I give up.

As this chapter is meant to flow directly into the next, have a double update!

The stairs outside of the castle were slippery at best. Worn down from thousands of feet stepping on them over hundreds of years, they had slowly lost their uniform rectangular shape, becoming more rounded, and Rose found it hard to keep enough traction on the steps to stop herself from slipping.

"Ugh, this weather! Rose, you couldn't have picked a better day to meet up with your pseudo-mom?"

The complaints from the other first-year Slytherins weren't helping her concentration.

"Tracey, do be quiet," said Daphne. "Your coat has in-built warming charms. If anyone should be complaining, it's Rose. Poor girl meets her mother on the dreariest day it's been so far."

"You be quiet too," said Cosette. "These stairs are always the worst part. Just hold on to the railing for another-SHIT!"

Cosette Martin, fifth year Slytherin Girls' prefect, top of her class, expert at navigating the castle, nearly fell down all of the remaining stairs as her left foot landed on a part of the steps that crumbled as she landed. She desperately held onto the railing, and used her momentum to finally straighten herself out, standing tall once again, if shakily.

"And that," she said, "is why I am officially warning you to hold on to the railing on these stairs."

The rest of the girls held on for dear life.

When they finally got to the bottom, they emerged in front of the huge door of the castle. Dave, Hermione, Dirk, and Professor Sprout were waiting there.

"Ah, the party has arrived. I trust you to handle these kids, Cosette."

"Thank you, Professor Sprout," said Cosette. Once Sprout re-entered the castle, she turned to the Slytherin girls. "So," she said. "You're probably wondering why I brought you out here today.

"Jasper and the boys have their own ritual they're doing right now, but basically, this is our Sisterhood Event. Every year, all the first year Slytherins go off on a field trip, led by their respective Prefect, and we all learn new things about each other and ourselves. My own experience with this trip led me to realize I was in the wrong dorm, actually," she said, smiling. "So this is the first time I get to do it from the right side of the aisle.

"Luckily, while I was wondering what I could do for this Event, Rose told me all about her family situation. So today we're going down to Hogsmeade, a full month before the rest of the school gets a chance, and we're going to meet Roxy Lalonde, as well as experience a Slytherin girls-only Hogsmeade trip!"

The Slytherin girls cheered.

Rose, out of the corner of her eye, saw Hermione's cheeks flush.

Cosette seemed to notice this too, and she moved the attention of the group over. "Oh, and for the sake of this trip, since we're uniting the whole family, we're bringing along some guests. Meet Dave and Hermione Granger," ("Hey," said Dave, and Hermione just nodded,) "and fellow Prefect Dirk Strider. He's... I'm not exactly sure why he's here, actually."

"I had a free afternoon," said Dirk. "Also, extra supervision."

"Right," said Cosette, shaking her head. "Anyway, does anyone have any objection to making Hermione an honorary Slytherin girl?"

The girls shook their heads. "No objections? Well, welcome to Slytherin, Hermione, if only for the next few hours!"

Cosette handed each Slytherin girl a single galleon.

"And I'm now the lone Puff in a field of snakes," said Dave. "Always knew it'd come to this. Betrayal of the ultimate kind."

"Do you want to join the Slytherin girls, Dave?" asked Rose, teasingly. Cosette frowned.

"I'm chill," said Dave, face carefully neutral. "I was joking."

"Okay," said Rose.

"Anyway," said Cosette. "We'll be heading down to town in a moment. I just need to check in with Jasper."

Cosette dug around in her pockets, carefully pulling out her new cellphone. The way Rose heard it, once Dirk used his in a meeting to chat with Roxy, nearly all of the Prefects had asked him for one of their own.

(Dirk had claimed he gave the phones away as a "necessary loss-leader" to help out Roxy's business model, or some horse piss like that. Rose knew that the phones cost nearly nothing to duplicate.)

Rose watched as Cosette fumbled with the touchscreen controls, exhaling once the message was sent and a reply was received. "Alright, we're clear to head out!"

