"Excuse me for a minute," said Rose, and she turned around, walked away from the compartment, and pulled out her phone. Her pesterlog with Roxy was still active. Good.

TT: Roxy.

TG: yeah

TT: Um.

TT: I'm not really sure how to put this elegantly.

TG: *eyes you*

TG: ?

TT: Well, to be blunt,

TT: You have a son?

TG: :OOOOOO

TT: I mean, we knew the son was coming, but, y'know. In a few years? From a meteor?

TG: wait

TG: are you saying

TT: Yeah.

TT: Somehow. I don't know how the hell he pulled it off.

TT: But Dave Strider is alive, and the adopted brother of this British girl Hermione that I briefly met on the train?

TG: :OOO

TT: I think he's my age, too.

TG: man

TG: you think he just

TG: never figured out how to get on pesterchum

TG: thats really tragic honestly

TG: when i get the chance imma tell jake we need to up our advertising in the great u kay

TG: ppl should know about our services!

TT: You do that.

TT: I'm going to go have the most awkward reunion in the recorded history of any universe, ever.

TT: God, it's been eleven years. What the hell do I say?

TG: id start with "hello"

TG: good luck sorta-daughter 3

TG: say hi for me ;wonk

-tipsyGnolastic [TT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:14 -

Rose closed her phone, pocketed it, and turned to face the compartment.

"Okay," said Rose. "How are we going to do this?"

"Do what?" asked Ron. "Wait, you know each other too?" Then, Ron, too smart for his own good, recalled the earlier conversation about assuming all people who look the same knowing each other, and said, "Not that I mean anything by that! I mean, I was right about the Dirk thing-"

"Dirk thing?" asked Dave. "What do you mean, Dirk thing?"

"I'm not- I mean, I-"

"Ron," said Rose, saving him the embarrassment. "Meet my genetic brother, Dave..."

"Granger," offered Dave. "I'm Dave Granger."

"Wait, Dave, you're her brother?" asked Hermione.

"Well," said Dave. "Hermione, remember how a couple years ago I said I was doing some research on my bio-parents?"

"I remember," she said. "But I thought that it never bore fruit."

"It bore fruit," said Dave. "It bore a full ass fruit salad. Sis, meet my genetic sister, Rose-"

"Potter," said Rose. "Rose Potter. Hi."

"You met Rose Potter?" Hermione was stunned. "And you didn't tell me? How? When? Dave, you know I've been obsessed with-" and suddenly, Hermione remembered who was in the cabin with her. Her eartips reddened.

"Yeah, well, we're siblings. Didn't find out until a couple years after we first met but that's how life goes, y'know? Find out you have a secret sibling, every once in a while. Happens." Dave shrugged. "I mean, I didn't know at the time that she was the 'savior of the wizarding world' or whatever the fuck that bullshit is, but y'know. That also happens."

"It happens," said Hermione, in disbelief. "Ah, yes, all of the many secret siblings who saved the world that I have."

"I mean, it did happen," said Dave. "Proof and pudding or whatever. And I'm also insulted that you think I didn't save the world, 'Mione."

"To be fair, I only recently found out about the 'savior of the wizarding world' thing myself," said Rose.

"Which, hello there, by the way, my name's Ron, I can't believe you didn't know! Merlin, what were those muggles telling you happened to the Potters?"

"Car accident or something. I never gave it much thought, if I really have to be honest," said Rose. "Which, I know, sounds extremely callous now that I'm saying it out loud, but trust me there's a better explanation."

"I hope so," sniffed Hermione. "On behalf of the Potters, war heroes who saved Wizarding Britain, their own daughter disrespecting them... truly a great shame."

"In my own defense, I have no memories of them," said Rose.

This was a lie. Rose had one memory that kept repeating over and over again as she slept, and it was mostly filled with green light. She blamed her broken Seer powers. Of course Paradox Space would somehow blend the death of the Potters with her failure to destroy the green sun.

Because in both lives, Rose had now failed to protect both sets of parents. Teen versions of them notwithstanding.

"Dave," she said. "Can we talk?"

"We're talking now," said Dave.

"Without Ron or Hermione," said Rose.

"Why not? She's my sister," said Dave.

"And so am I, genetically speaking," said Rose. "And some things are not meant for the ears of people I have only just met."

"Oi!" shouted Ron. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ron, I like you a lot," said Rose. "I really do, and I'm going to have to get to know Hermione better. But please, let me have some time to speak to my brother."

Hermione grimaced, then glanced at Dave. After a moment, Dave nodded at her, and Hermione filed out of the cabin, Ron following after.

They shut the door and Rose sat down across from her brother.

"My mother says hello," said Rose.

"Nice to hear that she cares," said Dave. Then he paused.

