, then I did kill him, but Master, you must understand I did not mean to!"
He sat forward a little. "Callista, tell me in your own words what happened two nights ago."
I looked down at the blankets over my legs and sighed. "Well, um...about three in the morning, Ilios came to my apartment. He--he said...that Cerante had challenged him to...a duel. He wanted me to come with him. And I did, reluctantly. I tried to warn him of the dark side, but he...he wouldn't listen." I was trying my best to keep my voice even, but I kept choking on the words, failing to hold back tears that sleep had stayed. I sniffed. "Anyway, Ilios and Cerante fought. Ilios tripped and Cerant--" I couldn't breath. I'd forgotten to hold back emotion, and it was evident, running down my cheeks. "--Cerante killed him."
Master Altis put a hand on my shoulder. "And then, you--"
"I didn't mean to kill him, Master. Really. I didn't even expect it to happen. Any of it!" I moved closer to the edge of the bed, throwing the blankets away from my legs. I looked at my hands, which still itched with the lightning power that had killed my best friend's murderer. "It just...happened."
"Callista," Master Altis said gently. "Some of the Masters, myself included, are wondering where you learned the power you used."
"I never learned it. Like I said, I had no idea that it would happen. I--I--I can only call it a reflex. I didn't think about it at all."
Master Altis' brow furrowed. "Were you even thinking of using the Force to help Ilios?"
I shook my head. "I wanted to help him, but--I don't remember...it all happened so fast. Ilios..." My voice quavered, and I forced myself to swallow my tears.
Master Altis nodded. "It's okay. You're all right, Callista. I don't think anyone can accuse you of intentionally killing him."
I looked up at my Master. "What are people saying about it?"
Master Altis shook his head. "Don't worry about what the other students are saying." He helped my to stand up. "There. You're all right."
"Master?"
"Yes, Callista."
"What I saw when I was waking up--what was that?"
"When we found you all, you were unconscious. The dark side was thinly present in the room. It was...radiating from you. That is what you saw."
"Why would it radiate from me?"
He hesitated. "We don't know yet." He helped my walk across the room. "Now you must come with me. I know you're still very shaken and would rather not, but there are some people here who want to see you."
Master Altis escorted me to an empty classroom, where two people were waiting for us. As we came through the door, the two adults--a man and a woman--stood up and turned around. I could tell by their dress that they were well off. When the woman saw me, every muscle in her face tightened. Her brown eyes were red-rimmed and framed with new wrinkles.
Cerante's mother.
"Lord and Lady Getufsko," Master Altis began. "This is Callista Nogati. I have spoken with her, and I can find no murderous intent in her actions against your son."
"The hell there wasn't" Lady Getufsko said through gritted teeth. "She killed him. I'd say that about defines murderous, wouldn't you?"
I couldn't stay silent. "Lord Getufsko, Lady Getufsko," I managed as calmly as possible. Lady Getufsko looked at me with wild, furious eyes, as if she couldn't believe that I, of all people was addressing her. "I--I am so sorry for everything that has happened. I didn't mean to kill Cerante. It was a reflex I didn't even--"
Lady Getufsko lunged at me, restrained by her weary-looking husband. "I don't want your apologies!" She hissed.
I looked away from her, ashamed.
"Rebekah," Lord Getufsko began.
"Look me in the eyes, you creature!" She sobbed. "Look into the eyes of the woman whose son you took!"
"I didn't mean to!" I cried. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! What else do you want me to say?" My heart was ripping at the thought that I'd hurt her so much. "I can't give you anything more than I already have!"
"Then give me your blood! I hope that one day you understand what it feels like to have your own innocent child taken from you--"
"But he wasn't innocent!" I cut in, bristling. "He killed another student in cold blood!" Tears of anger sprang from my eyes.
"Callista," Master Altis said, taking my arm. "The dark side."
But I didn't listen. "He killed Ilios because he didn't have as much money as he did. Ilios was a better person by far!" I spat, anger rising in me. "Your son was a terrible person, especially to me and my friends, because our families weren't rich. Ilios didn't even have a family!"
Lady Getufsko raised a hand against me, and would have slapped me through the wall if Lord Getufsko hadn't grabbed her wrist. I winced away and Master Altis stepped between Lady Getufsko and me.
"Stop this, both of you!" It was the first time I'd ever heard Master Altis raise his voice. The silence that followed was only broken by Lady Getufsko's sobbing breaths. I turned around slowly, wiping my eyes and sniffing. I looked at Master Altis; his eyes were wide. "None of this will help you." He said, calmer. "What's done is done." He looked at Cerante's parents. "Lord, Lady Getufsko, Cerante cannot be replaced, but it would be ill of his memory to do something rash. We regret that this is happened, and we will do everything in our power--"
"Then try this beast as the murderer she is!" Lord Getufsko hissed at me.
"--to show you how sorry we are, but Callista will not be punished."
Lord and Lady Getufsko both looked at Master Altis in surprise. "As if she did nothing wrong?" Lord Getufsko said, spitting out the words as if disgusted by their foul taste.
