GC: So lets take it from the top

GC: You some how have

GC: Through connections with mysterious people who might be related to you

GC: A number of magic items from the future

TT: Yes.

GC: That lets you type on an invisible type writer and magically owl things to your friends

TT: Unique way of putting it, but yes.

GC: And everyone else has now signed up with this magic item

AG: Y

CC: mhm!

AA: It seems so.

GC: And im the last one to do it because daph got back to the dorm faster

AA: I did tell you to hurry back after Defense, Pansy.

GC: I didnt know it would get me free cool magic stuff

GC: !

GC: I found the exclamation mark! Thats hard to get to!

GC: Are there more symbols!

"So this is really what it comes down to, huh," said Dave. "A whole bunch of girls, all sitting together at a lunch table, just texting each other even though they're all two goddamn feet away from each other. This is the end of society."

"Pish posh," said Rose. "Don't be silly. We texted each other all the time."

"Yeah, but we literally couldn't talk," said Dave. "On account of distance and that kind of stuff, and it's kinda unfair that you're making that comparison to a bunch of people literally within poking distance."

"Blah blah bluh," groaned Malfoy. "Why did you talk me into letting this Hufflepuff join the Slytherin table?"

"He's Rose's brother, or something," shrugged Ron. "Iunno. They sat with him at breakfast and no-one said it wasn't allowed."

"It's not about whether or not it's allowed," said Malfoy, "It's about whether or not he can shut up."

"Hey, man," said Dave. "I feel like you're hating on me. Is that what you wanna be, dude? Some kinda hater? Because, like, that's the kind of vibe I'm getting."

"Don't hate on Dave, he's so lovable," said Rose.

"Yeah, what she said. Don't be a hater, bro."

"I'm not a hater," scoffed Malfoy.

"Oh yeah, man?"

"Yeah."

"You're not a hater?"

"No," he said. "I'm not."

Dave paused, his shades level with Malfoy's eyes.

"Sick," he concluded, and held his hand out for a fist bump.

"What are you doing with your hand?" asked Malfoy.

"Just hold out your hand," said Dave.

"Like this?" Malfoy mirrored Dave. Dave grabbed Malfoy's hand with the one that wasn't formed into a fist and bumped the two together.

"Bunp," vocalized Dave. He let go of Malfoy's hand.

"What in Merlin's name was that whole routine for?" asked Malfoy, wiping the hand that Dave had grabbed.

"It's a fist bump, dude, it's like. The signature move of the anti-hater. You gotta learn it."

Malfoy looked to Rose. Rose nodded solemnly.

"Ugh," said Malfoy.

Ron held out his hand to Rose. She bumped it. Dave silently mouthed 'bunp.'

"Ron's a natural anti-hater," said Rose. "He's got it in his genetics."

"I do, don't I?" grinned Ron. "I'm a natural at this sort of thing."

Soon enough, half the first-years were trying to fist bump. Crabbe and Goyle elaborated on the fistbump with several other motions in what would become a secret handshake shared between the two. Pansy and Milicent vowed to improve their fist-bump technique at a later date. Tracey was confirming to anyone who asked that yes, this was actually a Muggle thing, and yes, the Muggles were the O.G. Anti-Haters. Daphne made the mistake of asking Dave about what "bunp" meant, and he launched into a tirade about a webcomic he was planning to remake.

"See, it's kind of a post-ironic thing," he continued. "Because misspellings were the first layer, but everyone had those. Adding the Comic Sans was honestly kind of basic, even for the time. But the WordArt was honestly when I think I hit gold. Because even back then people knew that only, like, baby's first word doc used WordArt, so if I used it, and then deepfried the shit out of the 3D comic sans, I think I was really able to make a mark."

Daphne nodded along, deeply confused, but intrigued by the gibberish that the sunglasses boy continued to talk about.

"So Hecka Jeff," tried Daphne.

"Hella," said Dave.

"Yes," agreed Daphne. "Hella Hecka Hecka, he tried to hug his brother."

"It's actually a huge misconception," explained Dave. "Sweet Bro is just a bro that is sweet, it's not actually his real name."

This was too much for Daphne to process, so she just nodded.

"Yeah, and they kinda did a hug bump, after a lot of trial and error. And it was pretty cool. Kind of inspired a whole generation of people to do it, man, to make it happen."

Daphne nodded once more, approaching something like understanding. "So your attitude towards hard work shifted into making it happen, thus giving you more than enough of the Hufflepuff work ethic that you got placed there."

"I guess," hedged Dave. "I mean, yeah, sure, why not, my webcomic got me info Huff."

"Is that it? I thought you went there to avoid me," said Dirk.

Dave stood up, grabbed his plate, and turned around without making eye contact. He walked away silently, slipping in to sit next to Hermione.

"Well," tried Dirk. "He went to Hufflepuff to avoid me now."

Rose attempted and failed to resist the urge to facepalm.

"Strider," she said. "That was your best opener?"

"It was an opener. I was agonizing over coming at all."