"Wait. You're talking to Mom Lalonde?" asked Dave. "How the hell is that even possible? Also, we're on a train, and last I checked, cellphones aren't invented yet."

"Her name is Roxy," said Rose. "And also," and now she pulled out her phone, "you should know that Skaiatech is always ahead of its time." She tossed it to Dave, who flipped it open. Dave scrolled through the phone, open to a list of Rose's recent pesterlogs.

"No trolls?" he asked.

"Seems like trolling hasn't been invented yet," said Rose, lips thin. "Although I feel distinctly as if I was trolled on a cosmic level. Mostly because you haven't explained how the hell you're here."

"I got a letter, same as everyone else," said Dave.

"Funny," said Rose.

Dave sighed. "What's the last thing you remember? From before."

"The Tumor going off," said Rose. "Then it's a vague, fragmented childhood with the Dursleys, before I started to remember who I was."

Dave sighed. "Yeah, seems about right for me, too," he said. "We were both there, so it stands that we both get a cosmic 1-up or whatever."

They sat in silence.

"Do you think that's what we were supposed to do?" asked Dave. "Like, there are a lot of game abstractions in our lives, is the green meant to represent, like, a green fuckin' Mario mushroom, and the explosion forced us to eat it before we respawned?"

"No, it wasn't," said Rose. "I'm not entirely sure how it happened. And I've looked for changes between this universe and ours, and aside from this whole," and here, she waved vaguely around the train, "secret magic thing, the only divergence that occurred before we were reborn is that Lil' Cal seems a hell of a lot less... possessed, somehow?"

"...and how do you know what has and has not happened to Lil' Cal?" asked Dave, suspicious. "I'm not going to like this answer, am I? Fuck, I knew it when I saw the username on your phone."

"I've talked to your Bro," said Rose. Dave groaned, his head in his hands. "And my mother. You can see our Pesterlogs if you're desperately curious, but right now, they're only a few years older than we are currently. Hell, technically speaking, both of us are older than them if you count both lives' experience."

"I'm older than all of you combined, thanks to the stupid-ass amount of time travelling I did to crash the econony," said Dave. "So we're not going to talk about that anymore because why the fuck are you talking to my older brother?"

"Why aren't you?" Rose shot back. "He's one of my only connections to my past life. And besides, you might be curious what the younger version of your guardian is like. Roxy is nothing like I expected the teenage version of my mother to be. For one, she leads a mostly non-ironic lifestyle."

"I don't give a shit about irony right now," said Dave. "Did you tell him anything about me?"

"He knew a surprising amount already," said Rose. "So did Roxy. I'm chalking that up to First Guardian power bullshit."

"Ugh," said Dave. "Well, fuck. Whatever. So long as I never have to talk to him, I'm good with it."

"Um," said Rose. "He goes to this school, did you know that?"

Dave let out an impressive string of curses that made Rose think of Karkat. She wondered how he was faring. Probably better than she was, since he probably never had to have a weird reunion with a family member in an alternate reality.

"Fucking. Fuck. Okay. Rose. Did you tell him I'm here."

"No," said Rose. "I learned you were here about, oh, the start of this conversation ago. He's under the impression that he gets to meet you in 1995, when you're born."

"Good. Shit! Fuck. Okay. Okay. Do you think," said Dave.

"No," said Rose.

"That it's maybe possible," said Dave.

"It's not," said Rose.

"To avoid him well why the fuck is it not possible?" asked Dave.

"Because he's a prefect," said Rose. "Fifth year students at Hogwarts are in charge of-"

"Yeah, yeah, introducing shit to the first years, I know, my sister learned this position existed and became obsessed with getting it. Five year plan. Itemized and everything. Honestly I respect it."

"You're deflecting," said Rose. "What the hell happened between you and Dirk Strider when I was looking away?"

"Nothing happened while you were looking away," said Dave. "It's all the shit he did in full view of everyone, the shit that literally fucked me up so bad I don't think I would have ever known it was not normal if not for the Grangers being the best goddamn people on the entire planet, that happened between me and 'Dirk Strider.' Nice first name basis, there, by the way. I don't think I ever even called him that. Y'know why? Because he's so fucking-"

There was a knock on the door. Through the window, the siblings could see Hermione gesturing frantically.

"You can't put this off forever," said Rose.

"I can damn well try," said Dave. "As best I can without time travel."

Hermione flung open the door. "Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt, but we all need to get our robes on, we've almost arrived! I sent Ron back to his compartment to change, and you need to do that too, Rose!"

"Go," said Dave. "We can talk again another time."

Rose stood up, and turned to face her brother, his face seemingly impassive behind his shades.

"Dave," said Rose. "It's good to see you. I'm glad you're here."

"Rose," said Dave. "I'm glad I'm here too."