The six Slytherin girls and Dirk and Dave followed Cosette out past the front gate of Hogwarts, down the path to Hogsmeade.

"So normally, students first gain access to visit Hogsmeade in their third year," explained Cosette as they walked. "When that does come, don't brag that you've already been here. We're just making the rounds, and we're not splitting up since it's only the seven of us girls, so this is a limited view of the town, but it's sure going to be a fun one." She turned around and winked at the girls, then almost tripped.

"Damnit!" she swore. "Sorry, no more winks. I got new boots right before school started and I barely know how to walk in them."

"That's okay, I think?" offered Pansy. "When I got my first pair of heels I fell over and broke my nose. Millie made fun of me."

Millie scoffed. "Your mum healed you in seconds, and I only made fun of you after I was sure you were alright!"

"I have trauma, Millie!"

"And a killer pair of heels!"

"You're the worst friend!"

"I'm your best friend," said Millie smugly. "So I can't be the worst."

Pansy sighed. "Fine," she said.

Tracey caught up to Rose. "Have you been here before?" she asked.

"Only when we were leaving the train," said Rose. "And no, I have no idea what we're doing beyond meeting my mother at some point."

"There are lots of stores in Hogsmeade," said Hermione. "There's a hairdresser, a candy store, a tailor, a few restaurants..."

Rose looked at Hermione. "Why would you memorize all that? You had no idea you'd be here at all this year until yesterday."

Hermione flushed. "I like reading," she mumbled.

"HEY!"

The girls all craned to see the source of the shout.

Standing there, in the middle of the path, a huge grin plainly evident on her face, was Roxy Lalonde.

Rose's heart fluttered. She looked exactly like her mom did in old photos, but that made sense, because, well, she was her mom. Except, instead of wearing that science lady outfit Rose almost always had seen her in, she now wore a white tee-shirt dress, adorned with a picture of a pink cat in the center. Roxy looked at the assembled group. Her pink eyes caught Rose's, and Rose was sure she had a similar internal "holy shit" moment.

Talking to your ectobiological pseudo-daughter over the internet was one thing. Actually meeting up in person? Another thing entirely.

"Mom," said Rose, the word coming out almost without her volition, and she ran up to where Roxy was.

"Hey," said Roxy. "Wow, hey." She laughed a little, to herself, and put a hand to her forehead. "Hey. Wow. This is surreal."

"You're telling me," said Rose, and then she was swooped up in a hug.

Roxy whooped. "Rose!" she said. "Wow! You're here, and- Wow. You're so tiny!"

Rose broke out of the hug. "What?"

Roxy laughed. "I forgot how much of a difference there was between a sixteen year old and an eleven year old. God, you're like a head shorter than me."

Rose groaned. "I'm not looking forward to my second attempt at puberty at all. I didn't get very far the first time, you know that? For all I know I'm stuck at a little more than this height forever."

Roxy smiled and ruffled Rose's hair. Rose felt a surge of irrational anger because that's my hair, do not touch it ever, but she didn't pull away because the other tide of Roxy/Mom/Friend that crashed against it was strong as hell, too.

"Okay," said Rose, once Roxy seemed satisfied with her... maternal urge(?) "What's on today's agenda?"

"We're heading down to town!" said Roxy. "Jane's spending the day doing something, I didn't really ask, but we're, uh, goin' to explore the shops and all that!"

"Give a bunch of eleven years olds access to a candy store, what-could-go-wrong-type-thing?" asked Rose.

"Exactly!" said Roxy. "And I'm fully a supporter of the belief system that says ain't nothing bonds kids like a shitton of wizard candy. C'mon, kids!"

And Roxy did a heel turn, marching to Hogsmeade, demonstrating the same levels of responsibility as she likely had while babysitting the Claires, if with less accompanying inebriation.

The kids followed after her, Millie coming up behind Rose and hissing, "Your pseudo-mum is so cool."