"Oh my gods," said Rose. "Listen. I want this to work out between the two of you as much as anyone. But you need to think of something more than 'bluh bluh you're avoiding me' because that just invites him to avoid you even more."

"Who's this douchebag?" whispered Pansy.

"Friend of Potter's," explained Millie in whisper. "Or maybe her father. It's unclear. And where did you learn that word?"

"Don't patronize me," hissed Pansy.

"Just try again later," said Rose. "Eventually it'll work itself out."

"I hope so," said Dirk. "I really do."

Rose bit into her sandwich.

That afternoon featured a shared Charms class with the Hufflepuffs. Rose attempted to approach Dave.

"I'm sorry about Dirk," she said.

Dave took a breath. "Don't mention it," he said, exhaling. "Please."

"I won't," she said, and took a seat next to him on the four-person table. Hermione sat next to Dave, and Ron sat next to Rose.

"Welcome, everyone," said the small man at the head of the room. "My name is Professor Flitwick, and I am in charge of teaching you Charms. We will begin with a roll-call."

Hermione's hand shot up. Flitwick pointed in her direction, and gestured for her to speak

"Is there no Charm to magically take attendance?" she asked. "Because I read One Thousand And One Uncommon Charms and there was a charm that got everyone's name based on location and put it on a parchment, but so far every class has begun with a roll-call!"

Flitwick smiled at her. "You are correct," he said. "Such a charm does exist, and I do in fact use it for every class aside from the first one. During the beginning of the school year, my colleagues and I take attendance mostly just to familiarize ourselves with your names and faces. Attendance is noted automagically."

Hermione nodded, mollified by the answer.

"Anyhoo," said Flitwick, and he began doing roll-call. Flitwick asked each student a casual question about their interests, and how it could possibly be related to Charms.

"There's a charm for making people quiet," grinned Millie, when asked. She was second on the roll call, only after Bones, Susan. Pansy rolled her eyes.

"The silencio," confirmed Flitwick. "That one is taught in fifth year."

"I've heard you can charm pens and stuff to write for you," said Tracey, after her name was called.

"Yes, there's a very popular item called the Quick-Quotes Quill based on those principles."

"Uh, you can do charms to make paper animated and stuff," said Dave, when it was his turn to talk.

"Yes, although that won't be taught in our class unless you express interest," said Flitwick. "Of course anyone is welcome to come to me and practice any charm what-so-ever."

Hermione raised her hand.

"I was going to call on you next," said Flitwick, "assuming you're Granger, Hermione."

"I am, and are we going to learn any library charms? Sorting through books, finding information more easily?"

"Now why did I not get you in my House?" asked Flitwick, half-wistfully. "Ah, don't answer, I already know. Sibling loyalty can be a very strong thing. And yes, see me one day after class."

Sibling loyalty. That was on Rose's mind a lot, recently, it seemed. What was it that made a sibling loyal? Proximity, it seemed, was one factor, since Dave and Hermione seemed fairly inseparable. Where did it separate from loyalty to friends? She had known Dave for years before knowing they were related, and while she thought they had a special connection, she felt similarly about John, and even Jade.

Was it the mere act of being raised as siblings that made people siblings? Where did she and Dave fall? He certainly had lived more of his life as Hermione's brother than her own, despite it being a biological truth.

And where did that put Dirk?

So focused on this line of thinking was Rose, that she almost missed Flitwick calling out "Potter!" before falling off the stack of books he was balanced on in surprise.

"Professor!" Hermione stood up from her seat. "Are you alright?"

"Quite so," said Flitwick, "quite so. Sorry. It only just dawned on me that I have Ms. Potter herself in my class this year. Your parents both were excellent in my class."

Rose hm'd politely. Dirk must have made a good impression, then. But Roxy was never...

Ah. Duh.

"I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Potter, whoever they were, would have been happy to hear that," said Rose.

Flitwick smiled very sadly at that remark, and continued on with the roll call.

The final class of the day was History of Magic.

"Welcome, everyone, and I hope you all did yesterday's homework."

This class was taught by a ghost.

When Rose had asked Millie about it, she said that her cousin told her that the class was taught by a ghost. This made sense to Rose. After all, John's dead-and-revived grandmother was an excellent fount of historical knowledge, on account of having been there for most of it.

"Please open your textbooks to page 612."

Rose would be proven...

"Today we are discussing the Statute of Secrecy. Why was it put into place? Who is it protecting? Who were the wizards who enacted it, and what were their agendas?"

Mostly correct?

Binns seemed overall less able to process the world around him than even Jaspersprite. When he called on Draco, the name Binns used was "Abraxas." However, towards the end of class, during the question period, Rose asked him a question, and was nearly entirely unprepared for the answer.

"What do you know about Jack Noir?"

"Ah, now that's a name I've not heard for a long time." Binns floated over towards the board, and attempted to fiddle with the chalk. It kept slipping through his hands. "It is foretold that he is partially responsible for everything and anything that ever occurred, mostly due to his entanglement with-"

"Doc Scratch," interrupted Rose.

