"Push, Callista! Come on, you can do it!"
"I'm right here, Callie. I'm here for you. You'll be all right..."
The rest of Geith's words were drowned out when I screamed again. The last thirteen hours had all been the same, filled with pain, like a white-hot lightsaber slicing through my stomach.
"Okay, Callista, you need to stop pushing now," a healer knight named Samon told me.
"Why isn't she coming out?" I whimpered, exhausted. My head fell back against Geith's arm. His hand squeezed mine every so often. He kissed my temple, and let his mouth rest there for just a few moments.
"What's going on?" Geith asked Samon.
"Samon!" Ghalas called from the door. "You about done there?"
"Why?" Samon didn't even turn to face her.
"There's another one across the hall."
"What?!" I cried, raising my head to stare at Ghalas. As far as I knew, there was only one other pregnant woman on Belsavis...
"I'll be there in a few minutes," Samon said. He turned his attention back to me. "Okay, Callista. Don't panic. That's the last thing any of us want to do."
"Why would I panic?" I asked, suddenly scared ten times more.
"Your hips are too narrow. The baby can't get out."
"What does that mean?" Geith asked.
Samon looked at him as if to say, Not now.
"Oh, stars..." I moaned.
"Reach out, Callista," Samon told me. "We'll do what we can...bring her out slowly."
I squeezed my eyes shut, tears of pain, exhaustion and fear trickled down my cheeks.
"Callie," Geith whispered, lacing his fingers through mine. "I love you. Hang in there..."
I released a shuddering, gasping breath. "Help me, Geith," I pleaded. Then I reached out through the Force, deep within myself to where the baby was trapped-
There. She wasn't moving, her own simple fear had stayed her progress. Even two months early, she was too big, or I was too small. I'd have to move the bone, stretch it, make room for her to get out. Gingerly, carefully I set to work, reassuring the baby that everything was going to be okay as I grabbed onto the bones with invisible hands, and then I began to pull.
Raw, searing pain from between my legs told me it was working, adding itself to the sharp, repeating contractions. I couldn't divert my attention to calming it now...giving in to that weakness would kill us both. Instead, I screamed.
Geith stepped in, using his own talents to soothe over the burning edges of pain.
"I see her!" Samon cried. "I can see the head."
Geith squeezed my hand. "It's almost over, darling. Almost there..."
"All right, Callista, one more push..." Samon coaxed. "And...she's...out!"
A new, shaky, bleating cry joined ours. I opened my eyes, releasing my hold on my bones and exhaling. I was shaking, and even that reflex seemed like a chore.
Samon wrapped the baby in a blanket. "A lovely baby girl," he said, handing her to me.
I took her greedily, like one starving and being offered bread. My arms were so sapped of strength that Geith had to help me hold her.
"You did it, Callie," he said gently, kissing me softly.
"We did it," I corrected him, exhaling and taking in my first breath in what seemed like thirteen hours. I gently lifted the baby to my lips and kissed her fuzzy head. "You're so little, baby," I whispered. "How can you have caused so much trouble?"
Geith chuckled. "What are we going to name her?"
"Kara," I said, knowing absolutely that that was meant to be her name. "Her name is Kara."
The memory of my mother was more tangible than ever, as if I could feel her with me in the room. When everything came full circle, it made perfect sense to name her after my mother.
Geith wiped sweaty hair off my face and kissed my forehead. "It's perfect," he said.
"Right," Samon said. "I have to run across the hall. I'll be back later. Wei, would you clean up?"
Samon's padawan started mopping up blood and clearing equipment, but Geith and I were oblivious. As Padmé delivered twins in the next room, a bubble formed around me and my own little family. Geith was crying for the first time I'd ever seen him cry. I was crying, happy that the ordeal was over and had given way to a new chapter in my life. Kara curled around my breast and slept, exhausted from the long journey into the world. Geith and I laid down on either side of her, protecting her with out bodies. After I'd wearily closed my eyes, Geith touched my cheek with the side of his finger. "You're going to make a wonderful mother, Callista," he said as I drifted off into sleep.
For the next couple of days, I slept, regaining my strength. When I wasn't asleep, I was watching Kara as Geith rested. I loved every minute of it, counting her tiny fingers and toes, tracing the soft whorls of hair on the top of her head. She had a lot of dark hair, for such a little baby. When she opened her eyes, they were gray, like the hide of our cy'een Milla. She'd stretch her little baby arms and yawn, her mouth making a tiny little hole I couldn't even fit my finger through. I was amazed that something so perfect had come from me, from me and Geith.
Geith was just as marveled as I was, and I could tell that he would be a great father. He was absolutely in love with the new "little lady" in his life, and he spent his free time holding her close to his chest and rocking her to sleep.
A week after Kara was born, I woke up alone on the bed. The room was dark; it was late, or early, however you looked at it. I sat up slowly and looked around. Geith was sitting in the rocking chair, holding Kara. His head was tilted against the back of the chair, his eyelids fluttering over his eyes as he lightly slept. I slid off the bed and padded softly to the rocking chair. I stroked his hair, speculating. Geith would be a wonderful father. He'd grown up with a loving father of his own, a good example for him. I had no idea what I was doing.
But it didn't matter.