"I won't listen to this." Lady Getufsko said, disengaging herself from her husband's arms and reaching for her cloak.
"She could not help what she did. It was an unhappy reflex."
"Altis, I swear to you, if you refuse to do anything about this," Getufsko said, stabbing a finger into Master Altis' face. "We will go to the proper authorities and we'll shut this place down!" Without another word, they headed for the door.
Cerante's family left that evening, and I, exhausted as if I'd never slept in my entire life, locked myself in my quarters. I curled up on my bed and tried to sleep.
But I didn't sleep peacefully.
I dreamed I was home, on Chad. It was the first time in months. I was a little girl again, lying on my bed in our little beach house. Jeebie laid on my stomach, his fur purple in the darkness. I stroked his ears, listening to the creaks and groans as the walls released the heat of the day. Very faintly, I could hear voices in the next room, those of Mama and Papa. I sat up, didn't hear Jeebie complaining about being displaced.
"She's a little girl, Kara. She doesn't know--"
"Of course she knows! By the time you're seven, you tend to love your mother. But...no, no. Brigam, she hates me!"
Their voices faded, replaced by others:
"Come here, Callie. Come over here."
"Four children with no mother, and it's all your fault!:
My breath came harder, and my chest tightened. Pressed against the door, I could hear more voices, mingling together. Hesitantly, I opened the door, and the voices grew louder. Stepping into the hall, I couldn't see anyone else in the house.
But something was wrong. And I knew what it was. The voices escalated, crescendoed to a deafening level, drowning everything out except for the throbbing of blood in my veins.
Then, my own voice rose from beneath them all, displaced far from my lips and falling over itself as it became clearer: "Mama...Mama...Mama..." I turned the corner and froze.
Even though I knew it would be there, the sight of the blue bottle resting innocently on the carpet clutched my heart with uncontrollable fear. Beads of red liquid dripped from its rim. With all the curiosity of a seven-year-old, I knelt and picked it up, examining it. My fingers grew long and thing, aging ten years in the blink of an eye.
The blood that trickled over my fingers didn't even register in my mind for a heartbeat. When it finally did, it filled me with frenzied horror. Fully grown, I dropped the bottle and stumbled into the fresher, tripping carelessly over Mama's body and thrusting my bloodied hands under the water. I scrubbed furiously, trying desperately to wash the blood from my hands. But...oh, it wouldn't...it wouldn't come off, I couldn't...get the blood off.
And so I ran. I tripped over Mama's body again, fell to my hands and knees. Sobbing, I stumbled out the door, and sprinted away into the darkness.
The driving rain mixed with my tears, hid them as they poured down my face, released after years of suppression. I ran, and I ran, exempt of fatigue in the world of dreams. Trees passed by in irrythmic patterns, as unheeded as the conventions of religion and love.
There was a cemetery, high on the hills above the beach, surrounded by forests. Josef and I would play there, pretend to be the people whose names had been forgotten. Salt and freshwater stained my lips as Mama's marker appeared before me. Papa had made it, a memorial in remembrance of her, my mother, buried now beneath the water, far from me.
I fell to my knees as if praying, and buried my face in my hands, weeping and sobbing uncontrollably. When I looked up at the marker, it was gone--the entire scene had changed.
I was on the cliff.
The cliff.
Where we'd buried my mother at sea. Crawling to the edge, my breath staggered as I gazed down at the dark water, far below. Its iciness reached me even far above it. For some reason, I expected her to be down there. When she wasn't, it filled me with realization.
My mother was gone, gone forever.
I screamed and scrambled back as I'd done when Mama had breathed her last onto my skin. The memory of that tiny breeze came back like an icy slap.
With all my might I cursed--cursed the Force for robbing me of my mother, my father, my best friend...and felt so alone and afraid that I could smell it. The ground rumbled and gave way, plunging me into the darkness of the earth as it enfolded me. I was instantly void of emotion as tiny insects marched across my back, just another obstacle in their path.
The mud, the insects, the leaves...disappeared, faded like breath on glass, but I still fell, towards the water, closer...closer...
The water was cold, frozen and stabbing as I broke the surface. The shock of it made me gasp, but I swallowed no water.
She was down here, some place. If I could find her, everything would be okay. Mama would be okay. Papa, Maya and Arkna would love me again.
So I swam, deeper and deeper into this abyss that struck no fear in my heart.
She was here...I could find her...
There, the pristine box, small and lavender, that Papa and Claine had launched into the sea when I was a little girl. It glowed ominously before me, beckoning me.
Come, Lissy...here I am. Set me free...
Grasping the lid, I lifted it, pressing against its heaviness.
She lay inside, perfectly still. Dead. The flesh was gone, burned away, decayed and eaten by time. Eyeless sockets stared skyward, a lipless mouth smiled at its victory. Remnants of black hair floated in tangled skeins, rotten by years. As I stared at her, she neither moved nor spoke.