Cosette, now left in the dust, sighed to herself. "Next time, I'm bringing another prefect along."

"You did," said Dirk. "And I think this visit is going great so far."

"Jesus fuck," said Cosette, jumping. "I forgot you were here entirely, holy shit."

Dirk frowned.

"I mean, uh-"

"Yeah," said Dirk. "Anyway. Wanted to ask. Have you seen Dave?"

"And here we've got, uh, Zillywoppers Candy Store!" said Roxy.

"Ms. Lalonde," said Daphne, as politely as she could, "the window says that the store is called Honeydukes."

"Oh," said Roxy. "So it does. Uhm."

"But the store next to it is Zonko's," offered Daphne. "Maybe you got confused?"

"Yep!" said Roxy, brightening considerably. "That is exactly what happened. Totally. I didn't just glance behind me and misread the sign."

Daphne shared a glance with Tracey.

"Um," tried Roxy again. "Where's that perfect of yours?"

"Prefect," corrected Daphne.

"Yeah, that," said Roxy. "Where the hell is she?"

None of the girls seemed to know.

"Can we go inside Honeydukes?" asked Pansy.

"Oh, sure," said Roxy. "Yeah. Probably fine. You kids have money, right?"

Each girl held up the galleon Cosette had given them.

"Should be fine, I think?" said Roxy. "Rose, you and the girls can head in."

"Okay," said Rose. The seven first year girls ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the assortment of absurd snacks. Rose picked up a box or two of Bertie Bott's for Ron. She looked through the tiny plastic window on the box, shaking it to try and get a better view inside, and wished once again she had her Seer powers for what was likely the dumbest reason of all time.

Really, what good was godlike omnipotence if it didn't let you See which flavors were present in a box of Every Flavor Beans?

Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Hey," said Dave.

Rose's eyes widened. "Dave!" she said. "Hopy shit, where have you been? Did you see Roxy?"

"No, I didn't," said Dave. "Hey, listen, I need to talk to you."

"Wait, you missed Roxy? I thought that was the whole point of this outing for you."

"It is, but-"

"She's right outside," said Rose. "Talk to her!"

"I will, but we need to talk about Dirk," said Dave.

"What?"

"Listen," said Dave. "Have you met Dirk yet?"

"Yes?"

"No, you haven't," said Dave. "This is Dirk. Check him out." Dave held out his hands and a lizard appeared in his cupped palms.

The lizard lazily explored the new territory it found itself in.

"Interesting," said Rose. "I have to say, I think it's a... unique choice to name him after the elder Strider."

"Nah," said Dave.

"Nah?"

"Nah, it's a great fuckin' choice. Anyone would have done it."

"Okay," said Rose. "I'm not sure how to prove that one way or another so I'm going to let you have this victory."

"Cool," said Dave, as he returned... Dirk... to his sylladex. "What's up?"

"When did you get here?" asked Rose.

"Oh, uh. Found a cool lizard when we were walking. Wandered around. Found a candy store. Found you, in the candy store. Think we're caught up."

Rose's phone buzzed.

[QUOTE]

TG: hey uh dirk n ur perfect are outside

TG: dave ran away apparently?

TG: which. sucks

TG: so if you see him uh

TG: idk

TG: you're technically older than me so i trust you to have gud judgement n stuff

[/QUOTE]

When Rose looked back up, Dave was gone.

"Shit," she said. "Fucking Striders."

She grabbed her goodies and marched to the register, where Hermione was eagerly holding a box with a Chocolate Frog inside.

"Rose!" she said, giddy. "Rose, did you know that the charm for the chocolate frog was invented by your grandmother?"

"What?"

"Yes! Right here, on the back of the box, it credits her with the invention. Though she turned down all royalties and rights to the patent, saying that the universe needed frogs more than she needed money."

"Interesting choice of words she had," said Rose. "But it's not important right now. If Dave was in Hogsmeade, which he is, after running away, which he did, where do you think he'd go?"