I kissed the top of his head. He woke, opening his eyes and looking at me with a tired smile. "Hey, baby. How you feeling?"
I smiled. "Good." I bent and stroked Kara's downy head. "Think she'll be like that forever? Quiet?"
Geith chuckled. "Right."
I touched his chin and tilted his face up so I could kiss him. "Thank you," I said, kissing him again to seal my gratitude. Geith stood up and crossed to the bassinet, laying our sleeping baby inside. Then he came back and wrapped his arms around me. His kisses were soft, pleasant. I melted into his arms and sighed.
"Marry me, Callie," he said suddenly.
I broke contact and stepped back, looking at him with surprise. "What?"
"I want you to marry me," he said. He gripped my hands and kissed my forehead. "We're a family now. We belong together." He looked deep into my eyes. "I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, and I want to be with you forever." He leaned in and kissed me again. "Please?"
I smiled. "Okay."
Geith grinned. "Really?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
He threw his arms around me and spun me around. "I love you, Callie," he said.
"Mmmm," I murmured. "Can we stay here, though? This is the perfect place to raise a Jedi child, don't you think?"
"Of course," Geith said. "Especially when we have a couple more, you know?"
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Is that so, Jiséo?"
He just grinned impishly.
Kara woke up then, and began to wail. I bent over the bassinet and picked her up. "Shhh," I whispered, bouncing and rocking her. In an instant, I felt what had woken her up.
"Geith," I said, shakily.
"Yeah," he said. "I'll go check it out."
As he went out into the hall, the alarms began blaring.
"Stormtroopers!" someone outside yelled.
Geith barreled back into the room. "Get dressed. We have to get out of here." He came over and lifted Kara out of my arms so I could pull on my pants and a shirt. I grabbed my lightsaber. "Come on, come on, come on!" he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me after him.
An explosion heaved the ground beneath our feet and rubble showered us from above. I covered my head and yelled to Geith, "Her head!"
Geith hunched over her screaming face to protect her. A massive shower of falling ceiling toppled around me, and I fell. Soon, I was buried. A sharp pain raged up my leg.
"Callie!" Geith's muffled voice seeped through the cracks of the rocks. Too dazed to answer, I just laid beneath the rock, and tried to clear my head. Geith cursed and I felt him hurling the rocks off of me. When I was free, he lifted me up. "Are you all right?'
I nodded and gripped his sleeve. "I think I twisted my foot."
"Take Kara," Geith said, and when I did, he scooped us up and ran. More explosions sounded around us. There were quickly joined by voices:
"Get all of them! If you find any infants, spare them, but no one else! Our Emperor needs them!"
Geith stumbled and nearly dropped us. "Put me down!" I cried, reaching for my lightsaber. He set me down gently.
"Hide someplace!" Geith told me. "Protect Kara!"
I stumbled painfully to a dark closet. Holding Kara close to my chest, I wedged myself into the farthest corner, behind boxes of supplies. Kara was whimpering in fear, but I did my best to soothe her. Outside, I heard blaster shots, lightsabers and death screams. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing desperately that I wasn't hiding, that I could fight. I wanted to be with Geith, defending ourselves.
No one would find Kara here.
Carefully, I stood up and nestled her into a pile of blankets.
"Stay quiet, little one," I whispered, kissing her forehead. "I'll come back for you. I love you."
Cautiously, I slipped out of the closet and limped back into the foray. The pain in my leg lessened as I moved. I ignited my lightsaber and fought two stormtroopers off Soonta's back.
"Are you all right?" I yelled over the fighting, grabbing his arm to help him stand. His face was cut and bloody, but he seemed otherwise unhurt. He nodded, and raised his lightsaber. Over his shoulders I caught sight of two fleeing forms. It was Padmé and Obi-Wan, each carrying a tiny bundle in their arms. Obi-Wan was cloaking them with the Force, hiding them from anyone but the Jedi. Padmé met my stare and paused. A flash of understanding passed between us, a materiel fear for the children we'd brought into hell on the same night.
Obi-Wan took her by the arm and urged her along. She disappeared through the door, and I knew I'd never see her again.
After what seemed like hours, we finally seemed to be gaining the upper hand. Dead stormtroopers littered the ground, stumbling us as we fought.
A mammoth explosion rocked the building, sending everyone to the ground with a fresh shower of dust and stone. A stormtrooper descended upon me, and I quickly raised my lightsaber so he ran himself onto it. He collapsed over me, dead weight. I sat up, pushing him off me as I struggled to stand. Jolts of fear shocked through my body.
Kara!
Gasping, I stumbled tot he closet I'd hidden her in. The door was ajar. I yanked it wide open and dove inside.
She wasn't there.
"Kara, I whispered, calling to her. I lifted folds of Jedi robes out of the basket, but I didn't see her. "Kara?" I said, louder. I was beginning to panic. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.
"Callie!" Geith yelled.
"Geith!" I answered, staggering out into the collapsing room. He grabbed my arms and held me up. I was shaking violently.
"Are you all right?
I shook my head. "She's gone, Geith."
"What?"
"I put her in there, to keep her safe, but she's not there, anymore, she's gone! You have to help me find her-"
"Everyone out!" someone yelled. "It's gonna go!"