Then he grinned, stood up, and hugged his sister for the first time in either life.

"That's new," said Rose, smiling. "I suppose I have the Grangers to thank for that as well?"

"You better fucking believe it," said Dave. "I'm like a hug master right now. I'm the hug equivalent of a sous chef. Practiced this shit for eleven years."

"It paid off," murmured Rose. "This is nice."

"Get changed!" shrieked Hermione.

Rose did.

The train pulled into Hogsmeade.

"I can't believe you're keeping your shades on in the school robes," said Rose.

"Hey, it's a free country," said Dave.

Ron shared a glance with Hermione. "It's easier to believe they're related once you hear them talk," he said.

The four of them stepped off the train, and into the light of a lamp, held by an extremely tall man. "Firs' years over here!"

"That's our stop," said Rose.

"I'm pretty sure that's Hagrid, the groundskeeper," whispered Hermione. "He was hired back in-"

"Follow me!" shouted the man who was maybe Hagrid, the groundskeeper.

They, alongside the rest of the children, followed Hagrid down, off the platform, through the woods, and onto an open beach lined with boats, where they got their first glance of Hogwarts.

"Oooooh!" gasped Hermione. "It's even more gorgeous than the photographs..."

Ron, Rose, and Dave were awestruck. The castle really was gorgeous, mostly because the architectural standards of Rose and Dave tended to begin and end at "stairs to get to the next gate" and "JPEG" respectively.

"No more'n four to a boat!" shouted the man who really probably was Hagrid.

Ron, Rose, Dave, and Hermione all piled in. The water was almost entirely unmoved by their presence as they approached the castle.

"Hell of a first impression," said Dave.

"Roxy would have loved this," whispered Rose.

"Heads down!" yelled Hagrid. They all ducked as the boats took them into a cave opening hidden by ivy, through an underground tunnel, and into the dock beneath the castle.

As they filed out and began to head to the stairs at the end of the dock, Hagrid shouted, "Oy, you there! Is this your toad?"

"Trevor!" cried Neville.

"I told you, Rose," said Ron. "Magical pets don't get lost as easily."

Rose and Hermione both mentally tucked that information away, though for different reasons.

They followed Hagrid up the stairs, and he knocked three times on the castle's giant oak door. It opened to reveal a witch in green robes, who ushered the children inside.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," she said. The woman, Professor McGonagall, explained the basics of Sorting to them.

"Less confusing than Classpects," whispered Dave, once she had walked away.

"Hey, they were very straightforward," said Rose. "I should know, I wrote the GameFAQs article about them."

Even as she was talking, Rose's mind was whirring. So this is what the Malfoy boy was talking about. Slytherin was one of the four dormitory divisions. It was probably a mostly cosmetic decision, which house to join, but the part of her that installed a beta for a video game really wanted to know more about the House points system.

Mostly, if it could be broken.

"What do you think you'll go for?" she asked the group.

Ron spoke up first. "Gryffindor, if I can," he said. "Family tradition. Assuming I survive the test, obviously. Fred said it hurts a lot."

"I think Fred might be a bit of a dick," said Rose.

"Oh," said Ron. "Yeah. I mean. Duh, they wouldn't put us in danger."

"Ron," said Rose, exasperated. "It's fine. We'll find out how they sort us when we find out how they sort us. And if it's a test, we'll survive together."

"Thanks, Rose," said Ron, beaming.

That was when the ghosts appeared.

After Professor McGonagall shooed the ghosts off, she ushered the children through the Great Hall. Candles floated in the air, and Rose noted the ceiling seemed like an accurate representation of the stars outside.

"It's a spell," said Hermione. "I read about it in Hogwarts: A History."

"I was frankly under the impression that this dining hall in the middle of a castle was open-air," said Rose.

"Hide me," said Dave.

"What?"

"I see him. He's right fucking there."

Rose followed Dave's eyeline. Sitting at the leftmost table, wearing his stupid fucking anime shades even over his robes, was Dirk Strider, idly chatting with some other teenagers.

"Rose, hide me."

"They're probably going to call you by name, and then he'll know that you're here," she said.

"Rose!"

"This is pointless," she groaned, but she stood right in the line of sight between Dirk and Dave. At that very moment, Dirk's eyes roved right to where Rose was standing. He waved cooly. She waved cooly back. God damn.

The hat in the front of the room began to sing, and Dirk's attention moved towards that.

"You're going to be fine," said Rose.

"I still don't know who either of you are talking about," said Hermione. "Now shush, I'm trying to listen."

The hat wrapped up its song. Everyone clapped.

Professor McGonagall stepped forward, holding a long scroll.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted. Abbot, Hannah!"

"Here we go," said Rose, and she took a deep breath.