"Dave did what?"

A few moments later and the girls were outside, their purchases and receipts safe in their sylladexes. Roxy was chatting with Dirk and Cosette, and she perked up when she noticed the duo. "Did you get my text?" she said.

"Yes," said Rose. "In a very Strider-like fashion, he seized the opportunity to abscond once my focus was firmly fixed upon my phone."

Roxy sighed. "Should we look for him?"

"I'll find him," said Hermione. "He does this sometimes. I always find him sooner or later. Usually sooner, unless he doesn't want to be found, but he usually does."

And Hermione began to walk away from the group, somehow relying on her sisterly instincts alone, and Cosette ran to catch up with her.

"Hey, Hermione," she said. "You can't wander off alone, okay? I know you want to find your brother, but don't wander off, please. We don't want to have to look for two kids."

"I've got this in hand anyway," said Dirk. "Point me Dave."

His wand stiffened, lept into his palm, and pointed in a direction. Dirk uncaptchalogued his rocket skateboard (surprising Rose, who had thought she was aware of all the futuristic technology currently in play) and took off in the indicated direction.

Cosette struggled to find words.

"That- What the f-flip is that! What the hell!"

"Rocket board," said Roxy. "We should go after him."

Cosette sighed. "I'm not gonna be able to stop you, am I?"

"Relax, Cozy!" said Roxy.

"Oh god, please don't call me that."

"I won't," said Roxy, waving that off. "Seriously though. This is a family thing, and I think Rose and I should go after the two of them, because it's probably a bad idea to have them both alone together?"

"Just go," said Cosette. "Meet me back here in an hour at the latest, and make sure at least one responsible Prefect-age person is with someone at all times."

"I'm responsible! Did you hear that, Rose?"

"I'm going to leave with my pseudo-mother before you give her an even bigger head," said Rose. "Do you know how the hell Dirk did that Point Me spell?"

"They're probably in the Hog's Head," said Hermione. "Dave loves weird and shady places like that. And it's also in the direction I saw Dirk go."

"Thanks, 'Mione," said Rose.

"Don't call me 'Mione," said 'Mione. "Gosh, what is it with you people and nicknames?"

Roxy had already left the vicinity as soon as Hermione named the Hog's Head. "Sorry," said Rose, running to catch up. "See you soon."

The barkeep at the Hog's Head was old. He looked to Rose like Dumbledore, if Dumbledore had an ectobiological son with Rasputin.

Roxy was over the fucking moon.

"I literally only rented a room here because of dat wizzard," she explained. "Like, holy shit."

"I'm right here," said the barkeep. "I have a name and it's Aberforth."

Roxy laughed. "Okay, hotwiz." Then, to Rose: "He tells me his name every time and I literally keep forgetting it. It's a problem."

"I'm still here," said Aberforth.

"You've only been drinking Butterbeer?" asked Rose.

"Hey, I don't like what you're implying. And for the record, it's entirely non-alcoholic."

"Okay," said Rose. "Aberforth, have you seen two douchebags in sunglasses?"

"Yeah," said Aberforth.

The Lalondes looked at him expectantly.

"Man," he said. "People have a right to privacy, y'know."

Rose sighed. "Great. How the hell are we gonna find them?"

"Ask the old lady who dragged the two of them in here, I dunno," said Aberforth.

"Old lady?" asked Rose.

"Jane!" exclaimed Roxy. "Oh, holy shit. I fucking love crazy old grandmas. Rose, follow me."

Rose dutifully followed her pseudo-mother up the inn stairs, to the rooms. With the shattering of an abstract glass bottle, Roxy decaptchalogued the room key, and the pair of Lalondes entered the room.

Special thanks, as always to my wonderful, amazing beta RDavidson, without whom this fic would certainly not exist.

Shoutout to my one IRL Homestuck friend who came up with the lizard. Your mind.