"No!" I cried as Geith tried to pull me out. "No! Geith, we have to get her!"
"It's too late, Callista! Come on!"
"No!" I screamed, pulling against his hold. "Geith, we have to find her!"
Geith picked me up and ran. "You'll do her no good if you're crushed!" he yelled.
"Put me down!" I pleaded. "Geith, please!" I was furious. Why wouldn't Geith do anything to save his daughter? The walls were collapsing around us, filling the air with choking dust. Geith sprinted out of the building. The planet's dim sunlight burned my eyes. Geith set me down and, sobbing, I stumbled back towards it. He grabbed my arm and held me back.
"Callista, no!"
A terrible rumbling shuddered the ground beneath us. "No!" I screamed, stretching out my arms and reaching out through the Force, thinking maybe I could hold the building up.
Fear...the dark side...
The hospital collapsed into a pile of rubble, exhaling dust like a death rattle.
If there had been anyone inside the hospital when it came down, they didn't survive to make themselves known. We searched the rubble for hours, but we found no survivors.
"Maybe somebody has her," I said, seated on a boulder. Geith sat beside me, holding me, his face anguished at the loss of our baby. But he shook his head.
"No, Callie, she's gone. Reach out...there's nothing there."
I saw up straight, clutching the rock like a life preserver. I was afraid to reach out, because I already knew she wasn't there. Gingerly, as if touching a hot stove, I reached out for the familiar place Kara filled.
Empty.
I gasped and jerked with the searing heat. My hands flew to my mouth and I began rocking back and forth. "No...no...no..." I murmured.
"Callie," Geith said, his voice cracking. He reached for me, but I shied away.
"Don't," I managed. "I just-I just need t-to think..."
"Geith! Callie!" Soonta was running towards us. "Thank the Force you're all right. I was beginning to think-" His voice trailed off when he saw my shock. "What happened?" He glanced around. "Not Kara-"
I nodded rapidly. "I-I can't feel her..."
"Oh, Callie...Geith...I'm so sorry." He reached out to try and embrace me. I abruptly stood.
"I'm going to find her," I said. "I refuse to believe she's dead. I can find her..."
"Callie," Geith said gently. "She's gone..."
"Don't say that!" I snapped. "She's alive. And I'm going to find her."
Geith and Soonta and I returned to the Chu'unthor amid condolences and comforting hands. I felt none of it, though. I was numb. The Chu'unthor was virtually empty, compared to the bustling, wonderful place it had been when I first came five years ago. It was full of voids-presences that had been there forever, no more. I was appalled at the state of the Jedi. I buried my head in Geith's shoulder and wept.
"Callista."
I looked up. Master Altis stood before us, his features more weathered and, if possible, his hair whiter. Shakily, I stepped away form Geith and bowed formally. "Master," I said, trying to keep my voice as even as possible. "I need your help."
Unexpectedly, Master Altis enfolded me in his arms. I exhaled, as if his embrace lifted some of the burden off my back. "Soonta told me everything. We will do what we can."
We searched. I spent hours in the meditation room, stretching out to the galaxy and hoping to find some scent of her presence. Everywhere I went, I searched the crowds for babies in arms. Every time I heard a baby's cry, I tensed and looked around expectantly. I couldn't sleep. I sat up at night and continued to search. I didn't eat; anything I swallowed only stayed down until I thought about Kara.
And I thought about her every second.
And so I stopped eating.
I drew on the Force for energy, replenishing myself with its power rather than with food and sleep.
Losing Kara was like losing my mother, father, and brother all over again. It left a crater deep in my heart vastly larger than any other existing there. My determination to find her, I think, was born of a fear of losing control over my life. By finding her and bringing her back, I could keep that control.
But it was not meant to be.
I sighed and shut the computer off. "I can't think of anything else to try," I said leaning back and looking at Geith. "Did you find anything?"
He shook his head dejectedly. "Nothing." He looked at me, seeming like an old, battle-worn man. "I think we have to accept the possibility that she's gone for good."
I nodded tremulously. It was only logical. If she was alive, we would have found her by now. What's more, I couldn't feel her through the Force at all. I climbed onto Geith's lap and let his arms enfold me. "I should never have left her in that closet," I said.
"You had no idea what would happen. You thought you were protecting her." He kissed the top of my head. It's not your fault."
I was silent for a moment. "The other night I had a dream that she'd never disappeared," Geith said. "She was five, maybe six years old. She and I were on Chad, playing on the beach. We were building a sandcastle. She was so excited-she wanted to make a castle big enough to live in, but every time she started, a wave came in and washed it away. She didn't seem to mind though. She loved to feel the waves crashing over her legs. And then one wave came and..." I took a deep breath. "When it receded it had taken it with her. I jumped in the water after her, and I saved her. I held her in the waste-deep water, and she was laughing and shrieking. She was having so much fun."
"Callista?"
I sat up. Soonta was standing apprehensively in the doorway. "I'm sorry to bother you," he said. "Master Altis wants to speak with you."
I looked at Geith. "I'll meet you later, okay?"
He nodded. "Okay."
Carefully, I stood up and walked to where Soonta was standing, my eyes on the floor. Soonta took my arm, stopping me for a moment. "Are you all right? You're pale."