Binns looked at her, seemingly actually noticing her for the first time.

"Yes," he said. "How did you know that name? I only discovered it fairly... recently..." Now Binns looked really lost. He frowned deeply. "Recently? It was only yesterday. No, it couldn't have been. I've taught more classes than just the one. How long was it since... No. No, it was yesterday. Yes, I discovered the name very recently. I did, didn't I?"

Binns' sad eyes looked into Rose's. "Didn't I?"

She didn't say anything.

TT: I'm sorry.

TT: I'm sorry for what I did to you, even though it didn't happen yet.

TT: I'm sorry for even having the potential to have done it to you.

TT: I'm sorry for prioritizing some stupid ideal like "heroism" over your own personal comfort.

TT: I'm sorry for not expressing my love for you like a normal fucking person.

TT: I'm sorry that I decided to force you to... rooftop duel? Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with me?

TT: I mean, I know what's wrong with me. I'm Dirk Strider.

TT: If there's a single man more devoted to his ego, I'd like to meet him, and then give him my fucking superpowers. He can have the vague awareness of every alternate version of himself there is. I don't want it.

TT: All it's ever done is trap me in this stupid fucking infinite introspection loop.

TT: God. Dave made the right choice to walk away.

TT: I would have fucked it up even harder.

TT: And here he goes.

TT: The Big Man.

TT: Diving into his own brain.

TT: To distract himself from this trainwreck of an apology.

TT: I can't even get away from myself for long enough to say that I'm sorry.

TT: God.

TT: I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know how to prove it to you.

TT: Maybe this wasn't meant to be.

TT: Fuck this apology. Fuck it so hard.

TG: :(

TG: dirk im sure u'll get it

TG: it takes time to do this kind of thing

TG: and sometimes it just doesnt work at all

TG: rose told me abt her adoption-aunt

TG: she nevr made up with her sister, ever

TT: Is this supposed to make me feel better?

TG: im

TG: idk. im trying too

TG: i guess the problem w the p-tuna lily thing is that

TG: neither of them talked to each other

TG: which is diff from this scenario? idk. seems like ur trying

TG: i think what i wanted to say is that actions speak louder than words

TG: show him that you think heroism sucks or something idk

TT: I guess.

TT: Thanks, Roxy.

TT: You know, the original version of myself never even met you.

TT: I think that's tragic. You're a great friend.

TG: FLATTERER :,D

TG: see u r capable of sappy shit

TG: just. keep it up?

TG: idk. ur in a weird position

TG: never heard of any other time trvl based apologiez

TG: but if anyone can handle it iz uuu :O

TT: Thanks.

TT: I've been...

TT: Thanks. Seriously.

TT: Being a teenager sucks ass.

TG: TELL ME ABOUT IT

TG: GOD you know i sometimes wished i had a mom to take me on vacays

TG: or parents full stop aside from weird ass jake harley

TG: but it turns out it SUUUUUUCKS

TG: ooh lets check out the tower of london ooh lets use my vip pass to tour willy wonkas chocolate factory

TG: lemme tell you

TG: the oompa loompas were rude as hell

TT: Wow.

TG: shes just

TG: a lot.

TG: i didnt actually meet oompa loompas that was an exaggeration.

TT: I got the implication.

TG: i just.

TG: listen i love quirky grandmas as much as anyone else

TG: maybe MORE than anyone else

TG: but shes delaying me from getting 2 scot land

TG: i got sum scots 2 meet

TG: the scot is u :O

TG: and rose :O

TG: bluh.

TG: anyway

TG: hiopefully ill be there by the end of the wek

TG: its gonna be litttttttt

TG: millie tells me that theres a bar in hogsmeade

TT: I was under the impression that you had, erm, kicked the habit.

TG: THEY GOT KID BEER! no alcohol at all :O

TT: Somehow forgot about that drink until just now.

TG: dirk

TG: dirk i need you to understand

TG: wizards are SO FUCKING COOL

TG: they have KID BEER!

TG: and also YOU'RE A WIZARD AND FORGOT TO TELL ME

TG: i'v been missing YEARS of kid beer D,:

TG: im gonna buy a sixpack for jude n joey

TT: I don't think they sell them in six packs. Wizards are quaint in non-specific ways.

TT: And also, who the hell is Millie?

TG: A WIZARD FRIEND

TT: I'm sure I'll meet her then.

TT closed memo.

Notes:

Real talk.

Y'all, I'm sorry this chapter took so long. The process on this one was a total mess. I have a full-length draft of this chapter where Dirk tried to force a confrontation and it was just plain bad, with characters barely being themselves. So I had to make the call on Sunday night to scrap the whole chapter and, well, take it from the top.

On a lighter note, today's update was brought to you by Felix Fortuna. If you like fics where a character is just. Thrown into Hogwarts, this one is absolutely wonderful. Felix Fortuna is absolutely among the direct inspirations for this fic.