I nodded. "I'm fine," I said, and kept walking. Before I'd taken my third step, my knees buckled and my vision went black. As I clutched the wall to try and keep myself up. Geith yelled my name and thunderous feet ran to catch me before I hit the floor.
I faded in and out of consciousness for several days. Geith was usually witting or sleeping beside me when I was aware. Sometimes I heard him speaking in muffled voices, arguing more often than not. But hearing him, all I wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep.
"It's important that I speak to her, Geith."
"What did I tell you?" Geith hissed. "She's sick, Djinn. Give her a while."
"Geith, I have some information for the two of you. She needs to hear it."
A pause. "Kara?"
Master Altis didn't respond verbally, though I could imagine his grave nod. Cautious footsteps padded into the bedroom, and Geith gently touched my arm.
"Callie," he whispered. "Master Altis is here."
I rolled over and sluggishly sat up. "Hello, Master," I said. My throat was dry and my voice husky.
Master Altis' kindly face cracked into a gentle smile. "Hello, Callista." He sat on the edge of the bed, watching me and Geith, who sat beside me on the floor. "How are you feeling?"
I shrugged. "As well as can be expected."
Djinn nodded. "We've received new information, and I thought you should know."
"What?" Geith prompted.
"Plett's apprentice, Katrinna Ghalas, was severely injured in the battle. Before she crossed over, she confessed to disclosing your location to Imperial operatives. She let them know that Vader's wife was there, as well as their infant children."
Immediately, I understood. The stormtrooper captain had commanded that all the infants be spared.
"They were looking for Padmé's babies," I said.
"And mistook Kara for one of them," Geith finished.
Djinn nodded.
I sighed. "Did Padmé and Obi-Wan escape safely?" I asked.
"Yes," Master Altis replied.
I nodded. "Then she didn't die in vain."
"What?!" Geith almost shouted.
I reached out and grasped his hand. "Later, Geith," I turned to Master Altis. "Thank you, Master," I said.
He nodded. "I'm glad you understand that now, Callista."
Geith scoffed. "Master, could you excuse us for a moment, please?"
I looked at Djinn and nodded assent. "I'll speak with you later, Master."
Once Master Altis had left, I looked at Geith. He was staring at me in disbelief. "What are you thinking, baby?" he said.
"Those children are the Jedi's last hope," I explained. "It was prophesied that a Chosen One would come and balance the Force. That Chosen one was Anakin Skywalker. Now he's fallen to the dark side. The only one who can turn him back so he can fulfill that prophecy is one of those children. They will save the lives of millions."
"But-"
"It is better that one child is lost than the entire galaxy is destroyed at the hands of evil."
Geith shook his head. He moved from the floor and sat on the bed. "What's the matter with you, Callie? How much are you going to let these people take before you expect to see something in return?"
"What are you talking about, Geith? These people gave me my life back. Master Altis taught me almost everything I know. The Jedi helped me find my place." I put my hands on either side of his face. "They brought me to you." I sighed. "I'm in their debt."
Geith shook his head. "And your brother...your father...your daughter? They're just, what, payments?"
I groaned, frustrated. "Not at all. None of them died senselessly. Think about it: Josef died protecting us. So did my father. And Kara-she saved the two that will save the galaxy. It's a chain, Geith. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not saying that I'm happy they died. Hell, no! I wish they hadn't. But I'm not going to say they didn't die without a reason. It makes it easier to deal with the loss if I know something good came out of it. Don't you see that?"
"Callie, you're reading far too much into this, trying to make sense of a bunch of unconnected and-" he grabbed my hand. "-unnecessary losses."
I looked at our hands. "What are you saying?"
"They've taken almost everything form you to keep you her, but you have no obligation to stay."
I shook my head. I couldn't believe Geith was saying this. "If I have nothing to lose, what would it cost me to stay?"
Geith hesitated only a little before saying, "Me."
I coughed and sat up straight. "What?"
"Callie, we both know I could never dedicate my life to this. The life of the Jedi isn't for me."
"I thought you said it answered every question in your life, that everything made sense now."
He shook his head. "Every answer keeps bringing up more questions. I can't live like this, Callie."
"Geith-"
"I want you to come with me. I want to be with you, Callie, but not here. It's especially dangerous for you. You're a Jedi."
I shook my head. "I'm safer here than anyplace else...we both are."
"Callie-"
"I won't abandon the Jedi, Geith." I said, and sniffed to keep my tears at bay. "I'm staying here." I met his surprised stare. "I'm sorry."
He didn't answer, so I stood shakily and walked out into the main hallway.
I wandered the halls of the Chu'unthor for the better part of an hour, thinking. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. Geith and I had been together for four years. After everything we'd been through, could he really just...leave? Was his sudden antagonism against the Jedi so intense that we was willing to leave me behind. I loved him, but I could not break from the Jedi. I knew he loved me, but he wouldn't stay. Losing Kara had put a rift between us-the one thing that would have made us a family had broken us apart.
When I got back to our apartment, the lights were out. I didn't need to turn them on to see that half of the clothes were gone from the closet, and most of the drawers were empty.
I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. In the cold privacy of the dark, I cried.
"I'm right here, Callie. I'm here for you. You'll be all right..."
The rest of Geith's words were drowned out when I screamed again. The last thirteen hours had all been the same, filled with pain, like a white-hot lightsaber slicing through my stomach.
"Okay, Callista, you need to stop pushing now," a healer knight named Samon told me.
"Why isn't she coming out?" I whimpered, exhausted. My head fell back against Geith's arm. His hand squeezed mine every so often. He kissed my temple, and let his mouth rest there for just a few moments.
"What's going on?" Geith asked Samon.
"Samon!" Ghalas called from the door. "You about done there?"
"Why?" Samon didn't even turn to face her.
"There's another one across the hall."
"What?!" I cried, raising my head to stare at Ghalas. As far as I knew, there was only one other pregnant woman on Belsavis...
"I'll be there in a few minutes," Samon said. He turned his attention back to me. "Okay, Callista. Don't panic. That's the last thing any of us want to do."
"Why would I panic?" I asked, suddenly scared ten times more.
"Your hips are too narrow. The baby can't get out."
"What does that mean?" Geith asked.
Samon looked at him as if to say, Not now.
"Oh, stars..." I moaned.
"Reach out, Callista," Samon told me. "We'll do what we can...bring her out slowly."
I squeezed my eyes shut, tears of pain, exhaustion and fear trickled down my cheeks.
"Callie," Geith whispered, lacing his fingers through mine. "I love you. Hang in there..."
I released a shuddering, gasping breath. "Help me, Geith," I pleaded. Then I reached out through the Force, deep within myself to where the baby was trapped-
There. She wasn't moving, her own simple fear had stayed her progress. Even two months early, she was too big, or I was too small. I'd have to move the bone, stretch it, make room for her to get out. Gingerly, carefully I set to work, reassuring the baby that everything was going to be okay as I grabbed onto the bones with invisible hands, and then I began to pull.
Raw, searing pain from between my legs told me it was working, adding itself to the sharp, repeating contractions. I couldn't divert my attention to calming it now...giving in to that weakness would kill us both. Instead, I screamed.
Geith stepped in, using his own talents to soothe over the burning edges of pain.
"I see her!" Samon cried. "I can see the head."
Geith squeezed my hand. "It's almost over, darling. Almost there..."
"All right, Callista, one more push..." Samon coaxed. "And...she's...out!"
A new, shaky, bleating cry joined ours. I opened my eyes, releasing my hold on my bones and exhaling. I was shaking, and even that reflex seemed like a chore.
Samon wrapped the baby in a blanket. "A lovely baby girl," he said, handing her to me.
I took her greedily, like one starving and being offered bread. My arms were so sapped of strength that Geith had to help me hold her.
"You did it, Callie," he said gently, kissing me softly.
"We did it," I corrected him, exhaling and taking in my first breath in what seemed like thirteen hours. I gently lifted the baby to my lips and kissed her fuzzy head. "You're so little, baby," I whispered. "How can you have caused so much trouble?"
Geith chuckled. "What are we going to name her?"
"Kara," I said, knowing absolutely that that was meant to be her name. "Her name is Kara."
The memory of my mother was more tangible than ever, as if I could feel her with me in the room. When everything came full circle, it made perfect sense to name her after my mother.
Geith wiped sweaty hair off my face and kissed my forehead. "It's perfect," he said.
"Right," Samon said. "I have to run across the hall. I'll be back later. Wei, would you clean up?"
Samon's padawan started mopping up blood and clearing equipment, but Geith and I were oblivious. As Padmé delivered twins in the next room, a bubble formed around me and my own little family. Geith was crying for the first time I'd ever seen him cry. I was crying, happy that the ordeal was over and had given way to a new chapter in my life. Kara curled around my breast and slept, exhausted from the long journey into the world. Geith and I laid down on either side of her, protecting her with out bodies. After I'd wearily closed my eyes, Geith touched my cheek with the side of his finger. "You're going to make a wonderful mother, Callista," he said as I drifted off into sleep.
For the next couple of days, I slept, regaining my strength. When I wasn't asleep, I was watching Kara as Geith rested. I loved every minute of it, counting her tiny fingers and toes, tracing the soft whorls of hair on the top of her head. She had a lot of dark hair, for such a little baby. When she opened her eyes, they were gray, like the hide of our cy'een Milla. She'd stretch her little baby arms and yawn, her mouth making a tiny little hole I couldn't even fit my finger through. I was amazed that something so perfect had come from me, from me and Geith.
Geith was just as marveled as I was, and I could tell that he would be a great father. He was absolutely in love with the new "little lady" in his life, and he spent his free time holding her close to his chest and rocking her to sleep.
A week after Kara was born, I woke up alone on the bed. The room was dark; it was late, or early, however you looked at it. I sat up slowly and looked around. Geith was sitting in the rocking chair, holding Kara. His head was tilted against the back of the chair, his eyelids fluttering over his eyes as he lightly slept. I slid off the bed and padded softly to the rocking chair. I stroked his hair, speculating. Geith would be a wonderful father. He'd grown up with a loving father of his own, a good example for him. I had no idea what I was doing.
But it didn't matter.
I kissed the top of his head. He woke, opening his eyes and looking at me with a tired smile. "Hey, baby. How you feeling?"
I smiled. "Good." I bent and stroked Kara's downy head. "Think she'll be like that forever? Quiet?"
Geith chuckled. "Right."
I touched his chin and tilted his face up so I could kiss him. "Thank you," I said, kissing him again to seal my gratitude. Geith stood up and crossed to the bassinet, laying our sleeping baby inside. Then he came back and wrapped his arms around me. His kisses were soft, pleasant. I melted into his arms and sighed.
"Marry me, Callie," he said suddenly.
I broke contact and stepped back, looking at him with surprise. "What?"
"I want you to marry me," he said. He gripped my hands and kissed my forehead. "We're a family now. We belong together." He looked deep into my eyes. "I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, and I want to be with you forever." He leaned in and kissed me again. "Please?"
I smiled. "Okay."
Geith grinned. "Really?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
He threw his arms around me and spun me around. "I love you, Callie," he said.
"Mmmm," I murmured. "Can we stay here, though? This is the perfect place to raise a Jedi child, don't you think?"
"Of course," Geith said. "Especially when we have a couple more, you know?"
I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Is that so, Jiséo?"
He just grinned impishly.
Kara woke up then, and began to wail. I bent over the bassinet and picked her up. "Shhh," I whispered, bouncing and rocking her. In an instant, I felt what had woken her up.
"Geith," I said, shakily.
"Yeah," he said. "I'll go check it out."
As he went out into the hall, the alarms began blaring.
"Stormtroopers!" someone outside yelled.
Geith barreled back into the room. "Get dressed. We have to get out of here." He came over and lifted Kara out of my arms so I could pull on my pants and a shirt. I grabbed my lightsaber. "Come on, come on, come on!" he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me after him.
An explosion heaved the ground beneath our feet and rubble showered us from above. I covered my head and yelled to Geith, "Her head!"
Geith hunched over her screaming face to protect her. A massive shower of falling ceiling toppled around me, and I fell. Soon, I was buried. A sharp pain raged up my leg.
"Callie!" Geith's muffled voice seeped through the cracks of the rocks. Too dazed to answer, I just laid beneath the rock, and tried to clear my head. Geith cursed and I felt him hurling the rocks off of me. When I was free, he lifted me up. "Are you all right?'
I nodded and gripped his sleeve. "I think I twisted my foot."
"Take Kara," Geith said, and when I did, he scooped us up and ran. More explosions sounded around us. There were quickly joined by voices:
"Get all of them! If you find any infants, spare them, but no one else! Our Emperor needs them!"
Geith stumbled and nearly dropped us. "Put me down!" I cried, reaching for my lightsaber. He set me down gently.
"Hide someplace!" Geith told me. "Protect Kara!"
I stumbled painfully to a dark closet. Holding Kara close to my chest, I wedged myself into the farthest corner, behind boxes of supplies. Kara was whimpering in fear, but I did my best to soothe her. Outside, I heard blaster shots, lightsabers and death screams. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing desperately that I wasn't hiding, that I could fight. I wanted to be with Geith, defending ourselves.
No one would find Kara here.
Carefully, I stood up and nestled her into a pile of blankets.
"Stay quiet, little one," I whispered, kissing her forehead. "I'll come back for you. I love you."
Cautiously, I slipped out of the closet and limped back into the foray. The pain in my leg lessened as I moved. I ignited my lightsaber and fought two stormtroopers off Soonta's back.
"Are you all right?" I yelled over the fighting, grabbing his arm to help him stand. His face was cut and bloody, but he seemed otherwise unhurt. He nodded, and raised his lightsaber. Over his shoulders I caught sight of two fleeing forms. It was Padmé and Obi-Wan, each carrying a tiny bundle in their arms. Obi-Wan was cloaking them with the Force, hiding them from anyone but the Jedi. Padmé met my stare and paused. A flash of understanding passed between us, a materiel fear for the children we'd brought into hell on the same night.
Obi-Wan took her by the arm and urged her along. She disappeared through the door, and I knew I'd never see her again.
After what seemed like hours, we finally seemed to be gaining the upper hand. Dead stormtroopers littered the ground, stumbling us as we fought.
A mammoth explosion rocked the building, sending everyone to the ground with a fresh shower of dust and stone. A stormtrooper descended upon me, and I quickly raised my lightsaber so he ran himself onto it. He collapsed over me, dead weight. I sat up, pushing him off me as I struggled to stand. Jolts of fear shocked through my body.
Kara!
Gasping, I stumbled tot he closet I'd hidden her in. The door was ajar. I yanked it wide open and dove inside.
She wasn't there.
"Kara, I whispered, calling to her. I lifted folds of Jedi robes out of the basket, but I didn't see her. "Kara?" I said, louder. I was beginning to panic. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.
"Callie!" Geith yelled.
"Geith!" I answered, staggering out into the collapsing room. He grabbed my arms and held me up. I was shaking violently.
"Are you all right?
I shook my head. "She's gone, Geith."
"What?"
"I put her in there, to keep her safe, but she's not there, anymore, she's gone! You have to help me find her-"
"Everyone out!" someone yelled. "It's gonna go!"
"No!" I cried as Geith tried to pull me out. "No! Geith, we have to get her!"
"It's too late, Callista! Come on!"
"No!" I screamed, pulling against his hold. "Geith, we have to find her!"
Geith picked me up and ran. "You'll do her no good if you're crushed!" he yelled.
"Put me down!" I pleaded. "Geith, please!" I was furious. Why wouldn't Geith do anything to save his daughter? The walls were collapsing around us, filling the air with choking dust. Geith sprinted out of the building. The planet's dim sunlight burned my eyes. Geith set me down and, sobbing, I stumbled back towards it. He grabbed my arm and held me back.
"Callista, no!"
A terrible rumbling shuddered the ground beneath us. "No!" I screamed, stretching out my arms and reaching out through the Force, thinking maybe I could hold the building up.
Fear...the dark side...
The hospital collapsed into a pile of rubble, exhaling dust like a death rattle.
If there had been anyone inside the hospital when it came down, they didn't survive to make themselves known. We searched the rubble for hours, but we found no survivors.
"Maybe somebody has her," I said, seated on a boulder. Geith sat beside me, holding me, his face anguished at the loss of our baby. But he shook his head.
"No, Callie, she's gone. Reach out...there's nothing there."
I saw up straight, clutching the rock like a life preserver. I was afraid to reach out, because I already knew she wasn't there. Gingerly, as if touching a hot stove, I reached out for the familiar place Kara filled.
Empty.
I gasped and jerked with the searing heat. My hands flew to my mouth and I began rocking back and forth. "No...no...no..." I murmured.
"Callie," Geith said, his voice cracking. He reached for me, but I shied away.
"Don't," I managed. "I just-I just need t-to think..."
"Geith! Callie!" Soonta was running towards us. "Thank the Force you're all right. I was beginning to think-" His voice trailed off when he saw my shock. "What happened?" He glanced around. "Not Kara-"
I nodded rapidly. "I-I can't feel her..."
"Oh, Callie...Geith...I'm so sorry." He reached out to try and embrace me. I abruptly stood.
"I'm going to find her," I said. "I refuse to believe she's dead. I can find her..."
"Callie," Geith said gently. "She's gone..."
"Don't say that!" I snapped. "She's alive. And I'm going to find her."
Geith and Soonta and I returned to the Chu'unthor amid condolences and comforting hands. I felt none of it, though. I was numb. The Chu'unthor was virtually empty, compared to the bustling, wonderful place it had been when I first came five years ago. It was full of voids-presences that had been there forever, no more. I was appalled at the state of the Jedi. I buried my head in Geith's shoulder and wept.
"Callista."
I looked up. Master Altis stood before us, his features more weathered and, if possible, his hair whiter. Shakily, I stepped away form Geith and bowed formally. "Master," I said, trying to keep my voice as even as possible. "I need your help."
Unexpectedly, Master Altis enfolded me in his arms. I exhaled, as if his embrace lifted some of the burden off my back. "Soonta told me everything. We will do what we can."
We searched. I spent hours in the meditation room, stretching out to the galaxy and hoping to find some scent of her presence. Everywhere I went, I searched the crowds for babies in arms. Every time I heard a baby's cry, I tensed and looked around expectantly. I couldn't sleep. I sat up at night and continued to search. I didn't eat; anything I swallowed only stayed down until I thought about Kara.
And I thought about her every second.
And so I stopped eating.
I drew on the Force for energy, replenishing myself with its power rather than with food and sleep.
Losing Kara was like losing my mother, father, and brother all over again. It left a crater deep in my heart vastly larger than any other existing there. My determination to find her, I think, was born of a fear of losing control over my life. By finding her and bringing her back, I could keep that control.
But it was not meant to be.
I sighed and shut the computer off. "I can't think of anything else to try," I said leaning back and looking at Geith. "Did you find anything?"
He shook his head dejectedly. "Nothing." He looked at me, seeming like an old, battle-worn man. "I think we have to accept the possibility that she's gone for good."
I nodded tremulously. It was only logical. If she was alive, we would have found her by now. What's more, I couldn't feel her through the Force at all. I climbed onto Geith's lap and let his arms enfold me. "I should never have left her in that closet," I said.
"You had no idea what would happen. You thought you were protecting her." He kissed the top of my head. It's not your fault."
I was silent for a moment. "The other night I had a dream that she'd never disappeared," Geith said. "She was five, maybe six years old. She and I were on Chad, playing on the beach. We were building a sandcastle. She was so excited-she wanted to make a castle big enough to live in, but every time she started, a wave came in and washed it away. She didn't seem to mind though. She loved to feel the waves crashing over her legs. And then one wave came and..." I took a deep breath. "When it receded it had taken it with her. I jumped in the water after her, and I saved her. I held her in the waste-deep water, and she was laughing and shrieking. She was having so much fun."
"Callista?"
I sat up. Soonta was standing apprehensively in the doorway. "I'm sorry to bother you," he said. "Master Altis wants to speak with you."
I looked at Geith. "I'll meet you later, okay?"
He nodded. "Okay."
Carefully, I stood up and walked to where Soonta was standing, my eyes on the floor. Soonta took my arm, stopping me for a moment. "Are you all right? You're pale."
I nodded. "I'm fine," I said, and kept walking. Before I'd taken my third step, my knees buckled and my vision went black. As I clutched the wall to try and keep myself up. Geith yelled my name and thunderous feet ran to catch me before I hit the floor.
I faded in and out of consciousness for several days. Geith was usually witting or sleeping beside me when I was aware. Sometimes I heard him speaking in muffled voices, arguing more often than not. But hearing him, all I wanted to do was roll over and go back to sleep.
"It's important that I speak to her, Geith."
"What did I tell you?" Geith hissed. "She's sick, Djinn. Give her a while."
"Geith, I have some information for the two of you. She needs to hear it."
A pause. "Kara?"
Master Altis didn't respond verbally, though I could imagine his grave nod. Cautious footsteps padded into the bedroom, and Geith gently touched my arm.
"Callie," he whispered. "Master Altis is here."
I rolled over and sluggishly sat up. "Hello, Master," I said. My throat was dry and my voice husky.
Master Altis' kindly face cracked into a gentle smile. "Hello, Callista." He sat on the edge of the bed, watching me and Geith, who sat beside me on the floor. "How are you feeling?"
I shrugged. "As well as can be expected."
Djinn nodded. "We've received new information, and I thought you should know."
"What?" Geith prompted.
"Plett's apprentice, Katrinna Ghalas, was severely injured in the battle. Before she crossed over, she confessed to disclosing your location to Imperial operatives. She let them know that Vader's wife was there, as well as their infant children."
Immediately, I understood. The stormtrooper captain had commanded that all the infants be spared.
"They were looking for Padmé's babies," I said.
"And mistook Kara for one of them," Geith finished.
Djinn nodded.
I sighed. "Did Padmé and Obi-Wan escape safely?" I asked.
"Yes," Master Altis replied.
I nodded. "Then she didn't die in vain."
"What?!" Geith almost shouted.
I reached out and grasped his hand. "Later, Geith," I turned to Master Altis. "Thank you, Master," I said.
He nodded. "I'm glad you understand that now, Callista."
Geith scoffed. "Master, could you excuse us for a moment, please?"
I looked at Djinn and nodded assent. "I'll speak with you later, Master."
Once Master Altis had left, I looked at Geith. He was staring at me in disbelief. "What are you thinking, baby?" he said.
"Those children are the Jedi's last hope," I explained. "It was prophesied that a Chosen One would come and balance the Force. That Chosen one was Anakin Skywalker. Now he's fallen to the dark side. The only one who can turn him back so he can fulfill that prophecy is one of those children. They will save the lives of millions."
"But-"
"It is better that one child is lost than the entire galaxy is destroyed at the hands of evil."
Geith shook his head. He moved from the floor and sat on the bed. "What's the matter with you, Callie? How much are you going to let these people take before you expect to see something in return?"
"What are you talking about, Geith? These people gave me my life back. Master Altis taught me almost everything I know. The Jedi helped me find my place." I put my hands on either side of his face. "They brought me to you." I sighed. "I'm in their debt."
Geith shook his head. "And your brother...your father...your daughter? They're just, what, payments?"
I groaned, frustrated. "Not at all. None of them died senselessly. Think about it: Josef died protecting us. So did my father. And Kara-she saved the two that will save the galaxy. It's a chain, Geith. Everything happens for a reason. I'm not saying that I'm happy they died. Hell, no! I wish they hadn't. But I'm not going to say they didn't die without a reason. It makes it easier to deal with the loss if I know something good came out of it. Don't you see that?"
"Callie, you're reading far too much into this, trying to make sense of a bunch of unconnected and-" he grabbed my hand. "-unnecessary losses."
I looked at our hands. "What are you saying?"
"They've taken almost everything form you to keep you her, but you have no obligation to stay."
I shook my head. I couldn't believe Geith was saying this. "If I have nothing to lose, what would it cost me to stay?"
Geith hesitated only a little before saying, "Me."
I coughed and sat up straight. "What?"
"Callie, we both know I could never dedicate my life to this. The life of the Jedi isn't for me."
"I thought you said it answered every question in your life, that everything made sense now."
He shook his head. "Every answer keeps bringing up more questions. I can't live like this, Callie."
"Geith-"
"I want you to come with me. I want to be with you, Callie, but not here. It's especially dangerous for you. You're a Jedi."
I shook my head. "I'm safer here than anyplace else...we both are."
"Callie-"
"I won't abandon the Jedi, Geith." I said, and sniffed to keep my tears at bay. "I'm staying here." I met his surprised stare. "I'm sorry."
He didn't answer, so I stood shakily and walked out into the main hallway.
I wandered the halls of the Chu'unthor for the better part of an hour, thinking. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. Geith and I had been together for four years. After everything we'd been through, could he really just...leave? Was his sudden antagonism against the Jedi so intense that we was willing to leave me behind. I loved him, but I could not break from the Jedi. I knew he loved me, but he wouldn't stay. Losing Kara had put a rift between us-the one thing that would have made us a family had broken us apart.
When I got back to our apartment, the lights were out. I didn't need to turn them on to see that half of the clothes were gone from the closet, and most of the drawers were empty.
I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. In the cold privacy of the dark, I cried.